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Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/8/2010 7:31:43 PM   
DaddysLilDomme


Posts: 6
Joined: 10/7/2008
Status: offline 		Lets say you have a sub/slave who is unhappy with their body, and is crazy about tattoos and piercings. They know that getting tattoos and such would make them happier, more confident, and probably more sexual. You however dont agree and arent fond of them.

Would you let them be happy? Or deny them that happiness just because you're not a fan?

Oh and your sub/slave is bipolar manic depressive, so their desire to be happy and confident is much higher.
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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/8/2010 7:45:18 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I am a babyg irl who's not subsmissive an I hate body modifications, but if there was something daddy found harmless that I wanted an he didn't like, he'd probably let me have it, regardless of his distaste for it, cause he feels it's my body an I have a right to mark it up how I see fit, PROVIDED, it's not  in a dangerous self harming way.

Cause if I saw fit to start cutting myself and mutilating myself, you better believe he'd be all over that shit in a heart beat. He will not tolerate self harm.
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysLilDomme

Lets say you have a sub/slave who is unhappy with their body, and is crazy about tattoos and piercings. They know that getting tattoos and such would make them happier, more confident, and probably more sexual. You however dont agree and arent fond of them.

Would you let them be happy? Or deny them that happiness just because you're not a fan?

Oh and your sub/slave is bipolar manic depressive, so their desire to be happy and confident is much higher.


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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/8/2010 7:57:38 PM   
DaddysLilDomme


Posts: 6
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Status: offline 		My Daddy is the only one I submit to. And he dislikes tattoos almost as much as I love them.

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/8/2010 8:46:34 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		He'd rather I find happiness within, rather than on my skin.  He hates tattoos and if he didn't want me to have any, I wouldn't get them.  Then again, we had these conversations before he became my Master.  Compatibility was very important to both of us.

Would I be happy knowing he hated what was permanently on my skin?  I doubt it.  But then I could be wired much differently than you.

Re: Bipolar, those I know with bipolar have had success with medications, and with therapy which taught them how to find happiness without external aids (drugs, shopping, etc.).

I think if I insisted on doing what I wanted, in the name of happiness, and used my medical condition as a reason, he would not be happy with me very long.


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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/8/2010 8:58:15 PM   
sweetsub1957


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Actually, I am bipolar and I think using that as an excuse is lame and a cop-out. I would think most people, if not all, desire to be happy. And as NuevaVida said, medications and therapy can be very successful.

~sweetsub~

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/8/2010 10:01:15 PM   
Kana


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Status: offline 		I do what pleases me and so should she.
Hell, ain't that the point of a D/S relationship?


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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/8/2010 10:15:28 PM   
sophiesback


Posts: 4039
Joined: 11/4/2009
From: Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysLilDomme

Lets say you have a sub/slave who is unhappy with their body, and is crazy about tattoos and piercings. They know that getting tattoos and such would make them happier, more confident, and probably more sexual. You however dont agree and arent fond of them.

Would you let them be happy? Or deny them that happiness just because you're not a fan?

Oh and your sub/slave is bipolar manic depressive, so their desire to be happy and confident is much higher.


Bipolar manic depressive people have more of a desire to be happy and confident? Are you fucking serious? No, they don't. They have a desire to be manic and depressed.

And, if part of your relationship is that you've given up your right to make these decisions, then deal with his decision or walk. I don't get it?

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 3:07:43 AM   
DarkSteven


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Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysLilDomme

Lets say you have a sub/slave who is unhappy with their body, and is crazy about tattoos and piercings. They know that getting tattoos and such would make them happier, more confident, and probably more sexual. You however dont agree and arent fond of them.

Would you let them be happy? Or deny them that happiness just because you're not a fan?

Oh and your sub/slave is bipolar manic depressive, so their desire to be happy and confident is much higher.


If her happiness is derived from her getting her way rather than doing what pleases me, we've got an issue.

And that "just because you're not a fan" trivializes what I desire.


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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 4:01:09 AM   
SadisticPriest


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From: NC, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sophiesback

Bipolar manic depressive people have more of a desire to be happy and confident? Are you fucking serious? No, they don't. They have a desire to be manic and depressed.

