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The Mistress Board - 11/10/2010 10:21:27 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Throughout the last couple of years, as things changed on the Mistress board, I have had the opportunity to talk to a few about how they see things going here on the boards and with dominant women. I may have even brought it up in a thread or two because it was important to me and I knew it was very important to the men I was talking to. I noticed, I think about two years ago that some changes took place or were more noticeable, on the mistress board. It was as if there were a war between men and women and the struggle was playing out on the boards. Men had some very major issues with dominant women and what they felt we were all about and how we treated men. While there were some varying degree’s on all of this and coming from dominant women and submissive men and some were very valid points to consider, nothing ever really got accomplished because of the deeply rooted beliefs or experiences of each.

Some people, whomever they are or claim to be, will be abusive or have gone through something they feel is abusive. Whether that is physically or emotionally. Many years ago when working with a number of men in lay counseling them, I kept hearing about how men were not feeling appreciated by the women they were involved with. They tried to please and keep things running smoothly and yet they didn’t feel that their women even noticed the things they did. Part of this was a fact and they weren’t being appreciated and part of it was in the value each gender seemed to have on certain things and the importance factors of other things, individually.

We often have men posting that are upset with women and they repeatedly post from this place. We can’t stop that or change much of anything unless it is on an individual basis. We cannot heal the wounded and sometimes no matter what anyone says, there is never a resolution with some people. I would rather not go over the topic repeatedly or have constant struggle over it all on the board because we never get anywhere and quite frankly, I think it runs people off and we lose active posters that eventually leave.

I also noticed that the threads that tend to go the longest are kink oriented or where these arguments or flame-fest’s are taking place. If you post a positive thread and are asking for a positive thread and get one, they tend to be very few pages. Are we stuck around here? We either have a kink discussion or flame-fest and there is nothing else?

What do we want on this board? What would you like to see? It seems we often feed a troll type post or poster and must be getting something out of it because we aren’t typically changing anyone’s mind on their original stance. Are we getting some sadistic pleasure from these arguments or flame-fest? Are we stuck on topic’s to discuss? I know I am limited because I don’t have an active relationship right now and I am not real sadistic, but there has to be more. Are we afraid to bring up topic’s because of how things tend to go on the threads we do have?

What would you suggest to bring more life to the mistress forum without the ugliness that often becomes the way it goes around here or do we actually want that? What would you like to see more of on the mistress forum? Can we bring more life, education… something, or are we doomed to reactive threads that start out and end up badly? If we want kink discussion, what type of discussion would that be? We have those that come in and ask silly questions that seem more wank fodder than anything else, but I am talking about some serious discussion and how we might bring some of that to life. Are we afraid to discuss kink because of what we might get in response to our post, in our email?

What is really going on around here and what do we want to go on? Wouldn't it be nice if the dominant women took back some control over how this board works or responsibility of some sort if it isn't working, or would that be out of line and I am just being anal or delusional?



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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

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RE: The Mistress Board - 11/10/2010 10:38:39 AM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
What is really going on around here and what do we want to go on? Wouldn't it be nice if the dominant women took back some control over how this board works or responsibility of some sort if it isn't working, or would that be out of line and I am just being anal or delusional?


I think that anyone can be proactive and be the change they want to see.  Or more to the point, make the posts they want to have up on the board.  If you build it, they will come.  If you chose to take responsibility for posting regular thoughtful, insightful discussion topics, I imagine you will create an atmosphere in which those things will be discussed more frequently. 

Most posters, either for lack of time or lack of passionate interest, are more reactive than proactive.  As a consequence the posters who *do* have passionate feelings about something (eg, angry men who are highly motivated to yell at dominant women whom they perceive as rejecting them) are very likely to have a disproportionate influence on the atmosphere. 

Saying "wouldn't it be nice" is one thing; making the commitment to posting, say, one actual constructive discussion topic a week is another.  I'll say flat out that I'm not willing or able to make that commitment; I got thoroughly burned out on BDSM community leadership a long time ago, and I promised myself that I was going to enjoy my participation strictly from the sidelines in the future.  If you are, then you can be the impetus for the change you want.  It's not all beer and skittles down that road, but change doesn't happen until someone steps up to make it happen.  Backseat drivers rarely help.


