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What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 4:26:42 AM   
IceEyes


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		Hi all,

I am cuirious about what you all, both Dom and subs have to say about this.
My slave girl and I both wish to play more than she can handle... let me explain.
We're not 24/7, but live in a Ds-relationship where she puts herself in her submissive role whenever I ask her to.
However, she often work long hours (10 hrs a day) for 'bout 4-5 days a week...

Often when she gets home she says that she wants to play, but not sure that she can handle it.

If we do play when she is tired, I notice that she doesn't respond as quickly nor pays as much attention as I crave of her. She fumbles, forgets etc.
Since this has to do with her being tired, not her willingness to obey me...there's really no idea for me to play with her that "intense" under these circumstances.
If i decide to punish her when she doesn't listen to me or forgets, the pain from her punishment will not only hurt more than when she's not as tired, but the effect will also be that she don't extract any learning from the punishment...all she sees then, as she puts it, is that "it hurts like hell and I want out".

So...I would like to know how you would tackle this.
One thing is of course to make sure that both of us get enough sleep wich we have started doing, simply to feel better and to save up more energy for play.
However, when she's tired from work and still wants to play...could you help me with some ideas that don't involve strong painply, hard whipping, humiliation, requires large amounts of concentration etc. Anything sexual is of course fine, but I think I need some new inspiration.

Here's a few "small" things to keep her in place...
* serving me coffee at a certain point every night
* texted during the day what clothes to out on (or take off) as soon as she gets home
* place herself over my knee after dinner and ask me to give her her daily spanking
* every time an alarm goes off on my cell during the evening, she unbuckles me and asks politely if she can blow me
* sleeping with her hands tied

I would be very grateful if you could give me some inspiration here...ideas of how to put together a "less intense" scene, tasks to give her during the day but most of all... ideas regarding how to inspire her, rather than blocking her with the her own "fear of failure" if we are to play even though she's tired. Otherwise I am afraid that this feeling of "failure", as she describes it, is going to send to much negative energy through her body and mind...and eventually even make all of our play thought of as somthing you must "succeed with" or as a "task", rather than that she finds it pleasurable simply by just serving me.

Best Regards,
IceEyes
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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 4:53:16 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		You could be realistic and oh I don't know...
Let her take a nap. 
Schedule your play time when she's not so tired.
Give her a massage and help her relax so she could be more able to serve.

Not really rocket science. Life happens.

Or she could just dump that coffee on your lap. 


ETA:  Seriously dude if you are the one in charge, sometimes you gotta say no.  If you aren't able to man up to that, there is something wrong.  Parents don't let their children stay up all night just because they want to, bosses don't let their employees leave before the work is done just because they want to, and the sargeant doesn't allow the soldiers to stop running because gosh, we'd rather just mozey on down the road.  Welcome to being the boss. 

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 12/1/2010 5:03:46 AM >

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 4:59:05 AM   
DaddysInkedSlut


Posts: 1837
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline 		I could not, heck would not be with a man who put his wants before my needs or physical well being and from your OP that is what you are doing.

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 4:59:19 AM   
CerVeza


Posts: 156
Joined: 10/13/2010
Status: offline 		let her take power naps. Or a good flogging will wake her. Or spanking.

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 5:19:39 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		When I am tired, my Master will engage me in some light play that will relax me such as a warm up type spanking followed by a massage or an orgasm and then we settle down for a nap.
After a nap, I will usually serve him some home bakes goods and then we move onto another play session, likely harder in intensity.
If I am tired after that then he cuddles me close and tucks me into bed.

My submission begins in my mind. He knows he has it, all the time.

He doesn't need to prove it, and doesn't need bells and whistles to enforce it.
We can go a week without play and that doesn't cause him to lose any of his Mastery, or me to lose my submission.

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 5:20:38 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		When my sub gets tired I put it in the toaster oven-freshens that sucker right up.

