quote:

We love and respect each other and we have realistic expectations of each other. [/quote

littlewonder,

I get that but could you present what some of those expectations might be and how do they get employed?

CP

(in reply to littlewonder)

quote:

It's been the case in every relationship I've known - it starts off a smoldering meeting of chemical attraction and then develops into shared nonsexual activities and nonshared ones as well. The situation you described differs only in that the physical intimacy is kinky.

IMO, the relationship is the important part. Having a relationship that endures is more important than what percent of kink is present. And let's face it - there will be lawns to mow, kids to take care of, and shopping to do.

The solutions are:

1. Ensure that nonkink compatibility is present first.
2. Continual communication, to ensure that the partners will not grow apart when the inevitable growth occurs.
3. Acceptance that kink will be present but not 24/7.
4. Reducing nonshared activities as much as possible.

quote:

Greetings

One side note. I am a member of two BDSM forums, this one and smil and Norwegian board. It is very interesting to see the culture differences. On smil 24/7 is all but shunned. Some very few pepole engage in it, but is is considered abnormal and many see it as dysfunctional or even abusive, especially if that 24/7 is TPE. Taken in Hand or other forms of light 24/7 is sort of ok, but just barely. Here however I come upon the thread where the OP makes the assumption that most pepole in the BDSM community have 24/7 as a ultimate goal and no one have protested that. Amazing culture differences. I think the truth perhaps is a bit in the middle of the two, very many want 24/7 and that is great and many others only want occasional play and that is great to.

Ok now back on topic. Keeping the dynamic alive is the most challenging thing for me in a power exchange relationship. Right now I am free but I have been both sub and slave for my beloved one and what causes problems for us time and time again is keeping the dynamic alive. It is easy to get lazy in everyday lives. I have found two things rather effective, one is to talk, talk and talk about it. Setting aside perhaps some hours every week to talk. Like for example setting aside Friday afternoon, making some snacks and just discuss the relationship. Another thing I have found to work are ritual. Not huge things it is hard to fit into daily life but little things that enforce the dynamic throughout the day. Like for example kneeling at the Dom's feet when he comes home, or asking to be allowed to eat or giving a bow or a curtsy when entering or leaving a room where the Dom is located. This enforces the dynamic on the mind. It really do not have to be big things.

Here are some examples of what worked for us, I had to ask for permission to masturbate, I would kneel by the door to welcome my Dom home. Every night I would get five lashes of the whip to symbolize I was under discipline. Now the list could go on but really it all depends on what works for the pepole in question as not all things will work for all pepole.

I wish you well. [/quote

nephandi,

Your correct on the differences in many modes. One for instance is that you read my use of 24/7 as being actively in D/s mode when in fact over here we simply read that as living together be it thru marriage or convienence.

You appear to have a few knacks that keep it alive so good on you.
Thanks for your thoughts.

CP

(in reply to nephandi)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
So simply put, what has worked for you and perhaps equally important....what did not.

quote:

While it is true that it is well nie impossible to keep the D/s edge going full time

quote:

ORIGINAL: nephandi

. Like for example setting aside Friday afternoon, making some snacks and just discuss the relationship. Another thing I have found to work are ritual. Not huge things it is hard to fit into daily life but little things that enforce the dynamic throughout the day. Like for example kneeling at the Dom's feet when he comes home, or asking to be allowed to eat or giving a bow or a curtsy when entering or leaving a room where the Dom is located. This enforces the dynamic on the mind. It really do not have to be big things.

Here are some examples of what worked for us, I had to ask for permission to masturbate, I would kneel by the door to welcome my Dom home. Every night I would get five lashes of the whip to symbolize I was under discipline. Now the list could go on but really it all depends on what works for the pepole in question as not all things will work for all pepole.

I wish you well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

We love and respect each other and we have realistic expectations of each other. [/quote

littlewonder,

I get that but could you present what some of those expectations might be and how do they get employed?

CP

The expectation is that I obey him. It's as simple as that. I agreed to submit to him. He agreed to be a dominant personality. Really..there is  nothing else to it to keep the dynamic alive. He is dominant. He takes the lead. I obey...always. We just live life with him being the lead between us.

I don't think we're all that different from any other relationship on the planet. We get up and go to work, we spend time with friends and family and we spend time with each other, we clean, we eat, we sleep, blah blah blah...but always with the dynamic running in the background that the decision is always his.

I don't need daily reminders or whatever that you hear about a lot of times. I  don't need long lists of chores or him telling me what to do 24/7. I know what needs done. I know what is needed for our lives to run smoothly. I don't need to be reminded that he is the one with the power. It is the way it is because he is who he is...and I am who I am.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

quote:

I don't need daily reminders or whatever that you hear about a lot of times.

quote:

It is not as hard as some people make it out to be. Of course there can't be white hot intensity going on all day every day. But it is quite possible to have the program running in the background all the time. If the slave is required to wear a chastity device or a chain or some other reminder, he never completely forgets Mistress. If the mundane and boring chores have been assigned as part of slave duties, they take on an erotic edge and can actually be a type of foreplay.