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RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/1/2010 6:39:26 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:


We are real and like those that are real


I understand this.  It is difficult to like those who are unreal.


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- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Maitreandslave)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/1/2010 6:41:27 PM   
samboct


Posts: 1817
Joined: 1/17/2007
Status: offline 		If you find it difficult to like those that are unreal, please multiply by i and try again....

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/1/2010 10:15:09 PM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

As for the conversation posted -- i think you simply decided to bait him.  Instead of just saying hey i am not interested you came up with a scenerio i doubt you would ever do if you have common sense at all.  So on many levels i agree with him, if you were no longer interested, you should have just said so.  I am not advocating his replies or calling you names.  But your own behavior set you up for same.  And if you bait someone, you should know you may not get responses you want.  You have a responsibility also, if you are seriously no longer interested then end communication and move on instead of baiting someone with a stupid , dangerous and non-common sense scenerio i highly doubt you would even contemplate with a slave.

angel




Perhaps I did bait him. However, had he given a little more thought to what he was asking for, able to do and willing to do, perhaps there would have been more interest. He is young, I tried to make him think about what he was saying. I never said I wasn't interested. Interest could have been there had he shown more maturity.

You are correct, I would never do that to anyone, that is barbaric. However, when given the opportunity to rethink his stance, he threw it back to not taking any responsibility for what he was saying and throwing out dribble that he thought I wanted to hear.

To each his/her own take on it.

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/1/2010 10:31:41 PM   
LizzytheGoddess


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/24/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I refuse to allow a few rude twats to upset me.



That made me laugh so hard!! THANK YOU!! ;) ;)

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/1/2010 11:14:19 PM   
dreamysubmale


Posts: 204
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: subkatslut
sometimes people need to "rant"

Pardon me?  Not only is there no human need to rant, the people with a tendency to do so would be better off if they said, "What mistakes did I make, and how can I improve the next time?"  99% of these rants are attempts to lay blame on the other person, and shoulder no responsibility on oneself for improving social skills.


Well said RedMagic1

More often than not we focus on the bad/unpleasant experiences. Many people blame others for their own responsibilities instead of looking inwards as to why this is happening and find the solution.


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Everywhere man blames nature and fate, yet his fate is mostly but the echo of his character and passions, his mistakes and weaknesses... Democritus

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/1/2010 11:17:11 PM   
wittynamehere


Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maitreandslave

Why do people have no courtesies any more.  If you speak to someone through here and then move to messenger or something and change your mind just tell them that you have changed your mind.  It is rude not to at least give the courtesy of saying something.  I guess it is easier to just drop the call and move on. 

We are real and like those that are real and that includes being courteous.  We understand that we may not be for everyone and everyone may not be for us.  It is not hard to say, I am sorry but I do not think that we are a good fit or compatible.  It is understandable and we accept that.
Just saying people should be courteous to all even those they are not compatible with or are not interested in unless the other is rude to you.  Is this a joke to every one now a days?  What happened to the days that people actually had manners and knew how to act?  Are those days and people gone now?

What's with all the whiners around here? We really don't care if somebody rejected you! Deal with it and shut up.


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(in reply to Maitreandslave)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/1/2010 11:24:14 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

Different situations call for different rules when it comes to courtesy and manners. In a formal event, one tries to use the proper fork, waits till everyone is served and avoid any references to politics, religion or other contraversial topics that might ruin dinner. At an incredibly informal meal with friends watching some movies, mismatched china, eating as soon as one has fixed their own plate, and rather vulgar or contraversial topics are ok.

On the Internet, I find no response an acceptable response. It's not the desired one but they aren't tell me I'm an ugly fatass or sending me pictures of their cocks. Most times I will try to answer someone but sometimes I don't, usually because I have a gut reaction that they won't respond well or because I've already tried to explain it to them.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to dreamysubmale)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/1/2010 11:49:00 PM   
Maitreandslave


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/4/2010
Status: offline 		Well it seems as though many seem to think that I am upset or angered by this.  I have been in the lifestyle way to long to let something like this bother me.  I was asking a simple question that people are bringing emotions into it when there were none to begin with.

