Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 2:18:28 PM   
Malkinius


Posts: 1814
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: offline 		Greetings all.....

This is based on the post about different, insulting names for s-types but I didn't want to derail that post.

Note: for this thread, the definition of a want-to-be is someone who wants to become something but isn't there yet due to lack of knowledge and experience.

I am asking two questions.

First, what is the difference between someone you would call a wannabe and someone you would call a want-to-be?

Second, how do you tell the difference, especially online?

Be well all....

Malkinius


_____________________________

A questioner by inclination...An Auctioneer for the fun of it
http://www.HouseMalkinius.com    The goal is community.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 2:23:06 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		The difference between me and you, I have no emotional investment in how other people label themselves. It just doesn't matter to me.



_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Malkinius)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 2:34:22 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		there is a fair number of types who wannabe in the possession of a woman who will do everything he tells her to, will never disagree, will always come up smiling, will submit to his every whim but have no inkling how a submissive ticks, has no interest in finding out and invariably falls flat on his face spouting such expletives as 'TFTB' 'brat' and 'youre no submissive!'

and then there are the types who want to be furnished with as much information as they can possibly glean because deep inside of them is the desire to have a woman submit to him and complete him on some level he can only so far imagine in his wildest hopes and dreams.  they are the sort that ask questions, read up, go to events, take each bump in the road as a learning process and eventually get there.

i think for it to be clear maybe wannabes should be called thinktheybes - but i guess wannabe trips off the tongue easier.  after a while you can see them with youre eyes closed, but it takes practice (sadly)

< Message edited by lally2 -- 8/7/2010 2:40:26 PM >

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 2:36:24 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
Standard disclaimers of the IMO/YMMV variety apply.

Want to be: Someone who is honest about what they do and don't know and what they want to learn. This person listens to advice, accepts constructive critique, and asks intelligent questions. Everyone is a want to be in the beginning and every time they want to learn a new technique.

Wannabe: Someone who thinks there's nothing left to learn or pretends to know more than they do. This person doesn't listen to anyone, gets defensive when offered constructive suggestions, and says/does things that make it obvious they haven't a clue what they're doing. This person often falls back on statements like "I've been in this lifestyle for X years so that makes me a master." However, they fail to mention that X = the number of years they've spent watching porn and reading Gor/Sleeping Beauty/Exit to Eden without any practical application.

Telling the difference online is relatively simple. A pattern develops over time that gives a clear indication which side of the line the person falls.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to Malkinius)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 2:50:59 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Malkinius


First, what is the difference between someone you would call a wannabe and someone you would call a want-to-be?

Second, how do you tell the difference, especially online?



Want to Be: A candid assessment of ones desire to acquire a skill set, adapt a role, etc. that acknowledges their ignorance and inexperience forthrightly without embellishment. It includes a willingness to learn, listen, ask questions, and find the answers that apply to their specific goals. Patience, practicality, mistakes, and lessons are often noted experiences. More than anything he understands the "lack" is temporary and ever changing. Getting there is part of the journey and one he enjoys traveling.

Wannabe: An individual that wants the spoils without the work and effort required for the cultivation of knowledge and mastery on some level. He often masks his deficits through words and behavior that deflect or overstate the nonexistent. Giving the appearance of being what he desires is more important than developing the skills to do this instead.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Malkinius)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 5:58:28 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		Odd question. Wannabe came first, in my personal experience,and was the standard slang term for this concept for years predating the internet. Want-to-be always stuck me as someone misunderstanding or never having heard the term wannabe and imagining they were spelling it properly, without realizing it's never been a noun. I tend to assume that people using either term are talking about the same thing: your definition of "want-to-be" fits the bill. Being slang, I don't know if wannabe has penetrated most dictionaries yet, but it does spring from the verb phrase "want to be" (as in "I want to be somebody"). Want-to-be as a noun, however, still strikes me as a latecoming bastardization of wannabe. I remember a time when nobody said it or wrote it. They said "wannabe."

