RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything?

RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (Full Version)

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mstrslve4fun -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 4:25:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists I find it rather insulting that you think Alandra or I would be foolish enough to be in a relationship with someone who would put children at risk. Know who you are involved with and then you don`t have to worry about protecting yourself or others from them. Knight`s Kyra And that is the point. That KOM would never do such a thing as the op's husband is doing. Putting children at risk and putting the op at risk for being jailed. Unfortunately her husband is doing this. And the only way she can avoid it is by disobeying him. So is she a bad submissive or is he a bad dominant? To me, if he wants the rights in the relationship then he needs to take on the responsibilities as well. KOM does that, The Man does that. But the op's husband will not do that. In all fairness to my Master, i don't think He ever has expected me to leave the kids alone so we can go out. He does however, expect me to have one of our older boys at home when He wants to go out. And with 2 working and 1 in all kinds of high school activities (sports, clubs, etc) it isn't always easy to have one home. And the fact that i have a lot of things that need to get done around the house, and He wants to go out. Also, we have a date night at least once a week, usually Saturdays.

lally2 -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 4:51:54 AM)
cant he text one of the boys and ask them to head home so youll be free to go out. i dont think its unreasonable to hope that one of the older boys can come home for the kids once in a while, but it is unreasonable to expect them to drop their social life and all else to head home on the off chance that they might be needed. a simple text from youre husband to one of the boys would solve this. with you doing eveything else it isnt much to ask, since youre husband is the one with the agenda and knows when its likely he'll want you to be free.

daintydimples -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 6:01:08 AM)
As someone else has said, this "master" sounds like he wants all the power with none of the responsibility. That just doesn't work well.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 6:06:03 AM)
quote: Offering a babysitter as a "viable alternative" implies (to me) that a babysitter is really overkill if you've got responsible children. As long as the 9 year old gets his marching orders in advance from Mom and Dad, ("direction and supervision") they are safe? I think you misunderstood... a paid caregiver is a viable alternative to having a parent attend to the offspring -- not having the offspring attend to themselves. However, telling your offspring "I know that we usually do homework together, but Mom and dad have something to do this afternoon, so Peggy is coming to babysit and you'll have to do your homework with her. You can fix a snack for you and your sister until dinner is ready." is NOT, IMO, unreasonable. Calla

KnightofMists -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 7:06:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrslve4fun quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists I find it rather insulting that you think Alandra or I would be foolish enough to be in a relationship with someone who would put children at risk. Know who you are involved with and then you don`t have to worry about protecting yourself or others from them. Knight`s Kyra And that is the point. That KOM would never do such a thing as the op's husband is doing. Putting children at risk and putting the op at risk for being jailed. Unfortunately her husband is doing this. And the only way she can avoid it is by disobeying him. So is she a bad submissive or is he a bad dominant? To me, if he wants the rights in the relationship then he needs to take on the responsibilities as well. KOM does that, The Man does that. But the op's husband will not do that. In all fairness to my Master, i don't think He ever has expected me to leave the kids alone so we can go out. He does however, expect me to have one of our older boys at home when He wants to go out. And with 2 working and 1 in all kinds of high school activities (sports, clubs, etc) it isn't always easy to have one home. And the fact that i have a lot of things that need to get done around the house, and He wants to go out. Also, we have a date night at least once a week, usually Saturdays. mmmmmmmmmm... well I do understand and appreciate that your Husband is not the abusive neglectful person that many here like to label him as.... but I am confused.... you stated earlier .... quote: our older boys live at home and are 22, 20 and 18, so at least one of them is home at any given time. But i am also in charge of making sure someone is home if He wants to go out. and now you state... quote: He does however, expect me to have one of our older boys at home when He wants to go out. And with 2 working and 1 in all kinds of high school activities (sports, clubs, etc) it isn't always easy to have one home. so... is one of them at home at any given time or not????? Because if they are... it would seem highly reasonable to expect that the young could be properly cared for at any given time.... and even if all three are not home at a given time... really how often is that ever happen when he wants to go out? It really seems like you are making excuses and not providing any rational reasoning. Lastly.... so you have alot to do!.... who the hell doesn't!!! but who makes the decisions... where is the authority? If he wants' to go and he has the authority... then I guess he just told you what the prorities are.... and as long as he is making an informed decision.. meaning that he is open and hearing any information from you.. then where is the problem? Maybe he is frustrated because you are not getting the work done like you should be... maybe your time management stinks! there is a whole lot of maybes here!!! I am not going to only lay this one down at your husband's feet... most likely it's both of your problems.... rarely have I ever seen the issue in one person's court to solve. Maybe you went along with being his slave to inflate his ego... but reality is can't walk the talk... but neither can he. Maybe you both need to take a reality check! Then again.. maybe this is a one time occurance that we are talking about and that this is being taking wwwwwwwwwwwwayyyyyyyy out of context of the issues. Maybe there is something not being said about the situation that would change everything. Maybe the expectation was that he understood the kids could be cared for with big brother X before he called , but X like those young fuckers do... met up with a babe and isn't coming home for supper and hubby is not aware of that. Maybe maybe maybe......... the list goes on....... He's upset and you are upset that he is upset... seems to me you both have to sit down and decide a few things. One.... determine... where the bear shits in the woods!!! WHO MAKES the decisions? Two.... deteremine.... if the reasons for him to being upset are justified!!!! I follow a little process..... Direction..... is what he wanted clearly understood? seems to me you did understand! Opportunity... is the time available to do what He wants to be done... what needs to be done to make it happen and can those things be done to create the opportunity. This seems to be the issue for the most part..... Motivation.... are you really committed to follow the authority! do what it takes to create those opporunities to realize the direction provided? I see some excuses.... not sure if you really want what is being dished out? but maybe you do.... Skill.... does one have the skills to make it happen? this also might be part of the issue..... maybe the skills needed to create the opportunity is not there in the first place. maybe as I suggested before.. your time management sucks and lacking this skill didn't allow for the ability to create the opportunity. Now this is something you could go through.... but I also go through an asscessment of my prioritites and consequence of choices when making decisions before the fact.

