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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/19/2010 7:47:42 PM   
femasoslave


Posts: 472
Joined: 5/24/2009
Status: offline 		Yes...there are many things which my Master and I have done which I won't talk about here on the forums...not because it's private, it's because of the same reasons camille65 has already stated.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/19/2010 7:53:58 PM   
notomorrow


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/4/2010
Status: offline 		I may have a handful of kinks or fantasies that might be too taboo for discussion here.

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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/19/2010 7:56:20 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		There are a ton of things I would never discuss here.

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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/19/2010 8:04:53 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, there are kinks I won't discuss here or on any forum. I might whisper them in your ear though...maybe.

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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/19/2010 8:48:54 PM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline 		I have to say, I will apparently talk about anything on the forums, no matter how stupid it is to talk about it in a public place. I've actually had large numbers of people tell me to publicly take something back, so that there wasn't public documentation of my generalized consent. I'm working on getting a little bit quieter for my own good.

But that wasn't really the question. As for whether or not I'd share information that someone might misuse on someone else, I wouldn't if I had that kind of information. But I'm a lot tamer than most, and a bit on the new side, so I can pretty much share whatever I want without worrying about other people's safety. I very much respect those experienced enough to be doing dangerous things, and who don't put others at risk by sharing it with the general internet. Makes me feel a little bit safer.

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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/19/2010 10:43:37 PM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
Are there kinks you won't discuss on CM, for whatever reason? Is it that you don't want to be responsible for encouraging other people to behave irresponsibly, or you don't think they'll be received well, or the experiences are just too private, or something else entirely?


All of the above, and it's not just limited to CM. It's a mistake to assume that associating with people—in reality or virtual reality—who identify with this "lifestyle" wouldn't burn you at the stake for your thoughts or tastes—even retroactively so for your past experiences. Beware what you divulge, even to vetted confidants and "lovers" you think you can trust. Despite the wooden-headed hypocrisy in doing so, there's a sacred shotgun kept under many beds.

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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/19/2010 10:58:04 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

Are there kinks you won't discuss on CM, for whatever reason? Is it that you don't want to be responsible for encouraging other people to behave irresponsibly, or you don't think they'll be received well, or the experiences are just too private, or something else entirely?


There are activities I participated in that I have no interest in talking about here, other than an occasional vague reference here & there.  They were not "kinks" - they were activities under the direction of my former owner.  They would not be well received here. Plus, they aren't activities that take place in my current world.

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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/19/2010 11:20:44 PM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
Are there kinks you won't discuss on CM, for whatever reason? Is it that you don't want to be responsible for encouraging other people to behave irresponsibly, or you don't think they'll be received well, or the experiences are just too private, or something else entirely?


I can't think of anything I like to do that couldn't be discussed here. 
 
As for these encouraging others...many people aren't as paranoid about safeties as I was when I was new.  (Still am.)  The ones who watch some BDSM porn movies and think being "a natural" is everything they need to know...scare me, especially when they dabble in breath or carotid restriction, etc.  Bringing it up here in the message boards would at least make a newbie realize it might be dangerous and to slow down, read something like SM101 and take classes at dungeons.  I wouldn't want to start threads like those, but when a newbie does, I send a c-mail with a link or two to safeties that discuss in detail what can go wrong. 
 
Some things I do...feel private, and somehow sacred.  When I have a sub I talk less because he might feel betrayed.  He has to feel safe with me, not that I will spew his private life all over the message boards.

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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/19/2010 11:42:50 PM   
MasterMalcolm


Posts: 24
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline 		I think the question is flawed.

You are asking people if they would discuss things, here, that they wouldn't mention here.

Honestly? It sounds like a sting.

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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/20/2010 1:55:21 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		Thanks for the replies, everyone. I'm sorry I disappeared-I did that really stupid thing of starting a thread at 12.15am and then accidentally going to sleep.

A couple of specific points I wanted to pick up on (and also just an excuse to flirt shamelessly with the lovely WinD):

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I didn't say hey you, newbie, you should try it, so why should I feel the blames on me.

That's how I felt originally, but now I'm kind of worried for their partner-if I contribute to a how-to of some really intense play (which in general is unlikely because I don't do anything crazily dangerous or out there, but came up in this case because I have friends that do), and then someone lies about their experience level to some shiny new person, and that shiny new person gets hurt I would feel bad

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Are you sure that we weren't talking about fire play?  Needle play is something that I'm more likely to discuss.  

