RE: Fair play

RE: Fair play (Full Version)

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NorthernGent -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 11:55:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse NG, the problem is that you come across so strongly as the opposite that it seems off putting. Not following...can you expand upon this...so the simple minded can get to grips with it. Thanking you kindly.

NorthernGent -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 12:02:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stef quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent Metaphor Stef. I doubt you've ever seen someone dunk a woman's head in the soup...nor likely to ever see it. Anyway....it's not a physical violence.....it's more speeding up the eating process. Whatever you say, tough guy. ~stef I'd like to stay and engage you in a battle of wits Stef.....but I have a slow painful death awaiting me...and I imagine it will be infinitely more desirable than a reciprocal exchange of niceities with you. All the best Stef.

switch2please -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 12:04:11 PM)
B grew up 'Western poor'. Single mom, seven kids. Long story and it's not mine to tell. He enjoys being able to treat friends to dinner or drinks, and I know he does enjoy being able to take me to places I couldn't afford otherwise (while teasing me about the contents of my fridge). He works hard, but he's generous with what he's earned. I'm from a middle class family, but I wasn't coddled through college. Every family is different. Mine is a cross between a study in social Darwinism and the trashier version of a reality tv show...

LaTigresse -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 12:07:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse NG, the problem is that you come across so strongly as the opposite that it seems off putting. Not following...can you expand upon this...so the simple minded can get to grips with it. Thanking you kindly. Absolutely. And perhaps, the way you explain yourself here is not a realistic portrayal of how you conduct yourself in your personal life..... BUT, given your vehemence on the subject it makes you seem like a total grumpy tight ass. In a really icky way. I totally understand not wanting to be used as a meal ticket. Hell, I am tight with my money in most ways. But seriously, if I invite someone out, I expect to be the hostess and pay. If I cannot afford to pay, I had better reconsider where we are going and what we are going to do. Or, if perhaps I should be going out at all.

AquaticSub -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 12:08:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: barrick So a woman demands equal pay in the work force but demands to be paid for on a date. What is your take? A forbidden topic of female privilege? Yet any shape or form of male privilege is an open topic? Equality should EQUALLY concern both genders, right? Funny - I don't demand to be paid for on a date. It impresses me and I think it's gentlemanly but I actually paid for most of Val and I's early dates. I was the only one with income. For first dates, I usually suggest somewhere cheap and prepare to pay my own share. If I know that he can't afford it, I'll offer to pay. It's only if he really wants to go somewhere fancy and expensive then I'll ask him to pay my share since I probably wouldn't be able to afford it. I'd probably do it in the context of "Wow, that's a great place but it's a little pricey for me, what about this other place?" and see how he responds. Honestly, I'm with some of the men here. I don't think men should be required to pay for a woman and I'd think less of a woman who demanded it. I think it's nice and it certainly earns them points in my book but I'd rather enjoy spending time with them than worry about who is getting the check. Valyraen managed to throughly seduce me while I was picking up the checks! [:)] Perhaps it's my generation - we rarely do formal invites out. We just meet at a resturant, no one is the host or hostress. We're simply friends, hanging out and usually each get our own checks. It's also not uncommon for one us to foot the bill for the other because we'd rather pay for them than not have their company. That said... if I ask someone on a date, I make sure I can pay for them. And am pleasently surprised if they pay for themselves and/or me.

Nineveh -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 12:29:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse NG, the problem is that you come across so strongly as the opposite that it seems off putting. I grew up dirt poor but I am as generous as I can be with others. I would NEVER create a scene at a restaurant, demanding the person I INVITED out, to pay for their own meal. If I couldn't afford to pay for them, I wouldn't have invited them. That is just sickeningly cheap and tacky. If I invite someone out to a meal (this has generally been friends, as I've said, I really was never one to go on conventional dates) I make sure I have enough money to pay for both me and them. If someone invites me out I make sure I have enough to pay for me. Who ends up paying for who depends on a pretty complicated formula based on who makes how much money, who asked who, and some other factors, but it has never been something that I have ever been in doubt about by the time the check comes around. ETA: If someone invites me out and I don't have enough money to pay for me at the time I make sure to mention this ahead of time. Usually that means whoever invited me out pays for me. I've also reassured people that I have enough to cover them when inviting them out if either I know they are not in a good space financially right now or they mention they don't have it.

