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Aneirin -> RE: Hoarders and Obsessed (8/18/2010 7:41:59 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sirsholly
quote:
So the hoarding, yeah, I guess I hoard and honesty with myself, I do, but am at least cheered that of my hoarding I am hoarding things that have a use to me, That is the rational, at least in part, of nearly all hoarders, Aneirin.
I am not an expert on hoarding by any means, but in reading your post a few things jumped out at me. You state you feel the hoarding is secondary to the loss of all you had, and is a form of rebuilding.quote:
My ptsd led to the break up of my marriage, the loss of my job, my home and most of my things......
but now I am beginning to understand my collections are perhaps linked to my time before the years the ptsd came to me, for I understand I am now doing what I was prevented from doing before and replacing some of what I have lost
Then you say you have Aspergers Syndrome and, as is typical with Aspergers, find social situations extremely difficultquote:
I do have a level of Asperger's syndrome which people may say when they know it, social situations aspies can't do, but I have only found I am aspie last year, so I have had thirty odd years of trying to cope and there at an early age aware of my difficulties, I have developed many a coping strategy to at least attempt socialising with others, a requisite for all or at least most of human kind.
What i cannot help thinking is since the break-up of your marriage, you are alone. You do not have a spouse to rely on, at least in part, to help you through the social areas of your life that you, with Aspergers, find so difficult.
Is it possible that the hoarding is a form of isolation? You are building a wall of clutter that relieves you of the very uncomfortable situation of feeling obligated to have others come to your home. You have no desire to have others see the clutter, therefore you do not socialize in that respect.
Hoarding as you do, tools only, takes time. Be it going to yard sales, flea markets, EBay, or whatever method you have to obtain the tools, you are devoting quite a bit of time to your pursuit. When you are so busy searching for a tool that you do not yet have, social obligations are unimportant and secondary, and loneliness is not recognized.
Just my thoughts....feel free to tell me i am full of it [:)]
Interesting a different perspective, you are most welcome to see things different from myself, as it is common for us to not be able to see the wood for the trees, sometimes it takes an outsider to see a possible obvious.
Social situations have always been a problem for myself and it is for that reason I developed a taste for beer, as beer and it's effect has the ability to stupify people to the point that I feel my difficulties in non verbal communication fade into insignificance as people become less subltle in their socialising. I find I prefer coarse speech from those I do not know well, because with course speech, I know where I stand in communication.Venues that serve alcohol I find help me to relax, via forced relaxation and at least attempt satisfactory communication, well, a level of communication where I don't remember hating myself for failing to understand basic human communication, as was always the feeling when I attempted social situations in the past, pre diagnosis.
When I socialise, it is always with the same people, my most trusted friends, people who understand me well, know my difficulties and to the point,, put up with me. They also know how to stop me going into my straight to the point no holds barred mode, a point where I can talk about anything with no qualms at all. Of my friends, the most understanding of me is a diagnosed Paranoid Schizophrenic, who refers to me as the brother he never had, I understand him that well, whereas our other friend just says keep taking the pills, it's your illness not yourself, but we both lose him in conversation when it suits. I always socialise in the same places, either one of two local pubs, where I understand the clientele see me as a likeable oddball, as I also dress differently and have unusual interests to converse about. Clothing interests me, not fashion or style as such, but what I refwer to as interesting and tonights pub quiz my oddball mode of wear included a Peruvian poncho, Aussy bush hat, German moleskin combat trousers and British Army combat boots in contrast to others wearing what I describe as boring clothing or football supporters shirts and jeans. I have come to the conclusion I am fairly exhibitionist in my appearance, but I am under orders to not wear a leather corset down the pub, as that might just be too far.
Yes, I do live alone, well, me and my grumpy cat, loneliness is a thing, but I bury myself in my interests to combat that, but I believe the ptsd is affecting any move towards changing my situation, not that I totally avoid females, but I am told I tease, something I had understood to be just polite conversation,( don't recognise the signals).
My place is more often than not a complete tip, my interests everywhere all over the place, as I look now, tools everywhere, two outboard engines- one completely disassembled, my video cameras, DSLR cameras, a set of nineteenth century ships navigation lights, a home made brake drum forge and my tv digital decoder in pieces as I am repairing it. In tools, I include my cameras and art stuff in that, as it is all tools for the things I do, and appear so am told to be very good at. The clutter, my immediate friends ignore, as their places are as bad sometimes, but two female friends I am very embarrassed when they come in here, one even complains and moans about my cat, and other odours I have around from time to time, usually chemicals for my jewellery making, restoring, mechanical repairs and electrolytical experiments.
It is true though, I spend a lot of time on my own, perhaps too much, but following the break up of my marriage, being alone for the first time in ten years I hated it, I was not comfortable at all. A few years on now, I am more comfortable with myself than when I am with others. It is true though my marriage I relied on my wife for the things I could not do, or found extreme difficulty in, paperwork, form filling and financial matters, things I am still struggling with, but I can get help on those. Money, I can make easily, for I have many skills, but using money for anything other than basic survival I have not much clue for, my ex helped in that situation, and I did not begrudge it, for my funds were managed well I believe. The other thing I miss, is regular diet, for I do not feed myself in any way like I have been fed before, and even find I don't need to eat regularly and so go long periods without eating although I have found a complex carbohydrate diet tends to agree with me more than anything I have done before.
Aspergers I now see in a lot of my ways, but with the diagnosis came relief and a let up in the perpetual depression I always suffered, for now I can understand some of my inabilities and for the first time in my life, I actually like myself and am totally comfortable for all the things I find out about myself.
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