RE: The Stupid Stuff (Full Version)

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RapierFugue -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 1:13:39 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue



That's one of those times where I so wish we could just step back, say nothing, and let nature take its course. Net result? Lots of blood, some mopping up, and one less drunken fuckwit in the world. "Hey! I'm one car further up in traffic tomorrow!".

Sadly, in a modern society, it's not an option.

It's also a good social metaphor; when I was a lad (not that many years ago), if I had come in crying and screamed a dog had bitten me, my mum's first question would have been to ask what I'd done to annoy the dog, and to ask if I'd learned anything as a result.

Take Chopper's advice - Harden The Fuck Up [;)]



Cop comments after talking to witnesses ranged between "Poor dog, shame that she is so placid! No dog should have to put up with this!" and "I wish he would do that with one of our police dogs, it would be one idiot less to deal with..." (from a police dog handler)

Hospital report was something along the lines of "Heavily intoxicated Mr. X came to get a tetanus injection, he claims he was bitten by a large Doberman but we could not see any evidence, he had a an injury that resembled a pin prick at the back of his hand. We kept him overnight not due to the injury but due to his heavy intoxication..." I saw it because he tried to sue me for compensation, oh and he had the good sense to call the cops f***wits when they told him that they investigated and by all accounts it's his own fault and he should be glad that I'm not pressing charges.

Edit: Forgot the best comment from a female police officer who dealt with the guy (apparently a very pleasant gent /sarcasm off) "I hope your dog is up to date with her shots..."


Seriously, you were lucky. The default these days is to assume the evil doggy is to blame.

Glad you've got some sensible cops there. Love the "shots" comment. Personally, I think people who assault dogs and cats are every bit as bad as those who assault human beings, since they tend to assume they'll always win against an animal, and if they don't they ALWAYS scream like stuck pigs and try to make a case. It's the lowest (or close to) form of bullying.

It's an animal; my job as its owner is to ensure that it doesn't harm anyone or any other animal through lack of control, and understanding its pack mentality. Yours (as the bystander) is to understand that, if you kick, cuff, smack or otherwise harm said animal, I reserve the right, when (being well trained) it does nothing except look at me and asks silently "WTF did he do *that*?" to give the "release" command, after which you're on your own, and best of British luck to you, old sport.




PeonForHer -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 1:17:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue
***if anyone gets that reference I'll be fucking gobsmacked. Think former life for one of the most successful talk show hosts in America



Nope, beats me.  Funny, though - and true.  My Swiss Champ has nothing on it that'd be of much use as a weapon.  It does, however, have a tool on it that actually forced me to do some googling in order to find out what it did.


Try this - odd, but amusing.  Seems these cartoons have gone minor-classic . . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAsSGK2srMs





LadyHibiscus -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 1:34:38 PM)

I love swiss army knives. Solo digo.

Loving this thread, too--I never knew Nascar would be a hard limit!




RapierFugue -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 1:45:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue
***if anyone gets that reference I'll be fucking gobsmacked. Think former life for one of the most successful talk show hosts in America



Nope, beats me.  Funny, though - and true. 


Here's a non sober (pre-AA days) clip of what used to be one of the funniest stand-ups ever. I saw this show (though not on this night, so I'm not in the crowd):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tq8DiJkoQA

Edited to add:

And:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuFFBO0vnRs

And:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJ3m0ngZncs

Genius.




DesFIP -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 2:14:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR

My new Swiss Army Knife.  It's a 'Swiss Champ' - the Rolls Royce, the king - nay, the emperor - of penknives..  No woman is ever going to take it from me.  In fact, no woman is ever even going to touch it, unless she has lost all love for her life.   


This is funny. He keeps taking mine out of the drawer in the kitchen and I get pissy until he brings it back. I can never find a screwdriver in this place, they always walk and I've bought dozens over the years. But give me my Swiss Army knife and I have a slotted and a Phillips.




RapierFugue -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 2:21:03 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR

My new Swiss Army Knife.  It's a 'Swiss Champ' - the Rolls Royce, the king - nay, the emperor - of penknives..  No woman is ever going to take it from me.  In fact, no woman is ever even going to touch it, unless she has lost all love for her life.   


This is funny. He keeps taking mine out of the drawer in the kitchen and I get pissy until he brings it back. I can never find a screwdriver in this place, they always walk and I've bought dozens over the years. But give me my Swiss Army knife and I have a slotted and a Phillips.



Designate a single drawer as The Tool Drawer.

In that you can keep your smaller socket sets (the larger ones are in the tool case in the garage, obviously), your screwdrivers, your small torque wrench (the larger one is in the tool case in the garage, obviously) and your articulated, multi-headed socket thingy that you don't know what its proper name is, but comes in jolly useful from time to time anyway.

Don't say anything about The Tool Drawer, but simply, when they get close or try to open it, stand next to them and make "monkey territory guarding noises" ... UGG! UMM UGG-UGG!". Drool on them a bit if they persist.

They soon learn.




VaguelyCurious -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 3:23:20 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue

Don't say anything about The Tool Drawer, but simply, when they get close or try to open it, stand next to them and make "monkey territory guarding noises" ... UGG! UMM UGG-UGG!". Drool on them a bit if they persist.

Do you think the poor woman has eyes in the back of her head?

They never steal the important shit when you're there; if they did that you'd know to remind them to put it back.

