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RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 2:03:01 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
To me, aftercare is not part of the scene. It's not to be casually interupted but I would be positively livid if anyone got angry at Valyraen, friend or play partner for coming over and doing something that I was obviously ok with. As she was, since she blew him. Aftercare is coming down how you want to. And if that means blowing a play partner, that's their business.

To me, it really doesn't matter that the guy is a casual play partner. The dominant did not stop him from getting close and so could have easily thought it was ok to approach her. I understand that the dominant was in shock and so addressed it later rather than at the moment, but I can honestly see how could happen. Particularly when his presence is so well-received by the girl that she gave him a blowjob.

We must be different on this.  I tend to negotiate aftercare as part of the scene just as much as what kind of play is going to be involved.  I don't have any issue with someone saying that they prefer to be with their Dominant for their aftercare after playing with Me, or even just another party so they can have full attention.  I'm thinking that it's probably more polite to say so in advance so something like this happens.  Not doing it tends to lead to....... well........ situations like this thread.

As I see from the OP's perspective, the scene wasn't over yet.  (Not the aftercare angle that you and I are discussing here.)  Since the gal they were playing with is the one the two of them play with, I imagine there is some serious upcoming discussion there.


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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 2:12:00 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
To me, aftercare is not part of the scene. It's not to be casually interupted but I would be positively livid if anyone got angry at Valyraen, friend or play partner for coming over and doing something that I was obviously ok with. As she was, since she blew him. Aftercare is coming down how you want to. And if that means blowing a play partner, that's their business.

To me, it really doesn't matter that the guy is a casual play partner. The dominant did not stop him from getting close and so could have easily thought it was ok to approach her. I understand that the dominant was in shock and so addressed it later rather than at the moment, but I can honestly see how could happen. Particularly when his presence is so well-received by the girl that she gave him a blowjob.

We must be different on this.  I tend to negotiate aftercare as part of the scene just as much as what kind of play is going to be involved.  I don't have any issue with someone saying that they prefer to be with their Dominant for their aftercare after playing with Me, or even just another party so they can have full attention.  I'm thinking that it's probably more polite to say so in advance so something like this happens.  Not doing it tends to lead to....... well........ situations like this thread.

Fair enough and I usually try to mention something about it. But sometimes I forget since, after all, I'm just human. For me, it's very normal to want interaction with others while coming down and I know at least one girl who likes to give head while in her space.
 
For me this simply illustrates the point that it's easy for mistakes to be made. Particularly when people are new or responding to even a casual relationship that is already in place.
quote:


As I see from the OP's perspective, the scene wasn't over yet.  (Not the aftercare angle that you and I are discussing here.)  Since the gal they were playing with is the one the two of them play with, I imagine there is some serious upcoming discussion there.


I hope so. I really don't see the guy as being the problem. Granted, he broke the rule and that is bad, bad, bad, bad but it sounds like he took the dominant speaking to him about it well. And neither the person controlling the scene or the girl said anything to deter him while it was happening and he got a very positive response/reward for what he did. I think they are the keys to making sure that nothing like this happens again.

I do think that the OP doesn't need to worry about him when it comes to playing in the future though. He didn't interact with her, just his play partner. Assuming she chooses the people she plays with more carefully, shouldn't be a problem.

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 2:31:42 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		I don't think that's what you can expect in public.. I think that's what you can expect from the people you engaged with...


quote:

ORIGINAL: atractivenuisane


quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

... but maybe public play isn't for you.



I guess I'll have to bow to the collective wisdom of this thread and agree. If that's what I can expect in public, I think I'll skip it.



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RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 2:43:13 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

quote:

ORIGINAL: atractivenuisane

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
... but maybe public play isn't for you.


I guess I'll have to bow to the collective wisdom of this thread and agree. If that's what I can expect in public, I think I'll skip it.


I don't think that's what you can expect in public.. I think that's what you can expect from the people you engaged with...


