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RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/19/2010 5:58:10 AM   
smartsub10


Posts: 865
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline 		Thanks to all who gave their thoughts and opinions.  The information is very valuable and I can now approach any new connections with a bit more savvy. 

You guys are great!


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Beauty fades...stupid is forever
~ Judge Judith Scheindlin
____________________________________________

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(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/19/2010 6:32:46 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Individuals want different things - some doms want a relationship, some want a sex toy, some want to wank off online.  Stick to your gut feeling, and be yourself, and you can weed out those who clearly are not what you're looking for.

And if it's any consolation, I would not talk sex with my owner (who wasn't my owner then) - and I mean not even "kink compatibility stuff", for a couple of months after we began talking.  I simply wasn't going to go there.  He was willing to get to know me before we brought sex into it.


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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to smartsub10)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/19/2010 3:41:41 PM   
SirGuy68


Posts: 96
Joined: 7/19/2009
Status: offline 		>What do Doms expect when chatting?

If you are sincere and are looking to meet in 3D, I expect a picture of you holding todays newspaper with my name on it. And I would of course reciprocate with the same. My experience with CM is that will end any future chat as, well you know what is typically behind the screen when on line.


Be Well

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/19/2010 6:52:28 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I expect a picture of you holding todays newspaper with my name on it.


In the headline?

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[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to SirGuy68)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/19/2010 9:14:30 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

If you are sincere and are looking to meet in 3D, I expect a picture of you holding todays newspaper with my name on it.

You've heard of Photoshop?

Hell, it would take a few of the girls here less than a minute. What do you want the headline to say?

I suspect you'll have a lot of alone time to think about it.

(in reply to SirGuy68)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/19/2010 9:38:01 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I expect a check. A few hundred will do for a start.

How can I believe they are serious if they won't send me money?

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/19/2010 9:44:09 PM   
SirGuy68


Posts: 96
Joined: 7/19/2009
Status: offline 		This is an old test - yes you can fub it.. but the time in PS to do that verses just send the PIC is not worth most web bots time.
Either way if some one is sincere in using CM to meet people from it is a simple task.

@musicmystery
>I suspect you'll have a lot of alone time to think about it.
Explain?


@January
>In the headline?
No in an email attachment as a picture.

Be Well
Sir Guy

(in reply to Musicmystery)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/19/2010 9:54:27 PM   
cbaby


Posts: 103
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: texangael

quote:

How do you determine, while chatting online or on the phone before meeting, if a sub is sincere in her desire to submit without getting heavily into sexual discussion
I find it's quite easy.

If a submissive is sincere in wanting to submit, heavy sex talk isn't necessary.  Submission is not a strictly sexual motif.

And if they are extremely sincere, they will be constantly gushing over how hot I am and how domly my voice is.



can't we just get "wet" instead of gushing?....and heavy sex talk can be quite the turnoff (red flag moment)


< Message edited by cbaby -- 8/19/2010 9:56:53 PM >

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(in reply to texangael)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/20/2010 5:27:39 AM   
ShoreBound149


Posts: 622
Joined: 7/2/2009
Status: offline 		Her check bounced like Big Fat Bastard's belly....from now on......cash only

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/20/2010 6:11:14 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

What do you want the headline to say?



"DarkSteven assumes control of universe.  All wimmins expected to obey him in all ways".

Any other questions, MM?


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Musicmystery)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/20/2010 7:01:43 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		Pshaw. That's not news.

I taught you how to do that years ago!


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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/21/2010 12:25:03 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirGuy68

>What do Doms expect when chatting?

If you are sincere and are looking to meet in 3D, I expect a picture of you holding todays newspaper with my name on it. And I would of course reciprocate with the same. My experience with CM is that will end any future chat as, well you know what is typically behind the screen when on line.


Be Well



Hey Guy (I know what that 68 means!  *wink),

I gotta tell you.  I think you're great and all (you know I love the chopsticks thing).... but I would not ever do that.  Nope, no how, no way.  Here's why:

1.  It smacks of cynicism.  I try to avoid that.
2.  I am a decent and honest human being.  I don't like being presumed to be a liar.
3.  If we're going to meet, you're (or I'm) gonna show up or not.  I take a book, I go to the park / coffee shop / event / whatever no matter what.  You show or don't show.  I still have a good time by myself, with my books, or in the company of the other peeps around me. 
4.  Enough people know me that we gotta have somebody in common... and if we don't, see numbers 1-3.

From a psychological point of view, good / decent people don't like to be called liars - despite the fact that you've been lied to by a bazillion others.  We are offended by that.  It's just how we roll. 

Best,
sunshine

*edited for grammatical clarity.  I are smart.