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(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The Mistress Board - 11/10/2010 10:42:46 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		LadyNTrainer, I was wondering about a question a week or something just a few minutes ago. lol I do agree with you and I think it is up to us to make some improvements. I truly miss a lot of the posters that used to be here and I think we have many that would post, but had to wonder what might be preventing them from posting. So, with all this considered, I thought I would ask.

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The Mistress Board - 11/10/2010 11:32:03 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It's not a bad question, Lockit.  It runs through My head every now and again.  Somewhere back there, I think I've created a thread or two on the matter Myself.

On the matter of flame fests and such, I think LNT is spot on with the reactive, rather than proactive comment.  As odd as it seems, different points of view are going to generate more discussion than people bobbing their heads in agreement.  This isn't to say that I think the idea is to promote topics that we know are going to be controversial, but thread life does seem to be extended once people start addressing points that come up within the thread itself.  It's not just interacting with the original comment, but those comments that follow as well.

I think there are a few items that have contributed to less traffic on this particular board.  Some of them you even mention in the original.  Yes, there are a number of folks who either post less or do not post at all.  Treatment of Dominant women hasn't always been exemplary when folks engage in drive bys or trolling.  Our trash email certainly does go up when certain topics are discussed. 

One that I have something of a soft spot for is the fact that, I don't consider most topics as they relate to BDSM to be gender specific.  Sure, strap on sex or the effect of the menstral cycle/menopause of the person in power are pretty much our areas, but so many topics regarding a D/s or M/s dynamic have very little to do with which gender the person in authority happens to be.

At the same time, I think a lot of topics automatically default to the Master board.  That, in and of itself, isn't so much of an issue.  Where the issue does come in is how it relates to the way people perceive the boards to have the same atmosphere, even though that isn't the case.  I think many of us are familiar with the 'you're not male and therefore not a Master, so you shouldn't comment here' attitude that is often prevelant on the other board.  I think a number of people expect the same to happen here.  It has happened in the past, so I can't deny it, but we sure don't have threads that go on for two hundred responses on the matter.

The topics that we want to see, we will just have to generate.  In My opinion, we're probably best doing that anyway.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The Mistress Board - 11/10/2010 12:16:41 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The topics that we want to see, we will just have to generate.  In My opinion, we're probably best doing that anyway.


This. I'll give it a go

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.




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Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The Mistress Board - 11/10/2010 1:13:37 PM   
Steponme73


Posts: 552
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline 		Lady Pack the your not a male therefore not a master so you shouldn't comment here, struck a nerve with me. I kind of feel that way here. If I ask a question of a female dominant, I don't want a male dominant answering. I didn't ask him!
As far as what Lockit posted I too have noticed the same thing. I like positive learning experiences type posts. I not much of a flame thrower, I do occassionally, but I when I ask a question, I want to know the why and wherefore's as to why something affects a female dominant in a certain way. I am not sure if that makes sense or not.
I am not angry at anyone, and for the most part enjoy the things that are written.
I have learned lots here, just reading. Lady Pact several months back posted about the leather community. I read her posts, got some more information from her and did a lot of reading...I learned alot.
There have been several other topics that have peeked my interest also. Those are the kinds of things I like...NOT the wank fodder, the do me posts, they serve no purpose.
Just my 2 cents worth.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The Mistress Board - 11/10/2010 2:18:12 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Personally, I don't see any gender lines in M/s. I would much prefer a single-gender dom/top board. But, we have a master board that is hostile to female tops, and a mistress board where male tops feel unwelcome--perhaps because they expect similar treatment from us!

I miss talking here. There are some amazing discussions on Fet, but I rarely join discussions there---too many nasties.

I was reading about high protocol last night, and am forming some questions, which may come to naught. When it comes to s/m topics, I am just not into talking--I'd rather be doing! Anyway, at my "level" I need to learn from another person; yeah, I can talk about suturing beads, but that you learn by doing.

