RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything?

RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (Full Version)

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Archer -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 11:44:10 AM)
returns to my earlier statement. How many times have his plans been put on hold to make sure everyone else who isn't Master is handled? I mean if this is 80% of the time he tries to make something happen that it gets canceled and you think that the 20% of the time that he gets it his way is enough, then he might be right in being upset that everything except him is a priority. If he gets his way 80% of the time and is bitching about the 20% of the time when things just don't fall into place then I'm looking at his maturity as a major problem. But you seem unwilling or unable to express the matter in unbiased manner. You are very carefully keeping the statements such that you can't be blamed for anything.

MistressRosalyn -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 11:54:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrslve4fun And if knowing how much your sub has on her plate and that it might not be that easy to have her drop everything, do you get angry and upset with her? Especially when she has not said no she can't, you just assume she has said it? Again...it comes down to communication first and foremost. That's why a calendar is of massive importance. And again, I ask my question, which may have gotten lost in the volume of posts...If he had called saying that he has something really fun like concert tickets or a free dinner out, how would you have responded? How DID you respond, in that your Master assumed that you were saying "no" right off? I'm an actress, and I can read a line any way I choose. It's all in tone and inflection, and you could have made it sound like you were eager to comply, or you could have sounded like complying was the last thing on your mind. Which tone and inflection was he responding to? I will state this again. A collared slave WILL trust her Master to know what is right. She should respectfully let her Master know the challenges she is facing, and allow the Master to decide which course of action is to be taken. Also, as the parent of two 20-somethings, I can state that they have their own lives, and depending on them for babysitting is not a good idea. You need to have a babysitter or two lined up to cover for this sort of situation. Then if all three kids, and both babysitters aren't available, THEN you can admit to your Master that you've tried and failed. You could also perhaps ask your Master to make an agreement between you that a hard limit is last minute meetings. If you can demonstrate that you need at least 24 hours to arrange things and make sure your schedule is clear, so you never disappoint him again, I should think that he would accept that. In the end though, you need to figure out what it is that is making you so angry, because I hear passive aggressive anger all through this. Maybe I am incorrect, but I don't think so.

mstrslve4fun -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 11:58:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Archer returns to my earlier statement. How many times have his plans been put on hold to make sure everyone else who isn't Master is handled? I mean if this is 80% of the time he tries to make something happen that it gets canceled and you think that the 20% of the time that he gets it his way is enough, then he might be right in being upset that everything except him is a priority. If he gets his way 80% of the time and is bitching about the 20% of the time when things just don't fall into place then I'm looking at his maturity as a major problem. But you seem unwilling or unable to express the matter in unbiased manner. You are very carefully keeping the statements such that you can't be blamed for anything. I'd say it's close to 80% or greater that i'm able to make things happen for him now in our M/s relationship. i will admit it was much less back when we were still vanilla. There have even been times in the last few months where i was sick but went with Him because it was what He wanted. I am not unwilling to express the matter in an unbiased manner. I am trying to report the facts as they happened. If it seems biased, i am sorry.

Lockit -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 12:01:05 PM)
OP... can you tell us how you feel about swinging? What importance do you put on this aspect of your lives? Do you feel insecure or jealous? Do you feel you are doing all you can to make things work smoothly or could you improve in some way? Do you feel that your husband is expecting too much? Is he doing all he could to be a good dominant to you? You have to ask some questions and these are only an example. It's time to dig deep before too much damage is done. Wouldn't you say? It isn't finger pointing time... but time for love and examination and some communication. The way you worded things, I thought... five children... a full time business... tired... spur of the moment expectations... selfishness with the upset... Then we find out that the children for the most part are not young children and then other questions came to mind. Like, why is the stock so depleted, was there enough planning or letting something slide? Is there reason for the upset on either of your parts? What are the medical situations? Maybe I answered too quickly from my own experience of running a household, different businesses and how many hours I put in for the demands of my family and I shouldn't have answered so quickly and thinking you had even more with a couple more kids than I had.

