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RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 11:55:30 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: atractivenuisane

She knew I had no interest in playing with him (as did he). It's true that I dislike him more than I do her, and so it's possible she's at fault as well,

Possible? She blew him. She broke the scene. He appeared and she went to blow him. I've had guys near me before while I was heavy in subspace and I haven't ever felt the need to reach over and put their cock in my mouth while I'm scening with someone else. Even when it's Val.
quote:


but as she was very much in sub space and distracted and he had a clear head and knew he wasn't invited to play with my partner and I, I felt that he, more than she, breached the trust of the play space.

Ok, if she was so in subspace that she couldn't realize who she was blowing, this is your and your dom's fault for not protecting her and stopping her. Granted, I don't buy for a second that she didn't know what she was doing. But if she didn't, it was your bad.
quote:


Additionally, her and I have an existing play relationship that extends far beyond the interrupter. I wasn't aware it was proper scene etiquette to invite all current play partners, no matter how occasional, into every scene. He wasn't included into negotiations because he doesn't own her or speak for her, he wasn't invited because we only wanted to play with her.

You aren't required to invite them but, as a play partner of hers, he might have felt he could approach her. He didn't approach you or your dom, he approached her. While interupting a scene is very bad manners, I would not be offended or upset if Valyraen felt the need/desire to step in. Now, he wouldn't do it but I wouldn't be upset. Hell I'd probably be thrilled. More domlyness for me!
quote:


My dominant was in a state of shock when we were interrupted. Not only had he just played with two women for the first time (not the best thing for a man's mental functioning), he and I are both fairly new to the public scene and were pretty boggled at what had happened. Being the excited newbies we are, we'd both read dozens of play party rules list, and assumed that interrupting someone else's scene was so anathema it was never done. So, he didn't tell the guy off right away, but he spoke to him in the future and was absolutely clear on just how out-of-line that interruption was.

So it's taken care of. Did the man explain why he did what he what he did? Did he get pissy? Or go "Oh, sorry man. Won't do it again."

Mistakes happened. I've been touched by DMs when I didn't want to be because they misread my signals. People are just people.
quote:


As to referring only to myself in the OP, I do that because my dom is comfortable with public scening. He considers the matter dealt with. He'd be thrilled to play at the next party, which is part of why I'm posting here, since he doesn't want to do anything until I'm comfortable. He and I had different reactions to the same situation.

Good for him. I don't see why you are hung up on it when your dom talked to the guy already and he must have had a fairly reasonable reaction since otherwise, given your intense dislike of the guy, you would have mentioned it. 

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 9/13/2010 12:14:52 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to atractivenuisane)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 12:10:55 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hello,

I'm afraid I'm with Aquatic and Julia on this one.

I absolutely take your point that "play partner dude" appears to be a jackass... but your "friend" was a little, let's say "fuck witted" in breaking off the scene with you to scoff on "play partner dude".

It occurred to me how play partner dude might re-tell the story... would he say "this over posessive madwag kept monopolising my partner who'd been going on about wanting to blow me in the dungeon all week, so I rock up and she blows me and then madwag woman throws a fit"? I don't mean to suggest in any way that this was what happened or that you're a madwag - but can you see the point I'm making?

At the end of the day - this is a pretty minor breach of protocol - and your friend chose to blow him (she might have said "can I finish my scene first babes?" or "fuck off" - but she didn't). You don't suggest that he attempted play with you so his actions were all pretty much consented to.

If this episode was as shocking and hurtful to you as you describe, then I think that maybe you shouldn't play in public again. There's no judgement here - but maybe public play isn't for you.

I'm going to call on an extremely limited reserve of experience in public play now - in my very limited experience (maybe 30 visits to clubs/dungeons in my entire kinky career), it is pretty common to encounter a jackass. They're nearly always driven off by a few words, but you're going to have scenes interrupted by oafs (or is it oaves?) from time to time. You may develop a thicker skin, better coping skills, or a more sensitive jackass radar, but there is a possibility that you wont.

I didn't... I can't stand dungeons and fetish clubs and as a result only go as part of a large group of friends and with great reluctance.





_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to atractivenuisane)
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RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 12:16:44 PM   
atractivenuisane


Posts: 30
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

... but maybe public play isn't for you.



I guess I'll have to bow to the collective wisdom of this thread and agree. If that's what I can expect in public, I think I'll skip it.