Right now, we are dealing with an abusive top situation. I am just not gonna bring that up here again. Community leadership? Not with our current population.

If I can come up with something I will,heaven knows we have to come up with our own solution!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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RE: The Mistress Board - 11/10/2010 2:43:58 PM   
Takeylarose


Posts: 300
Joined: 9/12/2010
From: Alba, TX
Status: offline 		Since joining the forums I haven’t seen much of anything that I would like to contribute to. Most of the time, like you said, its people gripping and complaining about one thing or another.

This is an open forum, we will get all types in here. This is also a BDSM/kink related site, so sexually explicit topics will get brought up. Personally I don’t see it as wank fodder when someone asks a sexually explicit question, that’s just me though, YMMV.. If someone takes the time to write out a legitimate question I don’t automatically assume it’s just something they are going to “jerk it” to.

For many people BDSM and sex go hand in hand, for others they don’t. Maybe the mods should think about breaking each forum down into more specific sub-forums within each group. Whether or not it would do any good, who knows..

I think everyone is guilty of being closed minded to a point, and personally I think some of the posters here have become jaded, but then again I haven’t been here that long.. But I have seen people replying to almost every topic that gets brought up around here, sometimes with meaningful posts other times just gripping as well. If its not something that you are passionate about or have something to REALLY contribute to then don’t reply.. I’m not here to gain posting status, I’m here to learn, discuss, meet new people and make friends.. I’m not trying to offend anyone, just calling it like I see it..

I’d like to see more discussions about the emotional and psychological aspects of our relationships. Just to throw a few ideas out there-

-How could we help emotionally prepare a “candidate” for a D/s relationship?
-In an on going D/s relationship how do you keep the emotional bond strong and keep -from “burning out”?
-What does each orientation mean to each of you?
-Do you see being a Domme interchangeable with being a Top or are they mutually exclusive?
-Can you be a Domme but a sexual bottom/switch?


_____________________________

An improper mind is a perpetual feast.....

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The Mistress Board - 11/10/2010 3:01:12 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Takylarose, we used to have many kink topic's discussed around here and had no problem with the asking of a question. It basically comes down to those who walk in the door and ask if anyone is into < whatever fetish or kink > and nothing more. If we answered seriously, they were in our email. They might want details for real wank material and really didn't ask a question, just what we would do or if we were interested. They added nothing on a personal level or had any input.

However, there was a time when people would ask a question about something and went into why they asked, what concerns they had and had far more than one sentence or paragraph that showed they wanted more than to find out who to email or to get details. There is a difference.

Some of us may have become jaded or may be jaded at times. That is just going to happen around here or in life. There isn't a thing wrong with it either, not in my mind. It is understandable. We are not perfect and have experiences, moods, and life happening and that is just a result of many things. If we remain jaded, that is where I see a problem. I can respond from a jaded place with certain posts and most often I am not sure it is even jaded, but more sarcastic because I see a lack of 'get it' and a whole lot of 'clueless' that doesn't come from ignorance, but a kink focus I can't respect. We can get a rash of trollish posts and react to them.

Despite someone being jaded here and there, I think we can have wonderful debates, discussions and educational threads, but it may take a moment to reflect or examine what is going on here and figure out how we might like to proceed. What will encourage some meaty threads and discourage the flame wars that really do get old, thread after thread with nothing much else besides some wank fodder... and there are true wank fodder threads.




_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Takeylarose)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The Mistress Board - 11/10/2010 7:41:23 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The topics that we want to see, we will just have to generate.  In My opinion, we're probably best doing that anyway.


This. I'll give it a go


This is ... and I hate to say it ... what Lady Angelika used to do, when she was with us.

And, from my memory, she always had LOTS of interactions and opinions flying.


At times it seems to me, on the Mistress Board, You react .. more ...

than start issues that are on Your mind ...

thus You get ... the ... jackoffs and trollers ... to respond to ....




< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 11/10/2010 8:02:21 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The Mistress Board - 11/10/2010 8:37:10 PM   
SthrnCom4t


Posts: 343
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline 		For me checking the boards is more of an occasional peek than following any particular discussion. Honestly, life is just too darn busy these days. There are certain posters whom I value what they have to say, and I would read no matter what the title, just because they began the post.

Most recently LnT's post on sexual dynamics, I thought, was wonderful. I appreciated the original post, and all (that I read) that followed up. This is the type of thread I like to read. I am not one for just 'banter', which is why in the beginning I would get annoyed with Otter's posts sometimes. It's not that I don't appreciate his humor, I just appreciate that more in a chat room than I do a discussion board.


_____________________________

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The Mistress Board - 11/11/2010 12:17:31 AM   
Takeylarose


Posts: 300
Joined: 9/12/2010
From: Alba, TX
Status: offline 		Lockit- I didn't mean to offend you if I did. I can completely understand being jaded when you see post after post on bs topics or getting bombarded with sexually explicit emails generated from posts here. 

One of the suggestions I have for the mods is limiting posts for new users, outside of the introductory forum to where they have to post at least X number of times before other forums become available to them. I don't know how much trouble it would be or if it's even possible but it's something to look into. Also maybe setting certain key words to trigger mod approval before threads can be opened or locking out certain words in OPs and thread titles. Or a <insert your orientation here> only forum- where you have to have that orientation listed on your profile in order to post there or get approval to post from member moderators. Just to throw a few ideas out there. 

I think I made some pretty valid suggestions-positive suggestions. Yet I see no comments on them or see anyone else make any suggestions for topics they'd like to see. 

A couple other topic suggestions-

-Does/did childhood sexual abuse play a part in your orientation? 
-Pre-scene preparation- first time to scene with a new sub/playmate

I do apologize if none of my suggestions make sense, I'm typing them on my phone so it makes it hard to read and keep the thought process going without the brain getting too far ahead of the fingers. Lol


_____________________________

An improper mind is a perpetual feast.....

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The Mistress Board - 11/11/2010 4:16:17 AM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Despite someone being jaded here and there, I think we can have wonderful debates, discussions and educational threads, but it may take a moment to reflect or examine what is going on here and figure out how we might like to proceed. What will encourage some meaty threads and discourage the flame wars that really do get old, thread after thread with nothing much else besides some wank fodder... and there are true wank fodder threads.




What discourages discussions is...those who start them are often told that this subject was brought up before and to learn to use the search feature instead of annoying everyone.  If something is currently being discussed somewhere else on these boards, yes, I see the point, otherwise...(drum roll please)...everything has already been said before.  Probably within the first year of CollarMe.  Other than the banter...since no BDSM subject is new, everything could be simply archived and anyone wanting to know anything could simply use search. 
 
(I am feeling very tired and jaded tonight.  I went to Fet and read what happened to that new fem sub and almost feel like hanging up my flogger for a while and taking a break.)
 
Personally, I don't care if necro-subjects come up; I would like to see more freedom for people to ask things without being popped on the head and skinned alive. 
 
One of my favorite people is Toppingfrmbottom, because that girl isn't afraid to start a thread about anything, anytime she wants.
 
There are actually a lot of things I would like advice on.  But I have to weigh the value of good advice against the aggravation from those who aren't offering any, but need to seem scathingly witty for the sake of their own ego.  If I started a thread and was treated to dripping sarcasm...my evil twin would come out.
 
Sorry, but this is how I feel.  I have sent dozens of people into these message boards and all have told me it's too hostile an environment here.  IMHO, that is why we are losing people.  If people like a place, they stay; if they don't, they leave.  I would like to have a lot more posters here...these message boards are almost dying.  So many are going elsewhere. 
 
I have been spending more time at other sites just to read discussions that never come up here, and I have ordered a lot of books to research what I want to know instead of asking here. 
 
October through January are always bad months for me, too many ugly or sad anniversaries to get through and I don't want to deal with more.  Whoever starts a thread opens themselves up to a lot of shiite.  If anyone disagrees with me, well, this is just my own opinion. 
 
