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Outside Friends for a slave - 8/29/2010 11:17:43 AM

Grlathrt

Posts: 18
Joined: 8/24/2009
Status: offline

I am talking to several different Masters at the moment trying to find the best fit for me, and most of them are in a different location than I am at, so my question is, are slaves allowed to have past friends outside the M/s relationship, and possibly visit them once in a while. Does it that negate the whole TPE equation, or can a slave have friends while having TPE???

< Message edited by Grlathrt -- 8/29/2010 11:20:33 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 8/29/2010 11:23:14 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I don't personally know anyone that has no friends. I would think it would be a lonely existence indeed.

Cali

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(in reply to Grlathrt)

Post #: 2

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 8/29/2010 11:35:19 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

why would you not be allowed to have friends unless that's the type of relationshp you want?

I don't think I'd be with someone who said no friends.

If you want friends then choose a Master who allows such.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 3

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 8/29/2010 11:36:05 AM

whis31

Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline

Master at times kicks my ass for not spending enough time with my friends outside the BDSM world. He says I need the contact to keep me grounded and function in the world.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 4

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 8/29/2010 11:52:24 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlathrt

I am talking to several different Masters at the moment trying to find the best fit for me, and most of them are in a different location than I am at, so my question is, are slaves allowed to have past friends outside the M/s relationship, and possibly visit them once in a while. Does it that negate the whole TPE equation, or can a slave have friends while having TPE???

Anyone who tried to prevent me from seeing friends and family would set of major alarm bells in my head. It's an unfortunate fact of life that this style of relationship draws in abusers who want to pretend what they are doing is just an alternative lifestyle. And one of the classic signs of an abuser is trying to cut the abusee off from anyone who would/could help them.

I have many friends and visit with them often. Valyraen encourages it as it's good for my mental health and, when I visit with other lifestyle folks, I find it very grounding and helpful. There is nothing like walking around with other subs/slaves, shoe-shopping and trading funny stories.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Grlathrt)

Post #: 5

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 8/29/2010 2:11:39 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

The technically accurate answer is that her Master will determine whether she will have outside friends or not. However, I can't imagine any slave accepting a Master who would cut her off.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 6

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 8/29/2010 2:14:09 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlathrt

I am talking to several different Masters at the moment trying to find the best fit for me, and most of them are in a different location than I am at, so my question is, are slaves allowed to have past friends outside the M/s relationship, and possibly visit them once in a while. Does it that negate the whole TPE equation, or can a slave have friends while having TPE???

In this regard, I don't perceive any difference between a M/s relationship and a vanilla one....

That is, that if the girl didn't have friends, family and a life in general outside of our personal dynamic, then I'd find her too suffocating to have around. And it likely suggests she has issues anyway. Or maybe I do, because I simply can't be someone's whole life to revolve around 24/7....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Grlathrt)

Post #: 7

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 8/29/2010 2:40:32 PM

peacefulplace

Posts: 157
Joined: 8/22/2010
Status: offline

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If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
~~Emma Goldman

One thing is clear to me: We, as human beings, must be willing to accept people who are different from ourselves.
~~Barbara Jordan

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 8

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 8/31/2010 2:33:44 PM

tiggerspoohbear

Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline

Anyone who would try to keep me from friends and family would be throwing out huge red flags. As it is, I can only see my family 3-4 times a year and i cherish the time I get to spend with them. My dad's g/f I consider a 2nd mon and her children are not only my friends, they've become my 2nd family. Being cut off from them would not be healthy for my mental health, so it'd be a deal breaker.

Luckily, Tigger has no such objections and knows the importance of my dad, his g/f and her family. I don't have many friends here, so i love the time I get to spend with them. He also encourages that.

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"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

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(in reply to peacefulplace)

Post #: 9

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 8/31/2010 2:47:26 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

In my own little corner of reality, there is only one "TPE equation". I command her to do stuff = action on her part. So unless I've commanded her not to have any friends, then I see no problem with friends and TPE.

It should be pretty obvious that in most cases, being cutoff from all friends is not going to be healthy for most humans.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Grlathrt)

Post #: 10

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 8/31/2010 4:33:16 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Real life friends, unless they were unhealthy for me ie addicts or users or such, he would never object to.

Online friends, it depends. Other women, sure. Unattached male doms within 1000 miles, no way.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 11

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 8/31/2010 9:43:59 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

I'm allowed and encouraged to have friends. He & I live about an hour & 20 min apart so we don't see each other every day. He thinks it's healthy for me to get out with the girls and he encourages it.

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Grlathrt)

Post #: 12

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 9/1/2010 8:02:50 AM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

It really depends on the type of friends. In most cases, I consider my submissives' social circles including friends and family to be an integral part of their support system for staying mentally and emotionally healthy. Their work is an integral support system not just for their mental health, but for their financial support and well being. Remove your human property from one of their critical support systems, and it's kind of like owning a lovely tropical saltwater reef fish that you decide to keep in a 10 gallon freshwater tank. Nothing good happens to the fish, and after awhile it won't be nearly so lovely or fun to keep. Also, it will probably start to smell funny. Not a desirable outcome.

My pet has one friend whom I do not personally like to be around because he is thoughtless and has been offensive in his language, but he is not a bad person fundamentally, and he is certainly not bad for my pet and has been a good friend to him. I would not forbid him to see this person, nor would I ban him from parties or gatherings hosted by my pet. I may well choose not to attend if he is in attendance, depending on the size of the crowd. I encourage my pet to remain friends and to nurture the relationship because it is good and healthy for him, but I also exercise my preference not to be around this person much. It's good for him to have someone to go to sporting events with that I have no interest in, since I'm poly and he needs to keep occupied in healthy and constructive ways when I'm busy with my primary partner. I don't have to like my pet's friend, I just have to know that he's overall a good influence rather than a bad one.

