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What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation?


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What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/25/2006 6:08:14 PM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I am hoping I am not starting a thread which has been worked to death... sorry I have not read all the archives yet! 

We are in a life or lifestyle, that can on so many levels be incredibly destructive. Somewhere in one of my journal entries here I think I briefly touched upon what motivates us.  Sadly there is no blog feature on our journals!

What motivates you , to serve, to submit, to surrender?  Those are incredibly powerful words, and even more powerful choices.

What motivates you to master, lead, demand, break down and (hopefully) build up another person?

There is such a fine line between victim/victimization and submission/mastery.  I am firmly of the belief that motivation keeps you on the healthy side of that back-slash or or the unhealthy side.

What do you think?  And what motivates you?

It is a long standing maxim of mine that intention (motivation, if you will) is the only perfection we can achieve as individuals.  ( I have ideas on other perfections to be found when not alone).   It must of course be understood, that you might well be capable of being perfectly good or perfectly bad!   :)
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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/25/2006 6:32:42 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:



What motivates you , to serve, to submit, to surrender?  Those are incredibly powerful words, and even more powerful choices.


Really, it's nothing more complex than being true to myself. I either serve and be me, or I don't and I am role-playing someone who is not me. No doubt I could get used to it, being someone other than who I was born to be, but I don't see the point of it. I think it would be much harder to always have to pretend to be something else, so maybe I'm just lazy. ;)

Celeste


_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to puella)
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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/25/2006 6:34:13 PM   
YoungSub22


Posts: 32
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline 		That is such a loaded question but such a good one and one I have thought about so often since realizing that this lifestyle was what completed me.

Many of the relationships that you can become involved in (vanilla or D/s) can cause you to be victimized or abused.  It's just a matter of a label.  I have been mentally, physically and emtionally abused in a few vanilla relationships.  I have been in two D/s short term relationships that ended because my Dom did not respect my safe word or me.  It took me a bit to figure out because he was so good at saying all the right things.  But actions speak louder than words.  My current D/s relationship has been the most fulfilling I have ever been involved in.  He treats me good, cares for my physical well-being as well as my emotional.

I have always been the strong one in my family.  I have always been the problem solver, the one that gave so much of myself to everyone in my life, always there to solve problems and support people thru the good and the bad.  I have been hurt by friend, family and lovers alike because of giving too much of myself.  I was always looking for that perfect relationship and never finding it.  Never fully satisfied in all ways.

The moment I got to the point in my life where I became self-strong and realized I didn't need others to make myself happy is when I completely realized what I wanted and deserved and how to find it.  I graduated college, started and established my career, fully supporting myself and completely happy with my life was when I found the Dom of my dreams.  I was able to find someone who appreciated for me, the good and the bad.  Someone who was my rock after a stressful day at work, I was his princess, he thought of my needs before his own.  And in return I love him and trust him completely.  I ask his advice on issues, I look to him for guidance, support and fun.  He has become my everything.  And I didn't find it until I was fully complete myself.

Many people believe that subs are week humans and are looking to be supported by others.  They think subs are emotional wrecks and looking for a crutch because they can not deal with reality, that they are looking for sugardaddies.  That is so completely untrue.  That is not a true sub.  A true sub knows her strengths and weaknesses and looks for someone to appreciate the good and be supportive of the changes that are needed to extinguish the bad.  That is what I looked for in a Dom and found.  Someone who loved the good about me and made me a good person.  I am not looking for someone to change every aspect of me or control me.  I was looking for someone to make me see the bad, the same as I do for him, and want to change it on my own, with their support of course.  It is such a two way road.  I am there to love, support and cherish my Dom as much as he cherishes me.

_____________________________

~Sassy~

(in reply to puella)
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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/25/2006 6:38:24 PM   
ladylexington


Posts: 117
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline 		It turns me on.

However, I agree with your points regarding the potential for abuse.

_____________________________

If you must gamble your lives sexually, don't play a lone hand too much. -- Mark Twain

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/25/2006 6:39:15 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I would probably have different answers depending on the day you ask me or the way in which the question is put, yet it all boils down to the connection I feel to myself and to my partner and to some reality that is bigger than both of us, relationship.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/25/2006 6:43:09 PM   
darq


Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
Status: offline 		In the beginning I was motivated by a craving for acceptance, for a place to belong ... I found that place at the feet of my first Master.

