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Emotional sadism - 8/19/2010 9:45:36 PM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		What exactly does this term mean? Does it have negative or positive connotations?


My guesses:

- Is it promoting frustration as part of play?

- Is it making someone emotionally unhappy (in terms of their life)? (We definately don't want any of that.)

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 8/19/2010 9:46:01 PM >
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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/19/2010 9:54:18 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		It can encompass many things.there are some forms of emotional sadism that appeal to me, and others that do not. For example, humiliation is very hot, and is a form of emotional sadism I find arousing... there are other forms of it I would find abusive.

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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/19/2010 10:33:26 PM   
Verfor99


Posts: 46
Joined: 7/15/2009
From: Roswell, GA
Status: offline 		Yeah. Some few even like full-out degradation, even dehumanisation treatment. It's all a matter of how far -you- want to go on this.

< Message edited by Verfor99 -- 8/19/2010 10:36:27 PM >

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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/19/2010 10:41:19 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		My ex owner was (probably still is) an emotional sadist.  It wasn't a game to him; he liked to seriously hurt my feelings and make me suffer for him.  At the time, there was something about it I liked.  I would challenge myself to see how much I could take.  Bad idea, as I found out, because he exceeded it.

He liked to seriously emotionally hurt me.  Over time, it did more harm than good.

Others may have different experiences.  But this is mine.


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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/20/2010 3:14:02 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes


My guesses:

- Is it promoting frustration as part of play?

- Is it making someone emotionally unhappy (in terms of their life)? (We definately don't want any of that.)


From my perspective the first example would be "mild emotional sadism" at best. I love creating frustration and (at times) humiliation - But it's in the context of a loving relationship. To me, your second example nails it.

My (very personal and subjective) definition of an emotional sadist is someone who gets pleasure out of making someone unhappy or confused about their self worth.

Not my cuppa hippo at all.



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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/20/2010 3:47:17 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

He liked to seriously emotionally hurt me. Over time, it did more harm than good.
This is a deal breaker for me. Partners should build each other up, not cause lasting emotional damage.

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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/20/2010 7:11:08 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I don't go for emotional sadism, humiliation, anything that makes the other party feel bad about themselves for a *second*. Real life dumps enough on us, in my experience.

When it comes to humiliation, I learned to ASK what the other party considers humiliating. Sometimes it's something that to me is perfectly ordinary, like using someone for a footstool. So, it does help to check.

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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/20/2010 11:20:51 AM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		"Emotional Sadism" is a redundancy happening in front of you. Sadism is the induction of emotional "pain" (this is sometimes caused by physical pain as well) to the point of pleasure (sometimes sexual in nature) of the person inflicting the "pain". The idea that "sadism" is a purely physical altercation is a cultural development of a laymen's misunderstanding of the word to begin with.

boi




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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/20/2010 12:34:12 PM   
thatsub


Posts: 176
Joined: 5/3/2010
Status: offline 		Masochist:  Beat me! Beat me!
Sadist: No!

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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/20/2010 2:10:15 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		does this mean that each time we get a rude, highly personal put down from a complete stranger we should see it as a compliment then?  - 



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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/20/2010 2:17:07 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I used to think that I only had one hard limit.
I've come to realize in the past few weeks especially, that this is also a hard limit for me.
I need to know that he cares for me, loves me, likes me, wants me. All of that.
There can be no doubt in my mind. Emotional sadism would play on these points to me.
I would spiral downward quickly if it occurred between us.

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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/20/2010 2:17:19 PM   
praetorian1974


Posts: 47
Joined: 8/16/2010
Status: offline 		I think that's why I would make a horrible sub. I don't seem to really give a shit what other people think.

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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/20/2010 2:23:15 PM   
praetorian1974


Posts: 47
Joined: 8/16/2010
Status: offline 		I do have a question. What do you do if your sub's limits exceedes your own. There is some things that I just can't seem to really get into. Is that a relationship that is doomed from the start?

