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RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 8:01:44 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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~ FR ~

I have bumps and bruises, and even some scars along the way, but I don't consider myself to be damaged. I'm seasoned, I'm experienced, and I'm aware.

I used to think something was wrong with me, for a myriad of reasons. And my ex husband had me convinced I was mentally ill. Breaking free from that kind of thinking and making a concerted effort to look at life more positively - as an endless pool of possibilities rather than an ocean I could drown in - made quite a difference.

Embrace your uniqueness. Spend less time wondering if you're different or weird or damaged and go out and enjoy life.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 41

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 8:24:13 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

nope, pretty normal here.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to gungadin09)

Post #: 42

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 8:26:20 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I see damage as character. A piece of marble, fully polished is lovely to look at. A piece of marble that has been chipped a bit, weathered with time, shined up in some areas and carved out in others is unique. The stucture is still sound, unless the rock has taken more than it can carry.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

Does anyone else feel that being somehow "damaged" is an asset in BDSM?
Damaged? Just on a temporary basis. Think of the damage as an open wound. What heals the wound is the positive learning experience that you now have, and the betterment of yourself as a person.
I am not damaged...i am healed. Yes, the wounds have left scars, but i wear them with pride because they are a sign of courage and a sign that my life experiences have made me stronger.

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 43

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 8:50:53 AM

MrBukani

Posts: 1920
Joined: 4/18/2010
Status: offline

I think a lot of people exagerate to justify their own behaviour these days.
For instance I could tell you what kind of flaming freak I am but on this forum I might be kinda soft in comparison to everyday life.
I could tell you I am a real sadist cos i like spanking bottoms. But really, dont you think its more that you like to call yourself a bitch cos it excites you?(cos i dont think most consider themselves a true female dog)
Dr Mengele is a true sadist. BDSM people mostly are not IMO. And if you are a true sadist, well maybe you are a true freak then too. Cos I would love to hear a true sadist explain his ethical groundwork. I would most probably condemn it with very good reasons. Yes BDSM in general has more people with damaged pasts in my experience. Kinda logical I think.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 44

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 9:09:42 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

General response to a general "you:" I find that most people aren't nearly as unique as they fancy themselves. You're privy to ALL of your own thoughts, feelings, desires, problems, etc. Other people just can't be nearly as transparent to you as you are to yourself. Therefore, you tend to think you're the only one who feels a certain way, wants certain things, etc. when it's just not the case. I tend to think that, overall, many people are pretty much the same at their core. I think accepting that is helpful in squashing feelings that you're somehow so unique and different (in a negative sense) that you have problems that others do not or that you're somehow "damaged" unlike others.........luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 8/7/2010 9:10:23 AM >

_____________________________

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Post #: 45

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 9:42:09 AM

HisEvelyn

Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline

I am very damaged. There's no simpler, more concise way to put it without opening up the big book of Eve's Pain and reciting from the long list of abuses and traumas I have endured. And I won't inflict that on people.

But I'm here, I'm alive, and most people who know me well (which aren't many, but enough) think I am sweet, smart, and beautiful inside and out. They trust me and they love me. I haven't accomplished everything I want to in this life yet, but I'm only 32. I take a different path, and some of those trails are damned windy. But I eventually get there, even if it takes years longer than it takes other people.

I'm damaged, severely. But I wouldn't change it. Because now it really means something when someone tells me I am strong, that I'm a good person. Because I know what I've gone through, and if I'm still a good person after all that? I'm doing something right, no matter what the 'normal' people say.

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 46

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 9:51:03 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

~ FR ~

I have bumps and bruises, and even some scars along the way, but I don't consider myself to be damaged. I'm seasoned, I'm experienced, and I'm aware.

This. And plain 'ol fabu.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 47

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 9:58:37 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisEvelyn

I am very damaged. There's no simpler, more concise way to put it without opening up the big book of Eve's Pain and reciting from the long list of abuses and traumas I have endured. And I won't inflict that on people.