I love this site, and whatever goes wrong I will just grit my teeth and wait it out.  I have loved too many people from CM to abandon it.
 
If others come up with ways to help improve The Mistress Board part of CM, I will do my best to cooperate. 

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The Mistress Board - 11/11/2010 4:24:29 AM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Takeylarose
I’d like to see more discussions about the emotional and psychological aspects of our relationships. Just to throw a few ideas out there-

-How could we help emotionally prepare a “candidate” for a D/s relationship?
-In an on going D/s relationship how do you keep the emotional bond strong and keep -from “burning out”?
-What does each orientation mean to each of you?
-Do you see being a Domme interchangeable with being a Top or are they mutually exclusive?
-Can you be a Domme but a sexual bottom/switch?


Takeylarose, I would enjoy any of those as threads.  If you choose to start any with those subjects I will jump in with both feet. 

(in reply to Takeylarose)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The Mistress Board - 11/11/2010 8:15:03 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hello all!

Lockit: I'm not sure it's accurate to say that there is a "lot" of male vs female bashing going on. We have our share of whiny wack-jobs of course, but I think there's a pretty stable pool of (moderately) balanced men who post.

LadyPact : I don't think that "you're not a master, therefore you shouldn't comment here" is that prevalent on the other board. An occasional dude makes some remark, either because he's an asshat or simply doesn't understand the policy here but don't think it's either that common, or a generally held view. And in defence of dominant men, there's a goodly crop that will actively assert a domme's right to post in the "Ask a Master" section too.

To the heart of the OP...

My view of these boards is that they're a bazaar... you can mooch around and usually find something interesting. For me the "thing" I'm after depends on my mood, sometimes I'll have a mooch and find myself thinking "I've not seen a really interesting, thought provoking thread for a while" and at others I'll pine for a really silly flirty thread.

These places wax and wane over time, and perhaps we're in a wane phase - so I'm totally up for deeper threads. That said, I wouldn't want the silliness to go either.



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(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The Mistress Board - 11/11/2010 9:01:54 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Takeylarose

Lockit- I didn't mean to offend you if I did. I can completely understand being jaded when you see post after post on bs topics or getting bombarded with sexually explicit emails generated from posts here. 

One of the suggestions I have for the mods is limiting posts for new users, outside of the introductory forum to where they have to post at least X number of times before other forums become available to them. I don't know how much trouble it would be or if it's even possible but it's something to look into. Also maybe setting certain key words to trigger mod approval before threads can be opened or locking out certain words in OPs and thread titles. Or a <insert your orientation here> only forum- where you have to have that orientation listed on your profile in order to post there or get approval to post from member moderators. Just to throw a few ideas out there. 

I think I made some pretty valid suggestions-positive suggestions. Yet I see no comments on them or see anyone else make any suggestions for topics they'd like to see. 

A couple other topic suggestions-

-Does/did childhood sexual abuse play a part in your orientation? 
-Pre-scene preparation- first time to scene with a new sub/playmate

I do apologize if none of my suggestions make sense, I'm typing them on my phone so it makes it hard to read and keep the thought process going without the brain getting too far ahead of the fingers. Lol



Takylarose, I am not easily offended if you had said something that offended me and you didn't! Bear with me here, a few sips of coffee and being upright does not mean I am awake! lol I'm at the end of my first week back with the grand kids and new baby and have been multitasking when I posted, so there is no way I could address everyone or everything that has been said. Tis a tired granny here! I do hope I didn't sound like I was offended or was defensive. I wasn't and was only trying to respond with what I see or think.

