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RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 2:07:10 AM

SorceressJ

Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
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Broken trust. Yeah, that's a biggie and I know it encompasses many variables.
Lying. See item 1.
Fooling around behind My back and without My consent. Again, see item 1. I ain't that Gal.
Lack of self-control and discipline. I'd think about this one because maybe there's something else going on that I don't know about, like some sort of health or mental issue or other major stressor that is especially upsetting. If the other deal-breakers are not present, I might be willing to try and work through this one.
Emotionally or physically abusive behavior of any kind. Full and Immediate Stop.

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‎Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. <93>)O(

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 21

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 3:11:31 AM

phoenixmoonn13

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

2 years after joining a poly as a slave, saying that they want to go vanilla and get married to you.

no problems with the marreid bit we may as well be. but the going vanilla no couldnt do that again. did it for way to long before i found out abuot this wonderful life

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 22

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 4:29:59 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShoreBound149

Mets fan

I take objection to this. Having been born and raised in Queens, of course I'm a Mets fan.
We lived near Tom Terrific and would see him out cutting his lawn on the weekends.

Seriously, uncontrolled anger is my biggest.
After that comes being a bad parent. I've met so many men in my life who get divorced, deliberately move into apartments with no spare room for their children and then complain that the ex drove a wedge between them and their kids, refusing to recognize that when they told the children they weren't welcome in his new place, he caused the breach. And don't get me started on those who won't pay child support.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to ShoreBound149)

Post #: 23

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 4:44:39 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

well, im teetering on the edge of a deal breaker and im not even sure what it is - i just feel crap about it.

sometimes youre 'gut' does the walking and you can only trust in it and follow the feeling. meh and fecking hell and bollox to all of this right now!! -

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 24

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 5:09:34 AM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

If I were looking and in no particular order:

Excessive tattoos or piercings. Any tattoo or piercing above the shoulders (edited to add: except earrings).
Having been born the same gender that I was born.
Smoking isn't a deal breaker yet but I am heading in that direction quickly. If you smoke you better be smokin' hot.
Recreational drug use. Recreational alcohol use is ok and encouraged. :)
Excessive limits. Either you wish to submit or you do not. Your submission is on my terms - not yours.
Bleeding heart liberals... but then she wouldn't be interested in me if she was.
Religious fanatics. There again, she wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole.

< Message edited by DomImus -- 8/28/2010 5:10:57 AM >

_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 25

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 5:26:11 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

DISH!

.... Whatever it is, its no problem. You can just pretend it doesn't bother you, until it rears its ugly head again. And again, and again... Then just keep on pretending it doesn't bug you all those other times. And then when it turns out that there's other, way worse stuff anyway about this guy, that one thing won't seem like such a big deal in comparison.

I just love myself. I'm always so helpful!

deal breakers:
dishonest
clueless
asshole
no morals
no self-awareness or willingness to work on issues of self or relationship
bad parent
bad citizen
racist/sexist
shallow
not goal-oriented
unable to show/feel love and affection both physical and emotional
unable or unwilling to form lasting, trusting relationships
unable to delay gratification (to plan and work toward goals)
lack of financial readiness or retirement planning, etc. - being clueless about money management
substance abuse of any kind, or other addictions (except exercise)
not staying on top of his physical/emotional health (to include dental)
physical/emotional abuse or intimidation
selfish and immature, or emotionally stuck or stuffed
manipulative, gets off on jerking you around
drama queen
pessimist
irresponsible
can't apologize- always has to be right
mental health issues that he doesn't manage agressively
anger as a default emotion, or other problems with anger
...and my #1 deal-breaker:
He's just not that into me. Hey- everyone deserves someone who is crazy about them!

That's all for now.

*smooches the lallylicious one*

_____________________________

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(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 26

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 6:23:10 AM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Hey, thanks for asking!

Excluding obvious stuff like lying/cheating as described above:

HARD LIMITS:

Chronic lateness

Psychiatric illness including Asperger's

Doesn't smell good

Belief in astrology, naturopaths, and other perversions of SCIENCE!

