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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 4:05:19 AM   
DesFIP


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If when you do cuddle with her, she falls asleep, she needs more sleep. You're wrong when you say it is just fatigue not a need for sleep. So send her to bed earlier than you. The Man needs six hours sleep a night at max. I need nine. It doesn't matter that he doesn't, it doesn't matter if the average is eight, I need nine. Either I get to go to bed earlier than him or sleep later than him or take a nap. I need that sleep.

You're in charge, you need to start sending her to bed earlier until you get to a point where she wakes up naturally before the alarm goes off. Because if she isn't waking up until the alarm, then she's sleep deprived. In the meantime, she also could do with a physical to make sure there isn't anything else contributing to this.


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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 4:41:41 AM   
tazzygirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I have her blow me, then take a nap.


A foot rub followed by a blow job.... good times!! And a fantastic end to the busy day.

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 6:05:24 AM   
RedMagic1


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angel, I do think there are better and worse ways to post.  Ultimately, we have no idea how other people on the message boards live, unless we visit their homes.  But you noted yourself that there was a rampage-against-the-dom vibe on this thread, by several people.  I gave a general example, and SpiritedRadiance responded directly to me, so I continued directly to her.  I asked her to consider the tone and vehemence of her posts.  They do seem awfully close to "If the dom makes any mistake, ever, the sub should dump him."  Hasn't every couple had too much sex and staggered tired into work the next day?  Should doing that from time to time really be grounds for breakup or divorce?

I think if more people post with an eye toward relationship-building in mind, instead of relationship-ending, this would be a more productive place.  I'm very off topic at this point though, so I won't post further on this thread.


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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 6:21:41 AM   
barelynangel


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I agree with what you say about the tones, and i personally think its ridiculous as to the suggestions of dump him i see from MANY MANY people, and in many posts, and i agree the posts from many are anti-dom and not just in this thread, i do believe from what i read on message boards that many BDSM women are the least likely to WORK at a relationship if something happens and that they fullt believe in the walk away instead of working on fixing the problem.  Which i find ironic because the same people speak of how much they believe in communication.  But i digress. 

To me, if you are going to tell someone they are posting in a do it my way, its kinda hypocritical to tell them to do it YOUR way.  That was the point of my post. 

angel

i didn't realize spiritedradience was a female, so i apologize for saying he in my posts. 

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 7:51:16 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

SpiritedRadiance, of course it's foolish to have so much kinky sex that you could get fired.  But look at the tone of what you wrote -- the vehemence.  For example:

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance
My Job pays for my bills, it pays for my food my lodging it its priority number one in my life.


Your job is priority one in your life?  Is there no one you love, not even a grandmother or a nephew, who is more important than your job?  What I do excites me.  I jump out of bed every morning, glad I can do it.  But people are more important than money to me.  Is it really true for you that you have lived for however long you have, and yet you have constructed no relationship with another person that is important enough that if they got sick and needed you, you would take some time off work?

That's what you're saying.  There are two possibilities: (1) it's really true, in which case you might have a hard time building committed relationships with people; or (2) it's not true, but that's the way you speak and talk, in which case you might want to work on your communication skills.  Either way, why should a guy looking to commit get to know you?

You post in a "take no prisoners" style.  Relationships require the ability to work with another person, to accept shades of gray, to build something together.  I don't see how "my way or the motherfucking highway" is consistent with that.



With out my Job I cant help pay for the people I loves medical bills, meaning I cant support my family. So my job is more and will ALWAYS be more important then any other person in my life. I have been blessed to be in the IT field making me more apt to send money to my sister to help my god son and nephews child care, to send my ailing mother extra money to help pay for her medicine.

I work those hours, I work more then those hours honestly when i pick up a second job.... And the OP isnt giving a FUCK about his property. I know how I feel after I get home from work, and I have had problems in my past where my partner and I had disagreements on time management and what it meant in relation to my job. My job is there that partner is not.

My father passed away when i was 16... I had to drop out of high school to get a full time job, so our family wouldnt be homeless...