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 8/21/2010 12:27:17 AM >

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/21/2010 12:57:59 AM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smartsub10

I haven't been in the lifestyle long and am still learning.  Unfortunately, some of that learning has been unpleasant but I take what I can from the experiences to grow.
Just now I was chatting online (yahoo) with a Dom.  It was our second chat online.  He begins to ask some sexually explicit questions among other things.  I understand talking in generalities about kinks to determine compatibility but I would think that the more explicit subjects or making demands to do sexual things while chatting would come up later after a meeting and an agreement to be together.  I don't want a cyber or online relationship.
So, when I said I was uncomfortable, he disappeared.  I trust my gut so while it's disappointing, I say "good riddance".
What do Doms expect when chatting?  How do you determine, while chatting online or on the phone before meeting, if a sub is sincere in her desire to submit without getting heavily into sexual discussion?   This has happened to me...a lot.  I'd love to hear any thoughts from the Doms here.

Thanks.


As a dominant man I do not expect anything in particular from a lady who identifies with being submissive. Due to the fact that I am dominant does not equate with certain expectations of submissive ladies. My expectations originate from a place of authenticity and integrity not my natural dominance. I only expect from a submissive lady online to offer the same as a submissive lady in person. I expect her to be authentic and honest for starters. I expect to get to know one another as human beings.

The nature of my manhood or the nature of womanhood in a lady is not solely related to sexuality. To gain my lasting interest there must be intact qualities that are offered one to another. Perceiving a submissive lady as a sexual object only serves to exclude the totality that a submissive lady has to offer overall.

Then there is the question of chemistry. If that is lacking then I am not opposed to a platonic friendship. Although if a submissive lady lacks in the area of authenticity and integrity there is no reason to proceed regardless if there is chemistry hot enough to heat the universe. I lose all interest if trustworthiness is lacking.

Take care!

(in reply to smartsub10)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/21/2010 11:07:15 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		For potential LTR conversations, I expect a submissive to sell herself like a used car salesman.  If she isn't telling me what her talents are, what benefits I will derive by having her in my life and what her needs are, we don't have a second conversation. 

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I give good thread.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/22/2010 12:21:54 AM   
RedStapler


Posts: 62
Joined: 6/15/2010
From: New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirGuy68
>What do Doms expect when chatting?

If you are sincere and are looking to meet in 3D, I expect a picture of you holding todays newspaper with my name on it. And I would of course reciprocate with the same. My experience with CM is that will end any future chat as, well you know what is typically behind the screen when on line.


Be Well

Wait, wait, hold on ONE MINUTE!!

Now, let me get this straight. Are you trying to tell me people in 2010 actually still read news on DEAD TREES!!!!! I wouldn't know where to buy a newspaper around here if I wanted one.

(in reply to SirGuy68)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/22/2010 7:51:57 PM   
SirGuy68


Posts: 96
Joined: 7/19/2009
Status: offline 		at SunShoneMiss.


Thank you for Chop Stick compliment before. I also am good with a fork and knife.

" (I know what that 68 means!  *wink), "
OK What does it mean? I'll give you a hint that will tie in farther down in this thread. I am not trying to hide my age.


" >1.  It smacks of cynicism.  I try to avoid that."
Let me propose an idea. What if EVERYONE on CM, or any other sight requested a bona fide picture or test? What if that was the norm? What if that was a filter setting? What would happen to the web bots then? Would it make this relatively new social networking medium more suited for those looking to meet others?


" >2.  I am a decent and honest human being.  I don't like being presumed to be a liar."

I can think of a very similar entity that does just that <presumed to be a liar> in the states. The court system. If you are arrested it is automatically assumed you are guilty. You've got a crusty olde judge who is envious of a stiff wind with a court room full of people all saying I'm innocent. Yeah sure you are, so why did you get arrested? You are surrounded by criminals so you must be one too.

If the web is 99.999% BS, and you and I are here then there is a 99.999% probability that I am so full of shit I need a septic tank on a first date. That is not cynical that is probability.

CM is not ALT a decade ago - Actually I wonder if CM ever was that?- But people I know only by email have said CM is bona fide and they have met, or know others who have met others from CM. Friends I know in real life, female and male view CM as I do from their experience with it.


" > 3.  If we're going to meet, you're (or I'm) gonna show up or not.  I take a book, I go to the park / coffee shop / event / whatever no matter what.  You show or don't show.  I still have a good time by myself, with my books, or in the company of the other peeps around me. "

That is good for you. But if I am going to travel to Korea to get a coffee, I might be a little bit upset.

" > 4.  Enough people know me that we gotta have somebody in common... and if we don't, see numbers 1-3. "
I don't know any one in Korea. All be it my ex GF was from Korea. I am sure by the rule of six degrees of separation everyone in the world knows everyone. From CM I do not know any one.

