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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 8:28:22 AM

Missokyst

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Since he doesn't like them why not just use markers or something temporary? You can get a permanant mark when you are on your own and any future partner will either be ok with it, or take a pass.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysLilDomme

Ive always wanted to have alot of tattoos and peircings, Ive always pictured myself as having them. I think they are beautiful. Its not that I dont want my Daddy to be happy. I just want to love myself half as much as he does.

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 10:47:31 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Lady Pact, I think you're incorrect in saying her disease has no bearing on this. I think she's hypomanic and is desperately seeking an endorphin rush, and the one that she's obsessing about is from body mods. Yes, she could get that rush from play but in her temporarily unbalanced condition you could not trust her to say when she's had enough.

Literally she isn't thinking straight, the disorder of the brain chemicals prevents her from doing that. And she needs her meds adjusted because there is no reason to be like this. My daughter had a hypomanic state in early June and did something while in a fugue state. The result was an immediate appointment with the psychiatrist to adjust the meds. She hasn't had one since then and shouldn't.

So, when your daughter is in that state, does that mean she gets everything she wants? I highly doubt that you caved to her every whim or that the word "no" in your house wasn't completely suspended. Imbalanced state or not, authority still has it's place. In addition, if the OP is imbalanced at the moment, is that the best time for her to be making decisions?

The solution that I proposed isn't something I was suggesting for a 'hurry up and fix' attitude. It's something that can thought of as a play that can be done after meds are adjusted and she works with her therapist. She's not going to be in a bad place forever. Wouldn't it be something they could do together when in a good place?

OP, after reading your comment about not liking what you see when you look in the mirror, have you explored why you feel this way? Is it something to do with your skin itself or is it a general body image that you have that you don't like?

I get that some of the things that you want done have an emotional or meaningful tie for you. Maybe those are more negotiable and you might consider other, temporary types of body art for other things? The plus side of temporary designs is that you get to change them every time you play. Ribbon, beads, feathers, and all kinds of things can be used that can be fun. Just something to think about.

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 11:10:18 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysLilDomme
Would you let them be happy? Or deny them that happiness just because you're not a fan?

In my own world, this thought isn't possible in anything that I would construct as an M/s relationship. I don't separate my happiness from Carol's in this way. I would do my best to evaluate whether she wanted them more than I wanted to not have them. Winner takes all... loser changes their views on the topic.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 11:56:13 AM

DesFIP

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LP, I think you misunderstood me. My point was that when you said she was using her disease to get what she wants, that implies deliberate manipulation. And that someone with a disordered brain who is not thinking right is not deliberately manipulating others. They really believe what they say.

My daughter calls her doctor when she feels herself getting out of control. She doesn't get what she wants, but what she needs. But it's been important to her to have tight control of this for the last 8 years, ever since we found a cocktail of medication that works effectively. Unfortunately a lot of bipolars prefer the manic state or the hypomanic one to a normal state. They refuse to tightly control the illness because if they do there is no mania or hypomania and they depend on those swings to find happiness. It's easier to do that then it is to find it in the real world.

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 11:56:17 AM

DaddysLilDomme

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I find tattoos to be beautiful and works of art, and have so ever since I can remember. Im not looking for a quick fix. I could be perfectly balanced and Id still desire them. This has been an on going debate between me and my Daddy ever since we started. Its the only thing we dont see eye to eye on. If I got them, I wouldnt expect him to change his veiws, just understand that Id still be the same girl. Just happier and more confident. Which I believe would lead to me being more sexual. Its hard to be sexual when your naked and hate the way you look. Daddy thinks Im beautiful, but we have much different ideas on beauty. I just want to feel the way about myself that he does. And yes its just my general body image I dont like. Almost everything about my body.

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 4:16:18 PM

littlewonder

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If you can't be happy with yourself without tats and piercings then imo either you need to mature a little bit more and talk about this with your therapist or you need to move on and find a man who delights in them just as much as you.

These are one of those things like having children, marriage and futrure plans that should be discussed in the getting to know each other stage.

It seems you both whizzed right by that stage!

So now which is more important to you? Tats...or Master?

My choice would absolutely be my Master. I have a few tats but he knew about them before he ever met me and it is stuff we've discussed. If he wanted me to have them all removed tomorrow though I'd do it in a heartbeat for him because ya know...I love him and he's what makes me happy, not my tats.