I think you had some wonderful idea's and I tend to believe that if what you say wasn't disagreed with, you most likely were agreed with and got a few nods and silent agreements, because if someone thought it stupid or something, they tend to say that. I've been online for about eighteen years and have been to all sorts of sites. I started with support sites for strange/rare or chronic illnesses, then went to some chats on religion, chat sites and then kinky sites. I've been all over the spectrum I think and everywhere, there were many things that were similar even if some were less aggressive in ways. I've seen site wars that were contained on the site and site wars between one another and have seen some very aggressive things in that. Hell, my site was destroyed because it was good and a threat to a major site that claims to be the biggest in the world and was, but there was money to be made and they saw me as a threat. I wasn't out to make money. I was out to help save lives and effect some change in laws and what happened to people when serious illness took over their life. You would think that if we were all out there doing good things, wouldn't we work together? It simply doesn't work that way. Mankind is not always nice or attractive. (I couldn't go to certain sites when I was working because one thing posted in the wrong area could make me ineffective and do harm to the things I was working with and on. We were too close to the political arena and public view and no way was I giving them anything to discredit me with.)

I do admit, I came online pretty Polly Anna like. She got ran over and killed and I actually don't mind so much because it was a real wake up call. I would rather see the reality of a situation than to hold on to my perceptions that might not be realistic. Expecting perfection anywhere or in anything, you are going to be disappointed. Expecting nice little cuddles and everyone friendly isn't going to happen. So I figure, cuddle where you can, be friendly where you can... but people are people and you can't change that. Whatever that, 'that' is. We can temper how we do things and hope that others do as well and you can encourage change, but you can't make it happen.

As for what this site and the mods can do, I can't speak for them. I wouldn't know, but I do have to say that personally I wouldn't want to be at a site with that much control that I couldn't just jump in. That seems to me that good people would be punished for bad people and I think we should let people do what they do and monitor the bad people that need the extra attention. I believe that part of the attraction here at CM is that we can move around freely and post freely. I know that when I have seen this board at it's best, that a great part of what was great about it was that the submissive men had a large role in how things went. We had some dominant men that came in to cause trouble, but many came to post and they enhanced the threads they posted on. Getting a point of view from anyone that has a point of view is more of a realistic view of things.

I've seen groups where it was only dominant women that were allowed to post. Others could read the post but they could not comment. Those women ate each other for lunch! lol I didn't like what I saw and did try to give it a good try, but ended up leaving and having no desire to even check back and see how things went. Men were devalued, treated like worms and some of the shit I read there were absolutely insane.

Believe me when someone that felt that submissive men were worms, unequal and shouldn't post here, you would see a bunch of dominant women going to bat for them. You want to treat men like worms, get ready to be worm food. While I don't think we can change certain things and for a few reasons, I wouldn't even wish to, I do believe we can improve things and that is the motivation of my post. We don't own this board, but we can by our own conduct, enhance it.

I am not asking what others can do to make this more fun or worthwhile. I am asking what we all (regular posters) consider or would do to make this a better experience for us all. What is it that we want to see? You know?



_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Takeylarose)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The Mistress Board - 11/11/2010 9:37:28 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Cynthia, I have quite often thought that people jumped too quickly to basically shutting people up somehow. Hell, when I first got here, I didn't even notice the little words on a page and links to be able to do this or that. Search? lol I didn't know it was there for a long time! I've been guilty of shutting people down and I will remain guilty of that, I'm sure. I see something and react and whether I am correct or not, I am what I am and do what I do, although I try not to be any one thing too much.

Even when these boards had a lot of meaty threads and topics, we also had the in-fighting, the mean posts and trouble. It has never been perfect or a paradise of loving people giving out group hugs. There have always been groups of people that would follow one another around the boards taking sides, making witty, funny, cruel comments. I don't know a board or chat I have ever been on that didn't have these things. People seem to have more options on where they can go for a decent site experience, but all the dynamic's of mankind are at each. I really don't think that one kink site is winning over another because people are nicer at one over the other. I think there is a lot more to this. I don't care what other sites do or don't do. I do care what happens here because I like being here, good or bad... and if I am going to be at a kink site, this will be the one I am most active on. I like the way it works and how it is all put out there.

