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RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/11/2010 2:37:21 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Needapersonalpet

. I have been swamped with work and other responsibilities the last few hours.

Ask yourself how much time you could devote to a woman. Can you cut back at work if you connect with one?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Needapersonalpet)

Post #: 21

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/11/2010 4:56:54 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I completely understand what Aileen is saying. It is fun to meet people who type like they talk. I can't stand too much formality in initial messages, I like a polite dominant who is reality-based and can demonstrate that he read my profile. I can't stand the ones that send out form letters, ack, such spamming is a turn-off and indication of an idiot.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 22

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/11/2010 12:30:52 PM

Shoshone

Posts: 21
Joined: 9/11/2010
Status: offline

Are you guys saying that, "Jump on ma dick!" won't work on here?

(Is there an "un-send) button?)

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 23

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/11/2010 12:34:31 PM

PeanutTigerinBox

Posts: 1624
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Now I get it. Aileen has voices in her head.

yep, and he hasn't got a brother

already checked out that one

_____________________________

RIP 08/09/07

aka Phoenixpower

one of my favourite songs :o) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CuY4nMu8c&feature=related

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 24

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/11/2010 12:35:58 PM

PeanutTigerinBox

Posts: 1624
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I'm not a sub

Are you not???

Thanks for clarification stevie

_____________________________

RIP 08/09/07

aka Phoenixpower

one of my favourite songs :o) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_CuY4nMu8c&feature=related

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 25

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/11/2010 12:48:49 PM

Needapersonalpet

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

Again, I say thank you for all of the thoughts. I found a couple of posts particularly interesting, specifically the ones talking about how people liked to be addressed. I have never been exactly sure how to handle that (other than, of course when it is covered specifically in someone's profile. If their profile name is something that sounds anything like a name I will often use that. I try to avoid things like "girl" or similar, although I do occasionally fall into that trap. (I have only sent one message out that went further than that and only because it was specifically asked for in the profile. Since that time I have decided that I am not contacting people who ask specifically to be treated as less than human from the start.)

What I mostly notice is agreement with the my approach to this. This of course makes me wonder if something else is the problem (maybe I should post my picture so you can all tell me if THAT is the problem

)

I am going to answer Dark Steven's question directly because I feel that it is important to say- I work a lot and my life is very busy however it is not structured in a way that would make it difficult to maintain a relationship (D/s or otherwise.) A great deal of my work is done from home or through short range traveling. The largest difficulty in it is that it involves attending a lot of meetings and other events. I will have no problem fitting someone into my life or giving them the time and attention they deserve (and if they wound up volunteering on occasion I would be able to spend even more time with and around them.)

(in reply to PeanutTigerinBox)

Post #: 26

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/11/2010 4:33:42 PM

fishoutofwater

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/11/2010
Status: offline

This is a tough one. On the one hand, you want to come off as dominant and in control, on the other you want to portray yourself as a human being, with a real interest in another human being.

Different people respond to different things. No one email will get everyone's attention. That being said, this is what I would respond to (but have never received on an online site, not once) Keep in mind, I used to have detailed profiles on other sites.

If you choose to say you were attracted to my profile specifically, prove it. Read my list of interests/preferences. Read my profile. TWICE. If you think we are compatible, address that in the message. Show that you have an interest in ME, not in my pictures. (You can certainly address looks, but this should be a very small part of your message)

Look at sentence structure and grammar. Most people (I think) are not attracted to minimum effort, nor to a lack of intellect. (A lack of intellect is not the same as a lack of education. The latter is far less problematic than the former)

Be straight forward and honest. Be YOURSELF. Think about it, If you do end up meeting the person you contacted in real life, your lies will be exposed sooner or later.
Daring to be yourself shows confidence. Confidence is key for a dom (and some argue for anyone, including "submissives")

Tell me about yourself. Some background information is appreciated. (A picture of your cock doesn't count)

Be patient, wait for the response for at least a week before writing again.

Remember: Just because a person generally identifies as a sub, does not mean she/he is YOUR sub. State your interest (a d/s relationship perhaps?), but treat your "target" as an equal during initial contact.

Hope that helps
fishy

(in reply to newbie2750)

Post #: 27

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/11/2010 10:48:42 PM

smartsub10

Posts: 865
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline

I've gotten messages from Doms telling me that they want a strong woman with self-respect. That interests me so I respond. As soon as they see I've taken the bait they demand I switch to yahoo or call them because "I hate endless email crap".