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 12:18:11 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		fr

I'm baffled.  You want to play with 1/2 of a couple but then get pissed when they play with each other?  Seems to me you got your concept of rights and privileges pretty screwed up.  You were playing with OPP (other people's property) . . .  um . . .  er . . . WTF . . .  It's not like you had to blow the guy.

Don't go to sex parties if you get offended when people fuck their own property...  even you also happen to be playing with it at the time.




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I give good thread.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 12:21:53 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: atractivenuisane


quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

... but maybe public play isn't for you.



I guess I'll have to bow to the collective wisdom of this thread and agree. If that's what I can expect in public, I think I'll skip it.


I don't think this what you can expect. However you still haven't answered if you specifically told your friend that you didn't want him involved.

People are people and you know what? This shit can happen even in private. Because people assume things, forget to mention limits, get carried away in the moment and crap just happens.

The problem here, IMHO, is not that the guy came in and played with his play partner, but that you refuse to accept that it isn't all his fault. This isn't a black and white situation. It looks like you all have a little blame here. And considering that your dominant handled the situation and he is fine with it, why are you going to deny you both something that you evidently enjoyed instead of considering a learning experience and moving on?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to atractivenuisane)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 12:30:03 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		A D/s couple gets a female submissive to play with them at a public event. When her Dom comes over whether she asked him to or he just did it on his own, the couple gets mad. The end.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 12:32:48 PM   
atractivenuisane


Posts: 30
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		She knew that we didn't want to play with him, if anything, we'd told her more explicitly than we'd told him.

I accept that everyone was a bit to blame, myself included. We should have told him explicitly that he gave me and my dom the heebie jeebies instead of being polite and civil about it (some people can't detect polite, civil subtlety).

And as to moving on, the question is how? I feel pretty darned skeeved out by the whole thing and I don't think I could relax enough there to have a good time in the future.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 12:36:01 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
Possible? She blew him. She broke the scene. He appeared and she went to blow him. I've had guys near me before while I was heavy in subspace and I haven't felt the need to reach over put their cock in my mouth while I'm scening with someone else. Even when it's Val.

True.  I still see it as him entering the immediate space first, and her (the other play partner) involving him second, just as a chronological matter.  Nobody needs their nose (or their cock) that close to My play area.  Had it been a case of I screwed up in some way and someone's Dominant was pulling his sub out of the scene for her own protection or safety, I'd have seen it differently.  As it stands, I don't.

quote:

Ok, if she was so in subspace that she couldn't realize who she was blowing, this is your and your dom's fault for not protecting her and stopping her. Granted, I don't buy for a second that she didn't know what she was doing. But if she didn't, it your bad.

I agree with part of this.  I'm willing to bet that sub space doesn't include an "any cock will do" mindset.  It was an action that she took of her own decision.  I don't necessarily blame the OP for it, as she wasn't the one in charge of the scene.  Had I been the top, I would have been having a conversation with the added play partner as well that when we negotiate that there is going to be a scene between the three of us, that's exactly the number that I mean.  Three!

quote:


You aren't required to invite them but, as a play partner of hers, he might have felt he could approach her. He didn't approach you or your dom, he approached her. While interupting a scene is very bad manners, I would not be offended or upset if Valyraen felt the need/desire to step in. Now, he wouldn't do it but I wouldn't be upset. Hell I'd probably be thrilled. More domlyness for me!

He might have felt that way, but had it been Me, he'd have been set straight quick.  Had the guy been her Dominant, I would have included him in the negotiation process anyway.  As it is, I'm reading that the guy is a play partner and nothing more.  A person who has played with someone before has no more right to step into the scene than anyone else at the play space.

quote:


So it's taken care of. Did the man explain why he did what he what he did? Did he get pissy? Or go "Oh, sorry man. Won't do it again."

Mistakes happened. I've been touched by DMs when I didn't want to be because they misread my signals. People are just people.

People are just people, but they are also supposed to know the rules of the play area when they come in.  I don't really see this as a 'mistake'.  A DM coming to check on the participants is a lot different than somebody deciding to step in because they feel like it.
quote:


Good for him. I don't see why you are hung up on it when your dom talked to the guy already and he must have had a fairly reasonable reaction since otherwise, given your intense dislike of the guy, you would have mentioned it. 

