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porcelaine -> RE: When being smart can be a curse. (8/8/2010 9:58:55 AM)
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ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I think being smart most definitely can be a curse. I find it difficult to meet men who are into intelligent women. Oh, they SAY they want that, but most men I speak to are truly insecure and find it threatening to deal with a strong, smart woman.
I'm reading a book now that discusses this subject and the other things men find unappealing when dating. In regard to what you've mentioned, they expressed an appreciation for the intelligence but its communication was typically the problem. They perceived comments as challenges, an attempt to take control, and matter of fact remarks as devoid of nurturing to name a few. It was suggested that the "Boss Lady" would find an ideal counterpart in a male partner with a different demeanor. The author admitted that is typically the opposite of what she pursues. She's generally attracted to more aggressive men which inevitably leads to personality clashes.
Finding intelligent men is easy, it's the packaging you have to be mindful of when you have the attributes you've shared. Although I haven't finished the book I can use my male associations as a good example of what she's conveying. Two people come to mind. Both are intelligent but their countenance is not combative. They're easy going men and that's probably why we get along. But I wouldn't date either. The men I like are more like myself and I've learned through trial and error what aspects must be tempered to sustain harmony.
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They tend to be awed out of the gate but then get very angry when that intelligence is ever expressed at a time they do not want to hear it or it is expressed as a communication that they don't want to engage in. At first they like it, because it gives them a reason to try and conquer a woman they perceive as being smarter than them. But then that usually changes during the course of the relationship.
It's their ego which is something you really can't change. You work around it or avoid those types at all costs. I do the latter.
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If I don't know something, I will try and find out about it and if someone I am with knows something I don't I am open to learning about it. I don't get angry.
You have a zest for learning. I've discovered that isn't true for everyone. One of the things I often looked for in a partner was someone well versed in things I didn't know. We learned from the other.
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I am actually shocked by how many men are scared by smart women; I have seen it over and over again with me and my circle of friends where the men turned on the women they claimed to respect for their brains. In the end, they seemed to want something less challenging.
I think this goes beyond intelligence. The author noted male opinions about women they perceived as very attractive and a similar sentiment was expressed. They believed her to more difficult and self centered than someone with less aesthetic appeal. Much of this hinges on personal preference, security, and insecurity in some instances. I don't believe all men think in this manner, but I suspect more than a few harbor ideas along those lines. However, there are wonderful exceptions and plenty that would eagerly take a beautiful woman with a bountiful brain. I've encountered a few in my lifetime. [;)]
~porcelaine
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