And, if part of your relationship is that you've given up your right to make these decisions, then deal with his decision or walk. I don't get it?



I agree, the whole point of D/s is that the Sub gives up a large portion of their free will to serve a Master. You chose to serve someone, but now want to disobey them? And over something so (relativity) trivial? I mean, I would understand if he was trying to push a hard limit, but it's just some ink in your skin. Is there some significant reason I you want a tattoo (as in remembrance of someone special from your past, for example) or do you want one just to have one?

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 4:01:52 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Being bipolar changes my answer. I think in a few weeks you could well not need all these things you now say you do need. Honestly, if you're that sure that the cure to everything that is wrong with your life can be cured through half an hour in a piercer's, then I'd be calling your psychiatrist stat and banging down the door to have your meds adjusted. I think this is the crazy talking, not the person you are when you're well balanced.

My daughter has mixed state, cycles every five minutes, so I know when it's her and when it's a temporary manic or depressive state talking. Are you on any of the bipolar boards? If not, I suggest you do so and ask this question there. I think you'll get the same answer, one piercing will not solve your life as you assert it will.


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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 4:39:43 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Fast reply:

Such a slave would not be compatible with me.

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 6:19:28 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I can't say I'd give permission for the tat.  I'm basing that on My lack of belief that it is really going to make you feel a certain way permanently.  The ink is going to be permanent. but the happiness and rush that you are going to receive from getting it is only temporary.  It's the adrenaline rush from tattoos and piercings that make up half of the reason why some people enjoy getting them so much.  Not just the 'art' of the ink.

Have you considered trying similar types of BDSM play that would give the same kind of rush without permanent markings?  Needle play might be a perfect solution for you.  The needles could be done in a way that is temporary body art that lasts only as long as they remain in your skin.  Staples could be used in the same way and decorate you in various ways (again temporary).  No permanent ink that he doesn't want, but the adrenaline rush that you want.  It may be a good compromise for you.

What I wouldn't compromise on, as other people have mentioned, is the bit about using the bi-polar condition to get your own way.  I realize that many D/lg dynamics are a lot more lenient than the type of dynamic that I run Myself, but I wouldn't allow someone to use an illness as a manipulation tactic.  You may have just added mentioning it for informational purposes here, but it really had no relevance to the situation.  If I was in a dynamic with someone who was coming across as "I want my own way because of <insert condition here>", I can promise you it would be a very short lived arrangement.


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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 6:38:09 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		If I didn't want my sub/slave to have a tat, then I wouldn't let her. If some permanent ink on her body is more important than our relationship, she always has the option of leaving. Now if she wanted to color all over herself with magic marker, I would even get her a new set to play with, but that would be it.

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 6:43:47 AM   
thishereboi


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Status: offline 		Good idea LadyPact. I had a friend who did tattoos a while back. She did a tat of a hand print on my ass, but she did not load ink into the gun. All I got was the feeling of the tattoo with out the permanent ink part. She did rub ink into after she was done, but all that did was leave a mark for about a week, then it was gone. The memory remains though

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 7:31:41 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Lady Pact, I think you're incorrect in saying her disease has no bearing on this. I think she's hypomanic and is desperately seeking an endorphin rush, and the one that she's obsessing about is from body mods. Yes, she could get that rush from play but in her temporarily unbalanced condition you could not trust her to say when she's had enough.

Literally she isn't thinking straight, the disorder of the brain chemicals prevents her from doing that. And she needs her meds adjusted because there is no reason to be like this. My daughter had a hypomanic state in early June and did something while in a fugue state. The result was an immediate appointment with the psychiatrist to adjust the meds. She hasn't had one since then and shouldn't.


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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 7:40:23 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysLilDomme

Lets say you have a sub/slave who is unhappy with their body, and is crazy about tattoos and piercings. They know that getting tattoos and such would make them happier, more confident, and probably more sexual. You however dont agree and arent fond of them.

Would you let them be happy? Or deny them that happiness just because you're not a fan?