Excellent point. The OP is treating this like 'this is what happens in public' and that is neither fair nor accurate. Those two parties have some level of familiarity and that was a big factor as to why this incident occurred.



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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 3:41:07 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: atractivenuisane

He knew we were scening, things were in full swing, and it was clearly not socialization, despite it happening on a couch.

He wasn't her dom, her boyfriend, or her long-time lover. There were probably 5 other people there that night with a similar relationship to her, and I'd be damned if I have to go to each casual play partner, ask permission to play and then specifically exclude them from said play.

He didn't exactly play with us, just her, but whipping your cock out 5 inches from someone else's face goes a bit beyond friendliness or let's have a scene directly next to you. And, yes, I can see now that she was just as much in the wrong. But she didn't create the situation, she just reacted to it. If he'd beckoned her away, that would be fine. It was the intrusion into a private place that was the issue, not that she played with him as well.
you say that you can see that she was just as much as fault and YET, your use of the word "but" points to how you are planning on showing that you don't believe that and then, with your statement that she DIDN'T create the situation, she REACTED to it, you attempt to do so.  But her reaction of sucking him off is every bit as "over the top" in reference to your scene as his pulling his cock out in the first place.  And again, I come down to this...she may well have the same relationship with 5 other people in that club and yet, only 1 followed her around...only 1 busted into your scene, only 1 approached her during/after the scene...and only 1 got a blow job.  If he means as little to her as she says, then an explanation to her of scene etiquette and her reaction to THAT...not playing with you folks OR not playing with him from now on...should clue you in as to how she feels about things.

quote:

The scene wasn't fully negotiated (with a contract and whatnot), but he definitely knew that she was going to play with us...it was beyond casual making-out or whatnot.
And maybe that's part of the problem.  As someone else mentioned earlier, perhaps she'd told him she'd be playing with him that night.  Turns out though that her involvement with others and their play was cancelling him out each and every time with an end result being that the time to play with him was looking less and less likely.  ~shrugs~  I'm different than he is...if that WAS the case, I'd have told her "fuck off" and I'd have been gone.

(in reply to atractivenuisane)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 4:26:27 PM   
DarkSteven


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quote:

ORIGINAL: subsfaith

It might be an idea if you return to the play space to explain what happened last time to a DM and ask them to pay attention to your scene.  You don't have to mention names.


Exactly.  That's what the DM is there for.  Instead of us trying to figure this out, the DM can resolve it.

But DO name names.


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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 5:31:04 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: atractivenuisane


quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

... but maybe public play isn't for you.



I guess I'll have to bow to the collective wisdom of this thread and agree. If that's what I can expect in public, I think I'll skip it.


I see a different problem then others here. You say you have a dominant, I am assuming if he is "your" dom, this means you are in a power exchange relationship, perhaps exclusively, which extends well past casual play. From what you posted your partner (dom) does not feel the same about this situation as you do. Your feelings about it seem to not be well addressed. It is almost as if you have not discussed this with your dom very deeply, and you are amassing other opinions to "show" him what the guy who invaded your playspace did made him "dickish". It sounds like you are mad at this man, and it also sounds like you are really emotionally involved in others thinking him to be "dickish" too.

I would wonder, if your partner really enjoys public play, are you going to tell him "No"? I just think the way you speak of these things is as if you are not part of a couple. You sound as though you are completely focused upon you and your own feelings. The reactions of your own dominant, what he has said about it, these things seem to not even be on your radar screen. Your dominant addressed it, and he let it go, why can't you? Maybe I am crazy, but in my reality, if my dominant tells me to let something go, I let it go. In my past relationship, if I had kept bringing up something like this (which I have done so) he got pissed off... and he wasn't easy to piss off.

My advice, trust your dominant to take care of you, or stay home.

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(in reply to atractivenuisane)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 7:00:31 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I still want to know where the heck they have couches that are in the play space and considered a station.


