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RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 9:39:16 AM

LadyNTrainer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
LP, I think because often the sub or bottom is getting turned on by the activities (flogging, whipping, etc.) they like to assume that the dominant also is, especially when the submissive is a guy and the dominant female, they just love the idea of us being soaking wet and doing our best to hold ourselves back from raping their oh so helpless bodies.

In my experience relatively few male bottoms can keep an erection while being seriously beaten, so the focus for both of us is generally not the sexual energy. Some can, but it's rare. Mine cannot. What you describe *is* a fun scene for me with my committed LTR partners, but I can't actually have it. I generally have to pick between the fun of delivering a good flogging and the fun of raping him. The only way I can have my cake and eat it too is to keep the beating relatively light and sensual and more of a mindfuck than a hardcore physical event. Or give him some time to recover. One of my partners can be ready to go in reasonably short order; the other is likely to be giggly, spaced-out, endorphin high and out of commission sexually for some hours after a heavy scene.

I suspect that some of the guys fantasizing about this type of scene don't get that a) many dominant women play casually but don't have sex casually, and b) if they really were being heavily flogged, their chances of being able to focus enough on sexual sensation and arousal to keep an erection may be less than they think.

As a corollary question to the male subs and bottoms here, how many of you can keep Mr. Peter standing at attention and/or actually perform sexually during or immediately after a serious beating? I define serious as leaving marks that last more than a few hours.

quote:

It's the particular fantasy that gets them going, how often I had discussions with guys who told me that I just can't be a sadist because it doesn't make me want to automatically fuck the brains out of everybody I enjoy whipping... Good thing that some guys think they know more about us, our minds and our bodies than we do ourselves ;)

Yeah, that's annoying as fuck. Anyone who says "You're not a real [whatever] because you won't have sex with me" is a major loser.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 21

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 10:14:34 AM

LadyConstanze

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I play a lot with masochists, quite a few of them actually do get very sexually turned on through pain, so I guess it depends on how much of a masochist they are and possibly the individual as well... With one guy I was joking that I can tell from the state of his erection how hard I am hitting, he literally loved the pain and could ejaculate just from the pain.

The main difference is possibly that for most guys to want to play or scene with a woman and be submissive to her or take pain from her, they have to be sexually attracted to the woman, so for them it is hard to understand that we might not always be sexually attracted to them. And for the male ego a woman who can resist them in all their glory - well there MUST be something wrong with the woman...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

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(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 22

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 10:39:16 AM

LadyPact

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My thinking on the matter reflects what I think Lady C is saying here.

As to male reactions to play, the whole spectrum happens. There was a guy that I played with in Atlanta that was never fail on the erection bit. Even making that comment, I have to admit that there are certain factors that I couldn't answer regarding frequency of play or sex. Masochism was a definite 'check' but I couldn't fill in the details about the other areas that may impact the situation.

I've watched too many men react differently on whether they will have an erection or not. (Anybody remember the "turtle" thread from a couple of years back?) This is what makes Me wonder if there is a disconnect in there somewhere. The majority of males who play frequently and at different intensity levels know that erection most likely isn't going to stay rock hard for the whole of their play time or may not happen at all. It seems odd to Me that they wouldn't logically conclude that it's the same for the person on the other side of the whip.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 23

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 10:42:53 AM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
It seems odd to Me that they wouldn't logically conclude that it's the same for the person on the other side of the whip.

It's not that puzzles me, LP. It's the thought that a dominant could enjoy beating a sub without getting anything at all from it that she or he would call a 'sexual buzz'. Some kind of buzz, certainly, but not a sexual one. Or have I got that wrong?

_____________________________

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Post #: 24

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 10:44:46 AM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
I play a lot with masochists, quite a few of them actually do get very sexually turned on through pain, so I guess it depends on how much of a masochist they are and possibly the individual as well... With one guy I was joking that I can tell from the state of his erection how hard I am hitting, he literally loved the pain and could ejaculate just from the pain.

Damn, I need one of those so I can hurt him during sex. I've been able to gradually train some of my boys to associate pain with sexual excitement and be able to perform better when I beat them, but it's not always an easy process, or a quick one, if they're not wired that way to begin with.

quote:

The main difference is possibly that for most guys to want to play or scene with a woman and be submissive to her or take pain from her, they have to be sexually attracted to the woman, so for them it is hard to understand that we might not always be sexually attracted to them.

