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RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:26:13 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
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Baby steps, folks.  Baby steps.

~stef


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"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:26:34 PM   
submissivemale22


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/4/2008
From: CinCity
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

In what sense?


well, this is kind of a loaded question. i really dont mean to imply that all people who would attend such a thing are inherently creepy; it was more of a generalization.

personally, i have been contacted on this site by people who were recruiting my attendance... my encounters with them have given my unfavorable impressions of the group at large.

anyway, here are my complaints:
1) the word 'munch' itself... reeks of creepiness

2) i find the whole "meet up and share conversation and a meal thing" creepy. it is a common refrain that they use, and it sounds cult like.

3) the act of sharing a meal with these people disgusts me. it isnt a classy affair like a cocktail party at a rented out bar. they are catering to the slob demographic and meeting at cheap buffett style restaurants. i dont want these potentially diseased people anywhere near my food.

4) lets face it... the demographics will be against me. outside of couples, the single members will be overwhelmingly male. the women will be subs who have disavowed any notion of self respect, and among the few single and dominant women in attendance, probably 100% will be 75 lbs or more overweight. there is no single, dominant, relatively attractive, 20 something girl who is attending stuff like this. its not happening.

< Message edited by submissivemale22 -- 11/9/2010 1:29:25 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:29:05 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
Well friends, given that response, I got nothing!

I'm just glad that I am not a person that eats at buffets, or I might be offended!

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(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:32:08 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22
i actually tried fetlife.... similarly unspectacular results were achieved.


That's because FL doesn't have an A/S/L search.  Thank goodness; it's the reason I keep my social profile there exclusively.  In order for Fetlife to work for you to find people, you actually have to be involved in your local groups, ideally in realtime, to develop a solid social network.   But trust me on this, there really are a shitload of femdoms in your area.  They're just hiding from all the impatient guys who mail them dick pictures and rude proposals instead of taking the time to get to know them at local events and through groups of common interest.  Take that time, and you will find them.

On Fetlife, I cannot be found by the asshole who never shows up to a realtime meeting with anyone but happily sends crude propositions to every woman within 100 miles of him.  That makes me a lot more comfortable being myself and meeting people socially on Fetlife.  I can only be found there by people who either know me in real life or are active in the same local groups I am, so that's like an automatic asshole filter.  I get almost no crude propositions on that site at all, maybe one or two a year.  On Collarme I get almost nothing else, so my profile here is strictly professional. 

Maybe this isn't "fair", but it's natural selection.  When women make themselves too readily available by age, sex and location to a thirty-second site search, we get fucking bombarded with endless rude, nasty shit, frequently from guys who never have any intention of meeting anyone in real life.  So the serious lifestylers prefer sites where it's not that easy for guys to find us and bother us for no better reason than their dick is hard.  The guys have to be at least to some extent in the lifestyle also before they can even find us, and it's a very good filter. 

Your area has a comparable or larger scene than mine.  My Fetlife friends list is over 200, split about evenly by gender with the majority of the women on it being other femdoms, and I've met 99% of them in real life.  Most of my well networked friends on that list also have lists in the three digits; mine is only average.  It takes a little time and getting to know people to get well enough networked to be able to instantly point to more than 50 femdoms in the local scene on Fetlife, but if you put in the social networking time, you can definitely do it.  If you don't, then you can't.  Because Fetlife is cool that way, and it doesn't let strange guys randomly harass us.  Yay Fetlife. 

CollarMe serves a totally different purpose and has a totally different atmosphere for women on the site, and you're going to see women doing very different things on it for that reason.  Like, mostly hiding over on Fetlife because they're sick of being bombarded by random do-me emails from strangers.  We're hiding for a reason, but we can be very easily be found by people who actually join their local kink community.


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(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:32:30 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

This is a thread started to bait women and cause a debate. I hope that no one will take the bait.


I guess you didn't get what you hoped for.

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(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:32:34 PM   
submissivemale22


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/4/2008
From: CinCity
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Astounding.

Perhaps you should enlighten us as to what qualities in a dominant you are looking for, other than age and size? Oh, and interest in YOU, of course.


http://www.collarme.com/personals/v/1095463/details.htm

:(

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:33:54 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
Hib, I promise to take you to a decent buffet, if we ever manage to get ourselves in the same state.    Maybe we'll just find a good Chinese place.  

Then, we can take ourselves to a good, old fashioned play party and cause all kinds of mischief. 


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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:34:16 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
Oh, I forgot about your obsession with Ishy! Who is a SLAVE, btw. A Gorean type slave, which means that you are not fit to arrange her shoe closet.

Grow up. Go on, try.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:35:19 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Hib, I promise to take you to a decent buffet, if we ever manage to get ourselves in the same state.    Maybe we'll just find a good Chinese place.  

Then, we can take ourselves to a good, old fashioned play party and cause all kinds of mischief. 