Cali


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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 7:15:27 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I don't see why you are concerned it will happen again - no, it is not standard for public play. However, I would avoid playing with the woman in question in public places, as she clearly is easily umm distracted.

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 7:26:33 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

I still want to know where the heck they have couches that are in the play space and considered a station.


Cali



Me too actually. The places I go, scening on the couchs is a big no-no since that is where people go when they don't want to be around a scene.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 7:51:12 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Sometimes sex happens in play spaces. The guy was a bore in interrupting a cool down so he could unzip. But that girl didn't have to blow him and especially did not have to blow him there on that couch. I have a few friends who want to know where she hangs out in case something accidentally falls out of their pants. Sounds like she would be up for it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

I don't see why you are concerned it will happen again - no, it is not standard for public play. However, I would avoid playing with the woman in question in public places, as she clearly is easily umm distracted.


(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 9:27:06 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		From a DM perspective:
I have occasionally had to intervene when someone was too close to or worse, right in the space, of someone's scene.  But I can honestly say that I've never had to say to someone:  "excuse me, ma'am, but since this person has interrupted your scene, I must ask you respectfully to withdrawal your mouth from his cock...."

There's obviously much more to this incident--not that we need to know it here--and I'd second much of the advice given. Select a play area where there's no ambiguity (couch is often for socializing), make it clear who is welcome and who isn't--and the responsibility is both top and bottom's to speak up if there's an issue and get the DM involved.  If the bottom is so far into her headspace that she cannot discern who to suck and who not to suck, (I'm a skeptic about that too)  then both tops had an obligation to speak up, stop the action and tell the gent, most unceremoniously, to piss off.

If a guy stuck his dick without proper invitation into a scene with my friends, he wouldn't have one much longer after that! Those femme tops didn't take any shit.

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/13/2010 9:46:34 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

But I can honestly say that I've never had to say to someone:  "excuse me, ma'am, but since this person has interrupted your scene, I must ask you respectfully to withdrawal your mouth from his cock...."


[off topic]
I just want to say... that is one of the best things I've read today. Had me in giggles.
[/off topic]

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to hausboy)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/14/2010 1:03:57 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Exactly.  That's what the DM is there for.  Instead of us trying to figure this out, the DM can resolve it.

But DO name names.


No, Steven-most of the sets of rules I've come across say that if there is a problem it has to be dealt with on the night-I don't know about in the US but I very much get the impression that UK DM's won't tolerate 'he did she did' complaints after the event, so naming names is just going to make her look petty.

If it wasn't a big enough deal to report on the night, when there would have been witnesses, then it's not a big enough deal to be their problem-the DMs aren't pyschic, how are they supposed to know who has a legitimate complaint and who's just bitching to get someone they don't like into trouble?


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RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/14/2010 1:28:40 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		atractivenuisane, thank you for giving us the bigger picture.
The guy who intervened was absolutely wrong to do so. The sub that sucked his cock was absolutely wrong to do so and although I appreciate you want to be more lenient with her because of sub space, I have to ask myself about subs I have played with in public play spaces, to the point of sub space and what or how they would of reacted in a similar situation and I have to say that each and every one of them would of still had the ability to look at me (their present play partner) for a reaction and if my reaction was of dissatisfaction, they would of snapped right out of it. I have been in a situation where I had a girl, in what I consider, deep sub space, when a guy pushed past and touched her. She immediately came round and reacted quite badly.
Going back to the guilty player that intervened without permission. The guy is a jerk who has had a firm word in his ear by your Dom. Perhaps that will make him think twice about doing this again to you or anyone else, perhaps it will make no difference. He saw an opportunity and he took it and he was consequently rewarded. If there's not a lot between the ears, then he is never going to see beyond the end of his cock.
I used to run a club and we employed DM's to deal with situations. I also spent years working as a DM in a very large club and so know whats involved. DM's have to be discreet whilst looking out for things like drug taking, drunkenness, unconsensual play, dangerous play, people sitting on the furniture, helping out newbies and dealing with situations. It is vital that unhappy people approach the DM's on the night and not days later because the only way such an issue can be resolved is by talking to everyone involved straight after the incident.
It may still be worth mentioning to the club promoter because if this guy has a reputation for doing things like this, they will very probably keep a close eye on him at future events.
I would also avoid playing publicly with your friend.


< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 9/14/2010 1:52:34 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/14/2010 2:48:43 AM   
MistressTonya2u


Posts: 140
Joined: 12/20/2009
Status: offline 		Okay, a few things from My pov.
I agree with hausboy that there seems to be more to the incident that just what is written here.

You said that this play partner was rebuffed by you and your dom. But then in a later post, you stated that the girl you were playing with was told more explicitedly that you did not want to include him, and that he was obviously not understanding the polite subtelty.
I think the first thing to examine is what was specifically said to him. Some people have to have things broken down for them very clearly.

Second, how do you know what the conversation was between him and her? Is it not possible that she told him that she wanted to be with him after the scene? It is in my opinion, more her than him to blame in this, in that she could have told him that she was not ready to scene with him and instead she chose to suck him off. 
She made that decision.You need to think about that. She knew you and your dom did not want him involved in the scene, but she still chose to do it.
I am getting from your posts a lot of resentment towards him.

***I do not think he was right for interrupting a scene, but I also think more details are needed to understand what his intentions were. Intent makes all the diffrence between being a jackass or a dumbass.***

You said he is overly possessive of her.
If you knew that ahead of time, did it occur to you or your dom that there could be issues in playing with her?
Are you a little jealous that instead of continuing with you and your dom, that she chose to be sexual with him instead?

Third, you do not have have to describe what was happening on the couch to us, but I believe it is relevant. Perhaps the play partner thought the scene was over. (I would also suggest not scening on the couch in the future to discourage things like this)

Fourth, you said your dom was in shock, but that he dealt with ths issue. If he dealt with it and is satisifed with the situation, I don't understand the problem now.
Have you talked to your dom about any anxiety you feel. Does he understand how upset that you still are about all of this? It is really his job to comfort you and make you feel at ease. I think the two of you need to have a long talk and decide together, as a couple, if public scenes are a good thing to continue doing.
As others have said, public sceneing is not for everyone.
Lastly, I really suggest not playing with your friend in a public space in the future, if she sucked him off this time, she may well do it again next time. You might be best off with the three of you playing in private in the future.

< Message edited by MistressTonya2u -- 9/14/2010 2:53:24 AM >

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RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/14/2010 3:52:50 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		To the OP, was this a club that is attended by both BDSM'ers and swingers by chance?

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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/14/2010 3:58:03 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		i wouldnt let them ruin youre enjoyment of the place, just dont play with the sub again.

the way i see it her Dominant was excluded from play which may well have made her over anxious about pleasing him, when he turned up she included him because she was feeling sensitive about him being excluded and wished to rei-establish her submission to him.  so thats theyre dynamic and since its not a dynamic that works for you and youre play criterias id just avoid them in future.

if youre Dominant was so dumbfounded why didnt he speak up - but in the end she is the other guys submissive and her ultimate drive is to keep him happy.  she would have known he wasnt and i would imagine that might well have been the driving force behind what happened.

the fact that the other guy gate-crashed youre private scene suggests that he is possibly insecure and possessive, some people are - not anything you can do about that.  he should probably never agreed to you playing with her in that case, sometimes people go along with something because they feel they should, not because they want to - so he did renaig on youre understanding.  chalk it up and avoid playing with her again or talk to the guy and explain things.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 9/14/2010 4:00:37 AM >

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/14/2010 4:00:18 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		The OP has said that the "intruder" was NOT the girl's dominant and that he was simply a casual play partner.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Scene interruption: what now? - 9/14/2010 4:01:51 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		oh, right! - i was a bit confused ill admit - well in that case thats just rude!!  lol

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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Profile   Post #: 60
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