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 5:22:00 PM

DaddysLilDomme

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

If you can't be happy with yourself without tats and piercings then imo either you need to mature a little bit more and talk about this with your therapist or you need to move on and find a man who delights in them just as much as you.

So your saying because I have low self esteem I am imature? They have nothing to do with each other.

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 5:26:26 PM

sweetsub1957

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It seems I've gotten behind on this thread, so I'm answering three at once:

quote:

ORIGINAL: sophiesback
Bipolar manic depressive people have more of a desire to be happy and confident? Are you fucking serious? No, they don't. They have a desire to be manic and depressed.

I agree with you that bipolar people don't have more of a desire to be happy, etc. I disagree with you that they/we have a desire to be manic and depressed. Manic maybe.......but who the hell wants to be genuinely depressed and even suicidal? Believe me, to go that low is horrifying.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
What I wouldn't compromise on, as other people have mentioned, is the bit about using the bi-polar condition to get your own way. I realize that many D/lg dynamics are a lot more lenient than the type of dynamic that I run Myself, but I wouldn't allow someone to use an illness as a manipulation tactic. You may have just added mentioning it for informational purposes here, but it really had no relevance to the situation. If I was in a dynamic with someone who was coming across as "I want my own way because of <insert condition here>", I can promise you it would be a very short lived arrangement.

I absolutely agree w/ You that using bipolar (or anything else for that matter) as an excuse is purely a manipulation tactic. It's no excuse, it is manipulation. Daddy knows I'm bipolar and if I even thought of using that as an excuse, believe me, I'd have hell to pay. Oh yeah.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysLilDomme
Actually my Daddy is the one who blames my bipolar. I dont. Im not using it as an excuse. And I dont blame him. Im on meds and seeing doctors.

Maybe He should look into some support groups for families and loved ones of mentally ill people. Check out NAMI's (National Alliance on Mental Illness) website. It's www.nami.org. They have support groups, booklists, and all sorts of information. In my opinion, if He wants you to be the best you can be, He shouldn't be using that as an excuse for anything, but instead He should be helping you to live above and beyond that & supporting you in your medication compliance and therapy. Good luck and best wishes to the both of you.

~sweetsub~

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 5:52:30 PM

thishereboi

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quote:

Its not that I dont want my Daddy to be happy.

Well, if you want him to be happy and you know that he doesn't want this, you will drop the subject and not bring it up unless he does. Sounds easy to me.

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 6:07:41 PM

littlewonder

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I never said anywhere that you had low self esteem. You said that, not me. Show me where I said that.

I said that you need to show some maturity about what is important in life....your tats...or love, respect and obedience of your Master.

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 6:50:15 PM

DesFIP

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So you believe that if you had a tattoo you would find yourself beautiful because when you looked into the mirror you wouldn't see yourself, just the tattoo? Ain't gonna happen. You'll still have body image problems.

Most women have some body image difficulties at some point in their lives just as most men have performance anxiety at times. You are looking for a short cut to overcoming this. Far better if he takes an active part in making you think about yourself the way he does.

And by the way, whenever he tells you that you're beautiful and you tell him that he's wrong, then you're telling him that he's a liar and stupid to think that way. Is this really what you want to tell him? How is telling him that being submissive in any form?

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 7:33:46 PM

masterlink65

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tattoos and piercings i can handle. bi polar and manic, i would have to pass

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 7:52:43 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Are you bipolar and manic? Or a medical dr? Because if you're not saying people who are desire to be manic and bipolar, is a statement you're not qualified to make.

I AM Bipolar, and I am manic depressive, and I don't desire to be so, and I don't desire to be more so than happy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sophiesback

Bipolar manic depressive people have more of a desire to be happy and confident? Are you fucking serious? No, they don't. They have a desire to be manic and depressed.

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 8:06:39 PM

gungadin09

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This is probably NOT helpful, but i'm much more submissive when i'm NOT happy. But, anyway...