daintydimples -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 7:18:23 AM)
Hhmm, let's see. She has five kids and is juggling them with a business and a husband/master who has clearly delegated all the "not fun" responsibilities to her. And you think she's not good at time management? His childish expectations are not realistic. It's up to the OP to decide if she wants to continue in this situation for the benefit of a partner who seems to put getting this kink on the only life priority. To no one's surprise, I would have to vote no to that.

KnightofMists -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 7:24:52 AM)
quote: . And you think she's not good at time management? if you actually read what I stated... you wouldn't be asking such a stupid question!.... Even though I suspect it is a rhetorical question. But regardless.... I stated...... "maybe your time management stinks!" a maybe is a long ways from thinking that it is that way. It is only one of many possibilities..... but possibilities do not equate to fact. Frankly.... it's really difficult to say what is or isn't fact.... expecially when the OP herself is providing mixed and contrary information.

Archer -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 7:52:41 AM)
5 Kids at home??????? 22 = not a child 20 = not a child So the reality is we have 3 kids at home (I'll give you the 18 year old in high school still qualifies) and we have 4 nominal adults living in the house. Coupled with KnightofMist's catch that there either is or isn't one of the 3 18 and over people home almost all the time, I am finding more and more issues with the statements being accurate. Rarely have I seen a real life problem where all the blame was fairly placed on one side. I doubt this is one of those situations. I'm another of those folks who expects when I call that my slave will find a way to make it happen or explain to me why that simply isn't possible withpout violating some other directive. I'm not so chld centric as some folks get to be even though I agree that children are the #1 priority, There are times when that is put into action, and ends up meaning that Master never gets to be the current priority. If this is the case here then I have more sympathy for a Master being a bit upset that his needs and wants never make it to the top of the list. I can't say for sure who is right or wrong since we have only the one side of the equation here, but what I can be sure of is that we don't have the whole story presented without bias here.

daintydimples -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 8:28:38 AM)
Okay, KoM, your last comment literally made me laugh out loud. Any person capable of juggling 2 small children, a business, and a Master has great time management skills. I know, been there, done that. The OP appears to be able to manage her time quite well, after all, she makes more money than he does (which I suspect is an underlying issue here). She has to be good at time management to have a successful candle making business. By it's very nature, it requires good time management, or you don't get good candles. You can't easily put a batch of wax on hold b/c Master called. It is also a business which is very dangerous in terms of the risk of serious burns, and so not one children can participate in. Now, I agree there are more issues here than presented by the OP. It's obvious she's frustrated and resentful and not feeling terribly obedient. Some seem to think it's b/c she's a crappy sub; I most strongly disagree.

