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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 6:59:50 AM   
IceEyes


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysInkedSlut

quote:

ORIGINAL: IceEyes

Well...this wasn't helpful in any way, so I guess you either are misinterpreting me or that I did not make things clear here...

The problem is not that she is sleep-tired. She's not and says so/shows me that herself. She wants to play...but can't handle our ordinary intensity. Not only because she can't handle pain when her body is tired, but because I want to even under these circumstance give her the feeling of succeeding, being good, serving me....and therefore, giving her pleasure, calm and security.

@Daddysinkedslut; I agree with you, but if you read my post again you will see that nothing of what you describes can be found.
She asks me to play with her. This is frustrating for HER. If you read before you answer, you'll probably not only save time but also be able to help, instead of talking before thinking.
However, thanks for sharing that you don't wish to be with a sadistic psycho with that doesn't care about your wellbeing. Note taken.



I actually did read the OP several times and each time THAT was what I took from it. That was the impression that it left ME. That this was about you. Even when a submissive is tired or sick she wants to be pleasing to her owner, so she will push herself to do what he expresses is pleasing. In your case that is "play". As I said before, I could not be with a man who puts his wants before my needs. If my owner saw me fumbling, or saw that I was tired (mentally, emotionally, or physically) that he would not only take that into account but change his focus. In doing so it would change my focus.



@Daddysinkedslut; This is not about me, it's about My relationship and even more so, the wellbeing of My slave.
And...no...not all submissives want to please their owner when they're tired or sick...nor put their Master before themselves in every aspect, all the time. If that's your idea of Ds, I understand why you've learned to press upon not wanting a Master who puts his wants before your needs sadly enough. Nuff said. But thx anyway.


Thanks All. Regarding excercise... that's absolutely something that could help in getting more energy. However, I don't blaim her for being tired. She works a lot and she needs to rest. Period. However, she also has a very strong need to be dominated and gets calm from it. So, when she gets home, instead of sitting in front of the TV for three hours, talking on the telephone, facebook etc it helps her to relax after a hard day, therefore my post regarding less intense play that's more suitable for her.
Little things, as laying naked over my knee for an entire movie...as it soothes her and relaxes her after a hard day.
Sure, i bathe her, massage her and cuddle with her several times a week....however this has a tendency to make her fall asleep... ;P (it always has)  
I have always been cooking for her until she gets home, and have lately included much more green vegatables, less carb, more high protein, more drinking water etc in all my cooking. Hopefully this will give her more energy throughout the whole day.

(in reply to DaddysInkedSlut)
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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 7:05:13 AM   
IceEyes


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline
quote:

to punish me because im exhausted and couldnt engaged in play ... id kick his ass to the curb SO fast his head would spin... This isnt about orders this is about someone working a demanding job 50 or so hours a week, and having someone who doesnt consider that strain as an owner. I suggest, you work her schedual, you work 50 plus hours a week for a few weeks and have her being as nagging and demanding as you are of her.... I bet you after that experience youd understand her situation a bit better and start thinking with your brain over your dick....
I WANT a million dollars, I WANT a really nice elk flogger.. I WANT
quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

I work a similar schedule to your girl, 10 hours a day or so all night shift...

If my partner wanted to punish me because im exhausted and couldnt engaged in play ... id kick his ass to the curb SO fast his head would spin... This isnt about orders this is about someone working a demanding job 50 or so hours a week, and having someone who doesnt consider that strain as an owner. I suggest, you work her schedual, you work 50 plus hours a week for a few weeks and have her being as nagging and demanding as you are of her.... I bet you after that experience youd understand her situation a bit better and start thinking with your brain over your dick....
I WANT a million dollars, I WANT a really nice elk flogger.. I WANT a LOT of things, just because i want them doesnt mean i get them,

As a MASTER... i use that word loosely... i would suggest you Fucking man up and be one, tell her No, or order her as her master to get to sleep to eat better and to realize work comes before your penis....



Wow...lol...i'm sure glad you're not my partner...that's for sure.
Read my post before acting like an ignorant brat and judging  people just 'cause the world seems so much easier to understand if it would be black and white. Or better...don't post if you don't have anything constructive to say.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 7:08:47 AM   
IceEyes


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Make sure she eats nutritious food and is well-hydrated.  Then engage in vanilla touch that relaxes her -- massage, kissing her body up and down, etc. -- and cuddle her until she falls asleep.  Let her sleep for at least an hour, and then wake her up by "raping" her, and let the kinky games begin.

Her body is exhausted, even if she really believes she is "not sleepy."  You have to replenish her body before you can use and abuse it.

Also, I would suggest you never cut her orders when she is in a diminished state.  It is a bad idea to get in the habit of allowing your orders to be disobeyed, no matter what the reason.  She needs to remember that the last thousand times you gave an order, she followed it.  If that's not true, it will erode the dynamic for both of you.