Anyway my answer to your quesiton is there is no difference in meaning for me between the two phrases, but I do not use "want to be" when speaking or writing because it sounds odd, like the wrong term. When someone else says "want-to-be," however, I assume they mean wannabe. Maybe want-to-be's meaning is evolving into something else, something with less insulting connotations than wannabe? That would be interesting, at least for us word freaks. ;)

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 6:22:17 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		First, what is the difference between someone you would call a wannabe and someone you would call a want-to-be?
My interpretation of a wannabe is someone who feels that by reading a few articles, or watching a movie with some spanking or bondage, suddenly they are Insta-Dom. Just because you fit into Supermans cape doesnt mean you know how to fly.
The want to be's are a little more humble in their approach/interactions. They aren't looking for the "get out of jail free card" and probably truly enjoy the learning process.

Second, how do you tell the difference, especially online?
Its really all in the attitude. Ignorance is a hard thing to hide.
A wannabe will be quick to judge you, if you dont react in the predetermined way he fantasizes about.
"On your knee's bitch" to someone he just started chatting with is a pretty good indicator.

pardon my language

< Message edited by poise -- 8/7/2010 6:25:58 PM >

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 6:47:55 PM   
dreamysubmale


Posts: 204
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		Wannabe is a slang word used for someone who tries to be or do something that he isn’t just to impress or fool others in MHO. A poser perhaps?

A want to be is a person that wants to become somebody; he/she has a goal in mind. For example my daughter wants to become an orthodontist. She has the knowledge and the drive on how to achieve her goal, but she’s not there yet.

How can you tell online? The wannabe is the one that knows it all (well he thinks he has), has every answer to every question and is never wrong.

But porcelaine explains it eloquently above.



_____________________________

Everywhere man blames nature and fate, yet his fate is mostly but the echo of his character and passions, his mistakes and weaknesses... Democritus

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 7:23:58 PM   
Nehemiah


Posts: 70
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline 		I see wannabe types in Los Angeles all the time. They wear the leather, they get the piercings and pose as if they are so into the lifestyle, but know absolutely nothing about it. To them the whole leather/BDSM culture is just a fashion trend.

Want-to-be types are the sincere ones. They may not dress the part but they at least talk to people, learn from people and experience and are honest.

I want nothing to do with wannabes.

(in reply to dreamysubmale)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 7:25:31 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

I see wannabe types in Los Angeles all the time. They wear the leather, they get the piercings and pose as if they are so into the lifestyle, but know absolutely nothing about it. To them the whole leather/BDSM culture is just a fashion trend.


You mean they want to be in with a trend. Is there anything wrong with that?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Nehemiah)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 7:39:18 PM   
Nehemiah


Posts: 70
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline 		Wannabes tend to cheapen things. Like with certain music trends that start out with sincerity, then the marketing types get hold of it and remove all social relevance. Or political trends or social movements. Once marketing and wannabes get hold of it, the substance is removed and all that is left is the shell.

Also reminds me of exterminating companies that introduce large populations of sterile insects to halt the spread of pests.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 7:45:55 PM   
itsmeinLV


Posts: 207
Joined: 12/23/2009
Status: offline 		Wannabe = someone who thinks they are already something they are not even close to becoming.

Wants-to-be = someone who actually knows they are not what they want to be yet but are striving in their own way to become it.

...in my nutshell. 

(in reply to Malkinius)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 8:14:06 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Good Evening Malkinius,

In My definitions the only real difference between the two is intent and drive.  In both definitions, neither is putting the action behind the conjugation of the verb "to do".  In other words, for whatever reason, they haven't made that leap into real life. 

Wannabe - Doesn't know squat and it's generally obvious.  Generally someone who will count their cyber only <cough> experience <cough> as 'years in the lifestyle'.  Has neither play experience in real life nor has ever had a power dynamic that was in the physical world.

Want to be - For whatever reason hasn't quite made it to the conjugation of that verb YET, but is actually moving forward in that direction.  This could be folks who haven't play opportunities yet or haven't found a suitable person to share a dynamic with, but they are putting efforts into the real world to reach their goal. 

Truthfully, I really don't worry about the difference online.  I concentrate My efforts on those who will get out from behind the computer screen and do things.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to itsmeinLV)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 8:23:05 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Malkinius

Second, how do you tell the difference, especially online?



You'd be taking a guess unless they've confided in you. Since everyone's telling the truth on here it could be hard to decipher. I don't bother. I lump it in with the other expert opinions levied against virtual strangers.

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Malkinius)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 8:25:50 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Your wannabe is someone else's perfect just as he is.

Why do you need to go around labeling others? You either are or are not compatible with them. That's it.