They do it when you're not looking...

There's a reason my sewing kit spent most of last year LOCKED in a desk drawer.




LadyHibiscus -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 3:30:49 PM)

Thankfully all who live in this house have respect for tools. Those who do not...well, we have another limit!




VaguelyCurious -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 3:42:10 PM)

Lose one of my two unpickers? Shame on you.

Lose both my unpickers and I'll somehow have to cope with the shame but the next time you wake up you'll spend HOURS PICKING DRESSMAKING PINS OUT OF YOUR CORNEAS WHILE I WATCH AND LAUGH AND FORBID ANYONE ELSE FROM HELPING YOU.

(Nobody lost the second unpicker. Which is handy, because I don't really want bloodstains on my pins.)




RapierFugue -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 3:48:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious


quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue

Don't say anything about The Tool Drawer, but simply, when they get close or try to open it, stand next to them and make "monkey territory guarding noises" ... UGG! UMM UGG-UGG!". Drool on them a bit if they persist.

Do you think the poor woman has eyes in the back of her head?

They never steal the important shit when you're there; if they did that you'd know to remind them to put it back.

They do it when you're not looking...

There's a reason my sewing kit spent most of last year LOCKED in a desk drawer.



See now this is what I love about the net.

I learn shit.

Let me put it this way; I don't think of myself as a scary person, although I'm assured I am. But no-one, and I mean no-one, breaks the sanctity of The Tool Drawer without a scene akin to the one with the Ark Of The Covenant in Raiders being played out shortly thereafter.

But your information is noted, and filed for future reference. Many thanks [;)]






catize -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 5:59:30 PM)

quote:

So, I was thinking about how people say, "I want o be a slave!" Without realizing that it isn't just the stuff that turns you on! And it occurred to me that it would be interesting/entertaining and helpful for people to hear/share the hardest things you had to get over that you never would have thought about.


Coke instead of Pepsi, weak vs strong coffee!!!!




PeonForHer -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 6:10:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

There's a reason my sewing kit spent most of last year LOCKED in a desk drawer.



I was the same way with my sewing machine.  My ex could destroy anything with moving parts inside it just by looking at it.  I discovered she didn't like heights, so I hid it in my loft, along with anything else mechanical.  Wish I could have got her car up there, too.




LadyConstanze -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 6:16:16 PM)

I actually let him use my power tools the other day, I must be getting mellow in my old age...




PeonForHer -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 6:35:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I actually let him use my power tools the other day, I must be getting mellow in my old age...


Oh, do me a lemon, Lady C - you don't own any power tools!




RapierFugue -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 6:40:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I actually let him use my power tools the other day, I must be getting mellow in my old age...


Oh, do me a lemon, Lady C - you don't own any power tools!


That strikes me as one of those comments where, if it's true, nothing happens, but if it's not then some heavy shit goes down.

You're a brave man [:D]




LadyConstanze -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 6:44:20 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I actually let him use my power tools the other day, I must be getting mellow in my old age...


Oh, do me a lemon, Lady C - you don't own any power tools!


Of course I do, but if I offer to show you all the shelves and the woodwork I did in the house, you possibly think it's a pickup line to get your butt here so my lovely dog can eat you, since I obviously don't feed her enough (ha, you better watch out for the cats, they're the real monsters).

Obviously I haven't complained enough to you about the odd proportions of the house that make bought shelves and closets almost impossible, they're all too short or too long, so yours truly is fairly often buying wood to make things herself (and it is an additional kick that makes me grin, that one of the shops where I buy wood is called SM supplies)




LadyConstanze -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 6:47:07 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue

That strikes me as one of those comments where, if it's true, nothing happens, but if it's not then some heavy shit goes down.

You're a brave man [:D]


I've come to the conclusion that Peon is a SAM (smart ass masochist) and since he doesn't live too far away from me... Maybe it's time to do a bit of research on how to turn that electric screwdriver into a little torture device and what could be considered RACK...




PeonForHer -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 7:06:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue

That strikes me as one of those comments where, if it's true, nothing happens, but if it's not then some heavy shit goes down.

You're a brave man [:D]


Heh - are you thinking of a UK version of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre?   I know the area Lady C lives in - and, yup, they're like that there.




RapierFugue -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 7:08:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue

That strikes me as one of those comments where, if it's true, nothing happens, but if it's not then some heavy shit goes down.

You're a brave man [:D]


Heh - are you thinking of a UK version of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre?   I know the area Lady C lives in - and, yup, they're like that there.


I don't know why, but when I read your post, the theme from Jaws started playing in my head.

Probably nothing to worry about. Don't have nightmares [;)]




PeonForHer -> RE: The Stupid Stuff (11/17/2010 7:12:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
Obviously I haven't complained enough to you about the odd proportions of the house that make bought shelves and closets almost impossible, they're all too short or too long, so yours truly is fairly often buying wood to make things herself (and it is an additional kick that makes me grin, that one of the shops where I buy wood is called SM supplies)


No, you've never mentioned that - I'd remember if you had.  Me, I collect scaffolding planks for that purpose.  Really strong and will last forever as shelves, tables . . .   You can get cheapo drills, sanders and jigsaws for about a tenner each these days.  £30, basically, to create much - if not all - of your furniture.  (Though chairs are hard work.)  That idea's always appealed to me ever since I first watched the Robinson Crusoe series.




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