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Respect in the morning - 10/26/2010 10:22:49 PM

tazzygirl

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I see many post on topics such as being able to talk dirty enough, being able to dominate someone effectively, ect ect ect.

This isnt aimed at any group, though i am curious as to how the Dominants will respond... yes male and female alike.

Can you take a submissive/slave/bottom to the depths of depravity during the night, and still respect them in the morning... or do you have lines you would not consciously cross with someone you loved regardless of their orientation?

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Post #: 1

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/26/2010 10:57:33 PM

BurntKitty

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From: Here To Eternity.
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As an s-type of the female persuasion, if he a takin' me to the depths of depravity at night, he'd better have his sweet ass in bed in the morning so I can worship it (rimming: yummmeh) & take advantage of morning wood. Morning cuddlesex is just continued aftercare.....
That's mah story, and Imma stickin' to it!

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Post #: 2

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/26/2010 11:08:10 PM

Twoshoes

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Joined: 7/27/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
Can you take a submissive/slave/bottom to the depths of depravity during the night, and still respect them in the morning... or do you have lines you would not consciously cross with someone you loved regardless of their orientation?

(Strangely, the word 'depravity' has positive connotations in my mind.)

I love people who are comfortable with their sexuality, so my respect actually increases. I like the concept of sex-positivity, actually. I don't remember ever thinking sex could be bad in any way.

I wouldn't do anything where the person is meant to feel bad about their identity, specifically. (So, no gay-bashing/racial slurs, etc.)

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 3

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/26/2010 11:34:59 PM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

I see many post on topics such as being able to talk dirty enough, being able to dominate someone effectively, ect ect ect.

This isnt aimed at any group, though i am curious as to how the Dominants will respond... yes male and female alike.

Can you take a submissive/slave/bottom to the depths of depravity during the night, and still respect them in the morning... or do you have lines you would not consciously cross with someone you loved regardless of their orientation?

Sure.

Do it all the time.

Though there was this one Satanist chick that wanted to do things I really wasn't up for, like pretend-killing her, because it was a leeeeeetle bit too much evidence for John Law to see lying around just in case she did end up dead. Which was a distinct possibility.

Oh, and I take issue with subs who expect me to scare the piss out of them to the point where they're broken. I.E., rape scenes. Mostly because if she ever did claim rape, she'd be telling the truth. I've seen too many guys end up in prison for less.

Pretty much my standard is this: I don't judge others based on an artificial 'morality' that I hold, but may not apply to them. I judge based on my own ability to navigate the fallout of a worst-case scenario.

My own personal desires trend towards just testing limits, whatever those might be. I remember a girl who went nuts over a light spanking, who was much more delicious than a girl who was practically yawning on a St. Anthony's cross.

There's a balance I look for. Willingness mixed with trepidation. The sweet spot is when I set something up so that she discovers something new she likes and begs for more. Or hits a new level of eagerness to please, that wasn't there before. Those are good times. If it takes depravity, I'll be exactly as depraved as I need to be to get that.

< Message edited by DMFParadox -- 10/26/2010 11:57:24 PM >

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(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 4

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/27/2010 12:35:00 AM

Focus50

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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This depravity - why would a Dom not respect his sub for following where he took her?

I certainly respect her next morning, and adore her, and admire her etc etc. I like what you're calling depravity, but it has to be a shared journey. One I couldn't take vanilla partners to....

Focus.

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Post #: 5

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/27/2010 3:54:12 AM

BlueTrance

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

I see many post on topics such as being able to talk dirty enough, being able to dominate someone effectively, ect ect ect.

This isnt aimed at any group, though i am curious as to how the Dominants will respond... yes male and female alike.

Can you take a submissive/slave/bottom to the depths of depravity during the night, and still respect them in the morning... or do you have lines you would not consciously cross with someone you loved regardless of their orientation?