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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/20/2010 2:27:11 PM   
MstrPBK


Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		My first slave fit this category. And it was because I did not fully appreciate what being a Master was about. I have grown greatly since then but the first slave and I separated for our own reasons.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/20/2010 2:52:20 PM   
praetorian1974


Posts: 47
Joined: 8/16/2010
Status: offline 		Thanks MstrPBK.

It seems to be a reoccurring problem for me. I realize that people have various means of gratification, and by no means do I look at them as any less or more than my own. They're just different. Sometimes shocking, but always interesting.

I’m a kid in a candy store here.

This discussion has been infinitely helpful though. It's nice to hear what people who have been here for a while think.


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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/20/2010 3:20:00 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I guess I have a different take on this than the majority of posters. I do agree with boijen that there is an aspect of emotional sadism in alot of wiitwd that many people classify as "physical sadism". Without the emotional reaction, I wouldn't really see alot of this stuff as enjoyable.

With regard to humiliation or degredation, I'm pretty hard to humiliate or degrade in an established relationship. I guess I just find it hot rather than really personalizing it at all. I always know he has no intention to really harm me and doesn't really mean the things that he says. I imagine there is certainly a line there, I haven't found it yet though.

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/20/2010 9:48:49 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Emotional Sadism to me is the act of hurting someone emotionally so that the hurt actually takes root and creates a broken person.  It is harm.

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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/21/2010 12:03:20 AM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

What exactly does this term mean? Does it have negative or positive connotations?


My guesses:

- Is it promoting frustration as part of play?

- Is it making someone emotionally unhappy (in terms of their life)? (We definately don't want any of that.)


Ongoing long term non-consensual emotional sadism induces negativity from intentional mental cruelty & lasting emotional or psychological injury on those who fall prey to such in a relationship where trust has been exchanged. Purposefully hurting another in a manner derived from inducing mental cruelty thus gaining sexual gratification by causing mental pain to other people produces unseen permanent woundedness and long term if not chronic psychological battles for the recipient.

In essence emotional sadism does leave behind a mental battle field which serves toward inclinations that form involuntary resistance to forming healthy emotional boundaries. Allowing emotional sadism to be acted upon the heart, mind and soul of another produces unnatural desires of refusing reintegrating a sense of identity that lends itself toward healthy self esteem & personal power.

Take care!

< Message edited by Zevar -- 8/21/2010 12:10:45 AM >

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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/21/2010 5:45:22 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Non-consensual emotional sadism within the confines of marriage left me alone for 10 years. Zevar, i could not agree with you more - i required therapy for three years to even get to the point where i could contemplate dating someone. Therefore, for me, emotional sadism is a huge hard limit, i can't, and won't go there.

In a long-term committed relationship, i was able to take a bit of verbal humiliation - but only after constant reassurance that he didn't mean it, that he was doing it for fun.   And with that reassurance, i found it hot.  And with that reassurance, i don't really consider it emotional sadism because i know and he knew that it wasn't "real".


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RE: Emotional sadism - 8/21/2010 7:10:36 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

What exactly does this term mean? Does it have negative or positive connotations?


My guesses:

- Is it promoting frustration as part of play?

- Is it making someone emotionally unhappy (in terms of their life)? (We definately don't want any of that.)



Emotional sadism and humiliation are not one and the same.

Humiliation is more scene......emotional sadism is integral to the relationship and by extension is an ever present.

It's self-explanatory...it's keeping your partner in a constant state of emotional upheaval......and yes...if you're the type that likes stability and peace of mind....then it's not for you. It plays on the anxiety and fear of your partner. Not for the faint hearted and it takes a certain type of character to want to impose that upon you.

I'd say it's far more sadistic than anything physical...and it can really fuck you up.....although it ain't the bastion of the fucked up at all....a determined character can fuck with the mind of most people.....in the event you allow that to happen.

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Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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