At this point, I'm not sure what my motivation is.

Sometimes I'm so discouraged by all my failures that I feel like I should throw in the towel and just be single forever. Other times I'm so eager to be cherished, protected, kept that I feel like I'd willingly throw myself at the first Dom to smile in my direction. Most of the time I'm somewhere in between there ... lol

I guess its just who I am right now.

_____________________________

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts ...
Tell me, whats so amazing about really deep thoughts?

I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/25/2006 6:50:16 PM   
YoungSub22


Posts: 32
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline 		Darq, I know exactly where you are.  Be careful not to throw yourself at just any Dom though.  It could be a scary situation.  I did that, because I just wanted to be loved and accepted and it was extremely dangerous and painful.  I regretted it for a long time and almost ruined my conception of the lifestyle.  Find your inner peace, what makes you strong and happy and complete and then you will find the perfect Dom.  Just because you are a sub does not mean you have to settle for anything.  Good luck and Remember, "Be safe, sane and consential."

_____________________________

~Sassy~

(in reply to darq)
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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/25/2006 7:06:41 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella
What motivates you to master, lead, demand, break down and (hopefully) build up another person?


I am a naturally dominant woman.  I am dominant in every aspect of my life, and in most every situation or setting that I place myself.  I tried to be submissive and it just wasn't possible for me.  None of this means that I have the desire or motivation to dominate or master another person.
 
There has to be that chemistry, that spark, that intense feeling of want to motivate me.  There has to be something in them that calls out to me.  It's a connection that I can't put to mere words, but when I feel it I know it. 
 
Once I feel that connection to another person, the motivation is there in spades.  I am inspired by the person and by my own inner desire to draw them close to me and make them mine.

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to puella)
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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/25/2006 7:10:47 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

What motivates you , to serve, to submit, to surrender?  Those are incredibly powerful words, and even more powerful choices.



I have read this a few times and I keep coming back to the same answer:  My draw to him.

Mind you, before I met him, I still felt an internal need and drive to submit.  I did not much understand the value of it, or of me for that matter, and so I submitted to a few wrong people before meeting my Master.  But when he first spoke to me, I can't really explain it - - he pulled me in, just like that.  We have a connection, and that connection feeds me.  His overall being - who and what he is - compells my submission to continue growing until it has reached the very depths of who I am....

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/25/2006 7:24:25 PM   
Tikkiee


Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		The only thing that motivates me is my desire for pain. Nothing more and nothing less.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/25/2006 7:34:38 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		hmmmmm...... daily.... i dunno what drives me... but I know.. when I'm speaking to one.. that can possibly be the one... (until he or I screw  it up...LOL)... it's a burning desire deep inside the pit of my stomache.... my heart pounds... I for the most part get silly... nervous.... and all I know... is I am his... and nothing else matters.... (unless it comes in the sound of a voice going..... MOM!!!!)

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/26/2006 5:31:17 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella
What motivates you , to serve, to submit, to surrender?  Those are incredibly powerful words, and even more powerful choices.

I dunno, what motivates a priest to become a priest?  A missionary to go where they go?  A teacher to go teach?  A heterosexual to get married?

It's just "right" for me- it makes me more of myself.

quote:

What motivates you to master, lead, demand, break down and (hopefully) build up another person?

Ditto.

quote:

There is such a fine line between victim/victimization and submission/mastery.  I am firmly of the belief that motivation keeps you on the healthy side of that back-slash or or the unhealthy side.

There really isn't that fine of a line IMO- I just think victims and abusers don't see it as clearly.



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/26/2006 5:58:32 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

What motivates you , to serve, to submit, to surrender?  Those are incredibly powerful words, and even more powerful choices.

What do you think?  And what motivates you?



It is matter who i have always been, i have always been submissive. i just didn't realize there was a name for it before discovering this lifestyle. And service, submitting is where i am the most complete. So i do it for me to be a whole person, the person i was born to be.

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/26/2006 6:03:22 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

What motivates you , to serve, to submit, to surrender?  Those are incredibly powerful words, and even more powerful choices.


I have written many lengthy pages on the subject, but in truth it boils down to one very simple thing; LOVE, pure unaduterated, all encompassing, unconditionally accepting, searing, soul quenching, love. 

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/26/2006 6:21:41 AM   
Reasonable


Posts: 459
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		I like to watch silly,irrational behavior.

And this place abounds in it.