I dont CARE if my posts REEK of VEHEMENCE...Or you personally dislike the way i communicate...... I hope the op gets the picture that his dick while it might be hard doesnt matter as much as her care and her well being because if he keeps it up he might just push her past the point of okay and harm her....Or what I pray she does is wise up and start telling him to go fuck himself.. in as sweet a subly tone as possible of course.

If it means you dislike me it means you dislike me. But my job is my number one always and forever and the person im involved with understands that, he understands and cares and doesnt push to hard when i say hunny im sorry im tired... and he has the ability to look at me,,,and order me to go to sleep.... because he sees past his penis and does whats best for our relationship.....He cares about his job and puts his job above me, just as I care about my job and put it above him, It works well and we have a fairly good balance and we dont seem to lack in the ability to communicate...

There are some things in life where there IS NO SHADE OF GRAY...... Work is one of those things in MY life...


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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 9:10:06 AM   
AquaticSub


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Wow. So you are completely dismissing the possibility that this is something she wants? That this is something that relaxes her? That playing and sex is something good for her when she is stressed?

Glad to know you are capable of knowing complete strangers so well. Tell me, what did I have for breakfast?

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/2/2010 9:12:05 AM >


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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 9:15:16 AM   
DaddysInkedSlut


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Wow. So you are completely dismissing the possibility that this is something she wants? That this is something that relaxes her? That playing and sex is something good for her when she is stressed?

Glad to know you are capable of knowing complete strangers so well. Tell me, what did I have for breakfast?


Val Lol That is what you had for b'fast

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 9:16:46 AM   
AquaticSub


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Good guess Inky! Wrong but you get points anyway - I shall forward you the cock shot I received last night. 

The correct answer is: My phone company for fucking up my voicemail when I'm expecting an important call.


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 4:56:18 PM   
SpiritedRadiance


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Wow. So you are completely dismissing the possibility that this is something she wants? That this is something that relaxes her? That playing and sex is something good for her when she is stressed?

Glad to know you are capable of knowing complete strangers so well. Tell me, what did I have for breakfast?
\\

With what the Ops presented, along with knowledge of working those hours, I think its more for him then for her. Seeing as all he can come back with is SHE WANTS IT I SWEAR... without mentioning what hes doing to make sure she gets enough rest and everything else you need when your working bone dead tired.... hes only talking about the play and kink aspect, because thats all hes focused on in his op to maintain....

He asked what to do when your sub is tired, my response is very simply leave her the fuck alone to get some rest....


NOW if his op was different, and he didnt insult everyone who responded with answers he didnt like he wouldnt be getting the responses hes getting. I know you LOVE to give the benefit of the doubt to any and all aqua but in this case with his posts, I cant reach into my sympathy bag any further then I have.....

ETA: As her dom he should worry more about her health then what they might want... I WANT to play all the time Id LOVE to scene every night and every day and fuck until im raw and bleeding..... however it would kill me to maintain that schedule, My partner understands that, he teases me with it then we play on the weekend when we both have time and are rested enough for it... he denys me during the week as he should because I just cant handle it during my work week....


< Message edited by SpiritedRadiance -- 12/2/2010 4:58:27 PM >


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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 6:22:23 PM   
CaringandReal


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All right. I read some of the thread, and you seem to be sincerely asking this. I'll offer an idea.

But first I want to second the suggestion of exercise in the evening as long as she doesn't work on her feet. I recently switched my exercise regime from early morning outdoors to after-work indoors because it was getting too cold and inclement for the former. When I get off the treadmill in the evenings, I'm dripping sweat (I know, Ewww--but none of you are here to smell it so stop bitching) and my mind is dripping ideas. It's _Racing_. It's wonderful becuase I love to write, and it's so much fun to do so when the ideas just won't stop splashing out. Exercising in the evening really does energize one (although it can also rob you of your appetite if you do too much and, as Angel said, of your sleep if you do it too late). The first night of the season change I did not know that. I exercised hard for a hour and when done had less than an hour before bed. Big mistake. I could not eat and I was up bright and peppy at 3am. Couldn't get back to sleep. At work the next day, by 11am, I was starting to drag. :/ But if you don't do it as stupidly as I did, evening exercise is really is energizing, particularly if your work is sedentary. If such activity is safe for her, I recommend you try this out before playing.

