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RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/11/2010 12:10:24 PM   
Inthewoods


Posts: 36
Joined: 4/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

He could not provide me with any of the essential emotional components I needed; he thought that because we were so "hot" together, it was a relationship.

He disrespected the boundaries of our relationship and destroyed every bit of trust I had in him.

He would not communicate with me on any important level.

He became an angry, selfish, negative, antisocial person who took out his anger on me.

And now he wonders why we cannot see each other ever again.


If you weren't on a different continent, I'd swear we'd been seeing the same guy.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/11/2010 2:56:46 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		My relationships ended because they weren't man enough...nothing at all to do with being "masterful" enough.

They lacked integrity and honesty.


(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/11/2010 3:00:44 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Inthewoods

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

He could not provide me with any of the essential emotional components I needed; he thought that because we were so "hot" together, it was a relationship.

He disrespected the boundaries of our relationship and destroyed every bit of trust I had in him.

He would not communicate with me on any important level.

He became an angry, selfish, negative, antisocial person who took out his anger on me.

And now he wonders why we cannot see each other ever again.


If you weren't on a different continent, I'd swear we'd been seeing the same guy.



LOL. That is NOT a good thing to have in common!!

(in reply to Inthewoods)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/11/2010 3:28:06 PM   
Inthewoods


Posts: 36
Joined: 4/5/2010
Status: offline 		he thought that because we were so "hot" together, it was a relationship.#

It was this bit particularly that was familiar!

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/11/2010 3:32:24 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If he stopped loving me then it wouldn't matter how dominant he was. I wouldn't ever submit to someone I couldn't or didn't love or who couldn't or didn't love me.

In fact, the things he does that are dominant are attractive because of the love relationship. Someone else whom I wasn't in love with and who didn't love me, who tried those same things would get his head handed to him on a plate.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Inthewoods)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/11/2010 5:42:46 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee


quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

I am not sure why you are trying to split the two. The man (or in my case women) and the master are both the same person.


I AM splitting the role from the man. I'm doing so because I want to know what constitutes sufficient mastery for a slave to remain loyal, not what constitutes sufficient grounds for a woman to remain with a man.

quote:

If he thinks he is going to lay around the house all day while I work, then that shows me what kind of person he is and it would definately be a deal breaker. Now if someone agrees to that from the start, then they would have to live with it, but honestly why would they. .


Millions of of vanilla guys do have to live with it, even agreeing to it in advance, and I ask the same question of them. However, that's off-topic.



For me, they're one and the same, he has to be trustworthy, open, and honest. It's the same as I would want if he were my boyfriend.

_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to Jaybeee)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/11/2010 5:45:46 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

I'm getting the feeling I should have asked, "What dominating things must a DOM do to remain your Dom?".

Whatever he wishes within our pre-agreed limits. Again as long as he remains the trustworthy person I first submitted to.

_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to Jaybeee)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/11/2010 6:48:19 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

I'm getting the feeling I should have asked, "What dominating things must a DOM do to remain your Dom?".


Maybe if you gave some example of what you mean?


_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to Jaybeee)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/11/2010 7:43:13 PM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		He, as a man, not a label, must remain honest, trustworthy, loyal and integral to who he is and to me, as I must be to him.  Not because he's Dom, but because this is who he *is* at the very core of his being, as it is who I am at the very core of my being. 



_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".


(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/11/2010 8:03:07 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Loyalty to a man (dominant or otherwise) is about my integrity, not him.

What can a man do to inspire my submission? Be worthy of it

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Jaybeee)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/11/2010 8:59:16 PM   
texangael


Posts: 167
Joined: 12/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

you had a minimum standard which he met, so you entered, and he then either exceeded it, maintained it, or fell below it.
Is this a relationship or a job?

Having "standards" like that is...foolish.

The dynamic works....or it does not.
The slave obeys....or she does not.
The master punishes....or he does not.

Anything more complicated than that is thinly disguised manipulation.


_____________________________

"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no Try."
Corny movie cliche that just happens to be true.

(in reply to Jaybeee)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/11/2010 9:15:00 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		To me the BDSM or power exchnage parts of the relationship are not the reason I am with the man, thus never the reason I would break it off. Deciding factors for staying or going are based in the mundane emotional realms of trust, love, and compatibility in every day values. The rest is almost always negotiable if all that other stuff is there.

It's like declining the cake you want because it's not the right FORK to eat it with. The cake is still delicious even without a fork.

(in reply to texangael)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/12/2010 12:48:15 AM   
Jaybeee


Posts: 532
Joined: 2/2/2010
Status: offline 		Hmmmm.

I think the consensus is, "It actually wouldn't matter to me if he STOPS being a Dom, so long as he remains otherwise the man I respect/love/adore etc"

BTW - there are foods that seem tastier when placed into the mouth with just fingers, not cutlery.

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/12/2010 5:08:32 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee


quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

I am not sure why you are trying to split the two. The man (or in my case women) and the master are both the same person.