If I tell them I'm uncomfortable with immediately switching to phone or IM I'm told I have a bad attitude or am trying to take control.

Bottom line: respect what the sub needs to feel comfortable with you while you're getting to know her.

_____________________________

Beauty fades...stupid is forever
~ Judge Judith Scheindlin
____________________________________________

“Be that self which one truly is" ~Soren Kierkegaard

(in reply to Needapersonalpet)

Post #: 28

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/12/2010 5:17:06 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Needapersonalpet

. I have been swamped with work and other responsibilities the last few hours.

Ask yourself how much time you could devote to a woman. Can you cut back at work if you connect with one?

Stevie - I love you for this comment! I've had so many potentially great relationships fall apart right at the start simply because he couldn't find time to be with me.

Catching a sub/slave/partner is tricky.

Keeping them is harder. But you get out of a relationship what you put into it

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 29

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/12/2010 7:45:07 PM

femasoslave

Posts: 472
Joined: 5/24/2009
Status: offline

Ok.......the reason I actually joined CM in the first place was because of my Masters profile...to me it stood out from all the others....what really struck me about his profile was the honesty....he just said about the type of person he was, he didnt describe the type of subby he was after, he just sounded like any normal guy one would meet...he wasnt trying to impress, he was himself.

(in reply to Needapersonalpet)

Post #: 30

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/13/2010 3:25:51 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

if the remark is astute, intreaguing and/or witty then it can be as short or as long as a sentance takes - im hooked.

it aint the quantity its the quality - the mind behind a quirky, witty, smart observation or comment will win over a page of diatribe about BDSM - all the stuff about who they are and what they want comes later, for me anyway.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to newbie2750)

Post #: 31

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/13/2010 3:41:33 AM

Carouselambra

Posts: 99
Joined: 9/9/2010
Status: offline

Contacting Submissives on Collarme = offer cookies.

_____________________________

If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia. -Thomas Szasz

(in reply to newbie2750)

Post #: 32

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/13/2010 4:46:17 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

What you say you want is totally different than what your profile says you want. I read your profile and came away thinking you want to use someone fast and then move on. Not that you want a relationship.

Like others, I read the profile before I decided whether or not to respond to an email. I would never have opened your email after reading your profile.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Carouselambra)

Post #: 33

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/13/2010 5:56:33 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Carouselambra

Contacting Submissives on Collarme = offer cookies.

That's how to attract ubeDoms, silly.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Carouselambra)

Post #: 34

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/17/2010 9:57:13 AM

sweetcrybaby

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Needapersonalpet

Again, I say thank you for all of the thoughts. I found a couple of posts particularly interesting, specifically the ones talking about how people liked to be addressed. I have never been exactly sure how to handle that (other than, of course when it is covered specifically in someone's profile. If their profile name is something that sounds anything like a name I will often use that. I try to avoid things like "girl" or similar, although I do occasionally fall into that trap. (I have only sent one message out that went further than that and only because it was specifically asked for in the profile. Since that time I have decided that I am not contacting people who ask specifically to be treated as less than human from the start.)

What I mostly notice is agreement with the my approach to this. This of course makes me wonder if something else is the problem (maybe I should post my picture so you can all tell me if THAT is the problem )

I am going to answer Dark Steven's question directly because I feel that it is important to say- I work a lot and my life is very busy however it is not structured in a way that would make it difficult to maintain a relationship (D/s or otherwise.) A great deal of my work is done from home or through short range traveling. The largest difficulty in it is that it involves attending a lot of meetings and other events. I will have no problem fitting someone into my life or giving them the time and attention they deserve (and if they wound up volunteering on occasion I would be able to spend even more time with and around them.)

I believe being contacted by a Dom out of interest is very flattering. Whether I am interested or not, I am blushing that I was considered for further exploration. I like gentleman. I like the Dom to come off as very sweet and gentle. Like trying to coax an anxious horse into eating from your hand...Also when it comes to a busy Dom, it really just means he is dedicated to his career, and grounded in security. These are good qualities. As a submissive I have to remind myself often to be more patient. I have been guilty in the past of complaining about the level of attention or affection that was given to me, but the street goes both ways. Patience is usually rewarded. I have found that it helps keep me focused if the Dom lets me know when I'll be allowed his time. This way I have something to look forward too, and I'm not on the verge of tantrum. Lapses of silence can be difficult in the beginning for a sub, if they do not know what to expect. Although, with the right balance, It can be a passionate game pining for the Doms attention, and he can soak up all of his subs desire...

