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RE: Controlling your temper - 10/16/2010 9:20:58 AM   
behavingbadly


Posts: 46
Joined: 8/15/2010
Status: offline 		i'm not able to control my temper. i don't think it's healthy to control your temper because when i get angry i get angry for a really good reason. this is where i really struggle being a sub since i feel like if someone pushes me to the point where i can't control my temper they don't deserve for me to control it.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/16/2010 12:46:28 PM   
Carouselambra


Posts: 99
Joined: 9/9/2010
Status: offline 		William Somerset: It's impressive to see a man feeding off his emotions. 

_____________________________

If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia. -Thomas Szasz

(in reply to behavingbadly)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/16/2010 7:25:49 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		Anger and how you react to it is two separate things. Anger is an emotion, reacting is a behavior. The reaction creates the dynamic for the result, including the good, the bad and the ugly. Negative reaction, negative result.

(in reply to Carouselambra)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/16/2010 10:01:21 PM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Carouselambra

William Somerset: It's impressive to see a man feeding off his emotions. 


I really like that quote.

(in reply to Carouselambra)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/17/2010 12:11:59 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: powerplaying

quote:


Anger isn't inherently wrong.


Anger is inherently wrong. Anger is the first step to violence, spouse battery, child battery, racism, hate crimes, murder and war.
People who yell at other people deserve no love.

Best wishes

André




Wow. In that case...

Just fucking shoot me now. Cause evidently I have no worth. >.<

Seriously... have some forgiveness man. People fuck up. That doesn't mean they don't deserve love. The ability to forgive is an extremely underrated quality.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to powerplaying)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/17/2010 12:20:06 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

I don't see it as controlling my temper as controlling my behavior. There is a certain expectation he has for my behavior and he will not settle for less. It took some hard knocks, but I learned that if I want to interact with him that I have to behave in a certain way no matter how pissed off I may be.

This is really the heart of the issue for me. I have no interest in controlling or hiding my anger. I have a hot temper - it's part of me. What I want to do is figure out how to handle my response.
quote:


My suggestion is figure out what is the underlying reason you are choosing to get to a point that you are so angry you stop controlling your behavior. There is a pay off in there somewhere for you and if you can identify it and find other ways to get that pay off without being destructive to the people around you, then you might solve your problem.

Thank you for posting. This gives me something to think about. I need to figure out why I get to that point and speak to Valyraen and others close to me about it.

quote:


ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

This can be a long road for some..... for others... the behavior is not so entrenched and it can be alot easier... I hope the latter for you... as I know what the former is like.


Thank you as well for posting. It's really nice to see someone else who has had issues with their temper who now has control over it. I do believe that part of my temper and lashing out is learned from the enviroment I grew up. Very loving parents but there were a LOT of fights between us all!

Thank you as well for the kind hopes. You know I have the greatest respect for you, Alandra and Kyra.

And, of course, thanks to all who have posted. I was extremely surprised to log on and find this thread still going!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/17/2010 7:40:44 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

i'm not able to control my temper. i don't think it's healthy to control your temper because when i get angry i get angry for a really good reason. this is where i really struggle being a sub since i feel like if someone pushes me to the point where i can't control my temper they don't deserve for me to control it.


So when someone tells you that you have behaved selfishly and they don't want to see you again, that means you have the right to pick up a baseball bat and bash them over the head? After all if you don't have to control it, isn't this a possibility?


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to behavingbadly)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/17/2010 8:58:26 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		Umm Celeste, i know you like projecting in these types of topics and making it all about the extreme but where in the hell did she EVER remotely say that.  AND NO, its NOT A POSSIBILITY FOR A MAJORITY OF PEOPLE who lose their tempers.

I know you love generalizing but well i am almost 40 years old and i have a temper from hell.  I have never remotely scared anyone with my temper, i have never hurt anyone with my temper physically -- yeah my words can be a bitch at times -- i have never been arrested or had the police called or broken any laws because of my lose of my temper.  And you know what Celeste, I AM THE MAJORITY of people.

Yeah some people are assholes but here is a clue, in MOST DV situations the violence isn't based on lose of temper its based on the need to control.  MOST DV situations are a result of the person knowing exactly what they are doing and more so WHY, and its not becuase they lost their temper -- that is an excuse they use.

BIG DIFFERENCE between losing your temper -- and bashing someone's head in with a bat in the name of losing your temper.  One is a natural expression of your temper and the other is an excuse.

AND, here something else to chew on -- not all loss of control is a loss of temper or an expression of temper.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 10/17/2010 9:00:00 AM >

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/17/2010 6:35:15 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I was actually hoping the op might start to think about what she's written, and explain it better. I'm getting tired of unintelligible posts.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/17/2010 7:16:32 PM   
Carouselambra


Posts: 99
Joined: 9/9/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes


quote:

ORIGINAL: Carouselambra

William Somerset: It's impressive to see a man feeding off his emotions. 