Sexual attraction for me isn't a purely visual thing, and I'm not sexually attracted to all of my casual play buddies.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 25

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 11:05:33 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
It's not that puzzles me, LP. It's the thought that a dominant could enjoy beating a sub without getting anything at all from it that she or he would call a 'sexual buzz'. Some kind of buzz, certainly, but not a sexual one. Or have I got that wrong?

I don't think it's so much that they aren't getting anything from it. If I wasn't having fun doing it, I wouldn't be bothered. I'd pick another recreational activity and have fun doing that.

I get absolutely no sexual buzz from topping women, but the endorphin rush from the sadism itself works for Me.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 26

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 11:08:39 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

Damn, I need one of those so I can hurt him during sex. I've been able to gradually train some of my boys to associate pain with sexual excitement and be able to perform better when I beat them, but it's not always an easy process, or a quick one, if they're not wired that way to begin with.

I'd be careful, if you hurt him too much it might be over fairly quick because it would excite him too much, playing with that particular guy, I had to pace the pain, to actually be able to play for a while.

quote:

Sexual attraction for me isn't a purely visual thing, and I'm not sexually attracted to all of my casual play buddies.

That's what I was saying, for women a lot of things enter the equation, we can play casually without being sexually attracted, most guys will not consider playing with a woman they don't find sexually attractive.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 27

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 11:14:23 AM

LadyConstanze

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Joined: 2/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

My thinking on the matter reflects what I think Lady C is saying here.

As to male reactions to play, the whole spectrum happens. There was a guy that I played with in Atlanta that was never fail on the erection bit. Even making that comment, I have to admit that there are certain factors that I couldn't answer regarding frequency of play or sex. Masochism was a definite 'check' but I couldn't fill in the details about the other areas that may impact the situation.

I've watched too many men react differently on whether they will have an erection or not. (Anybody remember the "turtle" thread from a couple of years back?) This is what makes Me wonder if there is a disconnect in there somewhere. The majority of males who play frequently and at different intensity levels know that erection most likely isn't going to stay rock hard for the whole of their play time or may not happen at all. It seems odd to Me that they wouldn't logically conclude that it's the same for the person on the other side of the whip.

I don't think it's odd at all, for their fantasies it possibly works better if they imagine the female dominant as half crazy with lust for their body, that fantasy might add to their experience.

Surely you sometimes talk candidly with people you play with it, outside the whole D/s protocol, I frequently do and it often comes up that while they are dominated or "tortured" they have fantasies of being the sex toy of the domme. It's just that they are wired a bit differently.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 28

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 11:16:44 AM

LadyConstanze

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Joined: 2/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
It seems odd to Me that they wouldn't logically conclude that it's the same for the person on the other side of the whip.

It's not that puzzles me, LP. It's the thought that a dominant could enjoy beating a sub without getting anything at all from it that she or he would call a 'sexual buzz'. Some kind of buzz, certainly, but not a sexual one. Or have I got that wrong?

But Peon, not everything needs to be a sexual buzz, you know if I'd make wink at you in a train and would tell you to carry my suitcase home, you'd get a buzz, but it might not be a purely sexual buzz.

Or if I call you jokingly bitch in an SMS, it gives you a buzz but it doesn't give you a raging hardon (I hope)

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 29

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 11:33:45 AM

PeonForHer

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Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
But Peon, not everything needs to be a sexual buzz, you know if I'd make wink at you in a train and would tell you to carry my suitcase home, you'd get a buzz, but it might not be a purely sexual buzz.

I actually have had similar, and it's given me a boner the size of Belgium. Yep, unequivocally: it's a sexual buzz for me. I might be a complicated man (or one full of complexes, to phrase it the more usual way), but that part of me is pretty damned straightforward. Or straight upward.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 11/16/2010 11:34:25 AM >

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Post #: 30

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 11:37:19 AM

LadyConstanze

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HA HA HA, well we have to meet on a train and I make sure the suitcase is filled with bricks, because I don't think any guy can maintain an erection while trying to avoid a hernia.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 31

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 11:41:16 AM

PeonForHer

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Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

HA HA HA, well we have to meet on a train and I make sure the suitcase is filled with bricks, because I don't think any guy can maintain an erection while trying to avoid a hernia.