NorthernGent -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 12:30:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse NG, the problem is that you come across so strongly as the opposite that it seems off putting. Not following...can you expand upon this...so the simple minded can get to grips with it. Thanking you kindly. Absolutely. And perhaps, the way you explain yourself here is not a realistic portrayal of how you conduct yourself in your personal life..... BUT, given your vehemence on the subject it makes you seem like a total grumpy tight ass. In a really icky way. I totally understand not wanting to be used as a meal ticket. People can draw whatever conclusions they wish LAT..... Oh and it's nothing to do with being 'used as a meal ticket'.....it's to do with the qualities you appreciate in people.....and one I personally don't appreciate is expecting to be paid for.....suggests a materialistic outlook to me.....and I'd draw the conclusion that you'd never really scratch beneath the surface with that kind of person....it would all be superficial.....

LaTigresse -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 12:45:34 PM)
NG, I never assumed you cared what people thought of you. I am simply giving you my perspective. I do know that I have dated several delightful women, that I am glad I did pay for their dinner. If they had assumed they had to pay, they might not have had the money, declined the date, and I would not have gotten to know them. Because what I found beneath the surface was, and still is, a delightful human being. Your potential loss will definitely be another man's gain.

Hippiekinkster -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 2:32:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957 Geez, Barrick, who pissed in YOUR wheaties? Do You just not like women in general or what? ~sweetsub~ Mommy issues.

angelikaJ -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 2:53:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent Oh and it's nothing to do with being 'used as a meal ticket'.....it's to do with the qualities you appreciate in people.....and one I personally don't appreciate is expecting to be paid for.....suggests a materialistic outlook to me.....and I'd draw the conclusion that you'd never really scratch beneath the surface with that kind of person....it would all be superficial..... Just to be clear: you never invite women out? Or if you do, you are up front about it being a split cheque? What if she wishes to pay for you? Do you prefer to dine at home? Do you expect her to split the cost of the groceries, or if she cooks, do you split the grocery bill with her? If you go to the pub with your friends, you have never paid his tab... ever? I have never viewed a lunch out in which I have enjoyed the company of my Master as being something "materialistic". (Our first meeting was my suggestion, I brought cash but he paid.) Usually scratching below the surface, happens over spans of time, over conversations that happen outside of social settings. But social settings can be pleasant recreations and it is sad to think that you exclude yourself from them.

DesFIP -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 2:55:47 PM)
Absolutely a walk on the beach is lovely. So suggest that instead of a meal if you can't take care of your guest. In my home, I cater to my guests. If I invite people out to celebrate/mourn my birthday, I pay the tab. I expect that if you are inviting me, seeking my company, that you'll pick up the tab. But what NG sees as being a spoiled brat, I see as someone with manners. In the same way, visitors to my home are politely refused when they offer to help with the clean up. Once they are friends, that's different. But still in the getting to know you stage? I would think them mannerless if they co-opted an invited guest to do their cleaning. Of course, the op wouldn't have this problem if he had decent communication skills. Such as saying "I'd like to get to know you better but am running rather thin financially. How about we have a meal together sometime?" Which is a hell of a lot different than saying "Can I take you out Friday night to the new seafood place? Because when you say "I take you", it implies that the taker, the one proposing the date, is going to foot the bill.

whiteslavebitch -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 4:21:50 PM)
Except that to this very day women are still generally paid only 75% of what men make for the same work.

