What's wrong with being a switch?

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What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/23/2010 5:39:29 PM

winstonburphill

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From a Dom or sub perspective, why is a switch perceived as inexperienced or confused?

Isn't it possible to be "far left" and "far right", without getting pulled apart?

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/23/2010 5:42:41 PM

BreePix

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as a sub who has tryed switching with her Masters other girls it wasent for me. but i do not think there is anything wrong with it. most however think that you have to be more of one or the other that being both just isent possible. i have seen many many switchs that were both and were good at it. then i have seen some that were collared to a Dom/Domme but that Domme/Dom "forced" the person to switch with others and lets just say the scenes went badly. it has to do with being who you are and not lieing to yourself if you truly believe you can be both then your both.

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/23/2010 5:44:18 PM

DesFIP

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There is nothing wrong with being a switch. But please, not all of us do switch or want a partner who does. So if you are being rejected by both dominants and submissives, don't claim it's 'prejudice'. Accept the fact that we know what we need in our lives, and you aren't it.

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/23/2010 5:45:39 PM

BurntKitty

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From a submissive woman's perspective, there's nothing wrong with switching. If I'm involved with a man who's a switch, he can let his submissive side out at play parties.

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/23/2010 5:46:47 PM

KatyLied

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There is nothing wrong with being a switch. The relationship/encounter problem arises if you become attracted to someone who can't be with you because they are unable/uninterested to top/bottom for you.

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/23/2010 5:54:45 PM

sexyred1

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I have nothing against switches. My only issue is this: I specifically say in my profile that I am not into switches. End of story.

And yet, switch men contact me all the time and say Oh, I can be Dominant for YOU.

The few instances I tried that, the men ended up wanting ME to top them.

So, now I stay away from men who identify as switch since in my experience, they actually are submissive.

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/23/2010 6:01:30 PM

MIsabelah

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a switch. Just plenty of people who are confused or wish to be judgemental. Don't worry about them.

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/23/2010 6:14:30 PM

winstonburphill

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Actually... I've yet to be rejected. I'm completely new to this whole scene.

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/23/2010 6:21:21 PM

lizi

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There's nothing wrong with switches...it's just not something I've been attracted to. I like defined roles, I like an unchanging structure that I can count on. Even if I was with a switch that always took the Dominant role while with me, I would not be attracted to his submissive side therefore I wouldn't be attracted to him. I don't know why but that's just how it is. It's like being attracted to a certain build, race, or gender...everyone has their own preferences.

This is how I feel about the issue today...I don't know if I'd ever change down the road. If I were ever looking again I guess I wouldn't toss a possibility of things with a switch out the door until I got to know him a little but I'd say chances are good that I'm going to be attracted to what attracts me and that is a man who is Dominant.

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/23/2010 7:29:09 PM

LadyRian

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I don't think there's anything wrong with being a switch. I've wondered about it, tried it, but it didn't seem to feel right for me. Perhaps it was the partner i was with, because our dynamic had always been Domme/sub, and we sort of drifted back into that no matter how we tried to switch.

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/23/2010 7:37:54 PM

DarkSteven

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I think of there as being two kinds of switches.

1. Those who could switch, but don't need to.
2. Those who need both sides of the kneel.

I'm talking seriously with one woman now who considers herself a switch, but it will be a straight Dom/sub relationship. She's a type 1.

I don't switch, so I wouldn't be interested in a Type 2 unless we could work out some poly kind of thing.

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/23/2010 7:47:01 PM

Owner59

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quote:

ORIGINAL: winstonburphill

Actually... I've yet to be rejected. I'm completely new to this whole scene.

Well,if I had abs like that,neither would I.

There are some who believe purity is a virtue.

But it`s not the sex or the play or the role,it`s the relationship and connection that counts.

< Message edited by Owner59 -- 10/23/2010 7:48:16 PM >

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/24/2010 7:37:39 AM

DesFIP

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For some of us part of the connection is knowing that he will always be himself, always stepping up to take charge. Not being able to count on that, to trust him to be who I fell in love with, would ruin the connection and the relationship.