(in reply to Needapersonalpet)

Post #: 35

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/17/2010 10:38:20 AM

SensualPassion41

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline

I enjoy emails that tell me why I was contacted, indicating they read my profile or journal. The writer tells me something of himself, not just things related to the lifestyle. I enjoy seeing a picture of the person who wrote me.
I don't wish to see his cock, be told how big it is, how he intends to use it with me.
Anyone who expects me to drop to my knees and give him a blowjob on first meet is ignored. Anyone who expects me to call them Sir or Master with first email is ignored. Demanding phone numbers and other email address is ignored.
I read your profile and it seems as if you didn't put much thought in to it. This is the first impression most submissives will have of you. Also, you say something about being "smart enough to handle a fast paced lifestyle" That statement put me off, who says you have to be smart for that? Think about redoing your profile.

(in reply to sweetcrybaby)

Post #: 36

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/17/2010 10:41:22 AM

phoenixmoonn13

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I'm not a sub but your profile said to me "I live life fast. I don't have time for a real profile now. I'll get back to you."

i am not looking but even if somone jsut wants to be firends i wount accept unless i can have a peek at who they are first jsut had a freind request no message nothing form a dom whos looking. no message no good or at least an insight of info on profile and its obvious they havent read mine (not that theres much there but i am not looking) i will reject it.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 37

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/17/2010 4:21:20 PM

jujubeeMB

Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline

OP -

When you do the major rewrite of your profile, make sure you start the profile with who you are (the qualities you have that you're most proud of), what you love to do, and other sorts of things that you would share with someone you hoped to become good friends with. Then do the bit about what sort of woman you're looking for, but don't bother with the "serve, be used and submit" stuff - that's sort of self-evident when you're looking for a sub. Instead, talk about the core qualities that you find important in a potential partner.

Do not say anything about physical preferences you may have - I'm thin as can be, but when I see a profile that says something about preferring thin girls, I block and delete. Make sure that no matter how frustrated you may get with the search you never complain or get angry about it in your profile, journal or on the message boards.

In emails, never send someone a form letter or address them as anything you wouldn't say to a vanilla woman. Make each email unique and make references to the person's profile and message board posts, if they have them. You can sound calm and in control of yourself, but you do not have any control over this new person you're contacting, so act accordingly. You can and should be funny, charming, kind, interesting and whatever else you are. Make sure you write more than four sentences, and that you don't demand a response. If you get a response, don't assume that means you're now in control. No one is - it's just two people tentatively feeling each other out. Don't bring up anything sexual until after she brings it up, and remember that women tend to like teases more than bluntness.

Other than that, you might want to add a profile picture, even if it's not of your face. But don't be naked in it

Good luck!

(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)

Post #: 38

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/18/2010 1:21:35 AM

ladyseekinglord

Posts: 105
Joined: 12/4/2005
Status: offline

Wow, reading all your responses is helping me realize how clueless i am. I need to get a heck of a lot pickier. Thanks ladies!

_____________________________

"Hold the heart of a slave girl and she will walk through fire for you... but if you cherish it she will dance in the flames."

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

Post #: 39

RE: Contacting Submissives on Collarme - 9/18/2010 5:25:00 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

OP -

When you do the major rewrite of your profile, make sure you start the profile with who you are (the qualities you have that you're most proud of), what you love to do, and other sorts of things that you would share with someone you hoped to become good friends with. Then do the bit about what sort of woman you're looking for, but don't bother with the "serve, be used and submit" stuff - that's sort of self-evident when you're looking for a sub. Instead, talk about the core qualities that you find important in a potential partner.

Do not say anything about physical preferences you may have - I'm thin as can be, but when I see a profile that says something about preferring thin girls, I block and delete. Make sure that no matter how frustrated you may get with the search you never complain or get angry about it in your profile, journal or on the message boards.

In emails, never send someone a form letter or address them as anything you wouldn't say to a vanilla woman. Make each email unique and make references to the person's profile and message board posts, if they have them. You can sound calm and in control of yourself, but you do not have any control over this new person you're contacting, so act accordingly. You can and should be funny, charming, kind, interesting and whatever else you are. Make sure you write more than four sentences, and that you don't demand a response. If you get a response, don't assume that means you're now in control. No one is - it's just two people tentatively feeling each other out. Don't bring up anything sexual until after she brings it up, and remember that women tend to like teases more than bluntness.

Other than that, you might want to add a profile picture, even if it's not of your face. But don't be naked in it

Good luck!

Beautiful.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to jujubeeMB)

Post #: 40

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