RE: Fair play

RE: Fair play (Full Version)

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mistoferin -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 10:30:05 AM)
quote: Unless I specify otherwise, if I invite someone anywhere, I consider Myself the host and that means I incur the costs. It's just plain good manners. Thank you. It's such glaringly obvious common sense...I don't even know why it's in question.

NorthernGent -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 10:36:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stef Such a classy "gent" you are. Be careful who you put your hands on. Try that with the wrong person and the next thing you see might be the ceiling of the ICU when you regain consciousness. ~stef Well don't expect people to pay for you.....and then you'll see the 'classy gent'.....plain and simple. Your personal ethics are out of kilter......you're a big girl Stef.....I'm sure you have the means to earn money and pay your way.

sexyred1 -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 10:44:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB Oy. The money thing is becoming exhausting. Just don't pay for anyone, OP. Keep your money to yourself and no one will try to date you or rip you off. You'll have all of your money, and no one around to bother you. I agree. It is so annoying. As someone who has dated alot, here is what happens: Guy asks girl out: guy pays Girl asks guy out: girl offers to pay, guy usually says oh no, I will take care of it, girl offers tip, guy can say yes or no, usually they say no, for me Guy asks girl out: guy says can you pay half? yes, I can, but that never happened Guy asks girl out: guy says can you pay for me too? I could, but that never happened. All of this is ridiculous, OP, because if you ever got involved in a relationship, you would find that it becomes quid pro quo and the money spent on going out is usually split or one pays one time, the other the next time. My husband became very cheap while we were married, over the top so, while I am very generous. He made more money than I did as well. That was one reason I divorced him, I detest cheap men. Give me a poor man who is generous anytime rather than a cheap rich bastard.

NorthernGent -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 10:57:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: As it goes.....there are women out there who.....when you go out for something to eat......they're thinking about a nice night...and good conversation......not a dinner on the house.... And there are an equal (if not more) number of men who....when you go out for something to eat....they're thinking about a nice night...of getting their knobs sucked or getting laid...as a payback for buying that dinner. I once met a man for lunch. We ended up ordering a drink each and we split an appetizer. It was obvious we were not a good match though so we didn't make it to ordering the actual lunch. He walked me to my car...so he could show me where the motel was located behind the restaurant! When I declined he said "but I just bought you lunch!". I laughed and said, well technically you didn't but I'd be happy to reiumburse you your six bucks". Yup....worst kind of man you'll ever set your eyes on.... Just as well I'm not advocating that then.....whereas some on this thread are advocating being paid for.....no different to standing on a street corner as far as I'm concerned.... Surely the night is supposed to be a chance to talk....eat...drink wine etc...have a good time.....not some half arsed woman who thinks she's entitled to a hand out just because she's got a pair of tits and some eyelashes.......and some half arsed chivalry notion that died in 1356 and died for a good reason....and as we're now in two thousand and odd....where women go to work and have careers as opposed to sitting at home dusting the lamp shades......then do the right thing and see yourselves as equals...with the equal ability to pay...or what is it? you're all damsels in distress with no more to offer than being patted on the head and being the object of man's superiority as shown through the desire for a free feed because you're too weak and feeble to find your way out of the front door to go to work in the morning? You know what......I didn't see much of this desire to defer on the 'Feminism' threads......or are we back to the 'freedom to choose' mantra......aka have your cake and eat it?

Twoshoes -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 11:00:49 AM)
Tap, tap, tap with one shoe I'm still waiting patiently for an answer about this seduction business. Maybe, I should start a new thread.

switch2please -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 11:04:56 AM)
If I can't afford my share, I don't go out. I never expect someone to pay for me but if they insist, I'm happy to leave the tip. If I can treat a friend to coffee or lunch, I'm happy to do so. The exception in my life right now is B. He makes considerably more than I do and he likes nicer places than I can afford. If he wants to bring me somewhere, he pays and thinks nothing of it. If I invite him out, I'll pay. A movie or a show or an art museum now and then is fun, but I don't usually invite him out to dinner because I know he has expensive tastes. I'm also less social, so I'm perfectly happy cuddling on the couch watching a zombie movie after a home-cooked meal. I'm not denying that a wage gap between genders is a legitimate issue, but in this specific case it's irrelevant. I work in the typically male-dominated field of graphic design and I make decent money. I am just getting started in this field, so of course I make less than someone with more experience, a strong portfolio, and a solid customer base - I haven't had the time to get to that point yet. My age is more of a deterrent to new clients than my sex. On the other hand, B is very experienced in his field and it shows. He knows what he's doing, he's spent years learning the business and developing his craft, and he makes quite a lot of money because of this efficiency. It's also a high-risk, high-yield business. He works his ass off to be able to enjoy nice things, and he likes to be able to enjoy them with someone.

LaTigresse -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 11:05:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rule quote: ORIGINAL: barrick So a woman demands equal pay in the work force but demands to be paid for on a date. She is assessing your genetic worthiness of fathering and / or providing for her and her children. Have you failed her test? Apparently so. What all these cheap guys don't realize is that......on occasion...... if the guy passes that test, he get's invited over to HER house for dinner and DESSERT! [;)] Poor bastards.....all that short term thinking.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 11:06:11 AM)
So, it's a fifty-fifty check when you go out, Northern?