littlewonder -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 4:23:25 PM)
call me materialistic <shrug>. Makes no difference to me. I still hold that if out on a first date I prefer a man to pay. It's old fashioned values of where I grew up in a small town where men were men, the breadwinners, head of the household, the Godhead and the leaders of the community. A man would invite a woman out to a dinner and actually delighted in paying because it showed him as a breadwinner, someone who had leadership skills, was able to take care of his household and people looked up to in the community. Yeah I find those types of men to be incredibly hot. Those men who don't want to pay and see it as a woman just being a bitch...well that's why I never dated those types of men. They usually showed their true colors waaaayyyy before we ever got to the point of going out to dinner. Like I said it seems the art of seduction, of wooing a lady are long gone and dead with the current environment. It's sad actually.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 4:34:02 PM)
I am a cheap date. I rarely drink, I order from the price list, and I don't need fancy outings. I always have money for BOTH meals. Still, a man that has his wallet locked down? PROBABLY has his heart and mind locked down too. Miserliness is vile. Speaking as a female dominant, the man had BETTER freakin pay for my coffee~ I already spent monies on the toys and clothes over the years. That I could do a scene with a toothpick is not relevant. If you want to serve me, show me up front that you have some idea of generosity, gentlemanliness, and manners. My last sub was an unemployed student. He still brought me little gifts that he knew I would like. He cooked for me. I had no trouble taking him out for meals or paying for him to get into clubs. Because I knew that he would SHARE what he had, just as I do. Someone who has that idea that I am not even worth a five dollar meal from the outset? Well, I won't be getting to know that person. And, that is just as well.

toherwillibend -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 4:45:54 PM)
I do not often post, but this topic interested me, so here I am. If I invite someone out for a meal, I expect to pay. If someone invites me out to a meal, I still expect to pay. Seems like simple manners to me. I assume that I should have money in my pocket to cover expenses. If I don't have any money, then I might suggest a coffee, or a nice walk in the park. Of course, if we are walking in the park, I always have enough money in my pocket for the muggers, as it seems to be the polite thing to do. Ok, that last bit about muggers isn't exactly true. When confronted by a mugger, I generally pretend to get the vapors and faint. This often leaves my dates in an awkward position, but my thought is that the real reason they are so angry afterwards is because they didn't think of it first.

sexyred1 -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 4:49:45 PM)
LOL, love it. I love that term, getting the vapors...it is so Tennesse Williams.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 4:55:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: toherwillibend I do not often post, but this topic interested me, so here I am. If I invite someone out for a meal, I expect to pay. If someone invites me out to a meal, I still expect to pay. Seems like simple manners to me. I assume that I should have money in my pocket to cover expenses. If I don't have any money, then I might suggest a coffee, or a nice walk in the park. Of course, if we are walking in the park, I always have enough money in my pocket for the muggers, as it seems to be the polite thing to do. Ok, that last bit about muggers isn't exactly true. When confronted by a mugger, I generally pretend to get the vapors and faint. This often leaves my dates in an awkward position, but my thought is that the real reason they are so angry afterwards is because they didn't think of it first. How sad, you are not local! What a tag team we would make, you getting the vapors and distracting the mugger whilst I dealt the testicle-throat blow to incapacitate him! Then we could go out for lobster! [:)]

toherwillibend -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 5:09:37 PM)
Tag team mugger wrestling, which is great as my part in the drama appears to simply be to fall down, which is right up my alley, skill wise.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 5:11:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: toherwillibend Tag team mugger wrestling, which is great as my part in the drama appears to simply be to fall down, which is right up my alley, skill wise. Since you are supposed to be under my boots anyway, WIN! [:D] Welcome to the boards, by the way. Be sure to join a clique!

kiwisub12 -> RE: Fair play (8/30/2010 5:30:35 PM)
I've dated men who paid for my meals and entertainment - and i've dated men who ate my food and used my things. My late Sir paid for everything - including books, which melted my heart in double quick time - until he wasn't able to - then i took over mortgage and utility payments. I have to admit that for the first meet/date i expect the man to pay -and then after i make a good faith attempt to pay every two or three times. I don't order the most expensive thing on the menu, and don't order alcohol - because its expensive and i don't really like it lol. If i invite the man out i expect to pay - and have been known to grab the bill out of his hand. In the long run, we seem to come out about even - and as a wise and much loved man once said - "We are not going to worry about money. It ruins more relationships and ours isn't going to be one of them".

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