GENIUS. Or come to the Calibirthday next year and we will gear ourselves up for a road trip to the Woodshed!!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:40:00 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22



4) lets face it... the demographics will be against me. outside of couples, the single members will be overwhelmingly male. the women will be subs who have disavowed any notion of self respect, and among the few single and dominant women in attendance, probably 100% will be 75 lbs or more overweight. there is no single, dominant, relatively attractive, 20 something girl who is attending stuff like this. its not happening.


Have you tried alternative/gothic/industrial dance clubs in your area?  They tend to attract younger people, more fetishy group, and people who like to dance.  You still have to actually determine if their S&m curiosities are merely based in fashion, but you'd be surprised how many people are kink or kink curious who enjoy alternative dance clubs even if the club's focus is not blatantly S&M or kink.

Not sure if this night is still running, but this kind of thing:

http://www.clubvibes.com/events/Cincinnati/43784/DARKOTICA.html

Generally not Fri/Sat nights, lesser known clubs, smaller crowd than a mainstream frat boy club.

Akasha


_____________________________

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:40:07 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Oh, and I meant "no offense" to COLLARME.


i actually tried fetlife.... similarly unspectacular results were achieved.


I wonder what the common denominator for the lack of success was......?

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(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:41:25 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22
i actually tried fetlife.... similarly unspectacular results were achieved.

You do know what I'm going to tell you about the common denominator, right?

For the record, less than half of the people who attend the munch group that I attend have a current profile on CM.  The last event that I put on, out of fifty group members that went, only eight had accounts here.


Lady P, you beat me to it!!



_____________________________



My fave Thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_2626198/mpage_1/tm.htm

One time "Phallus Expert Extraordinaire"

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:42:28 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22
1) the word 'munch' itself... reeks of creepiness


The origin of the term was casual and silly; the Palo Alto BurgerMunch founded by STella.  The intent was to differentiate it from more serious dungeon or play events; it was strictly to chat and munch on burgers.


quote:

2) i find the whole "meet up and share conversation and a meal thing" creepy. it is a common refrain that they use, and it sounds cult like.


If you think that having dinner and casual conversation at a public restaurant is cult like, there is nothing I can say to that except to wonder what in the world you are using for brains. 


quote:

3) the act of sharing a meal with these people disgusts me. it isnt a classy affair like a cocktail party at a rented out bar. they are catering to the slob demographic and meeting at cheap buffett style restaurants. i dont want these potentially diseased people anywhere near my food.


You know jack and shit about Munches.  I've attended them at places ranging from Starbuck's and Panera to picnic and volleyball in the public park to fairly classy restaurants.  BDSM community members are not statistically more likely to have an STD than the general population, nor to sneeze in the food at a buffet. 


quote:

4) lets face it... the demographics will be against me. outside of couples, the single members will be overwhelmingly male. the women will be subs who have disavowed any notion of self respect, and among the few single and dominant women in attendance, probably 100% will be 75 lbs or more overweight. there is no single, dominant, relatively attractive, 20 something girl who is attending stuff like this. its not happening.


Oh, bullshit.  I'll be leaving here in a few hours for a Munch at a nice seafood restaurant with lots of healthy and upscale options (I'm planning on broiled fish and salad), and while I don't know the full guest list, if the local household I'm thinking of is coming, they're all skinny chicks in their 20's.   I've never been to a local Munch that wasn't at least fairly gender balanced, and some tend to have FAR more women than men. 

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:47:39 PM   
submissivemale22


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/4/2008
From: CinCity
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22



4) lets face it... the demographics will be against me. outside of couples, the single members will be overwhelmingly male. the women will be subs who have disavowed any notion of self respect, and among the few single and dominant women in attendance, probably 100% will be 75 lbs or more overweight. there is no single, dominant, relatively attractive, 20 something girl who is attending stuff like this. its not happening.


Have you tried alternative/gothic/industrial dance clubs in your area?  They tend to attract younger people, more fetishy group, and people who like to dance.  You still have to actually determine if their S&m curiosities are merely based in fashion, but you'd be surprised how many people are kink or kink curious who enjoy alternative dance clubs even if the club's focus is not blatantly S&M or kink.

Not sure if this night is still running, but this kind of thing:

http://www.clubvibes.com/events/Cincinnati/43784/DARKOTICA.html

Generally not Fri/Sat nights, lesser known clubs, smaller crowd than a mainstream frat boy club.

Akasha



thanks Akasha- that is a wonderfully helpful suggestion! i don't really identify with the gothic stuff, but it is certainly something i will pursue at some point in the near future. thanks again!

< Message edited by submissivemale22 -- 11/9/2010 1:48:21 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:47:49 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

I see that the last thread was locked despite continued interest from users. as one who has this blueprint down, i thought i would construct a little outline for those having trouble:

1) Have money- i have never met a woman who doesnt love a dollar, and this particularly applies to dominant women.