I think the OP is most likely more concerned with his action than hers, and I agree with you that some of that is misplaced.  I absolutely see him being in foul first, but the gal they were playing with certainly didn't help matters.  He wanted in the scene, but she was the one who took the action to make sure he was involved in it.  Had she not put his cock in her mouth, it would have been a much easier situation for the Top to control it.  I suspect it would be rather difficult to ask the fourth person to remove himself while he was being sucked off.

As I see it, this is something that should be discussed with both.  Not just the guy who invaded the scene, but the gal who decided to include him.  The responsibility does lie with her as well.

Just for the record, I'm not intending to argue with you, Aqua.  I hope it's not coming off as an aggressive post.  I do freely admit that something like this would have ticked Me off, but please understand that I'm not directing that at you.  Just the situation.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 12:37:44 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		They may not be a d/s couple, but they still are a long standing couple. It's rude to tell him you don't want anything to do with him, but you do want to do her. That's like inviting your sister to dinner and telling her husband he isn't invited.

You don't want him involved, then you ask them both ahead of time if it's okay for you to play with her. You didn't do that and he chose to reassert his relationship as a result. But basically, if you don't get along with both parties of the couple, it's better to pass on just one half.


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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 12:38:00 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Lets see if I can ask the right questions here to get the situation understood.

"The guy comes over and plops down beside us on the couch"

OK 3 folks on a couch doesn't instantly scream "don't interrupt scene in progress" to me. Couches are often considered social spaces as opposed to scene spaces.

This guy was boorish to be generous, but at the same time the expectation that everyone will read your scene on the couch as private do not interrupt us on this piece of communal furniture.

Had you been tied to a spanking bench together and he sat down on the bench as well I would be right there with you 100%.

But you're talking about a couch, which is 90%+ of the time considered social area.

Now on to the girl in question.

This girl thought so little of you and your dominant that they broke the scene and started sexual relations with an outside party.
If I'm in a scene with people, I'm in that scene, I expect that bottom to be IN THE SCENE. My take would have been to bring the girl up short saying
Hey you can go away now you left the scene we're done don't expect to ever play with me again after that display.

For the Boor a simple "We're doing a scene here and you were not invited in guy" should have been enough to let the guy know the couch was not a social zone anymore but the location of your scene, and thus send the guy on to another couch.



(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 12:38:34 PM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		It might be an idea if you return to the play space to explain what happened last time to a DM and ask them to pay attention to your scene.  You don't have to mention names.

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 12:44:11 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: atractivenuisane

She knew that we didn't want to play with him,

You didn't play with him, she did.

eta:  either you are "sharing" OPP or you aren't.  Seriously, you don't have to hide from public play.  You don't have to start drama.  Just stop drooling over OPP and play with one of the nice single girls.  Then you won't have to share.


< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 9/13/2010 12:46:32 PM >

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to atractivenuisane)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 12:44:14 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Just for the record, I'm not intending to argue with you, Aqua.  I hope it's not coming off as an aggressive post.  I do freely admit that something like this would have ticked Me off, but please understand that I'm not directing that at you.  Just the situation.



I understand. And honestly, I'm not willing to judge him overly harshly because A) the dominant allowed him to get that close and B) I have no idea when this occured. I have seen owners, play partners, friends, etc step in as a scene was winding out without any problems whatsoever. As I mentioned, 9 times outta 10, I prefer to fall in Val's arms rather than anyone else's. Maybe he thought it was over and he could go to to her.

Since the dominant didn't stop him, it's entirely possible the guy thought it was ok to approach his play partner. Rude yes. Against the rules yes. But I can see it being a honest mistake - particularly since she isn't saying that the guy flipped out or got angry when the dominant talked to him about it. She did say that he is more active in the community than she is, maybe he had a reason to believe it was acceptable.

And when I said, I've been touched by DMs, I didn't mean in the context of a scene. It doesn't matter but as an FYI. Once or twice, I've hugged or touched in a way that I didn't like cause they just made a mistake. My point simply being that if a DM can do it, anyone can make a mistake. As long as they handled the correction well and don't do it again, I just don't see the problem.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 12:48:32 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

OK 3 folks on a couch doesn't instantly scream "don't interrupt scene in progress" to me. Couches are often considered social spaces as opposed to scene spaces.
...

But you're talking about a couch, which is 90%+ of the time considered social area.



Actually that's a good point. I've never attended a play party or club where scening was even allowed on the couches. That's the cool-down spot where you go to talk or come down.

