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Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 6:31:58 AM   
pahunkboy


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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 7:36:28 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
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From: Quietville
Status: offline 		How very sad this is.

When i was working in a hospital there was the "Granny Dumping" issue where the precious adult children would bring their elderly parent to the emergency room and leave them there, forcing the staff to admit them. This always occurred over the holidays, when Grandma/Grandpa was simply in the way.

At least when they were dumped at the ER there was care provided. Who cares for them at a hotel? The children should be charged with elderly abuse and tossed in jail.

These elderly people are not disposable simply because they have outlived their usefulness in the eyes of the ones they raised. How does being dumped make them feel as they approach the end of their lives? My guess is it causes a pain they will never overcome.

Edited to add....bet the children are still collecting and cashing Grandma/Grandpa's social security check. Pricks.


< Message edited by sirsholly -- 8/21/2010 7:40:22 AM >

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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 8:03:19 AM   
juliaoceania


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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

"A lot of the local hotels seem to be getting seniors that are just dropped off by their kids," said Officer Zach Hudson of the Lake Mary Police Department.

One man was left at the La Quinta Inn in Lake Mary for several weeks.
"Two different times he fell out of his bed during the midnight shift. We didn't know about it. We had people call up, saying there's a gentleman in this room, he's screaming for help," said Chris Loker of La Quinta Inn.
The problem comes down to money.


"A lot of these nursing homes are too expensive for the kids, much less their elderly parents," Hudson said.


Part of the problem is the hotels and motels are neither trained nor equipped to take on the elderly people, especially since some of the senior citizens have medical issues that require medical treatment.



It looks like people are using hotels and motels as a sort of assisted living situation because they cannot afford a home for family. Now I do not know the specifics of these situations....perhaps the adult children of these elderly folks have no home themselves. Perhaps they have no income but unemployment There is a lot of economic pain out there right now. I think that this could well be a symptom of that.... Some people also feel it is better to live in a hotel than a state ran facility.

The article did not say how many times this has happened, either. I find it hard to believe it happens as much as the article suggests....

Even so, there are tent cities springing up across the United States...

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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 8:08:56 AM   
pahunkboy


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From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Julia-  yeah-  you make some good points.

I wonder if there is a follow up.

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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 8:09:13 AM   
KatyLied


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quote:

The children should be charged with elderly abuse and tossed in jail.


You do realize there a set of problems here and nothing is this simplistic.
Children have jobs, many of them full-time, some without excessive time off to care for elderly parents.  This is a social problem.  Those same adult children also have families and children of their own.  They are paying childcare, how do you expect them to also fund elder care?  It is expensive.  I am not excusing their behavior in any way, but I think it is more logical to look at the complete picture.


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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 8:16:33 AM   
juliaoceania


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

The children should be charged with elderly abuse and tossed in jail.


You do realize there a set of problems here and nothing is this simplistic.
Children have jobs, many of them full-time, some without excessive time off to care for elderly parents.  This is a social problem.  Those same adult children also have families and children of their own.  They are paying childcare, how do you expect them to also fund elder care?  It is expensive.  I am not excusing their behavior in any way, but I think it is more logical to look at the complete picture.



Having faced the choice between putting a loved one in a state hospital or caring for them myself.... it was a hard decision to make. It meant I had to take a few years off school and work to do so. There was no way we would have sent him to the state hospital

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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 8:16:36 AM   
kiwisub12


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Status: offline 		I think once again the media takes a couple of isolated instances and makes a whole cloth story out of them. It sounds way more dramatic to say that elderly parents are being dumped by their ungrateful kids than to say twice in the past year elderly parents were abandonned by their overwhelmed caregiver children.

and which story would you read, and tut tut to.

In the end, like rubbernecking at an accident site, the media feeds the lowest common denominator of the population.

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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 8:21:52 AM   
pahunkboy


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From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Kiwi- I worked at a hotel.

The things that go on-  Wow.   People have different ideas on setting up house.

The piece is sloppy- in the who what where why and how.    

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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 8:22:54 AM   
KatyLied


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From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		This article may reek of sensationalism, but this is a real problem for many people.  I have a friend, in retirement, who is caring for his mother 2 weeks per month, switching off with his sister.  It's like they are parents, splitting physical custody of a child.  They are doing the best they can with a difficult situation.  They have the money and time that affords them the ability to do this.  Not everyone has this luxury.  I am not a big fan of personal care homes, yet I would be ill-equipped to have the time/finances to care for my parents if it ever gets to that point.  They have money, but I am not wealthy.

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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 8:55:16 AM   
TheHeretic


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Status: offline 		What's the old adage? "Raise your kids right; they'll pick your nursing home?"



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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 9:04:20 AM   
Missokyst


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Status: offline 		I can't imagine abandoning a parent.  When my dad had a stroke and could no longer talk or walk we pitched in to help my mom care for him.  Now that my mom is 87 and becoming.. umm.. unpredictible, I am the one that deals with it on a daily basis.  My sister usually takes her out 2 days of the week so we all don't go coocoobananas.  Those care homes are expensive, but so are hotels.

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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 9:11:21 AM   
juliaoceania


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quote:

My sister usually takes her out 2 days of the week so we all don't go coocoobananas.  Those care homes are expensive, but so are hotels.


