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RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/14/2010 9:30:02 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsApocalypse

I'm new here and quite overwhelmed with messages begging for My time.  I'm wondering what everyone else requires before they talk to a would-be submissive.  At this point, I have decided to require a photo (face and body) as well as a detailed list of their taste in books and music before I even consider giving them any of My time.


The idiots will look at your picture and send you a message without even reading your profile.

The more substantive subs/slaves (those you are probably looking for) will respond more to what you say about yourself in your profile.  Unfortunately, you said very little other than that you are a "sadistic bitch" who is into "degradation".

Based on that, I assume that you are seeking idiots.  So it sounds like your strategy is working. 

Add more substance to your profile, and you'll probably attract a higher grade of sub.  But right now, all you've really given us is a hot picture. As the computer nerds say, "G.I.G.O.".

(in reply to MsApocalypse)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/14/2010 9:53:24 PM   
MsApocalypse


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

If you provide only an idea or fantasy as your profile, you're going to get replies from lots of people who have nothing in common with you. They relate only to what you give them, in this case a fantasy.


That's a good point.  I need to change My profile a little bit to be more substantive.  I guess to be honest I'm relying on the fact that I'm hot to get a large volume of responses now but you're right as far as the number game goes the vast majority of these responses aren't interesting.  It isn't the subbies' faults even because it's hard to tell from a skeletal profile just what someone is looking for.  So I say fair enough to that.

quote:

So, in general, a submissive should have good manners & be polite, have a grasp of grammar & the English language, NOT use textspeak, and say something about his/her vanilla interests (and maybe political leanings).


Interesting about the political leanings.  I wouldn't personally ask for that.  A picture is a necessity early on though.  Looks do matter.

(in reply to Twoshoes)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/14/2010 9:56:58 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline 		Dang ... I swore I was laying off these things ... but .. addicts must have the crack! ;-)

And this thread ... just is too juicy! :-)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

In all honesty a lot of subs are so ground down by the fake profiles here that I doubt a demand for detailed lists would go down too well-you might lose out on some awesome but jaded people that way.

It gets better when your name drops off the New User list, I promise :-)



VC really nailed this ... I mean .. She really did!

The thing You want to be concerned with ... is not losing out on the awesome ... but jaded ones. These are the subs to focus on.

Because there is so much noise here ... it is really important for a sincere Dominant as well as sincere submisive to clearly communicate.

i believe there is at least one Dominant Lady here who will admit i might be an awesome sub ... so i will tell You ... the detail doesn't work ... i don't read it any more.

Just as VC says ...

So You then ask .... what do I look at?


quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

On a serious note, how about you write abit about yourself and your interests. Debasing men is great fun and all, but if you want people who can relate to you, maybe you have to share something?

If you provide only an idea or fantasy as your profile, you're going to get replies from lots of people who have nothing in common with you. They relate only to what you give them, in this case a fantasy.



Believe it or not ... i really read profiles ...

Most i blow off in the first sentences ... because i am looking to see who You are ... not what fantasy You (or i) have.

But if i like what You have to say ... i WILL write You in detail ... telling You how W/we might be able to relate.

And i include a picture. (clothed ;-)

If You like what You see ... and write back (More than one line ... Ladies ... ;-)

Then i am open to discussing ... the thing to remember is ...

sincere subs are willing to adapt ... to Your wish list. we really are looking for the mental and emotional connection ... before bending to Your desires, wants and needs!

Because then ... You are the dream come true!


And BTW ... VC is also correct ... about the volume once Your name drops off the New User List ....

Smart Lady ... this VC ... don't know where i heard Her name before?

(in reply to MsApocalypse)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/14/2010 9:59:47 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere
Wow, you sound very high on yourself. You'll fit right in.

Anyway, I require nothing at all before being willing to speak with someone. Apparently my time isn't worth the same amount (of what?) that yours is. I'll speak with anyone who is being honest and sincere with me. A photo and some kind of profile would be nice, but if they've read my profile and believe there's some reason to contact me, I'll certainly hear them out and reply, no problem there.