Here's an idea of something light, that my former master used to do to me. He had some beautiful long antique hatpins I had bought him as a gift, in my usual sucidially-enthusiastic way. Having your submisive buy a few for you, maybe on ebay, might be part of the fun, if you don't already have many of these lying about. You only need one. This isn't piercing, it's just... pricking. Have her naked on a comfortable bed on her back, legs spread and ordered not to close them. Blindfold might be nice. You may need to bind them that way if she's not so good at holding position. Then just start to prick at all those soft sensitive spots between her thighs. Not hard, not enough to break the skin, in fact this is extremely effective even if you never penetrate the skin, but randomly, vary position and pace and even pressure a little in such a way that she has no idea where the next one will hit. It is surprisingly painful, but so light, so easy, so safe, so non-invasive. It's not rhythmic, like a beating, so you don't trance out. In fact, you're usually extremely alert because the sensation is so icky and sharp and it comes when and where you least suspect it. You aren't hitting major muscles so there's none of that constant tensing up (that is exercise too!) that helps to tire out many a submissive during play. Expect lots of screaming--you may need a gag. I've seen it done to others besides myself. Screams seem to go with the territory. :)

It may take you some time to get the pressure just right. While that is a super sensitive area full of nerve endings, some of us are more sensitive than others. But start out light, and if she goes to sleep, sharpen the pricks. They need to be quick, too. No slowly pressing in. Just prick! It's gone. Prick! Gone again. :) Prick prick prick prick! ACK! Gone... Once you get the pressure and the arhythm down it'll be quite hard for her to fall asleep. This is also an activity I'd recommend if you wanted to teach somebody how to beg. It's totally harmless, you can both see that, so she can't escape with an "I'm being damaged!" plea, and very difficult to subspace out on due to the randomness and irritatingly sharp little pains. My master was a cerebral sort. He liked to hold "intellectual conversations" with me when he did this. I was expected to participate fully in these discussions, and he'd tease/insult me when I'd lose my coherence, which I inevitibly did.

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 6:23:33 PM   
AquaticSub


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Actually you'll find that I don't always give that benefit of the doubt. You really don't know me as well as you think you do. I simply try not to attack people without reason and make baseless assumptions of them and look for the worst.

The OP said that she wants to play in the first post. Very clearly. You simply refuse to believe him and decide that you know her, despite her having never even posted here so you have had no contact with her, better than him and that he must be thinking with his dick. Then when people comment on the fact that you do so, you get very annoyed because how dare anyone presume to know anything about you.

It's a touch ironic.

ETA - Oh for the love of... her health? Do you want the guy to post her fucking doctor's reports to prove to some internet chick who has already ripped him to shreds that his girl is healthy? Considering how rude you've been to the guy instead of simply asking "Are you doing this for her or him" or "How is her health".

And good for you that you know YOURSELF. It would kill YOU to maintain that schedule. But guess what - that's just YOU. Others of us NEED sex and scenes when we are stressed and others are perfectly capable of maintaining that schedule. But it's so lovely that you assume that this woman that you've never had any contact with is just like YOU and refuse even the idea that she has different needs and that the man who is trying to find different ways to make his relationship work must be solely thinking with his dick.

It's, after all, the only answer. A lady on the Internet said so.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/2/2010 6:27:58 PM >


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 6:37:30 PM   
Zevar


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quote:

ORIGINAL: IceEyes

Hi all,

I am cuirious about what you all, both Dom and subs have to say about this.
My slave girl and I both wish to play more than she can handle... let me explain.
We're not 24/7, but live in a Ds-relationship where she puts herself in her submissive role whenever I ask her to.
However, she often work long hours (10 hrs a day) for 'bout 4-5 days a week...

Often when she gets home she says that she wants to play, but not sure that she can handle it.

If we do play when she is tired, I notice that she doesn't respond as quickly nor pays as much attention as I crave of her. She fumbles, forgets etc.
Since this has to do with her being tired, not her willingness to obey me...there's really no idea for me to play with her that "intense" under these circumstances.
If i decide to punish her when she doesn't listen to me or forgets, the pain from her punishment will not only hurt more than when she's not as tired, but the effect will also be that she don't extract any learning from the punishment...all she sees then, as she puts it, is that "it hurts like hell and I want out".

