Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 6:07:42 AM   
Areflectionofyou


Posts: 258
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		somewhere God made your perfect mate....don't look so hard

(in reply to michaelGA)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 6:39:03 AM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it comes softly and sits on your shoulder.
(unknown) Simply sometimes we want something so badly we become obsessed with the end result and forget what is important alot of the time is the process. Take time to grow within yourself, become involved in your local group(carpooling works), volunteer (it helps your outlook and others outlook of you), expand your knowledge of things that will help you serve(ie cooking , cleaning, ect) and for gods sake time to truly listen when you ask people for help or advice. If you take it with an open mind instead of looking for your "perfect" response perhaps you will find some wonderful advice that will help you along your path.  Nika{Phoenix}

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to Areflectionofyou)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 6:53:36 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		What wonderful advice.

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 1:03:31 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

Seems to me a reasonable way to solve your issues.  Come online, ask a question to a bunch of people with varying degrees of experience, from none (me) to years and years and years (Others), then when you get advice from whackloads of people, blame them for being idiots (my words), and walk away.  And here I am, answering someone who's not even gonna answer. 



Are you really only 22?
You really are amazing, benji.  Not more amazing than Me, of course (*Wink*), but pretty damn amazing.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 1:19:29 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Using the quick reply option to catch a few posters up on the "story of michaelGA". 
Michael is not interested in a full time relationship and he can't even get to the Domina, should one choose him for some part time service.   Not sure about bus service or any sort of other effort on his part, but that seems to be the story, chapter and verse. 
He has a vanilla relationship (not living together) and he is a caregiver for this other person who is disabled.  He is not interested in sex.  Frankly, I am not sure what type of service michael is into, or seeks so hard.  Since he can't go to the Domina's house, I guess She needs to come to him.  I guess he either wants Her to order him about while he cleans up his own place and does his own laundry,  or he will offer his body, naked or clothed for bondage and other forms of sensation.  Not sexual, of course.  
When I first came back to the boards after about 2 months away, I was puzzled about a few comments I saw complimenting michael on his changed attitude.  I was made aware, via reading, that michael apparently first came onto the boards with a pretty sucky demeanor.  What I saw, at that point, was a humorous and engaging male who had some specific situations, but he was seeking some sort of relatiosnhip.
Something has happened, along the way, and michael has reverted to his complaining, depressed, "poor me" attitude.  Which begs the question, michael, in case you are sneaking in here to read, are you bi-polar or uni-polar?  Have you gone off your meds?  You don't seem manic when you are the "nice michael", but you seem to project much more anger and negativity than the typical uni-polar depressive.
Anyway, just thought I would catch a few posters up on the michaelGA saga.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/21/2006 1:21:44 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 1:40:18 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Ouch, Dusty. That was a fairly simplistic view of Michael. Don't get me wrong, I think he needs a good kick in the ass and the pathetic attempts at throwing himself a pity party are all his own doing, but unless you have gone through your entire life thinking you're in the wrong body, fighting against it with every fiber of your being, and being unable to do a damn thing about it, I don't think that sort of pain can be easily dismissed. Michael has as much a right to provide service on his terms and find the Domina who fits that as well as anyone else. 99.99 % won't fit in with his needs, but there may be one out there who will and he has the right to search for her. He just needs to be realistic that his pool is very, very narrow. None of us have the right to judge that choice and giving him advice is a futile effort in my opinion. He doesn't listen to it. There is no quick fix for him, but neither is there an easy one. It's not a matter of 'do this' or 'do that' and you'll feel all better. He won't, that much is obvious. And tough love or warm hugs aren't going to do anything to change him from a man into a woman.. anything short of that .. well, I don't think there is a cure for what ails Michael because he can't be what he thinks he needs to be. He has only two choices.. accept the cards he's dealt or bitch, piss and moan about it. He has chosen to bitch, piss and moan about it.. and that's why he alienates so many people. That's his gig. Buy in to it or not.. hell even ignore it.. but it can't be dismissed unless you're willing to dismiss his very humanity. If he'd just embrace that instead of worry about his fucking gender, he'd have a half a chance at doing a bit more accepting of the fucked up cards he was dealt, and maybe would quit bitching about how unfair it all is. I don't think it's going to happen though at least not consistantly.

Celeste

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 4/21/2006 1:45:58 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 1:59:59 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Goddess,

Yes, I am really only 22.  23 in May.  May 21st.  Send me gifts. Many. And Varied. And nothing small.  I need a car.  And a house.  Maybe i should turn Domme.  Then I could demand these things.

And no, I would never even let it halfway cross my mind that I am more amazing than You, Goddess.