Addictions including alcohol, gambling, veganism; any street drugs

Sexually: anything but monogamous straight or sub male, but especially switching; cross-dressing; bisexuality; objectifying fetishism including foot-worship; bottoming; and smartass masochism

Non-femme positive and racist belief systems including: Gorean / Islam/Judaism / Mormonism / Scientology / Conservative / Libertarian / country and rap music /wrestling/NASCAR. Catholics OK as long as they know they'll be spending Sunday mornings calling out to God . . . in bed!

The only semi-hard limit: computer science. But I'm this close to making it a hard one.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That felt gooo ooood.

So basically, I love and loved smart, good, happy, positive, empathetic, straight, single, orally-inclined-in-all-senses sensuous men, who are always on time, smell good, and love bedsports more than TV sports, and possibly the gods :-)

Edited to add:
Icing on the cake would be if he doesn't want a real relationship beyond closed doors.
There ya go!

< Message edited by Tantriqu -- 8/28/2010 6:46:28 AM >

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 27

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 6:27:10 AM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

Deal breakers:
(Since lying and stuff is obviously on my list, I'll skip to the quirky.)
If he is not also someone I would choose as a friend.
If he doesn't do as I ask and keep daily contact with me. (If he misses a day without giving me advanced warning, he had better be in the hospital or dead. I will talk this out a few times, in the beginning.)
Smoking or any kind of tobacco use (IMO, kissing a smoker is like licking a dirty ashtray, lol)
Drinking problem
Drug use
Bisexuality
Polyamory
If they have too much MONEY
If they have a job that gives them too much power, like a lawyer.
If they are deathly allergic to cats.
If submission begins and ends within scenes only.
If someone doesn't have the same God that I do.
If someone is a religious fanatic.
Someone who thought it was my job to financially support him...so he could live in a cage in my basement and never see the outside world again.
Poo diapers as part of infant play.
Someone who needs to be cuckolded
Someone who disrespected me by...turning our private life into a public three ring circus just to get proof of how unreasonable I was being.

We should have an "icing on the cake list" as well as a deal breaker one, lol. I won't do that myself cuz I am terrible at watching over threads I've started.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 28

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 10:05:13 AM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

Hey, thanks for asking!
Excluding obvious stuff like lying/cheating as described above:
HARD LIMITS:
Chronic lateness
Psychiatric illness including Asperger's
Doesn't smell good
Belief in astrology, naturopaths, and other perversions of SCIENCE!
Addictions including alcohol, gambling, veganism; any street drugs
Sexually: anything but monogamous straight or sub male, but especially switching; cross-dressing; bisexuality; objectifying fetishism including foot-worship; bottoming; and smartass masochism
Non-femme positive and racist belief systems including: Gorean / Islam/Judaism / Mormonism / Scientology / Conservative / Libertarian / country and rap music /wrestling/NASCAR. Catholics OK as long as they know they'll be spending Sunday mornings calling out to God . . . in bed!

The only semi-hard limit: computer science. But I'm this close to making it a hard one.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That felt gooo ooood.

So basically, I love and loved smart, good, happy, positive, empathetic, straight, single, orally-inclined-in-all-senses sensuous men, who are always on time, smell good, and love bedsports more than TV sports, and possibly the gods :-)

Edited to add:
Icing on the cake would be if he doesn't want a real relationship beyond closed doors.
There ya go!

Wups!
Since no relationship is a big deal breaker, that would be '*evil* icing on the bad cake,

GOOD icing [broiled coconut or cream cheese] is that he ALSO wants a real relationship.
I want my cake and to eat him, too!

< Message edited by Tantriqu -- 8/28/2010 10:06:51 AM >

(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 29

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 10:42:37 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

I would say if you have anything about you psychically, like bad rotting teeth or horrid halitosis, that make me think eww get away, for gods sake get away from me! That, that would make it a deal breaker. I am not going to have a relationship with someone when parts of who they are, or what they do disgust me.

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 30

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 10:47:26 AM

m0nk

Posts: 11
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline

discipline should be done in private.

