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sexyred1 -> RE: Why do relationships fail? (8/16/2010 6:31:40 PM)
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ORIGINAL: thatsub
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ORIGINAL: sexyred1
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ORIGINAL: thatsub
I believe that when you love someone and care deeply about them, you will do things to keep relationship going and compensate for any of your shortcomings. As such, love and emotions ("Who we are") will result in "What we do", making them both one and the same.
My theory is that when you care about someone you will make excuses for all of their mistakes - they can't do wrong by you. And when you fall out of love, every small thing will start to irritate you, eventually leading to the break up...unless the other person is strong enough to compensate for your lack of feelings until you fall in love again.
I have issue with the bolded part. When you are in love, you should not make excuses for all of your partner's mistakes. That is just delusional. There is a huge difference between defending your partner, giving them tough love when needed and turning a blind eye to their mistakes.
When I say mistakes, some people will not see red flags that are clear indicators that things are going very wrong. I know, I used to do that and say, oh he will change, blah blah blah.
No, I think if you are in love with someone and they make a mistake you need to tell them about it, nicely of course, especially if it affects you. If you do not, and just expect it to change, you will be waiting a long time. If you do and they still do not change the behavior that is hurting you, that is a warning sign that this may not be the relationship you signed up for.
It is easy one to call it a "mistake" or a "shortcoming" after the fact, after you broke up, after you don't love any more, after other people told you for the hundredth time that you were blind all along. However, when you are truly in love, you are blind to those things and your partner is perfect. Once you notice those "mistakes", you are no longer in love. I hope this makes more sense.
No, that makes no sense at all and it is not what I said. What I said was that it is possible to see flaws, mistakes, shortcomings or things that are red flags WHILE YOU ARE IN THE MIDST OF BEING IN LOVE. Not just when it is over.
Did you know that you can actually still be in love with someone who is not right for you and whose flaws do not mesh with your own flaws?
Love is only blind for a certain amount of time, any intelligent person usually starts noticing things sooner than later. It is how you choose to deal with that, that makes the difference.
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