Basically the whole conversation is this:  Are simple courtesies gone from the lifestyle or not.

Some comments have been made about right or wrong.  I understand that each person reacts differently to things but when a sub/slave in this case gives the information to begin talking to another outside of the CM website then I believe (and I say the I believe strongly) there should be some type of courtesy given to the other person.  It is irritating as many have said, and it is not just females but males as well both Dom/Domme/Master/Mistress and sub/slave/switch do this to each other. 

Again I say this strongly, I believe that we should all be courteous to each other.  There was a comment about how a grandmother was a mean rude bitch or something to that effect.  You can not judge a time by one person.  That would be like going back in time meeting jack the ripper and say well everyone must be murderers.  Has things not changed since each of us were children.  When you went to school did you carry guns with you to protect yourself and everything?  I know I did not.  Times and people change.  When my mother was growing up you called other parents Mr so and so or Mrs so and so.  I hear people now calling their own parents by their first name.

This discussion has went to many extremes and there has been many assumptions on the original meaning.  The discussion was meant to get people to talk about courtesies in the lifestyle and those associated with it.  I see each of us in the lifestyle as being civilized people not saying outside of the lifestyle are not any more than we are.  I just do not understand why someone would give another their information to talk to them and then just disappear.  It was said about me finding out what I did wrong.  Well I looked at the conversation and the only thing it was, was questions getting to know them and very general in fact.  Things I believe each of us would ask, likes dislikes etc.  Also there was a comment about the unicorn.  I do not seek a unicorn.  I seek a real person and if ti happens it does if it does not then it does not.  I am TRYING to give my girl an outlet for things.  As long as I am trying to accomplish that then I am happy.  The unicorn will come to us or not but that has nothing to do with the question on courtesy. 

I do not try to bother or irritate or instigate anyone or anything and honestly there is no emotions involved it was a question.  Ok let me rephrase that, the immotion I felt was irritation at a lack of courtesy when I was giving that person full courtesy.  I was not demanding anything I was asking and answering questions as was my girl.  We were both speaking to the person.  They just poofed with no courtesy.

Any way I thank you each for your opinions and I read and listened to each one intently trying to get all I can from them and maybe be able to improve myself and my out look.  I saw a few rants and some thoughtful thinking as well.  I will think on these as well as any other comments left. I do hope each one will re read my post and see that there is no emtions other than what I stated here and that it was a simple question is all.  Thank you again






(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/1/2010 11:54:19 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		the basic courtesies are no more gone from the alleged lifestyle than they are from any other part of humanity.  Which is what several others have said.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Maitreandslave)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/2/2010 12:04:57 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		The below is because I didnt respond to someones email  I clicked a thanks no thanks button this is way was sent in response to my TRYING to be polite and informing the person I wasnt interested.

ok what the hell?????? I DID NOT COOKIE CUT AND PASTE A GODDAMN EMAIL I read your profile and liked what I saw so I took the time to write you a personalized message because I am genuinely looking for something on this site AND NO I did not send the same thing to 1000 other subs, just because your too fucking jaded and stuck up to realize that don't go around telling people I send spam goddamnit, I haven't done a goddamn thing to you all I was doing was trying to get to know you so take your shitty  stuck up, jaded, snobby, holier than thou attitude and shove it up your ass!!!!!!!

then



who the fuck do ou think you are anyway???

then

I don't care if this is the third message and you're done talking to me FUCK YOU! Seriously what gives you that attitude to assume you know me and what I'm all about, jaded women like you make me sick!! You don't know me and you don't know a goddamn thing about me or what I want, go to hell.

Then


I DIDN'T EVEN NEED TO READ THE WHOLE MESSAGE YOU'RE A TYPICAL ARROGANT STUCK UP PIECE OF SHIT WHO THINKS SHE KNOWS WHAT EVERY MAN IS ALL ABOUT BY SIMPLY READING A FEW LINES. I HAD AN HONEST INTEREST IN GETTING TO KNOW YOU AND I WROTE THAT MESSAGE SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU IF YOU'RE TOO MUCH OF A JADED, CONCEDED BITCH TO REALIZE THAT, IT'S YOUR PROBLEM NOT MINE!!
then


YOU'RE SHIT, THATS ALL THERE IS TOO IT, I SIMPLY SENT A MESSAGE TRYING TO GET TO KNOW YOU AND YOUR ARROGANT, JADED ASS DECIDED IT WOULD ME MORE FUN TO INSULT SO NOW I'M INSULTING YOU, FUUUUCK YOU!