But I'm here, I'm alive, and most people who know me well (which aren't many, but enough) think I am sweet, smart, and beautiful inside and out. They trust me and they love me. I haven't accomplished everything I want to in this life yet, but I'm only 32. I take a different path, and some of those trails are damned windy. But I eventually get there, even if it takes years longer than it takes other people.

I'm damaged, severely. But I wouldn't change it. Because now it really means something when someone tells me I am strong, that I'm a good person. Because I know what I've gone through, and if I'm still a good person after all that? I'm doing something right, no matter what the 'normal' people say.

Honest answer wins.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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(in reply to HisEvelyn)

Post #: 48

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 9:59:41 AM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline

FR

Some years I came up with my own, unique (

's at luci) category of music: the music of the damaged, songs by, for, & about being damaged. Something that came about, I suspect, because a social space has opened in which it's allowed to 'be damaged' in a way that hasn't been the case in our many stoic histories. Stiff upper lip, & all that . . . . To me it's an obvious accompaniment to the social changes around recognizing & dealing with child abuse, frankly. A cultural arena that saw epically seismic shifts in the 20th century . . .

Anyways, into this category I put performers such as Tori Amos, NIN / Trent Reznor, & Tool. Bjork isn't just working out of this space, but she works in it sometimes, & this song came on while I was thinking of this subject & seemed so perfect. Plus I found a typically odd little live performance, so, for the interested: So Broken . . . . .

(in reply to HisEvelyn)

Post #: 49

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 10:04:27 AM

MistressLavinia

Posts: 1110
Joined: 3/6/2009
From: DFWM in the Land of LaviKinks
Status: offline

This may be long, I have a way of dragging things on and on, for some its stfu. But here goes. I have a friend who is a dominant who tries to save the world, save all the submissives, and everyone she comes in contact with. To me she may be damaged, she gets so deeply involved, that she hurts, or locks herself away from everyone, because she can't save everyone. Do I think she's damaged, only to herself. She's not giving herself the freedom of living. For the people on this specific topic that posted their damaged, aren't we all in some way or another? Everyone has something, but they don't share everything. If you look at my world you will say I have a great life, and I do, I'm thankful for it. If you look at my friends life without truly knowing her, you would envy her maybe. Shes very successful, very beautiful, very in control, she owns mega real estate, and has more money then almost anyone I know, and yet, her heart breaks for everyone. She is more damaged then me, but her damage is a good damage. It may hurt her, but it helps others.
That's my point, I think we all have some damage, a lot of baggage, and a lot of shit in our lives that some may have or may not have, we have the advantage of sharing it. A good dominant knows when shes dealing with a submissive who has other issues beside the kink, for the people that don't see past themselves, they are really the damaged.

If in your life your depressed, or you have issues from your past haunting you, this lifestyle isn't going to make it better, - you are. Some people need an outside source to confide in, some people remain hidden in their closets forever. I am no psychologist or perfect person, but all I do know is damaged is sometimes the best deal you get. Just like the couch, Missokyst spoke of in her entry here. She hit it right on the head, sometimes damaged is beautiful, works best, and does the best service. In other words, - shit happens, and we all have to make the best of it. And to me, and this is a humble bit of info from me, I think each of the posts, on this subject were amazing, I too learned by living just what Missokyst said, and I thank her personally for the example she gave. It was amazing.

"The most comfortable sofa I ever owned cost me 25 dollars, because the backside had some damage. That sofa lasted for 15 yrs before I got rid of it and replaced it with a 500 dollar sofa.. that one showed wear after 5 yrs."

She said it best.

Lavinia - Damaged goods maybe, but the best damn damaged I can be

_____________________________

If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison:
~I am: ~Petal-icious~Bitch with Tits~
~ Ravager ~Sovereign~ LaviKinKs

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 50

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 10:37:17 AM

81song

Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline

Well speaking as an ex-Catholic that went through in part Catholic school yes I am a bit of damaged after what the nuns put us through. It is funny now but the nuns were brutal back then. So I think at least in the D/s world many of us have these general themes going on and for me maybe it is a way to work all that out, who knows? But there seem to be a lot of ex-Catholic into D/s.