It looks like a complicated question, but it's really not.

a) I wouldn't participate in any serious play (or most likely anything for that matter) with someone who I do not trust.
b) Trust and Respect are inclusive in my books. If I trust someone, then it is probably based on character qualities and evidence that suggests them trustworthy. Said qualities and evidence are more than likely to be indicative of respect as well.
c) Ergo, I could not take one "to the depths of depravity" without respect being there to begin with.
d) In the 0.1% scenario in which I regret the actions from the night before, I could not find myself having fault with the partner as I am the one in control - with responsibility resting on my shoulders.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/27/2010 3:58:53 AM

RavenMuse

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The more connected, the more I care, the more I like and respect them the more reason, enjoyment and draw to take them through hell and back... knowing that where ever I take them they trust in Me to keep them from harm and will have something positive out of it even in cases where the ONLY thing they get positive is that they are doing it for and with Me.

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to BlueTrance)

Post #: 7

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/27/2010 4:22:14 AM

catize

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He was right there 'in the depths of depravity' with me. If he can't respect me after then he doesn't respect himself, either, which makes it his problem, not mine!

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(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 8

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/27/2010 4:22:29 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Physical acts wouldn't effect us at all. What does cause problems, but on my part not on his, is humiliation and degradation. If he calls me a dirty whore, then I will still believe in the morning that this is how he really thinks of me, and I won't believe that he loves and respects me. My problem, not his - but enough of a problem that we can't do that.

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(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 9

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/27/2010 6:38:33 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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I respect a lot of people for a wide variety of reasons (including some combatants whom I have faced in a terminate or be terminated situation). With reference to the specific question asked by the OP, my reply is in the affirmative. If a lad or lass will follow my lead and allow me to take them into what ever depraved situations, how could I not respect them? Perhaps my question would be to ask if they still respected me after.

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 10

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/27/2010 7:17:02 AM

bighappygoth39

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Of course I have my limits, and so does my partner, so those limits are always respected and always will be. The morning after I've taken him to whatever depravities we enjoy, I always respect him. I have great respect for him at all times, anyway. In fact, he is the only man who I have ever had so much respect for and that respect seems to just get deeper and deeper as the relationship progresses. I don't think I could be in a relationship with a man I don't respect now. I feel that with respect comes trust, also, but of course, it has to work both ways.

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Post #: 11

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/27/2010 7:41:47 AM

LadyPact

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Yes, I can. I think I'm in a good position, tazzy, that you're familiar enough with My posts over the years that you've probably picked up on the fact that I have a great respect for clip. What we do during play doesn't change that.

I do, however, have lines that I won't cross. Not specifically in certain forms of play, but when he still had hard limits, those were always respected. We've gotten to the point where he can be played with long whips, but the crack still gives him a not so happy reaction due to his PTSD. I find this completely understandable considering the situation.

As for things like humiliation, etc, it doesn't change about how I feel about him as a human being. One that absolutely deserves My respect.

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Post #: 12

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/27/2010 7:45:40 AM

smilingjaguar

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Personally I do not see it as an issue. If depravity means you lose respect in the morning, he is in trouble too because he was right there taking part and even controlling the depths of depravity we got into.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 13

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/27/2010 7:50:23 AM

OrionTheWolf

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I view respect differently than most, so to better answer your question I would need your definition of respect. If you mean, do I feel that they are less than what they were, then the answer is no. I have lines I do not cross, but it has to do with me, and not them. I am not sure why a responsible owner would not examine the possible impact it may have on how they feel before having their property do something.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
Can you take a submissive/slave/bottom to the depths of depravity during the night, and still respect them in the morning... or do you have lines you would not consciously cross with someone you loved regardless of their orientation?

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When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

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Post #: 14

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/27/2010 8:35:17 AM

kiwisub12

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I'm not sure what the OP means by depravity. If it is things that a couple or triple or whatever have previously agreed on , or enjoy, then is it really depravity? If you both love anal sex with enemas and shit all over the bed for the two of you to roll around in and stuffing olives up the subs butt and eat them as they emerge, covered in shit, whilst drinking urine that has furmented, and sprinkling it over the submissive to add flavour, all the while wearing a cat suit and mask, is it really depravity?