Not as expensive as an assisted living home... you can get weekly rates...

Here is the thing, from a logical point of view. Some people might think that their parent would be fine as long as they had someone to clean up their room. Perhaps they mistakenly believe this is all the assistance their elderly person needs...

We have very little information on this. They did not say really what sort of condition these people were in... just that one fell out of bed. We do not know how many of them there are... and I find it hard to believe some city I have never heard of in Florida is having this epidemic, and it is't happening elsewhere... wtf, did they close down their senior day center?

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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 9:19:00 AM   
pahunkboy


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From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		What about- how they put mentally ill on buses the whole month?

They get a monthly pass and the ride greyhound all month- each town sends them down the road.

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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 10:16:35 AM   
Termyn8or


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Status: offline 		Ever hear the joke "Be nice to your kids, they'll decide which nursing home you go to".

In the old days elders were not thrown into a nursing home. People did whatever it took, even quit their jobs. But that depends on ability. Me and the olman paid for this place and as he sank we did not even consider putting him in a home. This was his home and he died here. When he was getting seriously out of it, we were not looking for a home, we were looking to hire someone to help him along right here. How much would we have to pay OUT OF POCKET. What hours would this person be here and when we could do it ourselves.

A couple of my Grandparents did wind up in homes, but that was when they needed just about constant MEDICAL care, not just because they were out of it or whatever.

Some oldsters get thrown in a home the second time they slip and fall on the ice, and the kids get POA and control of the assets and go through the money, hoping to do it faster than the nursing home's ridiculous rates. Well if that's how you raised your kids you have reaped what you have sown.

And if that's the case let them suffer because we suffer their greedy spoiled babies on our planet.

Life is funny like that eh ?

T

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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 10:16:59 AM   
flcouple2009


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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
We do not know how many of them there are... and I find it hard to believe some city I have never heard of in Florida is having this epidemic, and it is't happening elsewhere... wtf, did they close down their senior day center?


Lake Mary is about 20 minutes (or it was when I lived there) north of Orlando on I-4.  The location told me a lot.  There are a lot of McMansions in parts of Lake Mary and right across I-4 is Heathrow.  You can think of Heathrow in large part as snooty McMansionville.

The hotels they are talking about are right in the center of where those two communities meet.

These are exactly the kind of people who would dump their elderly parent in a hotel room to get them out of the way.  this way they can just say , "Oh mom is staying at the hotel for a couple of weeks", rather than saying I put mom in a home.

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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 10:27:06 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Without numbers to substantiate it, I am just not buying it... or Florida just has the worst reporters in the nation.

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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 11:03:38 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Termyn8or

Ever hear the joke "Be nice to your kids, they'll decide which nursing home you go to".


Some oldsters get thrown in a home the second time they slip and fall on the ice, and the kids get POA and control of the assets and go through the money, hoping to do it faster than the nursing home's ridiculous rates. Well if that's how you raised your kids you have reaped what you have sown.

T


That may be true in Ohio but not in New York. Ever since the Brooke Astor case, it is damned near impossible to get conservatorship of an elderly parent. My father has dementia, can't remember things for more than 5 minutes at best, and he still doesn't qualify according to the court rules. And poa doesn't prevent him from marrying some money hungry aide who then has him sign a paper cancelling the poa.

It's a major problem, protecting him when the courts won't let us.


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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 11:08:26 AM   
LaTigresse


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This topic reminds me again, how important it is to take responsibility while you can, retirement planning, LTC insurance, etc... I do not want my children to have to figuratively kill themselves trying to take care of me when I cannot be trusted to take care of myself.

I've seen too many that didn't, thought things would just magically work out... it's selfish.

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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 11:11:20 AM   
pahunkboy


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Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
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quote:

ORIGINAL: flcouple2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
We do not know how many of them there are... and I find it hard to believe some city I have never heard of in Florida is having this epidemic, and it is't happening elsewhere... wtf, did they close down their senior day center?


Lake Mary is about 20 minutes (or it was when I lived there) north of Orlando on I-4.  The location told me a lot.  There are a lot of McMansions in parts of Lake Mary and right across I-4 is Heathrow.  You can think of Heathrow in large part as snooty McMansionville.

The hotels they are talking about are right in the center of where those two communities meet.

These are exactly the kind of people who would dump their elderly parent in a hotel room to get them out of the way.  this way they can just say , "Oh mom is staying at the hotel for a couple of weeks", rather than saying I put mom in a home.



Central FL is fully of crazy people.

OR-  they find news items to make it seem that way.

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RE: Adult Children Abandoning Parents at Hotels - 8/21/2010 11:17:06 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

The children should be charged with elderly abuse and tossed in jail.


You do realize there a set of problems here and nothing is this simplistic.
Children have jobs, many of them full-time, some without excessive time off to care for elderly parents.  This is a social problem.  Those same adult children also have families and children of their own.  They are paying childcare, how do you expect them to also fund elder care?  It is expensive.  I am not excusing their behavior in any way, but I think it is more logical to look at the complete picture.

sorry Katie...the complete picture does not include abandonment. No excuse.

What if this were a child that could not be cared for as opposed to an elderly person? Would you still say it is a societal issue and we should look at the whole picture?


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