So...I would like to know how you would tackle this.
One thing is of course to make sure that both of us get enough sleep wich we have started doing, simply to feel better and to save up more energy for play.
However, when she's tired from work and still wants to play...could you help me with some ideas that don't involve strong painply, hard whipping, humiliation, requires large amounts of concentration etc. Anything sexual is of course fine, but I think I need some new inspiration.

Here's a few "small" things to keep her in place...
* serving me coffee at a certain point every night
* texted during the day what clothes to out on (or take off) as soon as she gets home
* place herself over my knee after dinner and ask me to give her her daily spanking
* every time an alarm goes off on my cell during the evening, she unbuckles me and asks politely if she can blow me
* sleeping with her hands tied

I would be very grateful if you could give me some inspiration here...ideas of how to put together a "less intense" scene, tasks to give her during the day but most of all... ideas regarding how to inspire her, rather than blocking her with the her own "fear of failure" if we are to play even though she's tired. Otherwise I am afraid that this feeling of "failure", as she describes it, is going to send to much negative energy through her body and mind...and eventually even make all of our play thought of as somthing you must "succeed with" or as a "task", rather than that she finds it pleasurable simply by just serving me.

Best Regards,
IceEyes


Perhaps the real issue is not so much that this woman you claim to care for is human and does NEED to sleep. 4-5 days a week with 10 hours per day? What did I miss? Instead perhaps the real issue is about your inability to know how to truly care for this woman that you claim to care for, to the degree that you actually composed this thread to ask strangers to tell you what to do with a woman you claim belongs to you?

Mastery requires much, aye!

Take care!

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 6:43:57 PM   
DesFIP


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But Aqua, he said she works a physically demanding job, not a desk job. And some of those are in traditionally high risk industries. So if she's working construction, or flag holder on a road crew, or some such; being tired and not alert could cause a major accident. Which is why I said she needs to go to sleep earlier each night until she wakes up before the alarm. At that point they'll know for good how much sleep she really needs. And once she's getting enough, she may not be as tired as she now is all the time.

Most Americans are sleep deprived. We stay up online, watching tv, etc and get up still tired. You can't catch up come the weekend, sleep doesn't work that way.

Speaking of which, I'm bonedeep exhausted from a cold that's been lingering way too long. I'm going to bed folks.


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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 6:50:48 PM   
AquaticSub


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I realize that. I also know that some people come home from physically demanding jobs and want to do what they enjoy. So to presume that the OP is thinking with this dick and must be ignoring the needs/wants of his girl is quite outlandish to me. What they were doing wasn't working so he sought advice on how to adjust it so they didn't have to abandon it.

For that matter, as many of us know, getting more sleep isn't always that easy. Many of us have trouble sleeping if we are still mentally wound. If her job is physically demanding but not mentally perhaps a scene would help her quiet her mind and let her rest.

We don't know because we aren't her. Perhaps the your idea would work splendidly. Perhaps she'd sleep better after a therapeutic beating. My point is we aren't her and it seems much more logical to present suggestions than to insult a person who is looking for more options. It is, I'm told, still possible to do the former without the latter.

ETA - While I'm posting, I notice yet another "I know what your girl wants and needs better than you!" post. Perhaps I finally know why Valyraen rarely posts here... I shudder to think what people would tell him I want and need.


< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/2/2010 6:54:14 PM >


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 7:21:02 PM   
SpiritedRadiance


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

ETA - While I'm posting, I notice yet another "I know what your girl wants and needs better than you!" post. Perhaps I finally know why Valyraen rarely posts here... I shudder to think what people would tell him I want and need.



Then perhaps maybe your missing something from the op that the rest of us are picking up on. I could see if only I had the opinion of stop thinking of yourself and think more about your girl... but there have been several.... Its not about wants. I sure as fucking hell want a lot of things, however i like every one else know I cant always get what i want, she might WANT the scenes but it might not be whats in her best interest... as many have stated.


_____________________________

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 7:23:41 PM   
littlewonder


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Ok I'm not quite sure why everyone is ganging up on the op...maybe I'm not understanding. I dunno. Seems to me like she wants to play and so does he and he's simply just trying to find ways to give her some more energy to do so.