KnightofMists -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 9:02:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daintydimples Okay, KoM, your last comment literally made me laugh out loud. Any person capable of juggling 2 small children, a business, and a Master has great time management skills. I know, been there, done that. aaww no!... your projecting your own experiences into her. Any person having 2 small children, a business and a Master doesn't equate to having great time managment skills. It only means that time managment skills are going to be necessary to be effective over the long term. Secondly, nothing actually give fact that she does or doesn't manage her time effectively... all we have is rather incomplete and baised point of view. Hardly enough information to make any judgement that has any wisdom attached to it. The wises thing a person can do is look at possibilities and eliminate them with evidence of fact! quote: The OP appears to be able to manage her time quite well, after all, she makes more money than he does (which I suspect is an underlying issue here). She has to be good at time management to have a successful candle making business. By it's very nature, it requires good time management, or you don't get good candles. You can't easily put a batch of wax on hold b/c Master called. It is also a business which is very dangerous in terms of the risk of serious burns, and so not one children can participate in. Now, I agree there are more issues here than presented by the OP. It's obvious she's frustrated and resentful and not feeling terribly obedient. Some seem to think it's b/c she's a crappy sub; I most strongly disagree. The only thing that appears is that time management skills is going to be necessary and in fact the lack of the skill might be why he is rather frustrated. I think you also point to another possibility with regards to the financail issues. there are more and more questions and little actual informattion or answers. But I do see alot of people like you projecting and making assumptions that have no bases with the information provided. Is she a crappy sub.. I have not a clue.... in the end.. she and He has to be measured to the Yard stick that they have established in their Relationship. Unfortuanately, many have established unrealistic yardsticks (expecations) and it only sets them up to fail. They need to look at their expecations... make some serious decisions with regards to their basis in reality and capacity to walk the talk. IT's their relationship... they walk it or fall down!

KnightofMists -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 9:05:41 AM)
quote: I can't say for sure who is right or wrong since we have only the one side of the equation here, but what I can be sure of is that we don't have the whole story presented without bias here. very true and rather foolish to make X judgement based on such sketchy information.

daintydimples -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 9:22:18 AM)
quote: But I do see alot of people like you projecting and making assumptions that have no bases with the information provided. Actually, my assumptions are based on what I know about the candle making business (it is highly competitive), and what I know about making candles. If she is a successful enough candle maker that she is earning more money than he, she is a very good candle maker indeed. And good candle makers are, by their very nature, very skilled at time management. They have to be. This is not conjecture, it's physics. Every single aspect of good candle making requires very skilled judgment in terms of timing. Therefore, my assumption that this is not a time management issue is based on 1) her success in her chosen field, and 2) that her chosen field requires the best of time management skills to be successful. Now, is it possible that she is not very good at applying her considerable time management skills to other aspects of her life? It's possible, but in my opinion, not probable.

Archer -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 10:00:08 AM)
The only thing that exceeds the number of assumptions we have to make to get to who's wrong, is the number of things that the story doesn't tell us that we would have to know to make anything near a fair judgment. Until I get that information I'm gonna have questions and some of them are gonna sound mean. You (generic) ask for opinions you're not guaranteed that you'll like the ones you get.

poise -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 10:02:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists I follow a little process..... Direction..... is what he wanted clearly understood? seems to me you did understand! Opportunity... is the time available to do what He wants to be done... what needs to be done to make it happen and can those things be done to create the opportunity. This seems to be the issue for the most part..... Motivation.... are you really committed to follow the authority! do what it takes to create those opporunities to realize the direction provided? I see some excuses.... not sure if you really want what is being dished out? but maybe you do.... Skill.... does one have the skills to make it happen? this also might be part of the issue..... maybe the skills needed to create the opportunity is not there in the first place. maybe as I suggested before.. your time management sucks and lacking this skill didn't allow for the ability to create the opportunity. Since I've already offered a response to the Op pages ago, I hope no one minds that I draw attention to something that made me smile, something we can never get enough of. Very clever! yes...at times even I am easily amused[:D]