Yours,


benji

Edited because even someone as amazing as me can't spell complicated words like "a"
Edited again to add:  What are you talking about, Celeste????? 
Edited again to add:  The last edit was in reference to her correction of my spelling 2 lines above this. 

< Message edited by gooddogbenji -- 4/21/2006 2:32:44 PM >

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 2:03:36 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Or amazing. ;)

edited to add:: Good dog, Benji. lol

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 4/21/2006 2:32:45 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 2:30:42 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

Edited again to add:  What are you talking about, Celeste?????


I am wondering the same thing.  I have a great deal of respect for you, Celeste, and if I came off as dismissing michael's humanity, it was not My intention at all.
I have seen several posts in this thread referring to various options that I already am aware would be out for michael in his current situation.  I also agree that michael has the right to seek whatever it is that will work for him.  But he also should realize, as you stated, that 99.99% (I think that is being generous!) is not going to fit.  His parameters are so narrow, and he really doesn't make himself very clear regarding his personal situation.  So people jump into the fray thinking they are helping, only to be met by more "Poor me" or "You just don't understand".  It wears thin.
If michael is having gender issues, this is the first I have heard of that. He has received a great deal of support on this site.  I think michael is probably a great guy, but as long as he chooses to piss and moan and then ask "why am I unwanted", we are doing him a disservice by not explaining why.  Then he can choose to find a better way for himself or not.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 2:31:33 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		So Michael is a girl wearing a male body. And she wants a Domina. Presumably she is attracted to a Domina?
 
It seems a tough position to be in. I had a male friend who had a sex change operation; I never saw her again, had to hear about it from someone else. I can understand why she had the operation, but do not advocate it. I think one should play the cards that one got dealt in this life. In subsequent lives one may get another hand of cards, be born in the right body.
 
It seems to me that the first step must be acceptance of self. Michael is a girl in 'disguise'. The next step may be developing spiritually. Other than that I have no idea what to advise her.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 2:38:09 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

If michael is having gender issues, this is the first I have heard of that. He has received a great deal of support on this site. 


Perhaps that thread was during your absence from the forums but it should be searchable. Michael has received a great deal of support from this site, I agree with that 100% ... but I don't think it's done a damn thing for him. I apologize if I came off harsh myself. That was not my intention.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 3:31:39 PM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline 		I'm a rich woman from Europe
who was born into the body
of a poor woman from the ghetto.
I think it's completely unfair that I was dealt this hand in life.
So I'm going to live my life in total negativity and waste other people's time.

(And I'm normally not this sarcastic)
But I did find it a bit unnerving that I spent a generous amount of time and thought offering suggestions and advice to someone who asked for it and then disappeared just as quick back into his own doom and gloom without even so much as a thank-you.

That's the kind of thing that makes those experienced in the lifestyle not want to waste their time helping newcomers.
I don't give a rat's ass if the OP ever finds what he needs or not. I've learned my lesson to not give his posts a second glance in the future.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 3:46:36 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		Michael,

I have to ask how you tell the difference between vanilla service and D/s service... is it just that the individuals are called "slave" and "Mistress"? I can't tell the difference in -our- household... the dishes are still the dishes, the floors are still the floors, the laundry is still the laundry, weeding the garden is still weeding the garden... and through all of it, it is the indomitable spirit of the servant who =chooses= to offer him or herself in service that makes being on the guiding and receiving end of that service worthwhile. The only thing that makes it D/s is personal mindset -- we're equally comfortable calling it "spiritual service", "a learning experience", or "a gift of being and giving" as we are calling it "D/s".

I've watched you for a very long time, and have seen you claim a hunger to serve -- but when offered opportunities to do a -valuable- service for yourself and to any dominant who would take you in service, you balk... Taking the time to work on yourself may be the greatest gift you ever have to offer to a dominant, and yet you have no interest in walking that road... what are we, as dominants, to presume from that attitude? For myself, it sounds like you must be getting -some- value in feeling cruddy... that somehow, your existence is improved by taking no steps to heal yourself and to respect yourself as a valuable, intelligent and worthy person. That makes you someone that I wouldn't choose to have in service, if only because I like positive, enriching experiences, and I know that having someone in my home who was miserable and didn't want to do anything about it =wouldn't= be an enriching experience.

Just my two cents,
LZ


quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA

there's vanilla service...which i have had too much exposure to...and D/s service, which is what i seek...it doesn't take much skill to do the former.


_____________________________


"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to michaelGA)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 3:47:20 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

I'm a rich woman from Europe
who was born into the body
of a poor woman from the ghetto.
I think it's completely unfair that I was dealt this hand in life.
So I'm going to live my life in total negativity and waste other people's time.

Is that poetry? (I have a blind spot for what is poetry, but this seems poetic.)