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 5:20:51 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		if she's tired and needs quality sleep why would you tie up her hands?  have you tried getting a comfy nights sleep with youre arms in such a position that you cant move them to a where you need them to rest youre head or settle youre body for restful sleep that wont in the end wake you up because you have pins and needles or youre arm has gone numb.

youre trying to keep the kink going, which is fine and you know best how that works for you and her but its about quality not quantity surely - better to have a couple of really good sessions when she's not tired and lighter stuff to keep things established when she is tired.

its about thinking with youre head not youre dick.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 5:27:42 AM   
IceEyes


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		Well...this wasn't helpful in any way, so I guess you either are misinterpreting me or that I did not make things clear here...

The problem is not that she is sleep-tired. She's not and says so/shows me that herself. She wants to play...but can't handle our ordinary intensity. Not only because she can't handle pain when her body is tired, but because I want to even under these circumstance give her the feeling of succeeding, being good, serving me....and therefore, giving her pleasure, calm and security.

@Daddysinkedslut; I agree with you, but if you read my post again you will see that nothing of what you describes can be found.
She asks me to play with her. This is frustrating for HER. If you read before you answer, you'll probably not only save time but also be able to help, instead of talking before thinking.
However, thanks for sharing that you don't wish to be with a sadistic psycho with that doesn't care about your wellbeing. Note taken.

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 5:34:02 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		I don't "play" but just a curious question -- a lot of people use they are tired as a reason they don't work out after work.  But many times its been proven that working out when you feel tired will make you feel more awake.  Isn't playing like working out?

So maybe if she is tired, would working out prior to playing may be a suggestion?  It sounds like the tiredness the OP speaks about is a concept of focus, and physical activity many times helps that.  OF course if she actually does a physically demanding job rather than a mentally demanding one, then that wouldn't help.  Personally, i have a hard time working out 2-3 hours before i have to go to bed because it wakes me up not only physically but mentally and i am not ready for sleep for about 5 hours after i work out.

Maybe you need to look at not only her sleep time but her nutrition, her physical activity outside of play etc, her stamina and endurance outside of play.   Does she work out regularly and eat "right?"  Perhaps she needs to eat differently.   Perhaps she needs to work on her stamina and endurance outside of playing to help when you guys play.

I agree with the power nap suggestion but that will only help if it won't hinder her sleep during the night.  I cannot take naps even power ones without it messing with my sleep pattern.

Just a thought but be aware, i have no experience with playing.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 12/1/2010 5:36:38 AM >

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 5:43:07 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IceEyes

Well...this wasn't helpful in any way, so I guess you either are misinterpreting me or that I did not make things clear here...

The problem is not that she is sleep-tired. She's not and says so/shows me that herself. She wants to play...but can't handle our ordinary intensity. Not only because she can't handle pain when her body is tired, but because I want to even under these circumstance give her the feeling of succeeding, being good, serving me....and therefore, giving her pleasure, calm and security.



Well, if she works 50 hours a week, and is body tired, that could be "sleep tired", but since you say it's not then the next thing is A) don't have her sleep with her hands above her head so she can get restful sleep and B) get her a complete check up at the doctor. If she is not run down or ill and is deemed otherwise healthy then go back to body tired = sleep tired or stress and you both are missing it.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 5:49:27 AM   
DaddysInkedSlut


Posts: 1837
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IceEyes

Well...this wasn't helpful in any way, so I guess you either are misinterpreting me or that I did not make things clear here...

The problem is not that she is sleep-tired. She's not and says so/shows me that herself. She wants to play...but can't handle our ordinary intensity. Not only because she can't handle pain when her body is tired, but because I want to even under these circumstance give her the feeling of succeeding, being good, serving me....and therefore, giving her pleasure, calm and security.

@Daddysinkedslut; I agree with you, but if you read my post again you will see that nothing of what you describes can be found.
She asks me to play with her. This is frustrating for HER. If you read before you answer, you'll probably not only save time but also be able to help, instead of talking before thinking.
However, thanks for sharing that you don't wish to be with a sadistic psycho with that doesn't care about your wellbeing. Note taken.



