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crazyml -> RE: Difference btw Male/Female Doms... (12/3/2010 6:18:52 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Zevar
Do some research next time before you present such foolish notions based on gender.
Zevar, did you actually read the op before rushing to such a judgement? The guy was asking a question. He was doing his research. Given the high standards you set when it comes to politeness, I think you owe the OP an apology.
To the OP..
I'm going to buck the trend and say that I think this is a really good question, and it's worth exploring. I'll start by saying that I had exactly the same instant reaction to the proposition - on the face of it it's a silly generalisation that deserves a good caning.
But, there's a but.
Firstly, I don't think it's anything like as stupid a generalisation as the whining "All Dommes are out to screw you..." nonsense rocks up here on an all-too-regular basis.
Secondly, yes - if you look at the "Personals" side of CM, I don't think it would be unreasonable to conclude that there was some element of truth to the statement. But as Elisabella points out -
quote:
ORIGINAL: Elisabella
there is much higher percentage of scam artists and professional Dommes on the internet than there would be at a munch.
I'd also say that I agree with this too...
quote:
ORIGINAL: Elisabella
Most of the humiliation/degradation/forced fem posts are by male subs. Not all, of course, but easily the majority.
So the first observation is... why has the response on this thread been so derisive? I think that it may be (Note how I say "may" - I really don't want to be in receipt of a response containing medieval-style telling off combined with heinous and wanton butchery of grammar from any of the regulars!) that you're more likely to encounter people (note "more likely" not "always") who are more actively engaged in kink, do it in real-life more often, and invest time and effort in understanding it, than you are on the general personals section.
That isn't to say that the personals section is just full of wannabees and fakers, but I do reckon that it has a higher proportion of them than here on the boards. So I'd say that you have to moderate any conclusions you draw from the personals section on the basis that there are a lot of fantasists out there.
Next... I think that while I agree with the lovely jujubeeMB when she says -
quote:
ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB
No. It is not "natural" for a woman to be submissive. And no, it's not natural for a man to be dominant. People are unique and their genders say nothing about their inherent dominance or submission.
I think that there is a stereotype (no matter how dated or silly) that suggests that men are expected to be more "dominant" and women more "nurturing", and while I won't offer a detailed statistical analysis - I do get the impression that there are lots of Male-Sub personals that talk about a desire for humiliation.
I've just done a very quick (and unscientific) search and out of the first 10 malesub profiles - we had
- Looking for a nurturing reln 2
- Looking for humiliation (diapers, w/s etc) - 3
- Looking for Feminisation - 3
It doesn't seem all that silly that some male subs would regard things like humiliation/feminisation at the hands of a Domme as a deeply humiliating thing given the stereotype. I stress - I don't think it's a valid stereotype, but I do think that it motivates some male subs. So it seems fairly natural that that "demand" would create opportunities for people to create Domme profiles that cater for that demand.
Meanwhile, here on the boards you'll see tons (and tons and tons) of evidence to suggest that most dominants of either gender who are looking for a long term relationship would regard growth, protection and nurturing as a really important part of the equation. Out in "personals land" - if you do a bit of scoping you'll find plenty of Dom profiles that major on exploitation, denigration and humiliation and plenty of Domme profiles that major on growth, protection and nurture.
So... rather than blathering on... I think that general statement :-
"I find it interesting that male domination brings with it - more often than not - the expectation of growth, protection and nurture while femdom is almost exclusively about exploitation, denigration and humiliation."
is basically nonsense, but there are some interesting discussions to be had around what motivate male subs to look for humiliation/exploitation vs what motivates those Fem Subs that look for the same and conversely what motivates Doms to look for a relationship vs Growth/protection and nurturing vs what motivates those Dommes that look for the same.
[With apologies in advance for the incoherence - Am v jet lagged]
[ED for the two typos I found]
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