mstrslve4fun -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 11:13:41 AM)
I guess my original question is getting lost somewhere. The example situation is this (and this type of situation happens a lot). He went to work, knowing that i was going to be walking around downtown for quite some time handing out advertisements. So, as He is heading home from work, He calls to see what i'm doing because he has tentatively set up something for the evening with another couple (although i do not know this). When He calls, he asks how things are, i say "well, i walked around downtown today for a couple hours, so i'm tired, beside the fact that my shipment of wax came in and my stock of candles is almost gone, so i really need to get some candles made, and the kids just got home and son #1 has to go to work and son #2 is at work, and son #3 is doing something with friends after school". He then gets upset because the plans He has made can't be executed. i can possibly track down son #3 for babysitting if needed, but he gets upset not because we can't go out, but because he assumes i'm saying "No" we can't go out. But that isn't what i'm doing, i'm simply stating facts. How do I best deal with his upset?

Lockit -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 11:17:55 AM)
I believe your question was whether we dominant's expect our submissive/slave to drop everything. Simply put... yes.

mstrslve4fun -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 11:21:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I believe your question was whether we dominant's expect our submissive/slave to drop everything. Simply put... yes. And if knowing how much your sub has on her plate and that it might not be that easy to have her drop everything, do you get angry and upset with her? Especially when she has not said no she can't, you just assume she has said it?

MstrPBK -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 11:25:11 AM)
My judgment suggests that if one asked a sub/slave to drop everything to many times one would eventually have a slave thinking you ask to much of them; the unfinished work still has to be done at some point. Personally there has to be a balance between how much you want them to do, and how much they can do for you. I accept the fact there are emergencies and unexpected conditions. In the constant scale of things I would call this an unwise practice. MstrPBK St. Paul, MN USA

BKSir -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 11:36:19 AM)
Depends on the situation really, I guess. If he's not doing anything and I'm struggling to bring a 50lb. bag of rice and ton of other groceries up the stairs after errands after I get off work, damn right I expect him to put his book down or pause a movie or some shit to help me. If he's got a recital or some such and I want to go get coffee NOW, well, I'm not even going to ask, and if I did ask I would wholeheartedly expect him to tell me to go fuck myself. "Dom" does not equal "God", at least not in my household and mind. I try not to make unreasonable requests. But the requests I do make, I expect it to be done, and if not, a damned fine reason (not "excuse") as to why not. "Because SallyAnn called and distracted me." is an excuse, "Because I've been busting my ass all day and still have work I need to do if we want to keep this roof above our heads." is a fine reason. Although, he'd better be a bit more diplomatic than that unless he wants a rather reddened backside (in the not good way).[:D]

Lockit -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 11:37:24 AM)
When I expect my submissive to drop everything, I have considered all this before he has to tell me what he has going on, as I already know. Each morning is a time to tell me what they have going on if I don't already know. If it means I have to get up earlier than I wanted to, to assure we have that communication, that is what happens. I go out of my way to know. I often ask how they are doing or how the day has been before I make a request and my request are expectations. If I believe that things need to change so that other things can happen, I tend to see them coming before they are there, but if I miss something or I forget, as soon as I am aware, I am addressing the problem. I am easy going to a point. If I say work something out, I mean for them to work it out. I may want to see what they do with the situation. If I have no other motive in mind, I will tell them how I want something done so that my end goal can actually happen. You all are new to the d/s structure and maybe have a few things to learn about it. No one is expert in all situations and there are things to learn in it all. This may be a time where you each need to evaluate life, yourselves, parenting, fun time and how you are going to make it so the dynamics you want, work for you and not against you. You have many years of not living the dynamics you entered and may have a lot of things that need to be adjusted. I don't know anyone who was a dominant or submissive in perfection from night one. I have had to look at myself throughout life and examine what I say and do and how I live or interact with people. Holding myself accountable has caused me to cringe... but then... get up and do whatever it is I am holding myself accountable for. I have had to realistically examine whether my health was the reason I didn't do something or laziness or just check myself to make sure I didn't look like I was using my health as an excuse. There were times I could have done one thing or another and simply didn't want to. That had an effect. Those dishes were there when I wanted to use them and couldn't. I didn't want to do a shopping trip for my business and missed out on that time and it cost my business because I wasn't ready for something that slipped my mind. I am not anal about keeping a schedule, but I do believe in them and I believe in keeping myself accountable... as well as a submissive or mate, when I have one.

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