RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (Full Version)

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Icarys -> RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (11/24/2010 1:50:33 PM)

quote:

I have a few questions for you, OP: if you fall madly in love with a slave, and lavish attention and love on her and your authority slips and you're both happy, then why do you care about the authority slipping? Who are you trying to prove something to? Is your level of authority and control more important than your happiness?

Nobody...It's just the way my relationships roll. If there wasn't authority for me and over her we both wouldn't be happy..If this weren't true, I'd probably be on vanilla dating site instead of here.

Everything is intertwined for my relationship to work. I wouldn't be with a female that didn't understand and want that herself. And they do..plenty of them.




Icarys -> RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (11/24/2010 1:58:29 PM)

quote:

what have your experiences been, striking a balance between being in love with your slave, and being a Master?

In a lot of ways it's like any other relationship for me and most things in life as well. Balance is for me a well adjusted outlook and way of life.

I do step out on occasion in certain ways and lavishing love and affection on someone I care for is one of those ways. Sure people can take that for granted and a number of troubles can grow but a diligent minded person will pay attention and take care of things as they are needed.

Loving someone like I do is part of me, so I'll continue to do it and just look for someone who can appreciate that in a way that matches me. It has never hindered me in anyway when it comes to doing what I feel needs to be done.



SorceressJ -> RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (11/24/2010 2:04:36 PM)

*agrees with both of Icky's posts. There is no "either/or"..*



Icarys -> RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (11/24/2010 2:08:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SorceressJ

*agrees with both of Icky's posts. There is no "either/or"..*

Ahh thanks, Sor.



StrongSpirit -> RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (11/24/2010 4:10:12 PM)

Part of the conflict/argument here is very cultural specific. Words shape your thoughts (Side note, google the tribes that don't have words for left/right and use North/South/East/West), and English has just one word for love.

For this reason English speaking people (and by extension, all of western culture shaped by English speaking people) tends to make people think of love as romantic only. We recognize other kinds exist, such as brotherly/parental/food, but mostly focus on the passionate "Eros". Back in Athenian times, they had more than one word: Agape, Eros, Philia, and Storge.

Love is a lot more complicated than one word. I would say that some form of Love is necessary for any long term relationship. No matter how good a match two people are, eventually we get on each others nerves and annoy the crap out of each other. Without love, we would have wiped each other out long ago.

The greek word "Storge" refers to a kind of love that is less lusty, but still familial rather than sexual . Wikipedia gives an example of "loving the tyrant".

I think that yes, you can love your slave. I would also say that to be a very good dominant, you must love your slave. But I would probably not translate the word "Love" to Eros if I were translating to Greek. Storge might be more appropriate. Or it could simply be that no language has the best word for Love - yet. The world is complicated and not all concepts have accurate words yet.

But the feeling I feel for people I dominate is a kind of love. Not the same flavor as vanilla people feel for their wife, but closer to that than to anything else.



takemeforyourown -> RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (11/24/2010 5:47:36 PM)

I'm posting anyway, because you can't tell me what to do....



Icarys -> RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (11/24/2010 5:49:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: takemeforyourown

I'm posting anyway, because you can't tell me what to do....

Take THAT!



Arturas -> RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (11/25/2010 12:26:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: takemeforyourown

I'm posting anyway, because you can't tell me what to do....



I'm the boss of you,
oh yes, of course I am.

I'm the boss of you,
cause I'm a Master Man.

But here you are to post today,
to show our lack this way,

right here in "Ask a Master",
according to your plan.

But here I want to wish you well,
a very merry and happy holiday,

from all of House Arturas
and from this Master Man.





DMFParadox -> RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (11/25/2010 12:46:54 AM)

Yep, happy thanksgiving to you too.



takemeforyourown -> RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (11/25/2010 1:15:37 PM)

Happy Thanksgiving, Every ONE!!!!



AzLavan -> RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (2/15/2011 11:23:29 AM)

This is totally up to the Master. I know that I can control myself enough to not let my love get in the way of my Domination of him. If it does, we lose our Master/pet relationship. That is the basis of it! Where would we be then? Nowhere. If you can't control yourself, how can you control another?



golemx -> RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (2/15/2011 11:37:01 AM)

All the girls I've topped, I've had some sort of romantic relationship with, and the deepest Ds relationship was with somebody where we unquestionably loved each other and had known each other for years, even though she was not my wife.

I could probably top someone without having feelings for them, but it would feel somewhat hollow.



FukinTroll -> RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (2/15/2011 1:36:35 PM)

On the OP,

My M/s dynamic is about a lifetime commitment and connection. Without love, the ability to lavish that love on her/them I am not interested. Love IS part of my dynamic, as well as a laundry list of my TPE... she is either on board or overboard.

YMMV



Durentu -> RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (3/7/2011 9:51:41 AM)

If the Master intensely admires the submission of the slave, and the slave intensely admires the leadership of the Master, then authority is a factor of love. This is not to be confused with dependency. It's the difference between needing sushi and being really really into it. Or the difference between needing to play computer games, vs really admiring the craftsmanship of the game.

This sort of love is not produced, it is simply a virtue of the dynamic. And if one tries to grab a hold of it, it dies immediately. I think about the example of when a Master is somehow dissatisfied with the relationship or something in general doesn't feel right and the slave would start to get into panic mode and tries and tries and tries to get back was was there. This is trying to capture love, and of course it eventually dies.

So it becomes necessary, not to try to manufacture, restore or optimize love directly. Just need to recognize that it is something that just manifests itself when the condition are right. For me, it is my authority which brings out the intense admiration of my slave. I always catch her looking at me, smiling like an idiot. And I have absolutely no clue what I did. I leave it just like that, to let it remain safely unknown, otherwise in my nature, I will want to analyze and then optimize this love, (perhaps by doing more of it), and kill it immediately.

"Wash up, and sleep" - "yes Sir *smiling*" - and I just leave it alone, let it go.



CelticPrince -> RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (3/10/2011 6:45:40 PM)

quote:

Hi, this question is ONLY to Masters, not mistresses or slaves, please (although if I've PM'ed you this link, then you're here by prior invitation regardless of status and so I DEFINITELY want your considered opinion). I've "Asked a Slave" a similar question and the results were pretty uninformative, so with that refinement in mind, here goes!

Do you see any conflict between how much love/affection you can lavish on a slave, and your dominance over her? If you are IN love, do you think there's a point at which too much lovey-dovey stuff, if it starts to cut into the 'stern' times, will lead to a loss of authority? This actually hasn't been my experience in the two relationships I've had since I dropped the whole societal bs about me wanting to be in an "equal" partnership; I've led and so far, I'd gotten the mix correct. But I can't say I was IN love either time; I get the feeling all the rules will be tossed out the window when I'm head over heels.

I ask this because, at heart, I'm a kind leader. I'm quite aware that from time to time, obedience MUST be blind without , authority must be stamped without tolerance of delay but on the whole, I wish to lead with transparency and with caring; I'm not a dictator. So - what have your experiences been, striking a balance between being in love with your slave, and being a Master?

Jaybee,

It is very hard to do so!

CP

I look forward to your thoughts, gentlemen (and a couple of dear ladies too!)

Jaybeee.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (3/10/2011 6:51:45 PM)

i am so totally not a Master but, like others, i'm replying anyway. if you love someone, you want what's good for them. you're interested in their ability to be whoever they are, authentically. if the person you love is a slave, maintaining authority ought to be easy. =p



Arpig -> RE: Being in love with a slave - can a man maintain authority? (3/10/2011 7:15:29 PM)

If I don't love her...its casual play



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