Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for Doms...


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for Doms... Page: <<   < prev  3 4 [5] 6 7   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/29/2006 6:03:30 PM   
Reasonable


Posts: 459
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		It's not that they list them. It's that they come across as demanding-without offering anything of substance in return.

I'm fine with limits, if I don't like them, I move on. Examine your motivations and what you desire. And say then,what you DO want-not rail at all that is evil in your eyes.

(in reply to knotnilla)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/29/2006 6:32:16 PM   
knotnilla


Posts: 47
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

And say then,what you DO want-not rail at all that is evil in your eyes.


I don't think anything I don't want is evil, just not for me, and I don't have a problem letting people know that all up front. I don't recall who said what in this thread but there were a myriad of things said by Doms that took me back. Things like "it is not all about you, the sub" um yes, yes, it is, it is MY profile. My introduction of me. If you can't read about me and what I have to offer before talking to me about YOUR needs and requirements, then you are probably not for me. The Dom I seek is looking for a compatible sub/slave.  It doesn't become all about you, unless I make that choice.

And I have found that my Do wants, change within D/s relationships. My primary DO want is to be pleasing. That means different things in different relationships. my Do Wants are transitory based on what pleases my Master. However, some but not all of my don't wants are concrete. I DO want certain qualities in a Master, and my Don't wants help to narrow the field.

(in reply to Reasonable)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/29/2006 6:34:17 PM   
Reasonable


Posts: 459
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		Relax,being fervent is peachy,frenetic makes people come across as well-unstable.

(in reply to knotnilla)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/29/2006 6:52:12 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: knotnilla

I don't think anything I don't want is evil, just not for me, and I don't have a problem letting people know that all up front.

And I have found that my Do wants, change within D/s relationships.



If your DO wants change, don't your DON'T wants change as well?  Why not say, and I have not read your profile, and am speaking in general terms here, but why not:

"I'm looking for a caring Master"

Rather than:

"I'm not a doormat, no assholes need apply."

One is inviting, one turns the caring Master away.  The asses are gonna write you anyway.  Make every negative statement of what you are NOT looking for into a positve of what you ARE looking for. 

If at the end you feel one item to be important enough, you can say it in a negative way, and it will emphasize it.  For example:

"Please note, I am not looking for a live in relationship."  Then it's clear to everyone that this is important, but it's also friendly, and follows a very positivem upbeat profile.

Just my opinion.

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to knotnilla)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/29/2006 6:54:52 PM   
Reasonable


Posts: 459
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		Yup.honey and vinegar.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/29/2006 6:56:40 PM   
knotnilla


Posts: 47
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Yup.honey and vinegar.


You remind me of Erma Bombeck.

(in reply to Reasonable)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/29/2006 6:57:32 PM   
Reasonable


Posts: 459
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		thanks.

(in reply to knotnilla)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/29/2006 7:03:15 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		I happen to LIKE vinegar.  Vinegar is where pickles come from.  And honey is what my ex called me.  And she was a bitch.

So personally, I think you're confused.

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Reasonable)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/29/2006 7:16:59 PM   
Reasonable


Posts: 459
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		Did I state a prefference?

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/29/2006 7:19:40 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		No, but I'm psychic.

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Reasonable)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/29/2006 7:21:00 PM   
Reasonable


Posts: 459
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		what happens when you mix the two?

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/29/2006 7:26:32 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Pickled honeybees, a Moldovian specialty.

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Reasonable)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/29/2006 7:37:10 PM   
Reasonable


Posts: 459
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		So it's not all bad.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/30/2006 3:32:27 AM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: knotnilla
The basic building blocks of relationships are the same in both D/s and vanilla relationships


Ideally, maybe...

I'd say most vanilla relationships are characterized by mistrust, miscommunication, and dishonesty. While BDSM based relationships may be no better I think there is a far greater likelihood that they will operate quite differently than the average vanilla relationship - and I really do think that most vanilla people rely upon a fabric of lies to get along whereas in this world we try to rely upon a set of truths.

quote:

ORIGINAL: knotnilla
...trust, communication, honesty, and shared desires. What part of that do you disagree with?


I disagree with what you might mean by "shared desires." Trust, communication, and honesty are enough in my view. A Dominant might seek a submissive, a submissive might seek a Dominant - that's the only desire they have to share: to find each other. After that I don't think the Dominant needs a co-pilot or anyone's laundry list of dos and donts. To me, the submissive offers herself into the dominion of the Dominant.


_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to knotnilla)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/30/2006 2:13:55 PM   
FirmhandKY


Posts: 8948
Joined: 9/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darq

1. The "missing weight" ploy.
I don't post my weight .. Simply because I dont actually know. It doesn't really matter to me ... So why should it matter to anyone else?

