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Dumped - 8/26/2010 2:31:10 PM

curiouskitten8

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/23/2009
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How have you coped with your Dom leaving you? This is so much more overwhelming than I could ever think possible/

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 2:34:55 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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Well, in any ending of a relationship, you pretty much do this.....

Take a deep breath, take another one, and keep doing it until you feel like you can move on.

Then you start all over. Big ocean, with a lotta fish.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to curiouskitten8)

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 2:36:54 PM

curiouskitten8

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/23/2009
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I know I know, I'm being a big baby. But this is so much more than the end of any other relationship even of that with my first love. I feel pulverized and like a failure

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 2:40:29 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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That's probably because I find that relationships of this sort, especially if you are new to this world, are far more intense than vanilla relationships.

My opinion, for what it's worth.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to curiouskitten8)

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 2:45:38 PM

bestheadyet

Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
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i soooooooo agree with jeff!

thought my first trip out in this world would kill me because my heart was so broken.....its been a month since ive laid eyes on him or heard a peep....it takes awhile and finding a friend who will listen to you whine and cry for a bit is a help.
you will mend.....slowly,because that intensity is just THERE!
Makes ya hurt more painfully....but i pray you'll be ok CK
if you need somebody im here.

(in reply to mstrjx)

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 2:46:33 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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The end of any relationship is difficult. I don't think bdsm makes that any more harder.

When my husband died I grieved for years. I stopped dating and threw myself into my daughter's life.

When my last relationship ended I again stopped dating for years and threw myself into my career, friends and family.

You grieve, you concentrate on other parts of your life and remind yourself that you are more than your relationship. You continue to enjoy life and eventually the grieving ends and you start all over again.

(in reply to mstrjx)

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 2:48:29 PM

bestheadyet

Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
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small hijack!
hi littlewonder.....this sure sounds familiar huh?

hugz
j

(in reply to littlewonder)

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 3:09:27 PM

xXsoumisXx

Posts: 339
Joined: 7/26/2009
From: USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

That's probably because I find that relationships of this sort, especially if you are new to this world, are far more intense than vanilla relationships.

My opinion, for what it's worth.

Jeff

I have always thought this as well, but many disagree.

(in reply to mstrjx)

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 3:10:48 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

If you're me... you buy a copy of "They call it a break-up cause it's broken", shred/bury all old pictures, cry a lot, call up your best friends, put on your red shoes and go dancing. And give yourself all the time you need. Or don't need - I find one-night stands and flings to be very theraputic.

But... that's me. And that's how I handle break-ups.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to curiouskitten8)

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 3:14:10 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xXsoumisXx

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

That's probably because I find that relationships of this sort, especially if you are new to this world, are far more intense than vanilla relationships.

My opinion, for what it's worth.

Jeff

I have always thought this as well, but many disagree.

I'm one of those who think that's completely bunk. *chuckles* The most painful, intense, soul-crunching break-up I ever had was with a completely vanilla relationship. I sobbed for months, did things that I don't even want to acknowledge (didn't hurt/bother anyone else but stupid "woman sobbing alone at night" shit) and it took me forever to get over that stupid man.

Whereas my when my first owner left me, I started dated Valyraen within 24 hours. I like to call it the fastest upgrade I ever managed.

Just depends on the circumstances, how much you had invested and when you saw the end coming.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to xXsoumisXx)

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 4:20:46 PM

curiouskitten8

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/23/2009
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I feel like none of my vanilla friends would understand. I feel like I'm losing it.

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 4:37:03 PM

AquaticSub

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They might not understand the power dynamic part. But surely, if they are your friends, they will understand that you are in pain and need a shoulder to lean on. You don't have to tell them everything to cry on their shoulder.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to curiouskitten8)

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Post #: 12

RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 5:05:44 PM

curiouskitten8

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/23/2009
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truth of the matter is. i don't have any friends for various reasons. but i'm very much alone now

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 5:13:31 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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In that case, perhaps the best thing to do is to start getting yourself out there again. Not for dating but in general. Meet some new people and get some positive energy in your life.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to curiouskitten8)

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 6:03:01 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
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quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8

How have you coped with your Dom leaving you? This is so much more overwhelming than I could ever think possible/

Well I totally fell apart for awhile - drank too much, ate too much, and started smoking again. And then I realized I really couldn't live like that, so I did exactly what Jeff mentioned - - I reminded myself to breathe. Baby steps, one at a time, and keep breathing. And then I took ownership of myself back. It was incredibly empowering.

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 6:05:37 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
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I've never had a dom dump me. I have dumped them however, and if it was hard on my heart I cried, took bare of myself, and then picked myself up and got on with my business.

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8

How have you coped with your Dom leaving you? This is so much more overwhelming than I could ever think possible/

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One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 6:53:59 PM

SubPet715

Posts: 337
Joined: 8/24/2010
From: Brooklyn, NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8

truth of the matter is. i don't have any friends for various reasons. but i'm very much alone now

With so many people coming to talk to you and tell you things will be alright, you aren't alone ^_^

I went through the same thing, really thought I had done something wrong, I went over scenarios over and over in my head until one day things just became a little better. Time will help, talk with your friends, make friends here if you don't think your vanilla friends will understand you. The pain will dull, things will be easier.

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Passion isn't really happiness.

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 7:55:43 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
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It is more difficult to move on because you tried harder and you opened yourself up more. That's natural.

Time is really the only answer. What is going to make you feel less crazed and hurt? The passing of time. Until then surround yourself with the things that you love, try your best to keep a lid on the crazy and take your time making decisions. I'm not completely over my last break up and it's been two or three months. It does get better if you are open towards moving on. It's not going to get better instantly so have patience.

I would also suggest you try to make friends. There is really no substitute for time spent with girlfriends.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to curiouskitten8)

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 8:01:08 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouskitten8

I feel like none of my vanilla friends would understand. I feel like I'm losing it.

I understand you completely. I am going through a bad breakup now; it lasted 12 years.
None of my friends really truly "get" it because they are vanilla and they HATED my boyfriend.

So friends and family basically have been waiting for this to happen for years.

And even when you do the dumping, as I did, it is no less painful because you loved someone.

Dumper or dumped, it sucks beyond belief. I don't believe in rebound sex, or any of that. In fact, I think it is better to be by yourself for a while, even if you feel lonely.

I feel lonely but better to be lonely alone than lonely with someone who does not treat you as you deserve.

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RE: Dumped - 8/26/2010 8:18:02 PM

Huntertn

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Joined: 10/7/2006
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a long time ago, after a breakup, while tried to date/play...it was 5 years befor I got to anything approching normal about it.I got into family and friends, and back into nature again. I guess I thought right now I would not be good for anyone..so I took time for me..it gave me balance that I still have..nope..your not trashed, or unable to love...you just have to learn to Let your heal...and be happy again..thing is..it does get better...even if it takes a bit of time..in the meanwhile reach out here..we've all listening and I am very sure any of the subs are willing to talk one on one with you..Huntertn

(in reply to sexyred1)

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