NorthernGent -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 11:08:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: switch2please If I can't afford my share, I don't go out. I never expect someone to pay for me but if they insist, I'm happy to leave the tip. If I can treat a friend to coffee or lunch, I'm happy to do so. Which is an entirely different proposition to expecting someone to pay. There are plenty of generous people out there whose generosity is reined in in the event that generosity is taken for granted.

Nineveh -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 11:09:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Look op, it's supply and demand. You asked her out, you pay. Don't want to pay, don't ask her out. Don't worry, she can find lots of guys who are interested in asking her out. Or do you also expect the restaurant to pay you to eat their meals? Once in a relationship, payment depends of who is earning more, who has dependents, etc. Prior to the establishment of the relationship, the one who is chasing pays. You want women to chase you for the privilege of spending time with you? Dream on. You aren't that great. Supply and demand would suggest that there are more men looking for dates than there are women, this is not the case. It's not supply and demand, it is custom, and a man who doesn't want to (or is unable to) pay for dinner all the time certainly can find women who want to spend time with him, whether they are the ones paying or the activities are something less expensive. Walks on the beach are quite romantic, and also free.

NorthernGent -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 11:15:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus So, it's a fifty-fifty check when you go out, Northern? In a long term relationship.....I'll pay in line with relative earnings....which goes for everything as you'd expect..... When getting to know one another......pretty much 50/50...and I suppose that's my test...probably my only test.....where she sees me as an outlet for her career shortcomings....then we ain't going to get along very well at all......

stef -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 11:17:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent Well don't expect people to pay for you.....and then you'll see the 'classy gent'.....plain and simple. If you ask someone out, you pay unless other arrangements have been made. Plain and simple. quote: Your personal ethics are out of kilter. Coming from someone who thinks it's ok to inflict physical violence on someone over a dinner tab, this is laughable. ~stef

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 11:17:37 AM)
Thanks for the clarification. Agreed that no one needs a leech!

NorthernGent -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 11:24:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stef Coming from someone who thinks it's ok to inflict physical violence on someone over a dinner tab, this is laughable. ~stef Metaphor Stef. I doubt you've ever seen someone dunk a woman's head in the soup...nor likely to ever see it. Anyway....it's not a physical violence.....it's more speeding up the eating process.

NorthernGent -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 11:28:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Thanks for the clarification. Agreed that no one needs a leech! No problem....and...yes....it's bad manners to expect a freebie on the back of someone else's hard earned.

mistoferin -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 11:32:50 AM)
NG...you're such a romantic! Whatever happened to courtship and woo-ing? Have they died along with chivalry and common sense?

stef -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 11:35:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent Metaphor Stef. I doubt you've ever seen someone dunk a woman's head in the soup...nor likely to ever see it. Anyway....it's not a physical violence.....it's more speeding up the eating process. Whatever you say, tough guy. ~stef

NorthernGent -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 11:46:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin NG...you're such a romantic! Whatever happened to courtship and woo-ing? Have they died along with chivalry and common sense? Erin...tell you what it is....I'm not from a Middle Class background...where the kids were paid through college and grew up with expectations of being paid for one way or another......my parents were poor in most people's terms...well Western terms....and..to me....expecting to be paid for has nothing to do with romance.....you probably don't understand where I'm coming from....and I'm scratching my head philosophically baffled at how anyone can think expecting to be paid for is a good start to a relationship.....where I grew up....my parents always used to say the best things in life are free (nothing to do with money)....and I suppose that's something that has stayed with me....someone expects some of your money? then that's a bad sign in my book......and when you've worked all of your life for every material posession you own...with no hand outs from parents with a few spare quid...then you tend to live by that sentiment and extend it to the company you keep..... To me....someone expecting to be paid for smacks of a brat.....nothing to do with romance....romance has nothing whatsover to do with gifts and money...that's just some ugly distortion of a relationship between a man and a woman....due to the misplaced emphasis that Westerners tend to place on material possessions....and to be frank...how predictable...someone turns up with some flowers and you go out for a meal and he pays.....that ain't romance.....there's no amount of thought gone into that....it's just treading the same old well worn path of men doing what they think they're supposed to do....and probably as you...in order to get their 'nobs sucked'. And Niveneh absolutely hit the nail on the head...a walk along the beach costs nothing....and that's how you sort the wheat from the chaffe....a woman who sees romance only in monetary terms...is gonna be trouble further down the line.....

poise -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 11:47:28 AM)
I would have no compunction in accepting and enjoying a dinner paid for by a man, and it has nothing to do with whether I feel that I deserve it simply because Im a woman, but more to do with him priding himself in being able to provide for such. Just as there are many a man that is insulted by being expected to pay, there are just as many that would be insulted were you to offer. I also have no issue with paying half or all, as its more about the company then what is deemed "equal".

LaTigresse -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 11:51:13 AM)
NG, the problem is that you come across so strongly as the opposite that it seems off putting. I grew up dirt poor but I am as generous as I can be with others. I would NEVER create a scene at a restaurant, demanding the person I INVITED out, to pay for their own meal. If I couldn't afford to pay for them, I wouldn't have invited them. That is just sickeningly cheap and tacky.

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