Screening techniques require a sufficient history together to see if he  walks the walk or just talks the talk. No magic eight ball can take the place of time.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 8:33:46 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~FR~
Wannabe = Someone posing as something they are not in order to get what they want.
Want-to-be = Someone who genuinely wants to learn about (in this case) bdsm so they know where they "fit in."
*These terms, IMO, apply to either side of the kneel.
**One person's wannabe could be another person's perfect match.

~sweetsub~

~edited to add another thought~

< Message edited by sweetsub1957 -- 8/7/2010 8:35:58 PM >

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 8:35:41 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nehemiah

Wannabes tend to cheapen things. Like with certain music trends that start out with sincerity, then the marketing types get hold of it and remove all social relevance. Or political trends or social movements. Once marketing and wannabes get hold of it, the substance is removed and all that is left is the shell.

Also reminds me of exterminating companies that introduce large populations of sterile insects to halt the spread of pests.


I would disagree. People should express themselves and their sexuality any way they like. No one owns BDSM. People have enjoyed hot kinky rough sex long before the "lifestyle" was even conceived of

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Nehemiah)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/7/2010 11:19:23 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		First, what is the difference between someone you would call a wannabe and someone you would call a want-to-be?
The “it” factor is the difference. Like the entertainment industry, if someone has “it”, they are training and developing skills until they succeed. If they don't have “it”, all the practice in the world won't help . . . they are just a wannabe.

Second, how do you tell the difference, especially online?
If you walk the walk and talk the talk, often you recognize others by their style and demeanor. Often but not always.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/8/2010 12:11:03 AM   
Nehemiah


Posts: 70
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline 		Some people like art from individual artists. Other people like "pretty pictures" pumped out by corporations. Some people like movies made by people who trained in the craft and sacrificed and put everything they had into film work. Other people like mass-produced movies created by a committee of marketing executives, starring a "face" that matches up with statistical trends. And in BDSM, there are wannabes, want-to-bes, and people who are in the lifestyle.

Everyone has their place and will get along fine within that place. I just don't want to be mixed in with the groups that don't appeal to me.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be - 8/8/2010 1:43:10 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


quote:

ORIGINAL: Nehemiah

Wannabes tend to cheapen things. Like with certain music trends that start out with sincerity, then the marketing types get hold of it and remove all social relevance. Or political trends or social movements. Once marketing and wannabes get hold of it, the substance is removed and all that is left is the shell.

Also reminds me of exterminating companies that introduce large populations of sterile insects to halt the spread of pests.




I would disagree. People should express themselves and their sexuality any way they like. No one owns BDSM. People have enjoyed hot kinky rough sex long before the "lifestyle" was even conceived of


if the wannabes want kinky sex let them have kinky sex but they should stay the hell away from Ds or Ms submissives.

a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing in the hands of a man who has no clue and is more domineering and a bully than anything else.  people who march into someone elses life and take it over and then fuck with their heads and their lives.

at 21 and naive as hell i got snapped up by one of them and its a topic im fairly vehement about as a result.  it took me a very long time to start trusting men to go out with them and i still look back to that and profoundly regret my naivity.

ive just had a cmail from somoene.  she mentioned that she's met this great guy, but she had to get through the swarm of wannebes first.  they predate the newbie because they know they dont stand a snowballs chance in hell of getting a sub once she's worked out how it all goes.  therefore they know what they are and that makes them malicious in my book. 

these people make no attempt at all to understand what Dominance is or how a sub ticks.  and by the way its invariably that lot that use the phrases you have a peeve about. 

i remember a thread a while back and all the people were saying how they dont get the asshats so much anymore.  guess why.  it makes me laugh when some twonk writes some utter crap about how i should address him and that now im under his consideration (and ive never even seen his profile) i should delete my profile and no longer be in contact with anyone else.  do they behave like that in real life? would they approach a woman in a bar and say something like that? - no - .  its internet nonsense.  their assumption is that all subs will fall to their knees and leave a puddle and when they dont 'theyre not submissives' - for me its risable, for a newbie virgin its the stuff of dreams and fantasy and off they go.  hopefully no harm done, though in my case alot of harm was done.

but i didnt have the internet to help me see through all that toxic waste - at least here and on other boards newbie subs can at least read this stuff and be made more aware.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 8/8/2010 2:27:32 AM >

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Wannabe vs. Want-To-Be Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109