It's my only real motivation for being here at all.

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/26/2006 11:05:23 AM   
Ceyx


Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline 		Not really an easy question to answer, but I would say that I'm motivated by my sexuality, by my creative urge, and by my love for my girl.

On a basic level, I've always been aroused by the exercise of control, force, and (to a lesser extent) pain. (You're shocked, I know.) I'm also a creative person, and it's deeply satisfying to me to be able to craft remarkable experiences out of the materials of miss' life. Sometimes I think of her as my canvas or my clay, on which, and from which, I can fashion my dreams. Often I'll imagine her as a rose, and that I'm pruning and training her so that she can thrive and blossom according to her own inner nature.

Just as important, I'm ridiculously in love with the woman. I know that how we live excites and fulfills her, and I wouldn't take such pleasure in my sexuality and creativity if this weren't the case. In that respect I'm strongly empathic: I savor her energy, her arousal and her response. She's my companion in every meaningful way, and I want to make a life with her. Literally.

I don't know that there's anything about my sexuality or my creativity as such that would keep me from being abusive. I'm a decent person, however, and my love for miss is such that I would never do anything to harm her.

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/26/2006 11:46:09 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		By nature I am a dominant person. Before being shown the world of D's I just thought I was a freak in many ways. I could not understand why the nature of relationships that made others estatically happy left me feeling empty and like I was missing something more. When I got to know a certain young woman by the name of jemma and began to understand the extreme depth of feelings sharing this type of relationship was bringing out in me. Once I got past the mental conditioning of right and wrong and began to really allow myself to FEEL and accept myself and her as our true natures were unfolding with each other....I have never in my life felt so free and so calm. It was like I was becoming my true self, almost like I rediscovered me. Understand that I am a strong believer in reincarnation and I know not everyone is but, it truely was like remembering a past life. Granted I have made many mistakes and am not even certain the relationship will survive because of them, but at age 43 almost 44 I feel like I am finally myself.  That was probably wayyyyyyyyyyy TMI for this thread but my motivation is to continue to be true to myself and grow. Hopefully there will be a woman that recognises Me as the compliment to her and we can grow together. Even though I have had some r/t experience it was certainly not the full relationship dynamic I want. Sometimes I feel like I miss something that I have yet to fully experience but from a feeling of having known it. Again the reincarnation theory.

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/26/2006 11:58:30 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Hedonism. I don't see the point in wrapping it in a veneer of values that I don't believe in. My bete noir was all into theories and what she called the amazing concept on 'consent'. Silly me, being so much into her I went along for the ride but she proved to me that she was really in it for hedonistic reasons after all so I threw all the theories out with the trash and started to enjoy myself. What she was really doing was justifying to herself that wanting to be a 'slut' (her term) had some values. She had too many issues and so fucked up with moral standards she needed something to justify indulging in her sexual and kinky urges. Why pretend it is all something that it isn't?

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 4/26/2006 11:59:40 AM >

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/26/2006 12:10:53 PM   
Reasonable


Posts: 459
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		 A lot of "'submissives" only do this to have liscence to be hedonistic. Not surprisingly,a lot of the more extreme ones I have seen were  very active-yet supressed religious types (like roman catholics) Like the lawyer lady who wanted to be chained to the wall nude,and abandoned for periods of time.

For some,the more humiliation and outright mean control you can offer them-the better. And I admit that the things these sorts will let you do to them are extremely amusing.

However,there are also the mental issues this type carries with her-usually enough baggage to fill a small valley. Dealing with THAT is not NEARLY as fun.

< Message edited by Reasonable -- 4/26/2006 12:11:38 PM >

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RE: What is, and perhaps should be, your motivation? - 4/26/2006 1:54:00 PM   
ExistentialSteel


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Joined: 1/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Hedonism. I don't see the point in wrapping it in a veneer of values that I don't believe in. My bete noir was all into theories and what she called the amazing concept on 'consent'. Silly me, being so much into her I went along for the ride but she proved to me that she was really in it for hedonistic reasons after all so I threw all the theories out with the trash and started to enjoy myself. What she was really doing was justifying to herself that wanting to be a 'slut' (her term) had some values. She had too many issues and so fucked up with moral standards she needed something to justify indulging in her sexual and kinky urges. Why pretend it is all something that it isn't?


Haha, that was so insightful. I think most of us are there if the truth be known.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

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