Oh and your sub/slave is bipolar manic depressive, so their desire to be happy and confident is much higher.


It would be nice if the 'cure' for bi-polar was as easy as body art and piercings, but the truth is: it ain't so.

That you are thinking that way, suggests to me that you are missing some part of your treatment, either meds, therapy or both.
As long as your thought process is faulty and you believe that happiness is dependent upon the next external thing, you will always be unhappy.

LadyPact did have a solution that might offer some relief and is worth discussing with your partner but it isn't a substitute for the hard work you need to keep doing on yourself.

However, blaming your bipolar depression i.e. not being happy, on your dominant is not only manipulative, it is extremely self-unaware and shows a level of immaturity. Immaturity is not being used as an insult.

edit spelling

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 9/9/2010 7:41:18 AM >

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 7:53:49 AM   
DaddysLilDomme


Posts: 6
Joined: 10/7/2008
Status: offline 		Actually my Daddy is the one who blames my bipolar. I dont. Im not using it as an excuse. And I dont blame him. Im on meds and seeing doctors. And no I dont desire to be unhappy and depressed. I just dont wanna look in the mirror and hate what I see. And most of the tattoos I want have meanings. When I met my Daddy he knew I loved tats and piercings. We never discussed them in the beginning. Months later a friend offered to do a free tattoo on me and thats when he told me no tattoos. And trying to find happiness within is different than being happy with whats on the outside. In most other aspects of my life I am happy. Its not about getting my way. Its the desire to be happy with myself. Ive always wanted to have alot of tattoos and peircings, Ive always pictured myself as having them. I think they are beautiful. Its not that I dont want my Daddy to be happy. I just want to love myself half as much as he does.

< Message edited by DaddysLilDomme -- 9/9/2010 7:55:19 AM >

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 8:04:31 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysLilDomme

Actually my Daddy is the one who blames my bipolar. I dont. Im not using it as an excuse. And I dont blame him. Im on meds and seeing doctors. And no I dont desire to be unhappy and depressed. I just dont wanna look in the mirror and hate what I see. And most of the tattoos I want have meanings. When I met my Daddy he knew I loved tats and piercings. We never discussed them in the beginning. Months later a friend offered to do a free tattoo on me and thats when he told me no tattoos. And trying to find happiness within is different than being happy with whats on the outside. In most other aspects of my life I am happy. Its not about getting my way. Its the desire to be happy with myself. Ive always wanted to have alot of tattoos and peircings, Ive always pictured myself as having them. I think they are beautiful. Its not that I dont want my Daddy to be happy. I just want to love myself half as much as he does.


You see doctors; are you seeing a therapist?

This is unfortunately one of those things that should have been discussed before you both committed to each other.
It is a hard limit for him and a must for you.

That it is a hard limit for him does not make him bad or wrong, anymore than it being a must for you does.

What it means is that in this area, the two of you are probably incompatible.
Either you will be able to work out a compromise or you will decide you can go without... or you will decide that your view of beauty is more important than the relationship.

In any case, if you don't have a therapist, you really probably should.

Best wishes.


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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 8:21:55 AM   
LadyRian


Posts: 486
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		My opinion differs here from some others that have been expressed, but the way I feel about the issue is this:
If My sub/slave really loved tats and piercings, even though he
( And I use the pronoun he here because I've not taken a female submissive so far, but the same thing would apply) was in My service, it's still his body, and in my view a tat or a piercing won't change him, it would merely be a cosmetic issue.  Personally I dislike tattoos.  This means that I would never get one.
Besides, service now is not a guarantee of service always.
the tat might be there a lot longer than I would.


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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 8:24:59 AM   
DaddysLilDomme


Posts: 6
Joined: 10/7/2008
Status: offline 		Yes Im seeing a therapist. And I know we should have talked about it before we commited, but we didnt. We didnt even talk about it after. He just started changing how I dress and such. Which I never would have agreed to if we talked about it before we commited. I try hard to hold back my desires just to make him happy but it makes me misserable. I cant change who I am, like how Id never want him to change.

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