mstrslve4fun -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 12:18:36 PM)
Lockit, thank you for your post. Here's some answers. Stock was depleted because money was tight to buy supplies, simply because of a couple of family emergencies that weren't counted on (having to come up with $1000 for a college class was one of them). It was also low because i was letting my summer stock dwindle, but needed to get stock of new fall/winter fragrances. Also, candles aren't my primary line, even though they are getting more and more lucrative. My primary line is natural bath and body, and that is where i was putting the bulk of my supply costs into. How do i feel about swinging? Ambivilent. Perhaps if some of the men were better lovers, i'd be more excited about it...LOL The best lover i've been with since we've been doing this was a woman, and i've never been attracted to women before. It's more important to Him, i think because he didn't sow any 'wild oats' before marriage, whereas i was a bit of a slut before we got married. I feel like i am doing my best for Him, and the family. Although i do sometimes feel like what i do is not noted as much as what i CAN'T do. I don't think He's expecting too much, i just think sometimes His little head carries the rest of him away and He forgets everything else.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 12:19:27 PM)
quote: I guess my original question is getting lost somewhere. The example situation is this (and this type of situation happens a lot). He went to work, knowing that i was going to be walking around downtown for quite some time handing out advertisements. So, as He is heading home from work, He calls to see what i'm doing because he has tentatively set up something for the evening with another couple (although i do not know this). When He calls, he asks how things are, i say "well, i walked around downtown today for a couple hours, so i'm tired, beside the fact that my shipment of wax came in and my stock of candles is almost gone, so i really need to get some candles made, and the kids just got home and son #1 has to go to work and son #2 is at work, and son #3 is doing something with friends after school". He then gets upset because the plans He has made can't be executed. i can possibly track down son #3 for babysitting if needed, but he gets upset not because we can't go out, but because he assumes i'm saying "No" we can't go out. But that isn't what i'm doing, i'm simply stating facts. How do I best deal with his upset? Ok, first, you're not responsible for dealing with his "upset". Depending on his personality, he's -going- to get upset if his desired plans go awry. That's a hazard of living with those of us who are sort of "control-freak-like". We make plans... we expect that the Universe will turn in ways that will make them happen. So let him have his rant. With that in mind, there are ways to present things that are "matter of fact", and ways that sound like whining. Depending on how you present things, you can either ease that tendency to rant, or you can aggravate it.This may not sound like much, but when you're on the "kneel" side of the equation, I've found that sometimes just that little bit of difference in presentation makes it possible for me to see things -more- rationally.... or get much more peeved, irritated, and crabby. I'm going to pull from your post directly, and make comments about how I would have handled the situation (when I was "on the kneel") or how I'd expect one of my servants to handle such a situation. quote: So, as He is heading home from work, He calls to see what i'm doing because he has tentatively set up something for the evening with another couple (although i do not know this). When He calls, he asks how things are, i say "well, i walked around downtown today for a couple hours, so i'm tired, beside the fact that my shipment of wax came in and my stock of candles is almost gone, so i really need to get some candles made, and the kids just got home and son #1 has to go to work and son #2 is at work, and son #3 is doing something with friends after school". If you actually presented things during your conversation with him the way you did above, I can see why he got immediately irritated. Try this on for size: Master: Hi, how are things going? Servant: They're going well, Master. I've accomplished quite a bit today, including several hours of direct marketing, placing brochures downtown. Son #1 is on his way to work, as is Son #2, and Son #3 has plans for the evening with friends. {PAUSE to let Master absorb everything} Now from here, once you pause to let him absorb all the good stuff that is going on, he may very well come back and say MASTER: "I've made some plans for the evening. There are some people that I would like us to meet." At which point, the remainder of the situation can be addressed. Make sure that the presentation is precise, and that you don't let 'whine' creep into your voice... remember... pleasant and not bitter. This is the man you -chose- to lead and direct your lives... and that's what he's trying to do, and so what you're providing here is INFORMATION on which he can make a decision: *Servant*: Yes, Master. May I ask how I should manage the inventory work I was planning on doing this evening? The wax came in, and my inventory is getting low. As you know, I have several shows this weekend, and I am concerned that the inventory levels will not allow sufficient stock for a successful weekend." THEN LISTEN. See what he has to say, and discuss, with appropriate attitude, the options that are presented to you. You've chosen a M/s relationship -- its not a one-sided thing. Both sides have to want it to work for it to work out, and make no mistake... it IS work. Choosing that type of relationship requires something from the yielding party... it requires the acknowledgment that they no longer run their own life. I noted that you commented in an earlier post that you had been the primary mover and shaker in your own life for many years... but that isn't your current situation. Instead, you've chosen a way of life where you're not in control. I know how that feels, having made the choice to live that way myself for a while. It isn't in my nature to do so, but I had good reasons for making the choice. It's not easy to learn to let go of that control and to let the chips fall where they may while the other person learns -exactly- what is required to hold on to that control... especially if you're both new at this. One last comment before I end this post -- do NOT use your children as an excuse to hold onto the control in your M/s relationship unless you really don't want that relationship to function. If you do not want to yield control after all, now that you've tried it out -- even if the reason is that it is simply TOO uncomfortable for you, then be forthright about where you're at. Life can be adapted to suit having offspring and a business. I wrote a novel, did my own marketing, and raised 4 littles from 2 to 14 while I was in service in the House, so it -can- be done without compromising either the offspring or the business -- however, you, as the yielding party, -do- have to WANT to yield and be WILLING to yield. If the person you're with can't be trusted to make sure that your offspring are safe... well... your yielding may have to wait until they're all grown and gone... but if he is genuinely trying, and it sounds like he is, then perhaps it is time to look straight on at what -you- really want, and figure out whether or not you're really in a position to let go as much as a M/s relationship requires. Calla