2) Be Attractive- this is relative to her own appearance of course. the expectation is that you have to basically be unattainable in a non d/s capacity to warrant consideration. that... or have lots and lots of money.

And thats pretty much it... im not going to deny that there aren't other factors involved, but they are of such minimal influence relative to the top two that the are largely inconsequential.



Ok
First, toss out #1 & #2.

Have something to offer besides a closed mind.
What are your talents, and gifts?
How do you make the world a better place and how will you make her life easier?
That's what she would want to know, aside from the who is the person behind the create an arse mask.

Second, since you object to the notion of "meet up and share conversation and a meal thing" disturbing, I suggest becoming very comfortable with the pleasure of your own company.

Seriously, you are sounding elitist.
More likely you are agoraphobic or have some sort of social or generalised anxiety thing going on... otherwise, you know, you could try it a few times and just see what happens.

You have created an impossible situation: "How do I.... ?"
People give you viable options and you counter with an absurd litany as to why that could not work: the main reason being that... well, you know, people will be there... the horrors!

It could be fun to be with real people for a change instead of pixels on a screen.





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(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:51:41 PM   
submissivemale22


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/4/2008
From: CinCity
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ


quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

I see that the last thread was locked despite continued interest from users. as one who has this blueprint down, i thought i would construct a little outline for those having trouble:

1) Have money- i have never met a woman who doesnt love a dollar, and this particularly applies to dominant women.

2) Be Attractive- this is relative to her own appearance of course. the expectation is that you have to basically be unattainable in a non d/s capacity to warrant consideration. that... or have lots and lots of money.

And thats pretty much it... im not going to deny that there aren't other factors involved, but they are of such minimal influence relative to the top two that the are largely inconsequential.



Ok
First, toss out #1 & #2.

Have something to offer besides a closed mind.
What are your talents, and gifts?
How do you make the world a better place and how will you make her life easier?
That's what she would want to know, aside from the who is the person behind the create an arse mask.

Second, since you object to the notion of "meet up and share conversation and a meal thing" disturbing, I suggest becoming very comfortable with the pleasure of your own company.

Seriously, you are sounding elitist.
More likely you are agoraphobic or have some sort of social or generalised anxiety thing going on... otherwise, you know, you could try it a few times and just see what happens.

You have created an impossible situation: "How do I.... ?"
People give you viable options and you counter with an absurd litany as to why that could not work: the main reason being that... well, you know, people will be there... the horrors!

It could be fun to be with real people for a change instead of pixels on a screen.



this implication that i haven't met a LOT of people in this lifestyle is false. im not sure where it originated from, but i can dispel it. what i object to is the munches... that is really the only thing.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:55:22 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22


thanks Akasha- that is a wonderfully helpful suggestion! i don't really identify with the gothic stuff, but it is certainly something i will pursue at some point in the near future. thanks again!


Often the industrial clubs are different from the goth clubs, or they are at the same location but different rooms.  Larger clubs may have a third room even with trance or 80s or whatever.  When I did a lot of clubbing, I didn't go to strictly goth clubs, but went to industrial dance clubs - some of them had goth rooms but it was a smaller part of their overall audience. Nowadays I am not sure how they break it down, and where Emo fits into all of it, but whatever they're calling it, young/openminded/outgoing/fetishy people are probably hanging out there.

Akasha


_____________________________

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to submissivemale22)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:56:24 PM   
submissivemale22


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/4/2008
From: CinCity
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Oh, I forgot about your obsession with Ishy! Who is a SLAVE, btw. A Gorean type slave, which means that you are not fit to arrange her shoe closet.

Grow up. Go on, try.


the part about me not being fit to arrange her shoe closet conceded, what exactly is "a gorean type slave"? i never really understood that...

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 1:58:14 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

On Fetlife, I cannot be found by the asshole who never shows up to a realtime meeting with anyone but happily sends crude propositions to every woman within 100 miles of him. 


LadyNTrainer, your post was incredibly helpful to me. Thanks for taking the time to write it out.

Is there a way to change the reverse text on fetlife? White on black is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

Thanks,

KK

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Profile Help: How to Attract a Dominant Woman (upd... - 11/9/2010 2:01:33 PM   
submissivemale22


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/4/2008
From: CinCity
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22


thanks Akasha- that is a wonderfully helpful suggestion! i don't really identify with the gothic stuff, but it is certainly something i will pursue at some point in the near future. thanks again!


Often the industrial clubs are different from the goth clubs, or they are at the same location but different rooms.  Larger clubs may have a third room even with trance or 80s or whatever.  When I did a lot of clubbing, I didn't go to strictly goth clubs, but went to industrial dance clubs - some of them had goth rooms but it was a smaller part of their overall audience. Nowadays I am not sure how they break it down, and where Emo fits into all of it, but whatever they're calling it, young/openminded/outgoing/fetishy people are probably hanging out there.

Akasha



thanks for the addendum- im quite grateful for the information! when time permits, ill look into this over the next few weeks and report back :)

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 80
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