You try dealing with fifty "hi" messages which promptly turn into "wanna fuck?" messages if you actually reply politely to the one-liners encouraging them.  Add a dozen or so of "I want 2 b ur slave U look hot" and a wide array of disgusting and explicit personal questions and proposals ranging from "how do your farts smell?  do u want to fart in my face?" to "UR PUSSY SHAVED?  I SERVICE SHAVED DOMME PUSSY W/MY TUNGUE ALL NITE LONG" to "will you mail me a chocolate cake made of your poop?" to "hi R U into sissyboys who will suck cock 4 U?" etc etc etc ad nauseam.   Sometimes these proposals come with graphic photo illustrations.  Deal with this for months on end and I guarantee you will start to get a little more selective about who you actually reply back to. 

This isn't being up on a high horse.  This is screening for the sake of your sanity.  Asking someone to introduce themselves in a personable manner with non sexual hobbies and interests is pretty goddamn reasonable, not to mention necessary if you don't want to be dealing with endless anonymous perverts using you for jackoff material with no intention of meeting or getting to know you as a person. 

Welcome to life on CM.  This is how it is.  This is how we've had to realistically deal with the situation.  If you don't believe me, I dare you to create a female dominant profile here and see for yourself what happens when you try to talk to everybody in a friendly way like they were a real person.  They won't be treating you that way.  Self-preservation kicks in at some point, and you'll figure out it's impossible to have decent conversations with anyone if you waste time encouraging the ones who are never going to do anything but send you dick pictures.

To answer the OP, my requirement before I talk to someone is that they demonstrate that they are intelligent, personable, friendly, nice, and not looking to rudely and nonconsensually use me as an object to get their kink on.  Sadly, those are criteria that are not commonly met by random querents on adult sites. 


_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to wittynamehere)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/14/2010 10:14:42 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer


You try dealing with fifty "hi" messages which promptly turn into "wanna fuck?" messages if you actually reply politely to the one-liners encouraging them.  Add a dozen or so of "I want 2 b ur slave U look hot" and a wide array of disgusting and explicit personal questions and proposals ranging from "how do your farts smell?  do u want to fart in my face?" to "UR PUSSY SHAVED?  I SERVICE SHAVED DOMME PUSSY W/MY TUNGUE ALL NITE LONG" to "will you mail me a chocolate cake made of your poop?" to "hi R U into sissyboys who will suck cock 4 U?" etc etc etc ad nauseam.   Sometimes these proposals come with graphic photo illustrations.  Deal with this for months on end and I guarantee you will start to get a little more selective about who you actually reply back to. 

Welcome to life on CM.  This is how it is. 



Indeed ... LNT is 100 per cent correct.

You will get this ...

But if You want to get a guy like Rochsub2009 ... or others like him to write ...

Learn we really read what you say about yourself ... and respond accordingly ...

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/14/2010 10:23:37 PM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		Welcome, and yes, I find giving them a little creative writing homework scares off the trolls and do-me switches, and helps you sift through the remaining would-be subbies.

Speaking of English, you prob'ly meant 'substantial' profile as in ample, not 'substantive' as in real.

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/14/2010 10:26:58 PM   
MstrPBK


Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		I require them the fully read my profile and understand it.
I then expect them to be able to be articulate enough to carry on a conversation.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

(in reply to Tantriqu)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/14/2010 10:27:34 PM   
MsApocalypse


Posts: 7
Joined: 8/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Speaking of English, you prob'ly meant 'substantial' profile as in ample, not 'substantive' as in real.


Probably solid advice about the "creative writing."  As for "substantive" no, I was referring to the 4th definition in the OED, "Meaty, full of substance, provoking discussion."  :)

(in reply to Tantriqu)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/14/2010 10:55:25 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Like others have said, once you come off of the "new" list, your mail will clean up a lot.  You'll still get quite a few a day, but it won't be anything like the avalanche that you're receiving now.  I still get a twenty or more per day, but some of those are from folks on the forums, friends, etc.  The number of people who contact Me for the first time will vary.  It just depends.

Quite frankly, I've narrowed it down a lot as far as who I'll reply to messages.  It's basically three categories that I will converse with:

*  I recognize the screen name from the forums.

*  It is someone that is local to Me.

