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if submission was sufficient unto itself, and a submissive personality was content to merely serve others in a submissive capacity - there would not be so many unhappy and unfullfilled submissive individuals. To meet their needs, all they would need to do IS be of service.

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

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ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
I certainly wasn't intending to insult or invalidate anyone, definitely not yourself or Carol.

*chuckles* No worries. I certainly didn't take it that way. Carol is Carol and I love what she is. I'm not too worried about some label invalidating that *laughs*.

In truth Winsome, I was more poking fun at you than worrying about whether I was dom or carol sub. Come on, seriously? You're seriously gonna go with the idea that a person who's default response is to defer might not be submissive? What? She's simply deferential? *chuckles*

Back tot he OP though, your point echoes my own. Humans are highly attuned to the feelings, emotions, and mental states of those around them. That's why the best way as a photographer to get your model to smile for the camera is to smile at them. Want the model to be sexy? See them that way in your own head. Want them to be dominant? See them that way in your own head? As I said in my first post, the single most important thing Carol can do when my own sense of dominance is shaky is to submit. Honestly, it's hard not to feel dominant when there's someone submitting right there in front of you *laughs*

EDITED TO ADD: I'd hope this would be obvious, but such things don't work if they are not deeply genuine. Going through the motions is a waste of time.

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ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

Icarys, I know what you mean. Sort of. It is kind of the opposite point of what I was saying though.

My mother was/is this way. I've never known a woman who was busier doing for others, but her acts were always double-edged because whenever she did something for you, you were left feeling as if you really put her out. Because of this, I have this IMMENSE aversion to asking others to do things for me. I'd rather do without or do it myself, and struggle with getting it done, than ask someone for help if I think it will in any way put them out.

I dont' think think this has much to do with submissive acts not being sufficient unto themselves, except that it DOES boil down, at least in part, to ones mindset.

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ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I disagree with the above posters telling you to walk.

1. I reiterate what I said above.  If he isn't Dom enough based on you reading The Story of O, then you have some idealized concept of what a Dom should be like, and you need to make allowances for that.  In other words, get real.

2. If you do in fact have experience and he isn't cutting it, there's still hope.  Before you break things off with him, see if he would be willing for you to get a Dom "on the side" to scratch your itch.

If all that doesn't work, then yeah, walk. 

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ORIGINAL: Rule

What has enjoying to do with being dominant? A dominant says "Hop!" and nearly everybody who is not a dominant hops. It is as simple as that. I call bullshit. I do not believe that your mate enjoys being dominant. He is lying to you in order to satisfy you.

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ORIGINAL: gghaas

In my humble opinion we all have the answers already, we just haven't learned to trust our voice. Whenever I hear, "I don't know" it usually means, "I do know" but I am afraid to do it, afraid to expose who I really am or am just not ready to do it. In short, it is a defense mechanism to keep others from knowing us or from knowing ourselves.

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ORIGINAL: Focus50
Sorry, you can't "learn" to be dominant (or submissive) anymore than a gay can learn to be straight or a male can learn to be female or a dwarf can learn to be a giant etc. You is or you isn't - that's the deal from birth.