Lockit -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 12:33:06 PM)
Bingo! Now, take those answers and see if you can take out any finger pointing. Examine it... examine yourself. Not him. Deal with you first. Even if he is at fault... deal with yourself first. You are running a business that supports the family and because of this, you are short on funds to keep things running smoothly. I would think that a reasonable situation that might lead to crunch time. Don't you? Of course you do. So why doesn't he? Your frustration in this is clear and understandable. So what do you do? Resent him for not getting it or find a way to deal with it? As a submissive what do you think would be required in this situation? Better lover's? lol I am very sorry, I can't help you with that one because I had a similar experience when swinging! I opted out. What can you do here? What as a submissive would you think to do? Protest, prove something or ask for understanding, etc? Explore how you are feeling about this. It is surely spreading to other areas of your relationship. Realistic or not? Get it clear in your mind and then talk to him.

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 7:39:18 PM)
Hmm ... i do understand this dilemma ... That said, communication is in order, as well as flexibility ... from both of you! [:)] myself, as a male sub, have met a number of Dommes ... and we always break apart ... Because we CANNOT establish ... boundaries and understanding ... in the RIGHT (compatible) aspects of life ... (occasionally ... even distance, too!) i feel ... your kids and business need to come first ... although ... i am sure many will disagree. So .. how you handle this .. is really important to your life ... and solving it .. takes communication, trust and understanding ... between both of you! i do wish you well! [:)]

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/24/2010 7:55:58 PM)
Daddy may have failed mind reading 101 but he's very good at body language 101, one day I can't remember what happened but we were in the car there was some serious issue an I guess he shouted at me, I don't remember, and I withdrew immediately from him. I was scrunched over as far as I could get against the door and away from him, not talking to him not looking at him arms crossed, I just exuded fuck you, I am pissed at you vibes. He got the hint pretty quickly. But I wouldn't recommend that as a communication style or say it was particularly very mature of me lol. quote: ORIGINAL: MistressRosalyn OMG! That made me laugh out loud! The dogs now wonder what's up! But really, how many of us have sat there and gotten angrier and angrier, because our other half should somehow KNOW how upset and frustrated we are? And we make it worse and worse, until there is a huge blow up that could have been avoided just by communicating.

TaeonilKral -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/25/2010 1:31:35 AM)
In all honestly for the most part, yes I expect my sub to drop what she is doing to attend to me when I ask her. The rare cases when she can't she knows all she has to do is explain to me why she can't in a respectful manner is all it will take. It's called life.

DarkSteven -> RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? (9/25/2010 5:44:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven At the risk of advising you to top from the bottom, OP, have a sit-down session with him. Acknowledge the problem, and see if the two of you can come up with fixes for it. DS, you cannot seriously be implying that having an open and honest communication is topping from the bottom??? Interesting way of looking at it, red. I had just assumed that the Dom is responsible for setting the direction of the relationship. As such, the sub is TFTB by assuming control of the solution of this issue. However, I seem to recall that many people feel that the sub has an equal responsibility in setting the direction...

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