*  Someone asks Me a specific question in an area that I have more than average knowledge.  That can be protocol, military families interested in BDSM, poly, or some other specific area.

I do think it was kind of funny that someone earlier in the thread said something about how unfair it is that females receive more mail here and the snarky attitude about it that followed.  I've been here three and a half years and the average of twenty emails was the low side of the scale.  Doing the math, that worked out to 25,550 emails since I joined.  Does anybody really have time for that?


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MsApocalypse)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/14/2010 11:06:26 PM   
wittynamehere


Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I've been here three and a half years and the average of twenty emails was the low side of the scale.  Doing the math, that worked out to 25,550 emails since I joined.  Does anybody really have time for that?

Undoing the math and going back to 20 emails per day, no, nobody really has time for that. I can't imagine getting 20 emails per day here. I once got 2 (although 1 was spam from Nigeria). It felt like a busy day. :)

Luckily, most of the 20 you get are probably copy/pastes, didn't read the profile, spam from Nigeria, dominants thinking you could use a beating, and so forth. I don't imagine you actually have to write 20 replies.


_____________________________

I almost never return to a thread, so if you saw my post and want me to hear your reply, please message it to me.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/15/2010 12:23:22 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I get very few from Nigeria.  Maybe two in a week.  That is another difference in correspondence flow between males and females on this site.  I don't get that many from Dominant males who think I am in need of a top.  I'd be pushing it to make an estimate, but the number is very low.  (I want to say maybe five a week.)

You do have a point with not reading the profile.  The majority of the time that I respond to someone who is contacting Me for the first time who is not from the forums goes like this:

"The word local appears in My profile three times.  It is common courtesy to respect the preferences of others."

That's on the days that I am being nice.  I'm not always in that good of a mood.  My personal policy is to block after that.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to wittynamehere)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/15/2010 12:39:27 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		Personally, If I were you I would take down the fetish profile photo and put one of you either normal, or more then one photo,

You look like a snatch and grab from a professional site.

I get you think your shit dont stink, but being hot has nothing to do with attracting a submissive of quality. I can get a hot guy, very simply, however to offer that man my throat, a six pack or a great body isnt going to cut it.

sure does physical appearing help, yes, but you arent doing crap to me unless you can excite the gray matter between my ears.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/15/2010 1:30:31 AM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

~~he's a FETUS!!


You just sent me to Never Never Land; theres no coming back from that place. Luckily, imaginations can run wild over there.

Seriously though, I've already thought that I'm getting old, that I want to be 17 again and that I've wasted year(s) of my life. These are all sure signs for me that the end is near.
Oh well, I'd better squeeze out whatever I can out of the next 5-7 years and aim to make them 10x as memorable as the last 5.

quote:


Gives one hope for the future, though! (there are no hot pics. none.)


Don't need another excuse for us all to keep up with the beauty sleep. Maybe when I decide I'm looking for a relationship a complete profile will magically appear. ;)

Edit: "Seriously though".

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 8/15/2010 1:35:54 AM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/15/2010 8:38:31 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Twoshoes, HOT PICS ARE ESSENTIAL! Especially when lifted from a porn site or a model site.

I had half a dozen emails this morning, and was able to fearlessly delete half of them---if it's a stranger (ie someone I don't know for real or via the forums) I check the profile. Local? Not icky? Read. Far away, or EW? Delete. Did they view me? No? Delete.

Kind of harsh, but that's how I'm dealing these days.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Twoshoes)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/15/2010 11:33:32 AM   
KurtAllen


Posts: 40
Joined: 7/9/2010
Status: offline 		What the hell, you are on here soliciting and complaining because your solicitations are being responded to, who really is the moron?

(in reply to MsApocalypse)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/15/2010 12:49:15 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtAllen

What the hell, you are on here soliciting and complaining because your solicitations are being responded to, who really is the moron?


Why don't you stick it where the sun doesn't shine? You obviously have a bum up your errr bonnet (let's call it that) when it comes to dommes, alright, so we are all not interested, hell, do you think it might have anything to do with your profile, like the fact that you are not in proportion where weight and height is concerned (to avoid the ugly word OBESE), and the fact that your profile just seems to be a bunch of hot air, a less charitable person might say that it sounds like a fart caught in a bag and everybody refuses to go near it or touch it.