Its not your fathers oldsmobile, but it doesn't mean its depraved necessarily - weird yes, but depraved! Depravity seems to me to have an element of nonconsentuality to it, with one of the participants being unwilling or shocked by the proceedings.

So far, in my life, i haven't experienced anything i would consider depraved. Maybe i'm just lucky, but maybe not. :)

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)

Post #: 15

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/27/2010 8:47:29 AM

MMsCandy

Posts: 71
Joined: 10/19/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Can you take a submissive/slave/bottom to the depths of depravity during the night, and still respect them in the morning... or do you have lines you would not consciously cross with someone you loved regardless of their orientation?

Why not? He's the one doing them if he has issues with respect then it should start with him, not me. Of course he has limits but that doesn't mean they include things i consider depraved. His loving me simply means he knows exactly HOW to love me - short version of this is; to love me IS for him to take exactly what he wants from me. But he's not going to "blame" me for what he alone has the choice to do.

< Message edited by MMsCandy -- 10/27/2010 8:48:19 AM >

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Post #: 16

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/27/2010 8:51:09 AM

LadyNTrainer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes
I love people who are comfortable with their sexuality, so my respect actually increases. I like the concept of sex-positivity, actually. I don't remember ever thinking sex could be bad in any way.

This, +1.

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Post #: 17

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/27/2010 9:12:26 AM

sexyred1

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I actually completely understand the OP's question and intent. And I see everyone saying, oh yes, of course I will respect my subbie in the morning.

But I believe there are MANY, MANY people who do not understand the psychology behind what we do. When you do not understand the psychology, you do not understand boundaries and you do not understand the human psyche.

I believe there are many out there who would participate in whatever "depraved" acts they like and although they are right there in doing it, they would respect the sub far less in morning.

No matter how much everyone wants to believe in this whole open minded thing, there are those who would still look down on someone the next day.

And of course, this is not the type of person you should be in a relationship with anyway; I doubt that needs to be said.

But don't fool yourself, there are plenty of people who would not respect you in the morning, just as in vanilla life where you have sex too soon, some may not consider you a good prospect.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 18

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/27/2010 9:39:35 AM

LadyNTrainer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I believe there are many out there who would participate in whatever "depraved" acts they like and although they are right there in doing it, they would respect the sub far less in morning.

Yep. And them's some creepy, dysfunctional, sex-negative, self-hating motherfuckers, IMO. I've seen that particular psychology, and it feels incredibly unhealthy to me.

You really have to start by understanding that I don't engage in any form of intimacy with someone I don't at least like and respect, and higher levels of intimacy are reserved for people I care about and cherish. Sex and BDSM is intimacy, and there is no such thing as inherently "bad" sex in a moral or Puritanical sense, not if it's between consenting adults who feel good about themselves and their sexuality. That includes "advanced" sexual practices like roleplaying, humiliation, piss play, rape play, resistance/takedown scenes, spanking, bondage, etc etc.

Kink can be a minefield of emotional triggers, some of them negative. That's why it's advanced; just like any other extreme sport, you should be physically, mentally and emotionally healthy and fit before you can engage in it safely. I do view any sexual desire that you have in yourself but are unable to joyously share with your cherished and respected partner as being a potentially unhealthy emotional trigger, and probably something you should either not do at all, or seek help and counseling to be better able to do in a healthy way that doesn't damage your self esteem or your relationship.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

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Post #: 19

RE: Respect in the morning - 10/27/2010 9:48:51 AM

phoenixmoonn13

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
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the more and harder he plays at night the more gooey and cuddly i get in the morning and the protection feeling etc of his dominance and love etc after jsut strengthens. he loves my mushy gooey side and will usually result in lots of huge loving cuddles

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 20

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