So dropping off the face of the earth is preferable to this, Mind you i did nothing but simply click the thanks no thanks button in the message response and the person responded with the following before i blocked them.

THIS IS NORMAL WHEN A FEMALE REJECTS A MALE ON THIS SITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

< Message edited by SpiritedRadiance -- 11/2/2010 12:05:34 AM >

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/2/2010 12:07:30 AM   
subkatslut


Posts: 81
Joined: 9/14/2010
Status: offline 		lol well Maitre I think this thread has shown you the answer to your question

There are people who still believe in courtesy and others who do not. Some feel the internet means courtesy is different or not needed while others do. Which means you're going to keep encountering those who do not extend any because it's no longer considered necessary in the times we live in. The good thing about it is at least you're no longer wasting your time with someone like that and can find someone who does share your views about common courtesy for other people.

(in reply to Maitreandslave)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/2/2010 12:12:54 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		oh lord, Spirited. I think I dealt with that idiots brother....

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to subkatslut)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/2/2010 12:29:35 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maitreandslave

Again I say this strongly, I believe that we should all be courteous to each other.  There was a comment about how a grandmother was a mean rude bitch or something to that effect.  You can not judge a time by one person.  That would be like going back in time meeting jack the ripper and say well everyone must be murderers.  Has things not changed since each of us were children.  When you went to school did you carry guns with you to protect yourself and everything?  I know I did not.  Times and people change.  When my mother was growing up you called other parents Mr so and so or Mrs so and so.  I hear people now calling their own parents by their first name.

This discussion has went to many extremes and there has been many assumptions on the original meaning.  The discussion was meant to get people to talk about courtesies in the lifestyle and those associated with it.  I see each of us in the lifestyle as being civilized people not saying outside of the lifestyle are not any more than we are.  I just do not understand why someone would give another their information to talk to them and then just disappear.  It was said about me finding out what I did wrong.  Well I looked at the conversation and the only thing it was, was questions getting to know them and very general in fact.  Things I believe each of us would ask, likes dislikes etc.  Also there was a comment about the unicorn.  I do not seek a unicorn.  I seek a real person and if ti happens it does if it does not then it does not.  I am TRYING to give my girl an outlet for things.  As long as I am trying to accomplish that then I am happy.  The unicorn will come to us or not but that has nothing to do with the question on courtesy. 



You know, we often look back on things with selective memory. I am most likely the oldest person on this thread and I do remember that some people were more polite in some things, but I also remember watching the bikers (no club names here) and drug dealers and people doing one another wrong, the music of the times reflected how playing house made mommy cry and PTA meetings sometimes were disrupted by the mini skirt wearing single broad everyone was making eyes at. We had murderer's we had cut throats, we had guys that hurt women, we had the leave it to beavers.

In my school, they did bring guns... as well as knives and hell if you looked at somebody wrong, you might die. Does anyone remember the movie 'To Sir with Love?' Come on... we had all this shit that is happening now, then. Maybe not with the same numbers, but it was there. What the hell do you think today evolved from? It may be worse now, but it all started somewhere. Like the beginning of mankind. The heart of man can be a very wicked and selfish thing.

So rather than be upset... and you are... about somebody with no manners, look for those that have some. Why waste one breath trying to change something that has been going on since the beginning of time? Time/ life is too short to be wasting it trying to change things you cannot and expecting a Polly Anna lifestyle. Believe me, I had to grow into this myself. I knew I couldn't change the world, but I tried to make it a better place for some. Although there were some even back then, that I simply chalked up because it wasn't worth my time and efforts. This is one of those times.

We are never going to be polite all the time. No one can live up to that. We can try, but when others fail to, don't let it skin your nose... just keep on movin down the line. Relax, enjoy life and be happy. Remember the Forrest Gump way of life. Stupid is as stupid does and life is like a box of chocolates. You let into your life what you want and if you want to be happy, you will be, no matter what. You let the little things get to you... and good luck with that happy thing.