(in reply to BentUnit)

Post #: 51

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 10:42:52 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I am an edge person from birth. I have a birth defect that I carry around for all to see---though now they see me thirty hours of reconstructive surgery later, of course. My personality and intellect did it to me as well. If there was NO scene, I would still be an edge person. It's just my reality.

A friend of mine found out some stuff about me and said he was amazed, I am so engaged and forward thinking. Well DUH!! Life is life, and everyone has stuff. Take the good out of every situation, and move on to the next thing! I remember EVERYTHING, good and bad. I wouldn't change any of it, because it all brought me to where I am right now.

I am a freak. I am broken beyond repair in some areas. I am surrounded by people who love me. My life is pretty remarkable. I am deeply grateful that I am not "normal".

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to 81song)

Post #: 52

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 11:00:49 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

Yes. Although, aside from eluding to things in past posts, I don't really want to put it all out here for anyone to criticize or deconstruct. To those brave enough and strong enough to be transparent - I have immense respect. Right now, I'm feeling entirely too unsteady to climb out on that particular ledge.

I don't, however, consider myself damaged because of my interest in BDSM or my other quirky personality traits. I actually like those things about myself.

(in reply to MistressLavinia)

Post #: 53

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 11:13:11 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

I'm pretty much just a normal lad who likes to explore his instincts in the privacy of his own home.

And.....you're not damaged man....for crying out loud......what you're saying is no more than another way of pandering to the sub group by distancing yourselves from other groups......you really think you're the only people who've been through trials and tribulations during your lives?.....what drama eh....there isn't a 'damaged'....excluding those who've been through sexual abuse as a child.....the rest of it is no more than life and human emotions.....

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to gungadin09)

Post #: 54

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 11:35:24 AM

gungadin09

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrBukani

I think a lot of people exagerate to justify their own behaviour these days.
For instance I could tell you what kind of flaming freak I am but on this forum I might be kinda soft in comparison to everyday life.
I could tell you I am a real sadist cos i like spanking bottoms. But really, dont you think its more that you like to call yourself a bitch cos it excites you?(cos i dont think most consider themselves a true female dog)
Dr Mengele is a true sadist. BDSM people mostly are not IMO. And if you are a true sadist, well maybe you are a true freak then too. Cos I would love to hear a true sadist explain his ethical groundwork. I would most probably condemn it with very good reasons. Yes BDSM in general has more people with damaged pasts in my experience. Kinda logical I think.

My next thread will be about the One Twue Way to be a freak. Just kidding.

pam

(in reply to MrBukani)

Post #: 55

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 12:50:52 PM

gungadin09

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline

Because y'all are doing it wrong...

pam

(in reply to gungadin09)

Post #: 56

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 4:08:50 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Everyone has stuff. Physical, mental, emotional, yes it may be differing stuff, but it is stuff, and everyone has some of it.

Like slag?

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 57

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 4:39:05 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

As a person with Asperger's I have to say that I have always been on the fringe. The only reason I do so well is because I have the internet to communicate, I don't have to actually talk to people, I don't even have to leave my house for most things! I have piles upon piles of notebooks, much like the one you described, telling me what is appropriate to wear, eat, say, do, etc in many situations. Sometimes it doesn't help, but it keeps me from seeming totally abnormal to the outside world.
Because of how my head was put together I have other "damages", I have physical, mental and emotional scars that will never totally heal. I don't understand people so they can easily take advantage of me. When I was young (and before I met my Husband) I had trouble in most circumstances, I think that's what brought me to BDSM in the first place. It was a place where I could really be me, I could sit quietly in a corner and watch people (figuratively) and no one judged me. I could take notes and just observe, there was no pressure to be someone or something I wasn't.
I have found that, in general, people in the lifestyle are far more accepting of "oddities" then the vanilla world, but that's just my experience.

(in reply to marie2)

Post #: 58

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 4:39:34 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Yeah, well with or without the baggage we are all into this NOW and have to wonder a little bit why we are crazy fucks. That's why CM is so great the way it makes us realize there are sicker fucks out there.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 59

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/7/2010 4:44:25 PM

reynardfox

Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
Status: offline

I'm eccentric. How's that?

(in reply to gungadin09)

Post #: 60

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