MsSonnetMarwood
Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
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I'm not quite sure what "difference" there is in one's vanilla life and one's BDSM life. Life is life - someone isn't going to be the World's Most Desirable Slave with Dominants lining up around the block if they can barely get a vanilla date or don't have vanilla friends.
And that's the thing - if a sub is having trouble attracting a Domme, he needs to take a good look at his WHOLE life because you can be damn sure that is what a Domme is looking at when she is considering if he is going to be a good sub or not. Femdoms often complain that we want to be seen as a whole person, not a kink entity - this should give subs a hint that YES THE WHOLE PICTURE COUNTS.
Point: SUBS - what your vanilla life looks like is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT if you hope to attract a Dominant. That you're willing to be a target for a flogger? Not so important and certainly not unique.
I'm at a point in my life where I am extremely busy with the "vanilla" self improvement of being back in college. In effect, it curtails my ability to have a sub that is more than just an occasaional thump puppet because my free time is at best highly limited. It's not a big deal and I'm not giving up on "the lifestyle" because I can't find a sub available Sunday and Monday evenings from 6 to 10 that is local and all those other things I look for. It is the forseeable consequence of the life path I have chosen. I simply buckle down and continue to bust my hump for grades, because ultimately having that degree will get me where I want to be in life - degree = better job, thus more financially stable, able to buy a house, able to consider a live in submissive. There's nothing inherently "kinky" about taking English or Communications or Biology or any of those other classes I'm taking; however, I can see the overall picture of improving myself, my mind, AND my future. Of course, I could see that one prof of mine in leather shackles....mmmm...
Should I drop out of college because going to college basically means I don't have the time RIGHT NOW for the kind of BDSM relationship I ultimately want?
Should a sub not work on improving his life because he's not getting what he wants RIGHT NOW out of it?
Sometimes you have to solve the issue one step at a time - and know that it's a PROCESS to get where you want to go.
I've touched on the car issue with Michael before in one of his other "poor me" threads. Michael has no car, so he can't go visit a Domme or go to parties or most munches. Well, it's the year 2005 and we're adults. It is NOT unreasonable to own a car. There are cars available on all sorts of budgets. I've asked before, what is Michael ACTIVELY doing to resolve the no car issue? If car = mobility = opens up possibilities of getting out to meet others, then the logical answer would be - get a car. I understand that you can't necessarily pull 2 grand out of your posterior to buy one and get it legal, HOWEVER, working an extra shift or getting a part time second job can put that $100 a week away towards a car, and in time, boom. You have a car. You can now expand possibilities.
Every problem has a solution. It's not always an easy solution, it's not always 100%, and ALL solutions involve work, time inveseted, and the ability to look at the big picture. Immediate gratification is rarely there.
The reason I bring up the car issue is that I feel it's indicative of what Michael - as well as many other subs - fails to see. If something is blocking you from doing/being what you want, then you have to actively work on changing that. It's a solvable issue, even if it's not solvable overnight. There is no "wake up and own a car" pill. There is no "turn into a desirable sub with Dommes lined up around the block overnight" pill.
So really, Michael - what is the REAL QUESTION you are asking? I think it's more likely "Why am I not enough to attract everything I want just like I am?"
And while it's not a popular idea, sometimes you really do have to accept that you simply can not have everything you want. Sometimes when what you look for is SO specific and SO limited, it just does not exist. Your options are to work at expanding what you seek, or find a peace in that it may just not be for you, and focus your attention elsewhere.
For myself, I know that it's unlikely I will find a single submissive with some experience, who lives within a certain radius, with whom I mesh, who can be content with a part time relationship for now. I am at peace with that because I know I am focusing on what's truly important for myself right now which is school.
For you, Michael, I think you need to realize that the liklihood of you finding a Domme who is willing to travel to you, willing to tolerate that you have a girlfriend who is your priority (thus the Domme not being your priority), that is willing to top you and let you experiment with what you want to experience, and is able to see past that self indulgent poor attitude of yours to see what you truly feel you have to offer such a situaiton - well, it's unlikely. You have three options as I see it. YOU work on making improvements to yourself and your life to expand your possibilities (including changing situations like having no car as well as working on your outlook at life). OR you can give up on looking and be at peace with it. OR you can continue the cycle of whining and beating yourself up about not being to find exactly what you want when you want it.
It's your choice. Thus far, it seems you've chosen Door #3 - and have been called on it.
Every problem has a solution. But you have to be willing to actually WORK on it.
From the outside, it may look like "taking time off out of life" to work on that solution. I don't consider that I'm taking 4 years off to work on the solutions that a college degree/better job that I'm doing. Frankly, I'm enjoying every minute of it, even if this is not ultimately what I want my life to be like. Sometimes you just have to enjoy the journey.
< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 4/22/2006 6:47:07 AM >
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~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~
Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.
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RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve - 
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