2.  The "large ample breast" ploy.
But ... I do have ... Large ample breasts.

darq,

I originally wrote an explanatory post about these two items, but the darn "There was a mistake ..." screen came up when I tried to post it, and I hadn't saved it, and didn't have the desire to try to reconstruct it at the time.

Both of these are related to the weight/appearance issue that many women have.  But it's not a comment or judgement about that actual subject, but about how they feel about themselves, and how they seem to deal with it in a manner that is sometimes off-putting and/or disingenious. 

I think most would agree [generalization alert!!] that men ARE more visual, and more prone to judge a woman on appearances than a woman is.  I look at weight as one of the first things, because the profile is set up with that information right at the top left.  So is location, height and date that someone joined CM.  I glance at them all, right up front, and they all have an impact for me.

When I don't see a weight, the first question I have is "why"?  Not a judgment about their beauty, or fitness in a physical sense, but as a question about why they didn't put it there.  If I read her profile, and she makes any attempt - however circuitously - to address it, it's not a big deal.  If she says nothing at all  about it, then it's a flag. Not necessarily a red one, but it's certainly something that I am curious about.  And one that might not be a high item of curiousity if addressed up front.

The "ample busom" ploy is often a obvious technique used by larger women to entice a man.  Yes, men are interested, often, in ample breast.  But if the only photo is a shot of ample clevage, and there are no photos of the rest of her ... AND she doesn't have any weight in her profile AND she doesn't address any of it in her profile ... then I feel like her "marketing" has slide over from "smart" to "deceptive".

I don't "do" deceptive.


quote:

ORIGINAL: darq
3.  The "I'll update my profile soon" subs.
Omg I update mine like several times a week ... lol

The one's I'm talking about are the ones that have been online for months ... yet still say "to be updated soon".  Mind readers and field of dream women.

quote:

ORIGINAL: darq
6.  The "2 month" rule.
Not sure what that is ...

See my earlier post.  I've been told that it wouldn't really matter, that even after two months, when a woman changed anything in her profile, she'd still get 1000 emails a day.  Dunno.  I've never received that many emails, no matter what I said.


quote:

ORIGINAL: darq
7.  Lazy and/or inattentive  sub profiles.
Do they actually come right out and admit to being lazy?

No, it just shows in their efforts on their profile.  Even short, one or two sentence profiles, with misspelled words and screwy grammar, among other things. 

I could never quite understand how a "dom" would expect a woman who can't be bothered to put much effort into her profile - in which she is searching for a very important and serious relationship - would put much effort into a anything else.

quote:

ORIGINAL: darq
8.  The "he will come" sub (closely related to the Mind Readers).
Oh oh! I've had this profile before! I *hate* searching ... lol ... I also hate approaching Doms I don't know because I never know what to say. So yeah, I let them approach me ...

Might want to read my journal about this one.  I know it is against the normal female genetic upbringing to allow herself to be the "hunter" in a relationship, but in this situation, when the majority of the 'hunters' are various called hng, wannabes and such - don't you think it would be more productive if you made the approach occasionally?

quote:

ORIGINAL: darq
I just had to comment ... Couldn't help myself. :)

No apologies necessary, darq.  Just glad someone commented.  I have lots of more comments and explanations, but truthfully, few woman are interested, and my time stays full with the ones who are.

Much higher payoff in the long run.

FHky


_____________________________

Some people are just idiots.

(in reply to darq)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/30/2006 2:25:32 PM   
genvieve


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/14/2005
From: SF Bay Area
Status: offline 		~laughs~  i'm not certain i could add further to this topic.  ~snort~  i thoroughly agree with the poster.

_____________________________

In the quietness of myself, i find myself at the mercy of Your hand.

Musical Wishes Design

(in reply to Chaingang)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/30/2006 2:28:49 PM   
Reasonable


Posts: 459
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		I don't think we can expect women to be any less deceptive,needy or obtuse than men. And prefferences vary-I personally hate big floppy udders on women-prefferring more of the small breasted,athletic sorts with sleek genitals. (the kind without those nasty looking "wattles" that hang out)

I know it's shallow and irrational-and cuts way down on my opprtunities. But I just shrug,and accept it. So.......with this in mind,I can sort of relate to the woman who wants the guy with the flat top hair cut. I shave my face and head absolutely bald-It makes it easier to keep clean in a metalworking job.

For her, I'd be repulsive-to some other girl-maybe sexy as hell. there's only one thing that REALLY upsets me in profiles-and that I try to avoid in my own.

The "bait and switch" tactic-or lies of omission.