I've been flamed here... to the tune of over fifteen pages. I have had other times when a submissive male had a problem with me and what I wasn't doing or allowing with them that came and lied and caused all kinds of trouble for me personally and on the boards. I don't like flames or drama, but it is a part of the public cyber thing and it is what it is. You put yourself out there you might get smacked around. It's just one of the risks you take and each has to evaluate whether they wish to do it or not. I see many complaining because this site or these people did this or that and a lot of it is their own perception and how they respond to everything that touches their life. Those having more issues in life tend to get more dramatic about what happens. (Just my opinion on it.)


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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The Mistress Board - 11/11/2010 10:06:33 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
LadyPact : I don't think that "you're not a master, therefore you shouldn't comment here" is that prevalent on the other board. An occasional dude makes some remark, either because he's an asshat or simply doesn't understand the policy here but don't think it's either that common, or a generally held view. And in defence of dominant men, there's a goodly crop that will actively assert a domme's right to post in the "Ask a Master" section too.

Undeniably so.  I probably should have mentioned that.  I don't want it to appear that I don't recognize it.  The rare ones that do make the comment tend to show their own insecurities on the matter.  There is a huge segment of the male Dominant population that have no issue with the matter.

Back to general and not in response directly to you.  More on the comments relating to the search feature and repeated topics.

I actually miss the way that LuckyAlbatross would give links to prior threads on one topic or another.  She gave enough reference material that would last someone for days if they wanted to read the past discussions.  Being the computer twit that I am, I didn't know how she did it at first, but it became clear rather quickly.  That's Me laughing at Myself for not knowing any better.  


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The Mistress Board - 11/11/2010 10:16:50 AM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, I'm all for Question of the Week/Month.

And yes, I miss the links, too.
I'm also surprised by the rudeness towards boardnoobs who ask a question. Yes, the same question may have been asked just last week, and yes,
sometimes it's hard to differentiate between honest ignorance and wank-fodder acquisition, but please remember the Search function on this site is shite.

Edited to add: differentiate between honest ignorance, TROLLS and wank-fodder acquistion . . .


< Message edited by Tantriqu -- 11/11/2010 10:18:00 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The Mistress Board - 11/11/2010 10:27:15 AM   
SpyUnderCover


Posts: 208
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia

Personally, I don't care if necro-subjects come up; I would like to see more freedom for people to ask things without being popped on the head and skinned alive. 



Indeed.

I’m fairly new to CM. I’ve posted a few times, but I’m one of the people that has been reluctant to post, and I’ll try to explain why. Some of my reasons echo what others have said, but I felt like it was important to state them all.

Let’s take a hypothetical example. Let’s say I’m the OP and I write in with, “I just bought a Brand X harness and I’m going to try it out on my sub this Sunday. Does anyone have any insight on how to make this the best experience possible?” These are the responses I’m likely to get:

1. “You’re just looking for wank fodder.”
2. “That’s a stupid question,” or, “Why the hell are you asking us?”
3. “Duh! Use the ‘search’ function!”
4. “We’ve covered this a million times already!”
5. “If you were a real Domme, you’d be able to use your imagination to figure it out.”

Or, my personal favorite:

6. “Why are you doing it on Sunday? I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

There are a couple of threads I’ve thought about starting, specifically on this forum, but have been reluctant for one or more of the above reasons. The topics I’ve thought about bringing up have been touched on indirectly in other threads, and I’m concerned that I’ll get jumped on for “not using the 'search' function” to find answers. But sometimes I might just want fresh insight, or a current approach, or sometimes the “search” function just might not have revealed the answers I was looking for.

I do understand about being jaded. I get that. But if you don’t have anything positive to say to the OP, why say anything at all? If they’re annoying you, but doing no real harm, why not just ignore them?

I also, frankly, get the impression that a lot of you have known each other – either in person or at least on line – for a long time. It seems to be a very tight-knit community and many of the threads are filled with innuendo, inside jokes and flirtation. If I were to jump in, I’d feel like the person at the party who no one really knows and who appears to be butting in.

Thanks, everyone, for reading. Lockit, thanks for starting the discussion.

Spy

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)
Profile   Post #: 20
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