ropekitten
Posts: 10
Joined: 3/11/2010
Status: offline
|
My small experiences:
I was given a fancy safeword by the first one who had me call him Master, and he explained that it was so that it was so that if I said "no" or "stop" and didn't mean it, things wouldn't stop. I understood that. I scare fairly easily and might easily have said either of those even before he touched me with the nipple clamps or the violet wand. I never used it. There were many times I wanted the scene to stop but I felt just so terribly guilty even at the thought of using it, as though using it would be perceived as a criticism of his treatment of me. Though he hurt me enough to make me squeal or squirm silently (very bad behavior on my part), I never used it, and he would eventually go on to something else, rather annoyed that I wasn't enjoying it. I do not mean that as a commentary on him, but rather on myself, for not actually communicating, but rather making him figure it out.
Since then, I have had two interesting experiences.
I played with another in an activity that I thought I could handle, but was very scary. I was trying very hard to bravely work through it, when suddenly it went wrong. The safeword he gave me lept out of my mouth without a second thought. Things stopped immediately and I was ok. It was then that I learned that to him, the use of a safeword meant that the scene came to a permanent halt. Well, then I felt really really bad. He had set this thing up and I had called a halt to it. I was already in tears from fear, but this just made it worse. I felt like a complete failure. He held me and told me I wasn't, and that helped some, but I wish I'd known. It wouldn't have changed my need to use it, but I would have liked to have had that conversation ahead of time so I could have asked if there was anything I could say to ask for temporary relief.
Then, recently, I met with a very intense Dom who got me into that excited kind of fear that continually tipped nearly to the point of real fear over and over. We talked about my limits, he gave me a safeword, and then pushed the very limits we had just discussed. At first, I was very upset that he hadn't listened to me. Here it was that we had just met and the first thing he does is ignore the limits I have set for my own safety. Why was it always like this?! But I am so so so submissive, that once I get started, I can't say no (and so am a complete danger to myself), and stood there no doubt obviously uncomfortable. He pressed and pressed until I was nearly in tears and then asked me what I was supposed to say...
ah...
Very meekly I used the safeword. I was afraid everything would stop, but he smiled and backed off. He was still very intense, and he returned to this test more than once, and he needed to because I still feel guilty anytime I think about using it.
I thank him for that over and over.
|
RE: Safe word and pushing sub's limits - 
I admit nothing, Mr. Shadow-tiger! Where did you hear this? 
, but as you might remember from the personality thread, I'm INFP (like you), so I'm fairly confident in my ability to intuitively discern someone's feelings and state of mind, if not outright ask. 
Profile
It's a bummer he didn't tell you that would end the scene completely, but you still did right by yourself. That third situation ... sounds like it was rather interesting. It sounds like he was trying to show you that you could use the safe word and not feel guilty, which is a very good thing. 
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread