sophiesback
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lalleee
quote:
ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit
People misunderstand safewords a lot. But I don't get that analogy above. Few if anyone actually thinks a safeword acts like a fire extinguisher or a seat belt - that is an obviously foolish idea.
First of all, the word "STOP" is a perfectly acceptable safe word. So is "If you hit me one more time I will fill your car with concrete."
Secondly, from a legal point of view, if you don't operate with any safe word at all, it is rape. No ifs, no ands, no buts. That is, if you will continue to do what you want, no matter what you victim says or tries to communicate, then that is rape. But there are many default safe words, including the two I mentioned in the First point above. Most people use them even if they don't realize it.
But that is generally not what BDSM people mean when they talk about safe words. There are three commonly used safe word methodologies.
1. For SAM's (Smart assed Masochists - people that like pain but don't submit) They use Red/Yellow/Green (or similar) safeword methods to control the scene. They do this even if they are a 300 lb body builder, totally un bound, being flogged by a 90 lb woman. Safewords let them keep control, which they insist on. It doesn't matter if they have been playing with the same person for 50 years and that person knows everything aboutr them - they STILL want the control, so they use safewords to keep it.
2. For Role players. This group of people are the main reason why safe words became popular. They want to be able to say "No, stop, please don't hit me with that red flogger." and have you pick it up and use it on them. To enable them to role-play and avoid legal charges or 'mistakes', they use safe words. This way they get to 'lie' to their Dom without having to worry about their Dom misinterpreting them. The better they are at playing means they can even fool someone that knows them for 50 years, so again, no matter how well you know the Dom, you still want the safewords because you think you are good enough actor to fool them. This may be arrogance on the part of the sub, but just as pain sluts brag about how much they can take, slave subs brag about how good they are at fooling Doms.
3. Non-verbal signals. These are used when the sub is unable to speak. Many times people think the Dom knows the Sub well enough to do without these. Sometimes, they are even right. But so what? There is no good reason not to use something like this. Doing so is not an indication of skill or knowledge, just of arrogance - of showing off. It's kind of like doing a trapeze act without a net - you do it to prove something to other people, not for yourself. Me, I have nothing to prove, so I use non-verbal signals whenever I gag someone. If you don't think I have skills, then put your ass where your mouth is. Or is that the other way around?
Thank you StrongSprit for explaining all the safewords. Very educational. awesome! 
I'm not quite sure I agree that this was "explaining" the safewords, more of an opinion. Master and I have a safeword, which I have never used. The safeword is not so that I can be in control of the scene. It is so that I can stop the scene if I am past my breaking point. We also have an agreement on "tapping out" because I have severe nerve damage. Different parts of my body will have tingling and numbness, sometimes even my whole head, and at times I am unable to speak. The punishment for NOT tapping out or using the safeword if I need to far exceeds my ego.
< Message edited by sophiesback -- 8/26/2010 10:29:35 AM >
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