(in reply to FirmhandKY)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 4/30/2006 3:29:40 PM   
sweetnsensual200


Posts: 31
Joined: 3/23/2005
Status: offline 		"wattles"?

i read through the entire thread and i've agreed with a lot of what was said and have disagreed some too.  here are my thoughts.

i agree with the people who said there is nothing wrong with simply stating what a sub doesn't want in their profile right off the bat.  sure, it's slightly negative but (for me at least) my "dislike" list is shorter than my "like" list.  i usually only type out my "like" list to those Doms that email me when They ask for that information.  also, i'm fairly new at the lifestyle in practicing in a real life situation and i'm not altogether sure what i truly like or dislike.  all i can comment on is what interests me as for what i'd like to try at this point in time.  does that mean that i won't try something that's new to me that my partner enjoys?  of course not. [and it won't be because He's my Dom, but because when He is my Dom, i care.  i care about Him and His desires enough to try something that's out of my element.]  but i also know what absolutely does NOT interest me and things i can't possibly see myself enjoying at any point.  perhaps those things will change at some point and i might actually try some of those things and i might not. besides, it's much better to be upfront and honest than a liar.

i'm not familiar with this so i'll ask.  a few of the posts said something about "service-oriented" and "chores" and such.  i know what chores are, obviously but is "service-oriented" the same thing as chores?  and if so, why is that so important?  in a live-in relationship, i would figure that each person in the household would do part of the housework.  or, maybe it depends on each situation and relationship.  but why is it so important who does the "chores"?  why does the sub get the chores like washing the toilet? 

also, i don't think there's anything wrong with wanting some respect.  after all, when i meet/contact someone for the first time, i'd like to make a good impression if they interest me or if i'm attracted to them.  so, i try my best to be nice.  therefore, if a Dom is interested in me from what He has read on my profile, then i would appreciate Him being nice and respectful as well.  like it was said above, honey and vinegar. 

lastly, i also believe that W/we all, Dom/mes, Masters/Mistresses, subs and slaves, have this idea of who we want to be with and what kind of relationship we'd like to have with that "ideal someone."  sure, there's something called reality and practicality but we all hold to--to some degree--the ideal.  it's unavoidable.  sometimes we want perfection without being perfect ourselves.

i hope some of this has made some sense. 

(in reply to Reasonable)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 5/1/2006 4:36:58 AM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline 		Example of a) moronic or b) fake ad copy:

quote:

Please take note,I am only answering email from those Dominants I find an interest in. If you write me I will NOT reply back unless you include the following upfront:


M'kay, Princess...

quote:

1. Numerous current photos


She herself has one photo posted.

quote:

2. A letter clearly stating what your seeking, NOT some FORM LETTER.


Why should an initial contact be some carefully thought out email? It's more of a digital wave, y'know? Just to say hello...

BTW, the precise spelling you seek is "you're" as in "you are."

quote:

Please be advised, You have ONE chance to make an impression...ONE. So think before you write me. I don't play games.....


Yeah, you had one chance too...

..NEXT!



< Message edited by Chaingang -- 5/1/2006 4:43:55 AM >

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to sweetnsensual200)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for... - 5/1/2006 5:02:10 AM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline 		And again...

quote:

Update: Im still paddling along, I've decided to give up on the getting fit idea - so all chocolates and packets of crisps gratefully accepted hehehehe


Great! Everyone loves a quitter!

quote:

I am looking for someone to completely enfold my life, treat me well and I will hand you my soul. Treat me badly and I have the ability to rip your head off and sh*t down your neck.


Yeah, that's not too passive-aggressive or anything...

quote:

My soul is precious to me so please tread carefully...I am clever and articulate and will NOT be treated like a mindless idiot....


But...but...but...you REALLY come across like a mindless idiot.

quote:

...it will save me the job of having to sh*t down your neck.


Where have I heard this before...?

quote:

Ohhh and all that said, I'm a really nice person!


Cool, because it's really hard to tell from all of the threats to shit down people's necks.

quote:

3) I have young children, they don't need a new grandad and neither do I (No OAPs please).
4) I wont be your live in maid, I look wonderful in the outfit but I can't and will not cook and clean.


Okay, so I am your sugar-daddy and you provide no services in return. Here, why don't I just write you a check and we can skip the relationship?

quote:

7) Ohhhhh and im still a nice person MUWAHHHH xxxx


Um...what's your evidence? Shitting down people's decapitated necks?

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to Chaingang)
Profile   Post #: 100
Page:   <<   < prev  3 4 [5] 6 7   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: A "hint" for "subs" looking for Doms... Page: <<   < prev  3 4 [5] 6 7   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.140