The "how to's" that I'm usually not willing to discuss on the boards are usually the more dangerous things.  I have something of a personal meter of what types of play that I'll discuss on the open forum.  The higher that it is on the edge play factor, the less likely I'm going to attempt to type out here on the boards.  This is stuff that I'll happily teach in person (one of the demos that I've done is called "Fire and Ice") but the circumstances are different that way.  I do follow notes and I do prepare handouts.  I know I haven't missed something regarding safety or other necessary information.  Frankly, that's a lot of work and I'm not as comfortable sending reprints of a two hour class on the net.


It might well have been fire play

I can see the logic of that-with a class you can be absolutely sure you haven't missed anything out. Do you find that people attending a class are more likely to be safety conscious than those asking for techniques on a forum (or is that just a distinction I want to be able to make so I can feel smug about not relying on the net)?

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinD

Yes, there are kinks I won't discuss here or on any forum. I might whisper them in your ear though...maybe.


Everything's sexier whispered in someone's ear

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

Beware what you divulge, even to vetted confidants and "lovers" you think you can trust. Despite the wooden-headed hypocrisy in doing so, there's a sacred shotgun kept under many beds.


I love that you put 'lovers' in quotation marks

I think there's some truth in this. There are things that go round my head that I doubt I'll ever share with anyone, 'lover' or not. But I suspect it's not just kinky people who are like that-I reckon everyone has the odd dark thought.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia

As for these encouraging others...many people aren't as paranoid about safeties as I was when I was new. (Still am.) The ones who watch some BDSM porn movies and think being "a natural" is everything they need to know...scare me, especially when they dabble in breath or carotid restriction, etc. Bringing it up here in the message boards would at least make a newbie realize it might be dangerous and to slow down, read something like SM101 and take classes at dungeons.


This ties in with what DesFIP said about discussing the dangers rather than explaining the detailed specifics-it seems like a good way of dealing with topics when they do come up.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterMalcolm

You are asking people if they would discuss things, here, that they wouldn't mention here.

Honestly? It sounds like a sting.



Well obviously you're entitled to your opinion, but you are wrong. Nowhere did I ask what anybody's kinks were; I asked what reasons they had for not discussing them. Can you honestly not see the difference between the two questions?

(Notice that I didn't name the kink I wasn't happy to discuss in the OP-I wouldn't ask posters to provide information I won't provide myself...)

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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/20/2010 2:01:53 AM   
hertz


Posts: 1315
Joined: 8/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Are there kinks you won't discuss on CM, for whatever reason?


Yes. Despite appearances, I don't really get a kick out of being insulted by judgemental ass-holes, and there are enough of them here to make it worth my while to bite my tongue.

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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/20/2010 3:38:15 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Hi VG,
I think there is a huge difference between giving someone some sound advice and trying to teach someone online to do something that could be detrimental to their long term health.
I have answered questions about needle play for example on the health and safety side of things. The way I look at it is this, if someone is going to learn online and carry it out in rl without so much as a workshop, I can't stop them but what I can do is give them a little guidance. I remember a branding thread that was all over the place and some of the advice being given was inaccurate and dangerous. Piercing is my thing, branding is my thing, hook pull is my thing and so I am not going to sit back and ignore something I am blatantly interested in. If these people were to google their questions, they would come up with 200 answers. Some of those answers would be snippets of good advice and some of them would be ignorant and possibly dangerous. All one can do is put your own snippet of advice in and hope someone takes note.

I once asked a pertinant question about a particular thing and Lady P took the time to write and explain that thing. I followed her advice to the letter and that advice enabled me to partake in something I hadn't done before. Lady P may not of been standing over me and observing but she knows me well enough to make judgment on my sensibility. She knew I would listen.
I have done similar with other people I know on here. Anything more in depth than a passing comment of advice is only going to be handed out to those who I trust.

We are doing a workshop in London in a few weeks on piercing and medical play. We have been asked to run the workshop on talk and power-point only (no actual demo). We have no idea who is attending and what sort of experience they do or don't have. For this reason we will be concentrating on safety issues and making good practice a ritual. I tend to do the same online when reasonable questions arise.

We run workshops on a regular basis and I agree with Lady P about preparation, personal question time, making sure people have understood and giving out well written handouts.
The last thing you need from your class, is for someone to go out and play carelessly because it really is on your head.
Even at workshops we get the odd know it all. Some years ago one of my pupils started playing in public with a home made fancy sharp bin. He had gone to the trouble of carving a re-usable mahogany sharps box that he could take to the clubs.
People are going to ask such idiots who they learnt from and I for one, do not want my name linked with stupidity.