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/24/2010 10:16:52 AM

CalifChick

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I don't believe in switches in the way that most people define the word. Most people, in my experience, who talk about being a switch, talk about switching orientations, from dom to sub or sub to dom. I don't think it's possible. If you believe that dominance is an orientation and not a role, then it isn't possible to have two opposite orientations at the same time. And for those who think bisexual people do that, they don't; their orientations are not opposite, the way that leading and following are opposite.

What is possible, however, is switching activites, which is topping and bottoming. That doesn't make you a switch. If there's no power involved, it makes you a kinkster that likes to top and bottom. If there's power involved, it makes you a dom or sub that likes to bottom or top.

So for the question, "what's wrong with being a switch?", the answer for me is usually, "because you are a kinkster and not a dominant, and I need a dominant."

Cali

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/24/2010 10:23:21 AM

KatyLied

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quote:

I'm talking seriously with one woman now who considers herself a switch, but it will be a straight Dom/sub relationship. She's a type 1.

How will you react if she wants to top/dominate you in the future? I think it is a definite consideration. If someone chooses that label, I take them seriously about wanting to act on it.

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/24/2010 10:25:27 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I'm talking seriously with one woman now who considers herself a switch, but it will be a straight Dom/sub relationship. She's a type 1.

How will you react if she wants to top/dominate you in the future? I think it is a definite consideration. If someone chooses that label, I take them seriously about wanting to act on it.

katy, she can take Topping or leave it. She cannot leave bottoming.

But in the event that that does change... she's bi as well, and I'd have no issue with her playing with other women.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/24/2010 10:25:36 AM

popeye1250

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Nothing "wrong" with it I guess if it makes one happy.
But for me no. "I yam what I yam!"

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/24/2010 11:37:03 AM

ThundersCry

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There is nothing wrong with being a switch...it takes some guts sometimes -L- It also can drain you...I served a switch at one time and after awile KNEW she wanted and needed to be topped <eg>

Its others perceptions of a switch that gives them a bad rep...

If anything, if I switch, I am a power switch...may as well make it interesting, and no...I dont feel any of that *I am less than*...I get some needs met...

Be who you are and scrw what others think...The bdsm symbol as I recall has 3 symbols...one BEING a switch...

Enjoy the ride!

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/24/2010 11:42:54 AM

myotherself

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I know a couple of younger people who label themselves as "switches" because they aren't 100% sure which side of the kneel they want to be on, or if they want a D/s relationship, or if they just want kink in the bedroom, or....ad infinitum.

They aren't confused - they're searching for the role that suits them best. And having a lot of fun searching, by the looks of it!

Personally I'm 100% sub. Not a switch molecule in my body. I need my partner to be 100% dominant, or any relationship is not going to work.

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RE: What's wrong with being a switch? - 10/24/2010 12:04:41 PM

vield

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I have tried most things consenting adults can do during my life journey. One thing that I found was that the labels we use to describe ourselves and others are not understood the same by me as by some other people. Thus whatever label you choose is your business and is correct for you because you chose it. If I see you behaving in a way that seems to not fit the label you are wearing, then I probably have not fully understood what that label means to you.

In my life there are people to whom I am a figure of power or authority, who consider themselves submissive to me. Of course unless we have actually negotiated a relationship, nothing happens between us.

In my life there are people who are figures of power or authority to me. Again, unless a relationship has been mutually negotiated, nothing happens between us.

One finds people filling superior roles and subordinate roles to us in our vanilla life all the time. Someone is boss, someone is under your direction. A military example makes this easy to see. The colonel outranks the major, who outranks the captain...sargent... corporal, etc. One can claim that they are all "switches" because they direct some and are directed by others.
I have found that in my kinky life, there will always be those whose energy or charisma interacts with mine as submissives to me. However there also are those whose charisma or personal energy feels very dominant to me. The other person may NOT be feeling this the same way I am, so confusion is possible. That is why talking things through and negotiating the limits and needs and goals are an important part of relationship building for me.
And it also is why I see switching as not only OK, but as a necessity in the BDSM scene.

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