Pfft. You might be surprised. Using my muscles only adds to it. I managed to sweat my way through fifty press-ups with a stiffy once because a Domme had ordered me to do it.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 11/16/2010 11:42:28 AM >

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Post #: 32

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 11:44:18 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
I don't think it's odd at all, for their fantasies it possibly works better if they imagine the female dominant as half crazy with lust for their body, that fantasy might add to their experience.

Surely you sometimes talk candidly with people you play with it, outside the whole D/s protocol, I frequently do and it often comes up that while they are dominated or "tortured" they have fantasies of being the sex toy of the domme. It's just that they are wired a bit differently.

In that particular case, I hadn't. It wasn't so much of a protocol thing. We just weren't friends to the level of Me asking him questions such as the frequency of his sex life. I did know that he was single and from the situation at the time, I know that all he was doing was casual play at the club. Some time later, he did become collared to a very lovely gal. Very sweet guy, just no sexual chemistry on My end.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 33

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 11:45:07 AM

LadyNTrainer

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Okay, we clearly need to pitch in to get Peon a plane ticket to do a subby service tour of the US.

Now if you can lift the suitcase full of bricks WITH your stiffy, I'll be even more impressed.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 34

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 11:54:35 AM

LadyConstanze

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He can do that over here, I'll take pictures and I will inquire in advance which hospitals have experience with a broken penis...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 35

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 11:58:00 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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We still would need help from some of our CM friends across the pond to get him on the plane.

This has all of the makings of good erotica. Kidnap him, transport him, and then shuffle him around in servitude across several states for the use of several Dominant women. Tell Me that some guys out there wouldn't love that kind of fantasy.

(Sorry for the hijack.)

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 36

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 11:58:18 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

In that particular case, I hadn't. It wasn't so much of a protocol thing. We just weren't friends to the level of Me asking him questions such as the frequency of his sex life. I did know that he was single and from the situation at the time, I know that all he was doing was casual play at the club. Some time later, he did become collared to a very lovely gal. Very sweet guy, just no sexual chemistry on My end.

I tend to play with people I have an ongoing friendship with, so we can talk openly and at a club or so the occasional casual play, so it's much easier to broach that subject.

Actually I do remember now that I had a similar discussion with a few guys and some of them actually got off on the fact that I wouldn't ever "use them" sexually, it made them feel more submissive. But the majority of my play partners tend to be masochists. I tend to like them a lot, even if I don't want to have sex with him ;)

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 37

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 11:59:27 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

We still would need help from some of our CM friends across the pond to get him on the plane.

This has all of the makings of good erotica. Kidnap him, transport him, and then shuffle him around in servitude across several states for the use of several Dominant women. Tell Me that some guys out there wouldn't love that kind of fantasy.

(Sorry for the hijack.)

Peon and several others might type with one arm for a while, some might possibly have tennis elbows for some considerable time ;)

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 38

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 12:11:26 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
I tend to play with people I have an ongoing friendship with, so we can talk openly and at a club or so the occasional casual play, so it's much easier to broach that subject.

Actually I do remember now that I had a similar discussion with a few guys and some of them actually got off on the fact that I wouldn't ever "use them" sexually, it made them feel more submissive. But the majority of my play partners tend to be masochists. I tend to like them a lot, even if I don't want to have sex with him ;)

My play partners over the years have been all over the spectrum on the friendship scale. It's a case by case basis on what kind of familiarity we have. For those that I play with only in a club environment, I may not know that much about their actual sex life. I don't always want to know, outside of if they have attachments to another person (i.e. playing without a spouse's permission and such).

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 39

RE: Turn on for you? - 11/16/2010 12:20:42 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

We still would need help from some of our CM friends across the pond to get him on the plane.

This has all of the makings of good erotica. Kidnap him, transport him, and then shuffle him around in servitude across several states for the use of several Dominant women.

You consent to this scenario, right, Peon?

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 40

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