I actually did read the OP several times and each time THAT was what I took from it. That was the impression that it left ME. That this was about you. Even when a submissive is tired or sick she wants to be pleasing to her owner, so she will push herself to do what he expresses is pleasing. In your case that is "play". As I said before, I could not be with a man who puts his wants before my needs. If my owner saw me fumbling, or saw that I was tired (mentally, emotionally, or physically) that he would not only take that into account but change his focus. In doing so it would change my focus.


< Message edited by DaddysInkedSlut -- 12/1/2010 5:50:24 AM >

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 5:55:33 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		  Stupid question but isn't the fact he is asking for advice meaning he is trying to figure this out?   I can't imagine he is the ONLY Dom who has come across this issue and i am sure many probably have worked through it or have many trials and error concepts they went through.

I don't get why people are acting like the guy isn't looking out for THEM BOTH by requesting advice on a website wherein people are supposedly knowledgeable with regard to "playing."

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 12/1/2010 5:57:12 AM >

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 6:04:02 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		What Angel said.

Also, how often do you play hard? Isn't playing intensely the 2-3 days she's not working 10 hours sufficient?

I suggest you train her to recognize what her body needs and is capable of handling, because it sounds like she is letting her desire to accommodate you override her body's wisdom.

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 6:05:16 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IceEyes

Well...this wasn't helpful in any way, so I guess you either are misinterpreting me or that I did not make things clear here...

The problem is not that she is sleep-tired. She's not and says so/shows me that herself. She wants to play...but can't handle our ordinary intensity. Not only because she can't handle pain when her body is tired, but because I want to even under these circumstance give her the feeling of succeeding, being good, serving me....and therefore, giving her pleasure, calm and security.

<snipped out remaining cattiness>


Just a thought, but maybe you could provide this " feeling of succeeding, being good, serving" you by taking control of situation in regards to how she manages her rest/relaxation time.
Keeping your own words in mind...

quote:


If we do play when she is tired, I notice that she doesn't respond as quickly nor pays as much attention as I crave of her. She fumbles, forgets etc. Since this has to do with her being tired, not her willingness to obey me...there's really no idea for me to play with her that "intense" under these circumstances.
If i decide to punish her when she doesn't listen to me or forgets, the pain from her punishment will not only hurt more than when she's not as tired, but the effect will also be that she don't extract any learning from the punishment...all she sees then, as she puts it, is that "it hurts like hell and I want out".

So...I would like to know how you would tackle this.
One thing is of course to make sure that both of us get enough sleep wich we have started doing, simply to feel better and to save up more energy for play.
However, when she's tired from work and still wants to play...could you help me with some ideas that don't involve strong painply, hard whipping, humiliation, requires large amounts of concentration etc. Anything sexual is of course fine, but I think I need some new inspiration.


...it seems she may have some difficulty managing her time and work load in relation to her desire to play. If that's the case, no amount of punishment on your part is going to make things better for her. She needs to learn to organize and prioritize her time so as to be better able to enjoy the "intense" interaction both of you seem to take pleasure in.

There are many books and websites devoted to organization, time management and the like. I would suggest you could point her in that direct and help her to see that by better managing herself she can create more time to play.

All that being said, you describe her as your "slavegirl". Does this mean you have a Master/slave dynamic? If so, perhaps then it would fall to you to manage this aspect of her life, if that works for your dynamic. Micro-managing doesn't work for everyone.

10 hr. days can be exhausting, especially if a person is unable to effectively manage their downtime.


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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 6:10:06 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Make sure she eats nutritious food and is well-hydrated.  Then engage in vanilla touch that relaxes her -- massage, kissing her body up and down, etc. -- and cuddle her until she falls asleep.  Let her sleep for at least an hour, and then wake her up by "raping" her, and let the kinky games begin.

Her body is exhausted, even if she really believes she is "not sleepy."  You have to replenish her body before you can use and abuse it.