On here I think we need to air on the side of caution but I also think that valuable information that can be hugely helpful shouldn't be scoffed at.


< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 9/20/2010 3:58:47 AM >

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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/20/2010 4:23:31 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

Are there kinks you won't discuss on CM, for whatever reason? Is it that you don't want to be responsible for encouraging other people to behave irresponsibly, or you don't think they'll be received well, or the experiences are just too private, or something else entirely?



I'm not particularly *kinky* but yes, there are many things we * do as part of our life * that I wouldn't talk about here.

Some of them are prohibited here, some would just bring a raft of *how awful or ewwww* posts and some would be unlikely to be understood without knowing us and how we operate so they are best kept where they belong; between him and I.

I don't actually care whether people may or may not approve, agree or whether they think we're faintly mad but I have a limit as to how much hassle I fancy dealing with and as Camille said, I've been around CM long enough to know the general reaction to some quite mundane things.

agirl

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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/20/2010 4:30:50 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		As open as I am, there are certainly aspects of my practices that I won't discuss on an open forum, not -only- because I am concerned about the danger to someone -else-, but because I know from long experience that they would be profoundly mis-understood, and I have no interest in going down that road.

Calla

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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/20/2010 5:33:15 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

The way I look at it is this, if someone is going to learn online and carry it out in rl without so much as a workshop, I can't stop them but what I can do is give them a little guidance. I remember a branding thread that was all over the place and some of the advice being given was inaccurate and dangerous. Piercing is my thing, branding is my thing, hook pull is my thing and so I am not going to sit back and ignore something I am blatantly interested in.

I can also see the logic in this-good advice on a dangerous thing is better than inaccurate advice on a dangerous thing. So now I have no idea at all where I stand

quote:


People are going to ask such idiots who they learnt from and I for one, do not want my name linked with stupidity.

Is there any way that can be prevented? I suppose in that context you're kind of at the mercy of your class-you can't control who turns up, just have to trust them to listen to you...

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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/20/2010 6:10:17 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		There's a much greater sense of responsibility if you set yourself up as a *teacher* of some kind, I imagine.

If we *share* what we do then we are still teaching , but teaching them what WE do......... which will only apply to *us* ...... we always make that clear.

Not everything we *do* is going to be super-duper for anyone else, just because it is for us. Usually, if anyone has witnessed things with us , they get that part rather quickly.

agirl


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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/20/2010 6:23:10 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
Not everyone has the ability to listen. When your running a workshop there is a fine line between enthralling someone and boring someone. Some people will be eager to learn, others will be itching to get home and try it all out without ever referring back to the notes. Good practice/habits can only come naturally if its learnt and practiced.
A guy once said to me (at a piercing workshop) 'doesn't all this safety stuff take the fun out of it' He couldn't comprehend how safe practice could become part of the ritual and therefore make it more enjoyable.

The problem with worksops VG, is anyone can run one. The BDSM scene has many self proclaimed experts. Some teachers have had many years of experience and are on a continual learning trip. Others are running workshops with little experience and giving the impression that their students are leaning from experts.
We can only teach what we know and so if we don't know a lot then we won't be teaching much. This imo is where workshop students could be putting themselves or their play partner in danger.
With piercing and medical play its easier because you can train to be a piercer or come from the medical field and if you follow the laws of your training, then the dangers and risks are radically reduced but what about things like asphyxiation play? the only way we can learn this is by doing it and if we haven't managed to kill someone in five years then we may even do a workshop on it. Does not killing someone in five years make us an expert or does it just mean we are lucky?

I have seen some fantastic advice online. Only recently I read something about spray cleaners and the aerosol effect of blood when cleaning a medical area. In all the time I have been on the scene and in all the workshops I have attended, I have never once considered or been aware of this. This prompted me to do my own research and 'bingo' I found a real hazard
that I was newly aware of. I can now talk about this within my workshops but its something that I started to learn about on a forum such as this.

The medical profession that are into this lifestyle are more likely to write to informative threads than come out on the scene and risk being outed. On the English site that we both go to, I know two surgeons and one scrub nurse that don't come out on the scene but have given some great advice online.
There are certain things where we really do need hands on experience but their is a fountain of knowledge here on the web, we just have to be eager to find it.