<MUSICMYSTERY of the record> I made a typo in a reply; in 10 years I have met 3 'peopl'e from CM, not 2. But they were about as fake in person as the typical profile and me dragging my ass out just to be able to say HEY CM WORKS!!! is not what I consider a LTR or doing something fun.


" > 5. From a psychological point of view, good / decent people don't like to be called liars - despite the fact that you've been lied to by a bazillion others.  We are offended by that.  It's just how we roll. "

Then as a good decent person who has no qualms about proving my stature, I can not understand why another, especially on an alternative sight would be offended. But see the crusty olde judge scenario in #2.


To add some personal experience that to me IS believable as I have seen it first hand. My ex, a model, fetish performer, pro domme and a very beautiful person wrote to a 'thing' on CM to please remove her pictures and stop using her likeness. It didn't. So she wrote to all of 'Its' friends and let them know what they listed as friend on CM is not really behind the pictures It has up. It was in NYC. Now how would any one know It's profile was not bona fide unless you personally knew _ _ _ _? But a good thing, one of 'Its' friends replied that he would gladly remove 'Its' fingers with vice grips so It could not use a key board.

In the LA area of CM I happened to see a profile on CM that for what ever reason stuck out in my mind. I saw the same image on POF of a girl near me recently. I happened to mention that to her and she said yes, she has seen her images stolen and used by others. Although I would not give POF much credence either, I will believe this girl's POF profile is the real one.

So what is real to me? Is it cynical to use technology to prove ones honesty when using the web as a medium for social networking, dating, marriage etc? I don't think so and I come from an era where my first account on CM was via a dial up modem.

Now, that could be the issue with me. Age. Going back to the start, when I said I will explain that further down. I do realize that I am getting on in years. What hair I do have is thinning, grays are popping in and when not skiing, I do ballon up to 186 lbs in the summer. But ya know something? I still stick my ugly mug up on the web with recent photos. That should be a pretty good sign that I am real. What person would use fake pictures of Quasimoto on a dating sight?


At Red Stapler
" > people in 2010 actually still read news on DEAD TREES!!!!! "
- -lol. The current newspaper, name and photo is just a simple test - actually that was from a movie that I forget the name - course another movie 'test' the kidnapper ripped out the girls teeth with pliers and mailed them to the cops to prove he had her from her dental records. I could have used that idea then we would possibly have a CM full of denture wearing members.

Be Well








(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/22/2010 9:23:59 PM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Hello smartsub, and welcome to the lifestyle!
Its unfortunate that you have come across someone who seems to only be interested in what you can offer him physically, and online at that. Ugh!
Im glad you trusted your "gut" and realized he didnt have serious intent on building a relationship, at least not in the manner you prefer.

If I may make a suggestion without offense, is there a different non-sexual avatar you could choose to use besides the one of your voluptiousness? Most men are visual creatures, and by you exposing yourself in this manner, you will in turn attract those that may have a difficult time seeing you for the intelligent woman you are.
Best of luck to you in your search!

Obviously one should exercise patience and there is a certain tack and class one should use always in even beginning to get that specific and demanding. But I believe all people are visual creatures, it being almost always the first sense we use in meeting people.

I frankly let others bring it all up first and then follow their lead so as to exploit it later. I think all are well advised to let it come up...at its own pace. I have never asked a woman to 'cam' for me. If they want to...fine.

Online though we have that online built-in paradox and not just at kinky sites like CM...but most dating sites. Profiles and questionnaires tend to heavily stress the fetishes which are by definition...sexual. Add to that, toys and the very sexual aspects of play also listed.

We have an acceleration of sexually explicit discovery here so the paradox is to have one read all about you sexually, (in most cases) on most profiles only. Oh, but don't talk about and don't act on it...just yet.

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/23/2010 3:07:38 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

But I believe all people are visual creatures

Says the man with no avatar...

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/23/2010 3:43:50 AM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers
But I believe all people are visual creatures, it being almost always the first sense we use in meeting people.


Men tend to be more visual, women tend to be more into what we hear and read. It's not a rule or anything, but that's the direction things sway. When I see someone's picture on here (or they don't have one) it rarely has anything to do with whether I talk to them, but when I read what they have to say, it does.

To the OP, everyone else has said it, but you just follow your gut and be safe. It doesn't matter what anyone expects from a potential submissive - you do what you feel comfortable with and enjoy.

(in reply to MrRodgers)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: what do you expect when chatting with a potential sub? - 8/23/2010 5:39:02 AM   
smartsub10


Posts: 865
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious


quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

But I believe all people are visual creatures

Says the man with no avatar...


Or profile last time I checked.


_____________________________

Beauty fades...stupid is forever
~ Judge Judith Scheindlin
____________________________________________

“Be that self which one truly is" ~Soren Kierkegaard

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 40
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