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NuevaVida -> RE: cooth, uncooth whose to say? (11/18/2010 7:41:06 AM)
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OK you totally edited your post after I replied that you didn't answer my question. Let me see if i can respond to some of this...
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ORIGINAL: DMFParadox
No.
Unless I'm misunderstanding what you mean by "Fail." Fail to create a relationship? Or fail to "score," somehow?
The things you're saying though, seem like contrived acts to meet a particular goal.
Contrived acts to meet a goal... this is a bad thing? Someone alert the business world! They're so wrong! We should all live in the forest and dance around campfires spontaneously.
Contrived tends to mean a false, artificial or unnatural act toward meeting a certain goal. That's how I meant it, as well. Perhaps I should have used a different word. It's dishonest manipulation.
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Edited to add: Both. Fail at both.
Perhaps this is your experience. It wasn't mine, nor has it been the experience of many I know, personally. Maybe because your described strategies seem like such a game you are playing, dinner dates don't get you to "Home." I dunno.
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New girl gets full, sleepy, tired, disjointed conversation. Leaves. Doesn't return calls. Is she embarrassed? Is she reconsidering? Did she get too 'hot' before dinner, and is scared off by the reaction you give in her? Did you chew with your mouth open, spray, choke, any one of the thousand things you can do that's senseless and stupid but hits the 'off' button in that critical first-impression 'date night' phase?
Wow that's a lot to think about. All I know is when the Man and I first met over dinner, we laughingly agreed (before meeting) that if either of us just didn't "feel" it, we'd say so and get on with life. Maybe we both had just been around enough to be tired of the game playing, and wanted this relationship, if that's what it was going to evolve into (and eventually did), to evolve naturally, on its own.
And neither of us got sleepy over dinner. In fact, we didn't want to part company. Then again, we had also agreed that there would be no "scoring." Sex/Play wasn't going to come until it was clear we were heading toward a relationship together. Neither of us were interested in just a hook-up for the night. We had both been there, done that, and wanted something more.
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Conversation can be more difficult and contrived over food. You'll talk about the food, not things that get you hot and interested. You'll fumble. You (you the girl) will get insecure over how you look.
Perhaps. I wasn't insecure over my looks. We talked about life, family, jobs, the things that made us happy, etc. It was an amazing conversation, which naturally occurred as our chemistry totally connected.
No talk of things that got us "hot." But then our purpose wasn't about that.
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It's a disaster waiting to happen.
For you, maybe? Hasn't been my experience.
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Now, if there's a group there, it's much, much better. Friends vibe off each other, carry the conversation while you're chewing, give the guy a legitimate reason to be distant and mysterious without triggering the bailout switch.
I agree group settings are "safer" - much less intimate and there's much less exposure. Distant and mysterious isn't a turn on for me, personally, so if the guy were that way, I'd lose interest.
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But on a first date? Hell no. It's just too much for the girl, normally. Fries her circuits
Just what kind of girls are you dating? LOL. Too much? Fries her circuits? I don't relate, as I found our first date to be totally invigorating.
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Keep it short, interesting, dynamic, hints of good things to come, and leave, unless it's clear that she'll go the distance with you that night. Dinner also has too much finality - what if your first impression wasn't that great? If it was a dinner, it's pretty much a done deal; move on. If it's a walk on the beach, you have a few more graceful exits you can choose from, to come back later without too much of a bad smell. And there's less things you have to get wrong. Plus, every guy does dinner. Who wants that? Be unique. Be memorable. If you're the 30th dinner date she's had in the past year, it's just not going to stick in her mind as much no matter how pretty and charming you are.
Wow see this just seems like way too much thought/work. Is it working for you? Has your strategy resulted in cool, long term relationships? I guess with us, we had been talking awhile before we met, and dinner was just an extension of that, which ended with a nice walk down the harbor and a kiss goodnight, and continued calls and conversation until the next dinner, and so on. He totally stuck in my mind. Why? Because of HIM, not because of a strategy he used to prevent things from going wrong.
I'm thinking with enough self confidence, you'll know you just stand on your own merit, without all the games and strategies. If you are memorable, she's going to remember you. And it won't matter where or how you met.
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Seriously, this topic is retarded. I'm done. You go ahead and think what you want to about dinner dates, and I'll keep going on walks with the girls instead, and we can fucking just not speak of it again please. I shouldn't have raised that point, it's like teaching a room full of geriatrics why the kids think Eminem is so cool. Sheesh.
People who get frustrated to the point of calling a topic they brought up retarded are an interesting sort. It's like you can't stand behind your own point and then get offended when people disagree. Give yourself 20 more years of dating and you'll tire of the games and just want to be with someone who is interested in you because of who you are, not because of some image you're trying to give off so you can score. I was just on the phone with my owner, telling him about this thread. He laughed and said "Yeah, I remember those days. How's that working for him?"
Anyway, you can be done and tired of this discussion. I found it an interesting give an take. Pity it wore you out so soon.
Good luck.
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