Take it from someone that has walked a lifetime on ice too thin... life is what you make of it and when you fall in, hope there is just one person that loves your ass enough to drag it out of the icy waters. You have that and you are a lucky person.


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Maitreandslave)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/2/2010 12:35:23 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

oh lord, Spirited. I think I dealt with that idiots brother....


It was funny I got to work logged on to collarme and had 7 messages waiting for me yeah... Talk about fun being polite.


_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/2/2010 1:15:47 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subkatslut

lol well Maitre I think this thread has shown you the answer to your question



There are also people giving you proof that it doesnt matter wither or not your courteous, you still will get responses that are unpleasant, It truly is the most easy and less stressful thing to simply ignore someone over threats of being raped and murdered simply because you are no longer interested.


_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to subkatslut)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/2/2010 4:35:36 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		OP your problem is in assuming that because someone has a profile here they are interested in talking to others. That's not true. Some are here for the forums only. Some have their mail filters set, so unwanted mail goes directly to the junk mail folder. Which is probably what you're finding. If you write women who have their filters set for no couples, they aren't even seeing your email and therefore could not respond even if they wanted to. Which they don't for good and sufficient reasons as we've told you graphically.


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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/2/2010 7:19:42 AM   
samboct


Posts: 1817
Joined: 1/17/2007
Status: offline 		To the OP

I think we need to distinguish between what happens on this site and in real life.

When I've met people in person from this board, most of the time it's a pleasant date. Sometimes it goes no further, but in general, the normal social rules of dating apply with one codacil- often the conversation takes a much more sexual tone- even on a first meeting, than a date found by "nilla" means. It still seems a little odd to me to have sexual preferences discussed so early on in a meeting, before being able to flesh out the vanilla side of the person. Only once have I had a date with someone from this site which had an outcome that I considered rude.

Interactions on this site- well, I have to disagree with Greedy here- I'm on several other internet sites, and this one is far and away the one where honest questions can merit a "go away"- where people are often unsupportive of each other and personal attacks are commonplace. This site also appeals to a larger spectrum of the population. In contrast the other sites I'm on, such as a sailing site or a model airplane site- the individuals come from a much smaller pool and we generally know each other at least by name, if not being able to put a face to the name as well. It's the human idea of having to be nice to people in your village, because it will get back to you, versus living in a much larger community where certain behaviors such as robbery become possible with limited repercussions. More heavily moderated sites are also often more pleasant- the libertarian idealism shown here often has a price associated with it. I think libertarianism is just not a good idea for humans- it leads to anarchy far too quickly although in the abstract, it can be hard to argue with.

If you nose around, you'll find a number of threads which tried to offer suggestions to the site management (the new hover feature allowing you a preview of an email may have been a response) to cut back on nastygrams that some women receive. I don't know if Spirit Radiance is correct- that most women on this site get similar notes as she does, but its certainly a sizable percentage and is disheartening to many. From my perspective- the problem with this site is that such behavior carries no penalty- and the actions of a few who let out their inner jerk on the internet soil the ground for us more polite folks.

Cheers,

Sam

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/2/2010 7:38:44 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		sam.. I dont think I said anything about THIS SITE ,or any other site...

what I said was:

quote:

the basic courtesies are no more gone from the alleged lifestyle than they are from any other part of humanity.  Which is what several others have said.


_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to samboct)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/2/2010 8:51:36 AM   
Maitreandslave


Posts: 13
Joined: 10/4/2010
Status: offline 		Yes it did show both sides of the coin.

(in reply to subkatslut)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Is courtesy no longer a requirement for civilized p... - 11/2/2010 9:10:18 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		You know... there is nothing is a manners book that requires someone to continually do something that has the repeated result of garnering insults and abuse. If you know where Miss Manners, Emily Post, etc has stated that people must endure abuse over and over again simply because 1 out of 100 people are polite I'm very interested in your source. Please link or cite book and page number.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Maitreandslave)
Profile   Post #: 60
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