I really like that quote.
Good quote from Se7en.


_____________________________

If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia. -Thomas Szasz

(in reply to Twoshoes)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/17/2010 7:19:30 PM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		Adding that to the list right under 'Requiem for a Dream'.

(in reply to Carouselambra)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/17/2010 7:25:19 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I was actually hoping the op might start to think about what she's written, and explain it better. I'm getting tired of unintelligible posts.


Which OP?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/17/2010 7:29:33 PM   
Nnytheangel


Posts: 24
Joined: 10/15/2010
From: Tulsa
Status: offline 		From my own experiences, so take it or leave it as you will, I've discovered the easiest way for me to control my temper is to vent. Most of this takes the form of writing, admittedly lots and lots of writing and occasionally an incoherent sort but in writing, I can say everything that I want to say but, for some reason fails to come out. Over time this has changed from writing out of anger or frustration to simply writing for enjoyment, both mine and a potential reader's. I have an easier time being clever, witty, educational, instructive or just generally getting my point across through writing than I generally can through speaking. Not to say I'm slow witted, but what may sound humorous on the spur of the moment may not come out sounding the way I intended in my head and, I occasionally have issues with the brain-to-mouth filter. I'm not saying this is a catch-all problem solver, and it may not work for everyone but I am just trying to share what I have learned.

_____________________________

"If you could be God's worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose?" - Fight Club

(in reply to Twoshoes)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/17/2010 8:45:00 PM   
SubPet715


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/24/2010
From: Brooklyn, NY
Status: offline 		I will admit I do have buttons that can be pushed the important thing is to reserve yourself and calmly exude this feeling somehow so you never get to the punching walls or spouses point of anger.

The way I do it is simple, I vent, if the person cares enough for my feelings they will play ball with me and we can have an open and amicable discussion about what it is i'm feeling. If not then it will come out in other ways, snapping, raising of the voice, and lastly hitting. While I have never gotten to this point because most people I know on a personal level are easy to talk to, I have gotten this way with strangers who are simply beyond reasoning.

When it comes to your temper, reserve it for those who don't deserve your restraint.

_____________________________

Passion isn't really happiness.

(in reply to Nnytheangel)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/18/2010 4:26:17 AM   
Cherylmazana


Posts: 1152
Joined: 10/4/2007
Status: offline 		I had a problem for years controlling my anger, most people never knew about it though as the only one who ever really saw it was my husband, I would save it all up and then explode it on him. There were too many people in my life that needed me to be calm and rational because they couldn’t be and so he was my safety valve. We had some good cathartic fights with me screaming and throwing things and him shouting back, afterwards I felt a great deal of stress relief, but it wasn’t any fun for him.

Then one day he said there are too many arguments I am not going to argue any more. I then found out that it’s impossible to argue with someone who smiles at you very gently, kisses and hugs you and says let’s sit down and talk about this but who won’t let it turn into an argument. If I can’t keep calm he gets up and walks away he smiles tells me he loves me but refuses to have an argument.

The strange thing is after I got over the how dare he treat me like this and trying to argue anyway stage I am much happier. Things don’t wind me up the way they used to, I can laugh off the idiots instead of letting them ruin my whole day, I can talk about things that had me foaming at the mouth calmly and shrug and forget them.

I have come to realise that the anger and arguments feeds on the anger and arguments, creating a self perpetuating monster that doesn’t make me happy, all it does is feed the adrenaline junkie I had made myself into. I don’t think anyone really wants to be angry all the time, looking back I can see just how unhappy all the arguments and anger was making me but I couldn’t break out of that self destructive cycle alone. I had help from someone who simply refused to argue back.

Cheryl

(in reply to SubPet715)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/18/2010 5:14:39 AM   
Carouselambra


Posts: 99
Joined: 9/9/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

Adding that to the list right under 'Requiem for a Dream'.
I fucking hated 'Requiem for a Dream'.Would definably be in my bottom ten.If you want to discus more bad films, message me.

topic on hand would be controlling your anger.I have nothing to add to this thread only that being held down and fucked by that certain someone always tamed my anger as much as I hated Him at that moment.


_____________________________

If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia. -Thomas Szasz

(in reply to Twoshoes)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/18/2010 12:26:30 PM   
TotalDiscipline


Posts: 225
Joined: 5/5/2010
Status: offline 		I control my temper with those who are not worth it.
With those close to me..it is sometimes hard.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/18/2010 12:27:50 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I was actually hoping the op might start to think about what she's written, and explain it better. I'm getting tired of unintelligible posts.


Damn, not Aqua. The kid I was quoting.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Controlling your temper - 10/18/2010 12:49:40 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 79
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