The few times historically I've told a submissive not to see someone have involved threats to their health, safety or well-being, in one case their physical safety from a family member with a history of violent assault and abuse. In another case drug use, a compulsively promiscuous and unethical sexual history and lying was involved. It's rare that I would tell someone I owned not to see another person; I am only really interested in having emotionally stable and mature adults in my life, and adults can generally make their own judgment calls on who's healthy for them to be around and who isn't. But if some help is needed for a submissive who is having a hard time saying no to bad friends or abusive family members, then it's my job to step up to the plate and do it for them.

< Message edited by LadyNTrainer -- 9/1/2010 8:03:45 AM >

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(in reply to Grlathrt)

Post #: 13

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 9/1/2010 10:25:33 AM

Shadow-tiger

Posts: 1775
Joined: 6/8/2008
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: whis31

Master at times kicks my ass for not spending enough time with my friends outside the BDSM world. He says I need the contact to keep me grounded and function in the world.

I like the way your Master thinks!

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

The technically accurate answer is that her Master will determine whether she will have outside friends or not. However, I can't imagine any slave accepting a Master who would cut her off.

This is pretty much my line of thinking, that by the way TPE tends to work the Master/owner makes that call. And either the slave agrees or it's not TPE. My personal view is that most of those who would have their slave cut all ties are either insecure or a bit too controlling. Either way that makes em an asstard.

_____________________________

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Just a tiny bit evil
My kind of love song

(in reply to whis31)

Post #: 14

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 9/1/2010 11:27:14 AM

phoenixmoonn13

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline

RL friends are no problems i just ask if i can go out however he doesnt ever refuse its jsut protocal.

online firends are slightly different i ask to accept freindship offers (refering here to second life i dont do chat rooms) then i ask if i can accept them if i am away from home and we are online together then i ask if i can take IM if one comes in or ask to send one. he trusts me and i would never break it and he knows it so doenst matter who they are as long as i ask

(in reply to Shadow-tiger)

Post #: 15

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 9/1/2010 8:16:32 PM

Twoshoes

Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline

I've moved to many foreign places during my life.

I can tell you that moving to a place and depending only on one or a few people, without making friends in the new location, is the third worst idea you will ever have.

At one point after moving to my n-th country, I decided: "Fuck this. I keep losing friends; it's not worth it." Big mistake that I learned from pretty quickly.

Cheers

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 9/1/2010 8:18:22 PM >

(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)

Post #: 16

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 9/1/2010 9:24:50 PM

BlackTigerDragon

Posts: 180
Joined: 4/1/2010
Status: offline

Well that depends. Do you want friends? Are you looking for a master or a serial killer?

(in reply to Twoshoes)

Post #: 17

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 9/1/2010 10:22:16 PM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlathrt

I am talking to several different Masters at the moment trying to find the best fit for me, and most of them are in a different location than I am at, so my question is, are slaves allowed to have past friends outside the M/s relationship, and possibly visit them once in a while. Does it that negate the whole TPE equation, or can a slave have friends while having TPE???

Clearly to NOT isolate yourself from the friends that you have formed a bond with prior to becoming acquainted with Masters is quite reasonable. Never forget that you are an individual with needs and personal boundaries. I encourage you to make your needs known as a priority & then proceed to demonstrate such in your Life, regardless if someone else tells you to sever a friendship bond. You get to decide what works for you. Make your position clear or else the waters will become muddied & prone to a can of worms that you more than likely would not appreciate being opened. Namely isolation is never a healthy dynamic between people. Decide, inform & enforce. Simple aye!

Take good care of you!

(in reply to Grlathrt)

Post #: 18

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 9/2/2010 10:50:47 AM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlathrt

I am talking to several different Masters at the moment trying to find the best fit for me, and most of them are in a different location than I am at, so my question is, are slaves allowed to have past friends outside the M/s relationship, and possibly visit them once in a while. Does it that negate the whole TPE equation, or can a slave have friends while having TPE???

One's relationship with their owner does not negate that there is more to life than complete withdrawal from the rest of the world. This TPE aspect does not exclude having friends outside the kink, does not exclude the relationship they have with family and relatives.Any potential master who requires me to exclude any and all external relationships outside ours is not a Master who is suited for me and I will not be suitable for them.

< Message edited by Wolf2Bear -- 9/2/2010 10:52:11 AM >

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to Grlathrt)

Post #: 19

RE: Outside Friends for a slave - 9/5/2010 3:21:27 PM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

the overwhelming majority of Masters will not cut a slave off from past relationships with friends and family, and will want their slave to continue to cultivate outside relationships and interests. however it is not necessarily the "red flag" of abuse that so many make it out to be if a Master does place such restrictions on his property. as long as there was no deception involved so that the decision to become slave was made with eyes wide open, i don't see the issue.

that is the way it was for me...when i first became a slave i was cut off from all past connections for about a year. that was all friends, all family, everyone. after that period was over, select people from the past were permitted back into my life gradually. of course imagine my surprise when most of those people rejected me anyway (due to my new way of life). but then at that point it didn't really matter, as i was wholly the property of my Master. that period of isolation was vital to cementing our bond as Owner and slave, and especially for driving home the reality of my utter dependence on him. for us, it was a very good thing.

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)

Post #: 20

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