There are nights I'm dead tired exhausted...but I still want to play and give my all and so I'll take a shower, down a cup of coffee or two, shake it off just so I can rev myself up for him.

I don't quite understand what the big deal is.

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 7:30:08 PM   
AquaticSub


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Actually there have been several people who posted much more calmly to the OP and took him seriously. LadyPact, someone I admire greatly, gave several wonderful suggestions. myotherself did as well, sunshinemess later changed her stance on the OP, littlewonder also went the date night route. CaringandReal also made some play suggestions. All very polite.

Not to mention a number of people who managed to provide time management suggestions or simply say "perhaps rest without play" without insulting the OP's manhood and delving into personal attacks.

The scenes might not be in her best interest. But why should they abandon the idea of what they want without looking for alternatives first? I know don't give up on what I like quite so easily, why should I expect anyone else to? Certainly why should I insult someone for trying not to?

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/2/2010 7:33:33 PM >


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/2/2010 7:51:04 PM   
YoungBlondeSlave


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quote:

ORIGINAL: IceEyes

Hi all,

I am cuirious about what you all, both Dom and subs have to say about this.
My slave girl and I both wish to play more than she can handle... let me explain.
We're not 24/7, but live in a Ds-relationship where she puts herself in her submissive role whenever I ask her to.
However, she often work long hours (10 hrs a day) for 'bout 4-5 days a week...

Often when she gets home she says that she wants to play, but not sure that she can handle it.

If we do play when she is tired, I notice that she doesn't respond as quickly nor pays as much attention as I crave of her. She fumbles, forgets etc.
Since this has to do with her being tired, not her willingness to obey me...there's really no idea for me to play with her that "intense" under these circumstances.
If i decide to punish her when she doesn't listen to me or forgets, the pain from her punishment will not only hurt more than when she's not as tired, but the effect will also be that she don't extract any learning from the punishment...all she sees then, as she puts it, is that "it hurts like hell and I want out".


She works full time, more than full time and comes home tired. Duh.

You, as her Dom, have an obligation to her. To protect her and keep her safe and to keep her from doing things which are not beneficial to her. I don't think she needs a list of tasks to keep her in place. She's tired, not unruly. Everything you listed sounds like something that would be done for a girl who isn't being obedient and who needs reminders. It sounds to me like she's desperate to please you even if it means to sacrifice her own health and well-being.

When she comes home from work, give her some time to relax. Allow her to change out of her work clothes, take a rest and maybe do some exercise to help get her energized and then shower or bathe. Do it with her, she'd probably love that. Unfortunately, Doms aren't the only ones who need down time. After all that, see how you both are feeling and do some light play...only you two can decide what would be considered "light play." Save the heavy scenes for when you're both not working and are fully energized so that it can be fully enjoyed.

You say you're not 24/7 and that she puts herself in a submissive role when you ask her to, put the D/s on a time-out if you think she's too tired. Use your Domliness to overrule her and tell her there's no playtime until you feel that she's physically up to it. In other words, don't ask her to be submissive if you don't think she's up to it.

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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/3/2010 2:29:13 AM   
ranja


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Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
op: you are not 24-7 and you say this "Often when she gets home she says that she wants to play, but not sure that she can handle it"

i dunno... does she just want an orgasm? Is what she can not handle the elaborate scene? the bondage, the pain?
Do you always need the BDSM stuff?

Being tired quite often makes me horny too... but obviously leaves me without the energy to do a pole dance or hang upsidedown on our Andrews cross for an hour.

Can you not just get her off without all the black leather when she is tired?

Can you interrogate her and find out what she means?

(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/3/2010 3:44:13 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

Then perhaps maybe your missing something from the op that the rest of us are picking up on.

If you insist on turning this into a numbers game like this then I'm on the OP's side. I haven't posted because my ideas ran pretty parallel to Red's (enforced naptime and then POUNCE!) but I'm not getting this dreaded 'thinking with his dick' vibe off the OP that the 'rest of you' (apart from all the people Aqua listed) supposedly are.

And you're talking to a chronic insomniac who feels permanently exhausted here, so I know what it's like to be dead on your feet and still want to play.

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.




(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 80
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