In case you are bitter that you aren't "picked" or mobbed by requests, take a good look at your profile, you might figure it out - on the other hand, you are already 49, you don't seem to be quick on the uptake, so I won't hold my breath.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to KurtAllen)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/15/2010 1:29:22 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtAllen

What the hell, you are on here soliciting and complaining because your solicitations are being responded to, who really is the moron?

Did you just accuse the OP of being a prostitute or cruising for, well, er. I think that's very rude. A lot of male subs get pissy when they don't get "picked," which does NOT make them any MORE attractive to the Seeker. She's new on here, overwhelmed w/ mail like a lot of new women are, regardless of which side of the kneel they're on, and asking for advice. Constructive advice will help, but rude insults will not.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to KurtAllen)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/15/2010 1:49:41 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsApocalypse

quote:

If you provide only an idea or fantasy as your profile, you're going to get replies from lots of people who have nothing in common with you. They relate only to what you give them, in this case a fantasy.


That's a good point.  I need to change My profile a little bit to be more substantive.  I guess to be honest I'm relying on the fact that I'm hot to get a large volume of responses now but you're right as far as the number game goes the vast majority of these responses aren't interesting.  It isn't the subbies' faults even because it's hard to tell from a skeletal profile just what someone is looking for.  So I say fair enough to that.


I've written to women with profiles like yours, Ms A - that is, profiles that are almost purely 'spiky-Domme' (want of a better expression) - but generally only if there's some hint in her profile that she's got a sense of humour that I can pick up on.  That makes me feel like I've got an easy opening with which to engage her in some kind of real and human conversation.

Re preventing some of those crapmails that Dommes seem to get from fantasists and wankers:   I have a little hypothesis that humour in a Domme might kill the fantasy for them.  I have a feeling that for that sort of sub a "Goddess" or a "Queen" can never, ever blow a raspberry - if you catch my drift. 

But no doubt said hypothesis will be swiftly shot down in flames by Dommes here, like many of my favourite hypotheses . . . .   

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to MsApocalypse)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/15/2010 2:13:28 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtAllen

What the hell, you are on here soliciting and complaining because your solicitations are being responded to, who really is the moron?


Why don't you stick it where the sun doesn't shine? You obviously have a bum up your errr bonnet (let's call it that) when it comes to dommes, alright, so we are all not interested, hell, do you think it might have anything to do with your profile, like the fact that you are not in proportion where weight and height is concerned (to avoid the ugly word OBESE), and the fact that your profile just seems to be a bunch of hot air, a less charitable person might say that it sounds like a fart caught in a bag and everybody refuses to go near it or touch it.

In case you are bitter that you aren't "picked" or mobbed by requests, take a good look at your profile, you might figure it out - on the other hand, you are already 49, you don't seem to be quick on the uptake, so I won't hold my breath.


I looked at his profile and it doesn't give his height, maybe he took that out, but I doubt it. But I agree there are a lot of people out there who care more about what a person looks like than who the person is inside. He showed what he was about in the post you replied to, you showed yours in your reply. I don't think either one of you came out of it looking good.


_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What do you require before you even speak with a sub? - 8/15/2010 3:11:36 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer
You try dealing with fifty "hi" messages which promptly turn into "wanna fuck?" messages if you actually reply politely to the one-liners encouraging them.  Add a dozen or so of "I want 2 b ur slave U look hot" and a wide array of disgusting and explicit personal questions and proposals ranging from "how do your farts smell?  do u want to fart in my face?" to "UR PUSSY SHAVED?  I SERVICE SHAVED DOMME PUSSY W/MY TUNGUE ALL NITE LONG" to "will you mail me a chocolate cake made of your poop?" to "hi R U into sissyboys who will suck cock 4 U?" etc etc etc ad nauseam.   Sometimes these proposals come with graphic photo illustrations.  Deal with this for months on end and I guarantee you will start to get a little more selective about who you actually reply back to. 

OMG!! The CRAP that Dommes have to put up with!!! And some of those guys that SAY that crap.......it's NO WONDER they don't get "picked."

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 40
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