Also, I would suggest you never cut her orders when she is in a diminished state.  It is a bad idea to get in the habit of allowing your orders to be disobeyed, no matter what the reason.  She needs to remember that the last thousand times you gave an order, she followed it.  If that's not true, it will erode the dynamic for both of you.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 6:39:37 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		I work a similar schedule to your girl, 10 hours a day or so all night shift...

If my partner wanted to punish me because im exhausted and couldnt engaged in play ... id kick his ass to the curb SO fast his head would spin... This isnt about orders this is about someone working a demanding job 50 or so hours a week, and having someone who doesnt consider that strain as an owner. I suggest, you work her schedual, you work 50 plus hours a week for a few weeks and have her being as nagging and demanding as you are of her.... I bet you after that experience youd understand her situation a bit better and start thinking with your brain over your dick....
I WANT a million dollars, I WANT a really nice elk flogger.. I WANT a LOT of things, just because i want them doesnt mean i get them,

As a MASTER... i use that word loosely... i would suggest you Fucking man up and be one, tell her No, or order her as her master to get to sleep to eat better and to realize work comes before your penis....


_____________________________

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 6:50:17 AM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		You would like some lighter play? That's easy. Time to work on patience. "You want to play, but I can see that you are tired and not able to do it properly. We will wait until you are rested on Saturday. In the meantime, you can sit at my feet." She can serve by waiting. It's not as easy at it sounds for some of us, and a good lesson. She gets rest while being able to serve. You get to exercise your domliness by giving orders. Win/win.

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 6:51:59 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Make sure she eats nutritious food and is well-hydrated.  Then engage in vanilla touch that relaxes her -- massage, kissing her body up and down, etc. -- and cuddle her until she falls asleep.  Let her sleep for at least an hour, and then wake her up by "raping" her, and let the kinky games begin.

Her body is exhausted, even if she really believes she is "not sleepy."  You have to replenish her body before you can use and abuse it.

Also, I would suggest you never cut her orders when she is in a diminished state.  It is a bad idea to get in the habit of allowing your orders to be disobeyed, no matter what the reason.  She needs to remember that the last thousand times you gave an order, she followed it.  If that's not true, it will erode the dynamic for both of you.



What Red said. I'm a little amused by the "OMG UR THINKIN WITH UR DICK" bandwagon.

Playing isn't always about sex, for starters, and for a couple where play is important it's bonding. Couple time.

I suspect, from the wording, that the woman is like me and - no matter how tired I am - she wants to play. Both to please him and herself. Play helps grounds me. When I'm tired and stressed is when I most want to play because it takes me to the happy fuzzy land.

I don't have much in the way of suggestions beyond some light flogging or spanking on days she works, just to get you both in a happy mindset. Then do more intense scenes on a weekend. Or save up some money and take her on a little get away where there is only you two and your toy bag.


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 6:55:25 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		Part of a Dom's job if to look after the care and well being of His or Her sub(s). Think of yourself as a craftsman, molding the sub into perfection. A craftsman doesn't leave His tools out in the rain. He maintains and cares for them.

Likewise, you must care for and maintain your sub. You say that she 'wants' to play. Are you sure that she really does? Maybe she wants to please you but isn't able to because of exhaustion.

It is past time for some open and honest communication between you and her.

Your job is to make sure she has plenty of rest and stays healthy. Again, a craftsman will spend hours making sure his tools are sharp and in good working order before beginning a project. A weekend handyman will grab anything that looks like it might work and throw it together. Which of the 2 above makes a work of art and which makes something that falls apart?

More importantly, which are You?

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 6:56:57 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

What Red said. I'm a little amused by the "OMG UR THINKIN WITH UR DICK" bandwagon.

Playing isn't always about sex, for starters, and for a couple where play is important it's bonding. Couple time.




However when your op states things like this 
quote:

ORIGINAL: IceEyes
Anything sexual is of course fine, but I think I need some new inspiration.
...

It makes me think hes thinking about his dick over her being tired. I WORK that schedule 8 hours of sleep isnt always enough and just over time it kills you...


_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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