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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/20/2010 8:42:18 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
I once asked a pertinant question about a particular thing and Lady P took the time to write and explain that thing. I followed her advice to the letter and that advice enabled me to partake in something I hadn't done before. Lady P may not of been standing over me and observing but she knows me well enough to make judgment on my sensibility. She knew I would listen.
I have done similar with other people I know on here. Anything more in depth than a passing comment of advice is only going to be handed out to those who I trust.

I remember that and I was so glad that I was able to help.  It also goes very much to the essence of what I meant in that comment that I made to VC a while back and My position of it on the boards.

While you can't *know* someone completely from the boards, you can get an idea of how seriously they take safety and if they have any experience at all regarding a type of play that they want to work with.  To Me, that makes a lot of difference in how I'm going to respond, even if it's a private inquiry. 
quote:

We run workshops on a regular basis and I agree with Lady P about preparation, personal question time, making sure people have understood and giving out well written handouts.
The last thing you need from your class, is for someone to go out and play carelessly because it really is on your head.

Absolutely.  I can't say enough about this.  In My eyes, it's the sign of a good presenter.  What they have done before the class ever starts shows how seriously they take the subject.  The point of doing a presentation isn't to show off.  It's to teach.  Even when I've got a lot of personal experience in a certain type of play, I'll still do as much research as possible if there is something that I feel that I don't know.
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
Is there any way that can be prevented? I suppose in that context you're kind of at the mercy of your class-you can't control who turns up, just have to trust them to listen to you...

Yes, that's kind of how it goes.  It's also another darn good reason for the handout.  It can be hard for someone to remember everything that they learned during a presentation.  The written info can help with that.

Also, being available after the workshop has ended has been beneficial in My case.  People will sometimes have questions that they think of after the presentation is over or they might be too shy to ask in front of everyone.  I consider that part of the deal when I do a demo.
quote:
The problem with worksops VG, is anyone can run one. The BDSM scene has many self proclaimed experts. Some teachers have had many years of experience and are on a continual learning trip. Others are running workshops with little experience and giving the impression that their students are leaning from experts.
We can only teach what we know and so if we don't know a lot then we won't be teaching much. This imo is where workshop students could be putting themselves or their play partner in danger.

Absolutely agreed again.  If a person doesn't have a combination of background research as well as practical experience on the subject, they aren't qualified, in My opinion.


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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/20/2010 11:24:34 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Shame on you for daring to go to sleep an leave a thread hanging, We aught to flog you and maybe you'll know better next time* extremely cheeky grin and a twinkle in my eye, that betrays I am not at all serious*






I wouldn't give how to advice,  but I'd have no problem saying for example" man last night I was whipped and beaten, and then he put clamps on my clit, and then on my tits, and I was so black and blue and exhausted from all the climaxing an then he tossed me into bed and tied me down fucked me, and left me alone in a puddle of cum to sleep the rest of the night"


To me that doesn't make it on my head if someone wants to recreate that.

I would not however, say the same thing but with recommendations and instructions,  like oh yeah, you need clover clamps, and then you need hemp rope, and you can go to walmart and buy both, and it's so easy any one can do it, this is how.........




No. I'm not qualified to give instructions on how to do things, I am only qualified to and can only speak to how I felt an how I liked the activity, not instructions.

To post how to do something like that with detailed instructions and should some one say oh she provided such clear instructions and SHE had no problem doing it, I shouldn't either, that would somewhat be on my head.
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I'm sorry I disappeared-I did that really stupid thing of starting a thread at 12.15am and then accidentally going to sleep.

A couple of specific points I wanted to pick up on (and also just an excuse to flirt shamelessly with the lovely WinD):

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I didn't say hey you, newbie, you should try it, so why should I feel the blames on me.

That's how I felt originally, but now I'm kind of worried for their partner-if I contribute to a how-to of some really intense play (which in general is unlikely because I don't do anything crazily dangerous or out there, but came up in this case because I have friends that do), and then someone lies about their experience level to some shiny new person, and that shiny new person gets hurt I would feel bad




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RE: Are there kinks you won't talk about on CM? - 9/20/2010 12:28:41 PM   
SeparatedSub


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/19/2010
Status: offline 		As far as advice, instruction, and danger goes, the only things I could offer are self-bondage tips.  I could probably run a workshop, lol.  But the only things I will advise (and have recently advised) is to slow down, use your brain, think things through, have a backup to your backup escape plan, and recognize that it still is dangerous as hell and something *will* eventually go wrong.  How to?  No way.

As far as kinks, the ones I can't mention here are probably best left in my fantasies anyhow.

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