I AM splitting the role from the man. I'm doing so because I want to know what constitutes sufficient mastery for a slave to remain loyal, not what constitutes sufficient grounds for a woman to remain with a man.

How do you define mastery?

quote:


quote:

If he thinks he is going to lay around the house all day while I work, then that shows me what kind of person he is and it would definately be a deal breaker. Now if someone agrees to that from the start, then they would have to live with it, but honestly why would they. .


Millions of of vanilla guys do have to live with it, even agreeing to it in advance, and I ask the same question of them. However, that's off-topic.




Actually you mentioned laying around the house all day, so I am not sure how that's off topic. 



quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

I'm getting the feeling I should have asked, "What dominating things must a DOM do to remain your Dom?".


Maybe if you gave some example of what you mean?



Where you ever going to answer these questions?








< Message edited by thishereboi -- 8/12/2010 5:09:30 AM >

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/12/2010 8:29:30 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He has. He's hoping to get a list of stuff that if he does everyday will make him appear to be the perfect dom. Pull hair, check. Growl in ear, check. Nothing to do with being a person who thinks before he speaks, keeps his word, thinks about the effect on his partner and other honorable attributes of a man who makes great decisions and merits being the leader.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/12/2010 9:35:52 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

I think the consensus is, "It actually wouldn't matter to me if he STOPS being a Dom, so long as he remains otherwise the man I respect/love/adore etc"

You don't get it. This generic 'he' won't 'stop being a Dom', because that's part of who he is-that's why they picked him in the first place. For a lot of people it's not a hat you put on-it's just who you are. I'm not going to wake up in the morning and think 'I'm not going to be short anymore', and I'm not going to wake up in the morning and think 'I'm not going to be dominant any more'.

I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong, but I think they're trying to tell you that being dominant has nothing to do with any specific activities.

(Right?)


_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.




(in reply to Jaybeee)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/12/2010 9:56:18 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		What VC said!



_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/12/2010 10:02:09 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Ok, having read the other threads by the OP, I'm thinking he does get it but his question is a bit different than what we are answering here. Imagine you have a wonderful relationship with a Dom and he stops doing any role-based type interactions or bdsm play, or whatever it is that you did in that relationship that wasn't strictly vanilla as far as activities and interactions.

Is there a minimum you expect from the dominant in your relationship as far as protocol, play, punishment, bdsm and all that jazz? Yes, he's a great guy, you want to follow him until the end of time, off a cliff if necessary (that's sarcasm) assume all that's true. What about the other stuff? What is your expectation there?

I made a new thread that I think might address the question
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3358339/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#3358339

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 8/12/2010 10:38:43 AM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/12/2010 12:17:05 PM   
NymphetamineGirl


Posts: 55
Joined: 11/29/2009
Status: offline 		1.  Remain observant of me and react to where I am, not where you want me to be.
2.  Display mastery of yourself, that I may safely open the depths of my heart.
3.  Explore the depths I have opened to you, but take off your muddy boots first.
4.  Press my limits, that we may find ever deeper levels of trust and intimacy.
5.  Keep your expectations high so I have somewhere to grow, acknowledge changes in us both.
6.  Hide nothing; let me inside you, that I may revel in the majesty of your character.
7.  Embody the contradiction of inspiring both loyalty and fear; reward each in the end.
8.  Demonstrate over and over you have my best interests as your priority.  Then do it again.
9.  My desires will almost always match yours--almost.  Pull rank rarely and carefully for this bulldozes my soul.
10. Embrace, exploit, and encourage an intense, wild love, and remain a creature worthy of it.

Note:  None of the above mention sex.  But since I am a crazy-sexual person, if someone is doing 1-10 I will likely be crawling his way with a blindfold in my teeth.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What must a Master do to keep you? - 8/12/2010 12:41:22 PM   
texangael


Posts: 167
Joined: 12/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NymphetamineGirl

1.  Remain observant of me and react to where I am, not where you want me to be.
2.  Display mastery of yourself, that I may safely open the depths of my heart.
3.  Explore the depths I have opened to you, but take off your muddy boots first.
4.  Press my limits, that we may find ever deeper levels of trust and intimacy.
5.  Keep your expectations high so I have somewhere to grow, acknowledge changes in us both.
6.  Hide nothing; let me inside you, that I may revel in the majesty of your character.
7.  Embody the contradiction of inspiring both loyalty and fear; reward each in the end.
8.  Demonstrate over and over you have my best interests as your priority.  Then do it again.
9.  My desires will almost always match yours--almost.  Pull rank rarely and carefully for this bulldozes my soul.
10. Embrace, exploit, and encourage an intense, wild love, and remain a creature worthy of it.

Note:  None of the above mention sex.  But since I am a crazy-sexual person, if someone is doing 1-10 I will likely be crawling his way with a blindfold in my teeth.


If a man wishes to keep a woman, wouldn't a stout length of chain and a reliable lock be more efficient?

_____________________________

"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no Try."
Corny movie cliche that just happens to be true.

(in reply to NymphetamineGirl)
Profile   Post #: 40
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