Was this a negiotated scene or something that just happened? Are you sure that the guy even knew that you were scening and just not being friendly or fooling around a bit?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 1:33:47 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Two things.

Somebody point Me to the post that says the fourth person involved is anything more than an occasional play partner that the girl that was invited into the play that evening has played with before.  I'm not seeing anything more mentioned by the OP than this guy is an occasional play partner of the other gal involved.  I'm not seeing this connection that is being made.

I can't speak for anybody else, but if the folks were in a public dungeon and moved to the couch as the aftercare part of the scene, that's still a part of the scene in My eyes.  Moving off of the equipment or whatever so someone else can use it doesn't necessarily mean the scene is over.  It just means they moved.




< Message edited by LadyPact -- 9/13/2010 1:34:24 PM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 1:42:03 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
There's no judgment here - but maybe public play isn't for you.


That's my impression, as well. It's not for everyone. Expecting those around you to respect your space is not unreasonable but getting your panties in a wad when it occurs to the point that you can't continue the activity in the future is a red flag that perhaps the flesh is better left a private celebration for you.



(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 1:42:24 PM   
atractivenuisane


Posts: 30
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		He knew we were scening, things were in full swing, and it was clearly not socialization, despite it happening on a couch.

He wasn't her dom, her boyfriend, or her long-time lover. There were probably 5 other people there that night with a similar relationship to her, and I'd be damned if I have to go to each casual play partner, ask permission to play and then specifically exclude them from said play.

He didn't exactly play with us, just her, but whipping your cock out 5 inches from someone else's face goes a bit beyond friendliness or let's have a scene directly next to you. And, yes, I can see now that she was just as much in the wrong. But she didn't create the situation, she just reacted to it. If he'd beckoned her away, that would be fine. It was the intrusion into a private place that was the issue, not that she played with him as well.

The scene wasn't fully negotiated (with a contract and whatnot), but he definitely knew that she was going to play with us...it was beyond casual making-out or whatnot.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 1:42:48 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		LadyPact, you are right and I'm just being cynical, but he must have been something to her....blow job and all that.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 1:47:54 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Two things.

Somebody point Me to the post that says the fourth person involved is anything more than an occasional play partner that the girl that was invited into the play that evening has played with before.  I'm not seeing anything more mentioned by the OP than this guy is an occasional play partner of the other gal involved.  I'm not seeing this connection that is being made.

I can't speak for anybody else, but if the folks were in a public dungeon and moved to the couch as the aftercare part of the scene, that's still a part of the scene in My eyes.  Moving off of the equipment or whatever so someone else can use it doesn't necessarily mean the scene is over.  It just means they moved.





To me, aftercare is not part of the scene. It's not to be casually interupted but I would be positively livid if anyone got angry at Valyraen, friend or play partner for coming over and doing something that I was obviously ok with. As she was, since she blew him. Aftercare is coming down how you want to. And if that means blowing a play partner, that's their business.

To me, it really doesn't matter that the guy is a casual play partner. The dominant did not stop him from getting close and so could have easily thought it was ok to approach her. I understand that the dominant was in shock and so addressed it later rather than at the moment, but I can honestly see how could happen. Particularly when his presence is so well-received by the girl that she gave him a blowjob.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 1:50:52 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: atractivenuisane

And, yes, I can see now that she was just as much in the wrong. But she didn't create the situation, she just reacted to it. If he'd beckoned her away, that would be fine. It was the intrusion into a private place that was the issue, not that she played with him as well.

The scene wasn't fully negotiated (with a contract and whatnot), but he definitely knew that she was going to play with us...it was beyond casual making-out or whatnot.


Uh... yes she did create the situation. He created half by appearing, she created the other half by blowing him instead of telling him to go away and the man in charge of the scene, your dominant, allowed it happen.

So I take it you never told her that you weren't comfortable with him being part of it. Lesson learned. Either don't play with her again or make sure that you tell her that play will only be between you, her and your dom.

I'm willing bet that if she'll do it with this guy, she'll do it with someone else too.

Edited to add: Understand, I'm not saying this was a good thing for any of them to do and I don't advocate it. But is just not the fault of that guy or even primarily his fault. Just that why are you so pissed at him when your friend as at least half to blame and your dominant already talked to him and the guy evidently didn't pitch a fit over it?

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 9/13/2010 1:55:51 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to atractivenuisane)
Profile   Post #: 40
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