< Message edited by m0nk -- 8/28/2010 10:49:49 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 31

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 11:01:15 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

I don't wanna' be fucking my bitch while she is buns up kneeling and have to stare at Freddy's name on her ass. Having someone's property mark that isn't mine, like a name tattooed or a brand, just sits wrong with me. It would be like looking at used cars and one of them was covered with old corporate logos and advertising. Who would want to own that?

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to m0nk)

Post #: 32

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 11:01:23 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

To me it depends on what the disipline being done is, and where we're at. Scolding me quietly because I am not listening to him, or behaving properly, or have done something my partner finds inappropriate, no, it doesn't need to wait for privacy. Belting me on my ass or something that could bring the cops down on our heads, or invite un needed public scrutiny and or trouble, yes, it needs to wait till we have privacy.

But then, it's a moot point because we don't have that type of relationship, and I don't act out in public in ways that'd get me very much more than a look and a request to calm down please.

quote:

ORIGINAL: m0nk

discipline should be done in private.

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to m0nk)

Post #: 33

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 11:03:09 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

And for me, if you want me to get a brand, or a cut, or a tattoo, or any body modification to show I belong to you, it's a hard limit. I am not into body modification and won't do it for any one, or for any reason.

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 34

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 11:24:53 AM

DaddysInkedSlut

Posts: 1837
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline

Deal Breakers

Married (to someone other than me)
Neglects his children (physically, emotionally,or finacially)
Asking me to untie my tubes or have more children
Interfering with my doctors
Interfering with my parenting my children
Insulting my children's father or interfering with his relationship with his children
Abuse of any kind
Heavy drinker
Use of illegal drugs or misuse of perscribed drugs
Lying even lies of omission
Cheating (physical, mental and or emotional)
Ignoring my needs
Demanding I participate in his religious or political activities (if they are not my own)
Asking me to remove my tattoos or havin issues with tattoos or other body modifications
Bad personal hygiene
Vegitarian
Racism on any level
Tries to isolate me from friends, family, or others

ETA:
Tries to micromanage me
Inability to make me a part of their every day life.
Inability to communicate consitantly with me in an open and honest manner.

< Message edited by DaddysInkedSlut -- 8/28/2010 12:04:40 PM >

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(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 35

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 11:54:20 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

I don't think in terms of absolutes. I suppose if Carol attempted to pour gasoline on me and light me on fire that'd be some serious issues, but in more realistic scenarios you're not going to get me saying "Thing x and she's out". I doubt she'd be willing to put anything on that list either.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 36

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 12:09:59 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

But . . . but . . . Carol is smart. If you caught her playing with gas around you, she would claim it was fire play rehearsal.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 37

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 12:33:10 PM

peacefulplace

Posts: 157
Joined: 8/22/2010
Status: offline

Wow. I'm afraid if I start a list of deal breakers, I will still be writing this post 30 minutes from now. It's not because I am picky and unreasonable; it is because there are so many variables out there...and sometimes what you believe would be a deal breaker isn't and vice versa.

However, to answer the original question, I would be much more upset about being lied to and the dom in question lying to his wife. It isn't fair to either, and any Dom worth his salt knows this.

Besides lying, the biggies I cannot abide include:
Physical and emotional abuse
Asking me to have children (I do not want to, but my time for that is quickly passing, anyhow)
Interfering with medical decisions made after my consultations with actual doctors
Drug addiction
Refusal to interact with family and/or vanilla friends of mine
Never asking for my thoughts/opinions about things
Confusing bossiness with domliness

_____________________________

If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
~~Emma Goldman

One thing is clear to me: We, as human beings, must be willing to accept people who are different from ourselves.
~~Barbara Jordan

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 38

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 12:40:45 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Having cats and smoking. I might adore him but if every time I got near him I had an allergy attack, that's a no go. That's a bad breath play idea.

And to whoever said that all Jews are fundamentalists, I suggest you rethink this. Reconstructionist Judaism is not.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to peacefulplace)

Post #: 39

RE: Deal Breakers - 8/28/2010 5:27:24 PM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

How could I have forgotten the ultimate deal-breaker: COCKSHOTS!!

(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 40

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