Which is more important to you, the tat, or Your Master? If it's the tat, i think you have problems. By your rationalization, the perfect relationship would be the one in which you get everything you want and He doesn't. Sounds a bit backwards to me...

pam

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/9/2010 8:19:25 PM

camille65

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysLilDomme

I find tattoos to be beautiful and works of art, and have so ever since I can remember. Im not looking for a quick fix. I could be perfectly balanced and Id still desire them. This has been an on going debate between me and my Daddy ever since we started. Its the only thing we dont see eye to eye on. If I got them, I wouldnt expect him to change his veiws, just understand that Id still be the same girl. Just happier and more confident. Which I believe would lead to me being more sexual. Its hard to be sexual when your naked and hate the way you look. Daddy thinks Im beautiful, but we have much different ideas on beauty. I just want to feel the way about myself that he does. And yes its just my general body image I dont like. Almost everything about my body.

Your body will not be different just because of some ink. It will still have the same shape and the same flaws you see right now. You may be idealizing tattoos and thinking they will magically fix how you see yourself, but things just don't work that way.

Honestly you sound unhappy about your relationship, that is the primary thing I see in your words. Before deciding to modify your body maybe you need to modify your relationship instead? Do you discuss your Daddy with your therapist?

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/10/2010 6:02:21 PM

gungadin09

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For the record, if i looked like you, i would be very happy about it. Maybe what you really need is eyeglasses, not tattoos.

pam

P.S.- i see you have eyeglasses. Maybe it's time for a new prescription?

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 9/10/2010 6:05:12 PM >

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/10/2010 8:18:54 PM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysLilDomme

So your saying because I have low self esteem I am imature? They have nothing to do with each other.

Not at all. Let me tell you what you have done:

1. You told your Master that you needed tattoos. He refused.
2. You argued with him and he still refused.
3. You then posted here about it. I suspect that you figured that you'd get agreement and then argue with him a third time with the thread to show him. You threw in that you are bipolar and you need body mods to be happy.
4. When that didn't work, you threw in that you have body issues and need tattoos to overcome them.

The reason that I consider you immature is because you remind me of a little kid who won't take a No. You seem to be trying to wear down your Dominant.

Your logic is all over there and makes no sense to me. I suspect that your meds may be off and that you;re in a manic phase.

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/10/2010 10:16:54 PM

sweetsub1957

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysLilDomme

So your saying because I have low self esteem I am imature? They have nothing to do with each other.

Not at all. Let me tell you what you have done:

1. You told your Master that you needed tattoos. He refused.
2. You argued with him and he still refused.
3. You then posted here about it. I suspect that you figured that you'd get agreement and then argue with him a third time with the thread to show him. You threw in that you are bipolar and you need body mods to be happy.
4. When that didn't work, you threw in that you have body issues and need tattoos to overcome them.

The reason that I consider you immature is because you remind me of a little kid who won't take a No. You seem to be trying to wear down your Dominant.

Your logic is all over there and makes no sense to me. I suspect that your meds may be off and that you;re in a manic phase.

What He said.

~sweetsub~

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/18/2010 12:54:06 PM

agirl

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There's little that is totally denied me , but quite a few things that I can't have *right now*. When it comes to things of this nature it'd be shelved. Sometimes it's just best to wait, especially when the subject is causing cloudiness between the two of you.

You want them , like them, wish for them , have your own reasons for doing so ...... HE feels differently. He's not convinced that he'd like it. What will you do if you get inked, pierced etc , and find that he isn't attracted by you physically any longer?. If it's THAT strong a desire , then it really does need to be looked at ......

Is your desire for it worth risking the fact that he might find it a bit of a repellant?

Neither of you talked about what you wanted in this vein before you committed , but that doesn't in ANY way mean that you can't now.

If it really is down to a * NO you can't* versus a * I must have* etc ..... then it's reduced to a cost/benefit on both sides.

Also, there's a huge difference between a small tattoo on your foot to an entire back inking etc.......how much is *too much*?

agirl

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RE: Happy sub/slave = better sub/slave? - 9/19/2010 7:14:33 AM

daddysliloneds

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysLilDomme

Lets say you have a sub/slave who is unhappy with their body, and is crazy about tattoos and piercings. They know that getting tattoos and such would make them happier, more confident, and probably more sexual. You however dont agree and arent fond of them.

Would you let them be happy? Or deny them that happiness just because you're not a fan?

Oh and your sub/slave is bipolar manic depressive, so their desire to be happy and confident is much higher.

if their happiness is based on a passive-aggressive attempt to get their own way, then no, they wouldn't get what they want out of the deal from me if i were the top. people tend to use every excuse and every trick in the book to rationalize their wants into being their needs.

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