You gave her (i.e. Michael) excellent advice, Proprietrix. (I reread it a moment ago.) If she does not benefit from it, others most certainly will.

(in reply to Proprietrix)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 4:21:39 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feylin

(slow typist now realizes that you have attended local events)

Sometimes you can find people willing to share a ride to events, just a thought.  It is a great way to get out and see and be seen which is probably the best chance you have to actually finding what you seek.




What a short and to the point post *grins*.
 
Level

(in reply to feylin)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 4:26:21 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

 There is no such thing as an undesirable, fit man.
 


*Flexes eyebrows*
 

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 9:28:59 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

 There is no such thing as an undesirable, fit man.
 


*Flexes eyebrows*
 



LOL Level

that's cute

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/21/2006 9:31:41 PM   
dvdmtz1234


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/6/2005
Status: offline 		somebody wrote:"There is no such thing as an undesirable, fit man. "

well, i think i may be evidence to the contrary....

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/22/2006 3:31:07 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

 There is no such thing as an undesirable, fit man.
 


*Flexes eyebrows*
 



LOL Level

that's cute


Thank you, akisha *grins*......
 
Level

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 4/22/2006 5:45:25 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA

i have been attending the local munches, as for play parties, they are cunducted in Atlanta or Birmingham and, at this juncture, i have no way of traveling those distances in order to do as you suggest. it was an intriguing suggestion, but unachieveable at this point in time.


Is there some reason you can't catch a ride with someone else who is going?

Michael, what I'm about to say is said in the spirit of feedback and not belittlement, I hope you can take it in that spirit.

It seems to me that you always have a reason or excuse or argument, regardless of the topic.  On this and many other threads I have seen folks give you enormous amounts of time and energy in attempting to point out that you do not take criticism, feedback or suggestions very well.  I have seen you consistently prove them right by arguing with them or pointing out their flawed logic.  I can't say that I have ever seen you say "I don't think that's on point, but I'm going to give it a try to see what happens.  I'll get back to you with my feedback about the experiment."  I've seen your negativity inevitably result in your being called a whiner and you taking offense at that and then shutting down (figuratively) anything but argumentative interactions.

If you're not actually whining or arguing then when a large group of people tell you that you are why on earth would your reaction be to argue rather than to say "Hmmmm, I wonder what they are seeing in me that has them thinking that about me? How did I create this impression?"  You can get a lot of food for thought and self examination from an interaction in which folks are telling you something about yourself, particularly if you disagree.  They may not be right, but if more than a few are saying it there must be something in the way you present that you can stand to look at.

As a domina I would not find you interesting because all of this screams "more trouble than he's worth" to me.  Serving can be inordinately difficult and if you are not willing or able to examine yourself for self created obsticals then you just will not be able to cut it for very long.  Many dominant women know this and look for a person's ability to examine and reexamine themself as a minimum standard in a submissive. 

The impression I have of you is that you are a whining quitter.  I'm not saying that is correct or that I know you very well or that it would hold true in r/t.  I"m saying from your posts I perceive you as a quitter.  That would not make me interested in getting to know you better to see if it's a misconception (which I freely admit is a possibility). 

If you took half the energy you put into justifying why things can't be done and put it into self improvement and making meatlife contact you'd be the belle of the damned ball instead of aspiring to be a wall flower.

This is my perception of why you are having a difficult time connecting with a domina.  You present as an argumentative, whining problem child.  The end result is alienation.  Since I read you saying you FEEL alienated a lot then perhaps there is something in it for you to look at.  You have the power to change this, in fact you are the only one with the power to change this, but in order to effect this sort of change you absolutely must be more open to feedback and suggestion - even if it hurts.

Many people will tell you to take the time you are not with a dominant or serving to improve yourself.  It is my opinion that your best efforts, the efforts that would garner you the most results, lay in examining how you help to create this negative impression and then endeavoring to change how you present.  At the very least it could be a rewarding experiment in humility (not to be misread as humiliation).

Just so's ya know, I'm originally from Pensacola, Florida so I am somewhat familiar with the challenges you face in trying to make a connection in the deep southeast.  I also know that there is ALWAYS a work around if you are open to it and willing to put forth the effort.  Have you ever contacted a munch or party host and explained that transportation is a problem but you really would like to help and asked if he or she knows of anyone you could car pool with?  Who knows, you could make a wonderful connection just from the effort of trying to find a work around.

Let me close by again saying to you that this post was not intended as a slam or to take the opportunity to ridicule you.  My intent is to point out to you what I perceive is the biggest cause of your inability to connect (which is what your OP is about).  I have seen you write some erudite responses to people and I believe that your wish is to connect.  I hope that you do make the connection you seek.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to michaelGA)
Profile   Post #: 80
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.154