CaringandReal
Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kaliko
Well, ...sigh....here goes. I've always liked Taken In Hand - the website and the concept. I never found there to be any more hypocrisy on that site than any other.
Agree strongly.
I've been reading the site since it first appeared, and in the beginning it wasn't as buttoned down. That came later as it attracted a large quantity of people who didn't feel at home, comfortable, or taken seriously in any other bdsm venue. Why shouldn't such people have their own place to go and wax enthusiastic about their version of kink? If Taken in Hand wasn't around, many of these people would be here, and, due to their different interest set, philosophy, and focus, much strife would happen. Would anybody find that more pleasant then their having a home site of their own to be themselves on, without being persecuted by other bdsm groups--like this one?
Why shouldn't people who like what they like have their own place to go and rhapsodize about it (and also fight their version of the evil kinky demons--much the way posters here rhapsodize about certain ways of living and reject other ways of living (like taken in hand, perhaps?) as wrong or bad? It always strikes me as fantastically odd the way people who, by the way they live, are subject to much intolerance, then turn around and express the same level of intolerance that they are persecuted with toward others who are different from them. But it reminds me of the the psychological theory that abuse perpetuates itself: you kick a kid and he grows up and kicks his kids, and so on...
I don't go barging into a quilt sewing forum and insist that they all talk about car engines or they are not "true hobbiests" and then get enraged when they don't talk about exactly what I want and call them hypocrites. So why do we do this for other forms of sexuality which, while resembling our own, are not an exact fit? Really, a lot of this thread sounds like the classic petulant childish whine: "Those bad kids over on THAT side of the playground won't play _my_ games and say I'm boring!! They don't like me so therefore _I_ don't like THEM! They should be kicked off the playground!"
Yes, some of the posters to that site are intolerant of other ways of expressing bdsm interests (although the majority just seem uncomprehending/unaware/uninterested in more direct expressions of bdsm). You could say similarly that a great many posters to these message boards are extremely intolerant of individuals who do things the least bit different from their personal brand of bdsm. When I first started reading here, the intolerance I saw expressed toward certain attitudes and idead dumbfounded me. I felt much the same when I first started reading Taken In Hand, but in both situations I eventually aclimatized to the places, and now just ignore, for the most part, the stupid elements. Have you noticed that there are people reguarly posting here who will hate you forever if you express even once, even lightly, that you don't and won't ever do things they way they do them? Some people regard it as the gravest form of insult when others don't act like clones of them. ;)
At any rate, I believe both flavors of intolerance grow from the same root: a deep though usually self-hidden insecurity about the validity of what one personally does and, thus, the need for external validiation outside oneself (i.e. other people agreeing that your way of doing things is the way they do them too). Much of the supposed hypocricy being spoken of about Taken in Handers could also be viewed simply as people who like a very specific flavor of kink and aren't interested in other flavors. I think it's hypocritical and unfair minded to label what such people like as wrong or bad simply because it isn't the way you live or what you like. If you're upset by their hypocricy, then why do you stoop to their level?
I don't live like most of the posters to that website do (nor this one, for that matter) and I probably never will, as I function better with a more direct (albeit in some ways more boring) approach to control but I cannot deny that the indirect, unspoken, and understated current of power and control so often expressed there is extremely erotic. It's clearly erotic to the posters, as well. Calling their form of getting off "hypocricy" simply because it doesn't resemble your form off getting off is about as pot-kettle-black as you can get, I would think. :/
Throughout Taken in Hand's history there have been some brilliant and very erotic articles posted, amidst the dross. You could almost say that's true for any place, couldn't you? ;) But I think I see more of it there than in traditionally structured forums, like those that follow the vbulletin format, because of the style of presentation: long, standalone articles. Taken in Hand has got extremely insightful pieces of information about the psychological aspects power exchange that you will not find anywhere else, as well as some high eroticism of a nature that I seldom see expressed on other, more intellectual and "sexless" sex forums. So I think it's silly to dismiss it as pure hypocricy...particularly if your only reason for dismissing it is: "They don't like ME so I don't like them! So there!"
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"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo
"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris
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He didn't do this with a 'dominant' title over his head, he would of done this if I had been a vanilla lover too. 
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