What Red said. I'm a little amused by the "OMG UR THINKIN WITH UR DICK" bandwagon.

Playing isn't always about sex, for starters, and for a couple where play is important it's bonding. Couple time.

I suspect, from the wording, that the woman is like me and - no matter how tired I am - she wants to play. Both to please him and herself. Play helps grounds me. When I'm tired and stressed is when I most want to play because it takes me to the happy fuzzy land.

I don't have much in the way of suggestions beyond some light flogging or spanking on days she works, just to get you both in a happy mindset. Then do more intense scenes on a weekend. Or save up some money and take her on a little get away where there is only you two and your toy bag.



Finally..someone seem to understand. Is my English that bad? ;P

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 7:10:16 AM   
LifestyleDominat


Posts: 9
Joined: 11/2/2010
Status: offline 		Relax with her, cuddle, spoon her.

(in reply to IceEyes)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 7:17:37 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

What Red said. I'm a little amused by the "OMG UR THINKIN WITH UR DICK" bandwagon.

Playing isn't always about sex, for starters, and for a couple where play is important it's bonding. Couple time.




However when your op states things like this 
quote:

ORIGINAL: IceEyes
Anything sexual is of course fine, but I think I need some new inspiration.
...

It makes me think hes thinking about his dick over her being tired. I WORK that schedule 8 hours of sleep isnt always enough and just over time it kills you...



Oh noes. Maybe a sexual couple likes sex as part of their bonding time. Call the presses... Truly this is earth-shattering. Maybe she would like to have sex. I hear some women like orgasms when they are stressed... Is it possible that he knows what she wants more than us?

Seriously, it's the guy's first post - he doesn't realize how carefully he needs to word things around here. In *his* suggestions there are both sexual and non-sexual things. And it wouldn't kill ya to just ask "Hey are you thinking about this for you or her" instead going "OMG U DICK THINKER" - to paraphrase because, forgive me, I just got up and I'm working on my second cup of coffee at work.

From this:

quote:


However, she also has a very strong need to be dominated and gets calm from it. So, when she gets home, instead of sitting in front of the TV for three hours, talking on the telephone, facebook etc it helps her to relax after a hard day, therefore my post regarding less intense play that's more suitable for her.


I'm guessing that she likes stress-relieving scenes. IceEyes, being a little more awake than I was for my first post, I have a further suggestion. Take it for what it's worth...

Ditch commands and complicated orders. I can remember working a theatre gig where my life was pretty much the show every damn day for a semester. I got up at 9 AM and Valyraen usually didn't see again till I stumbled home at about... 10 or 11 PM, mumbling about the evil chairs and how I needed a taser for the ushers. Later for the weeks when we were out of rehearsal and actually preforming.

I found it very helpful and calming for him to just lay me out on the bed and beat me. Nothing I had to think about, no counting strokes, no "yes sir" or "no sir", just his girl laying out and taking a stress beating while he spoke to me. I felt calmer and more like myself afterwards. And, of course, the sex that usually happened after just made things even nicer.

How intense a scene feels is relative to what is going on. Intense doesn't need to be complicated.

Hopefully this helps a bit!


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 7:23:01 AM   
CerVeza


Posts: 156
Joined: 10/13/2010
Status: offline 		maybe strong coffee would wake her?

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 7:23:27 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IceEyes

Finally..someone seem to understand. Is my English that bad? ;P


It's the nature of the beast. Collarchat has very strong positive points but it's got some negative as well. There is a definite bias towards jumping on men for dick-thinking. In my humble opinion of course. So it's wise to practice covering your ass in your posts by making it overwhelmingly clear that you have conversed with her, it's what she wants, etc. Of course then you might get scolded for serving her.

I once made a post about pregnancy and power dynamics. Despite having stated multiple times in the OP that I was NOT pregnant and only had a pregnancy scare and that the question was just a hypothetical, I still got some "OMG HE WANTS U 2 ABORT OMG WAT A DICK" responses. And a lot of much nicer but still just as incorrect responses.

Despite this, there is a lot of good information here. Hopefully you stick around - it's a great place.

Edited cause Red is amazing and knows what I'm trying to say even as I'm pounding down coffee. Speaking of... I need a refill. *whimpers*

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 12/1/2010 8:22:30 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to IceEyes)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 7:24:15 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Tiredness in a sub/slave can be from many reasons and could of course, if you are a demanding Master/Mistress, be due to over work in normal domestic duties. My response for this is to ensure that said sub/slave has sufficient rest time prior to the beginning of an extended play period. If of course the tiredness be due to a physical problem such as a disability, then the adequate rest period is essential and perhaps keeping play periods to a minimum suitable to both party's needs.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 7:33:13 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Aqua: basis = bias?  (Brought to you by your friendly neighborhood OCD Dom.)

On the topic of message-board dynamics, I think a lot of single femsubs who post have been badly hurt by men, physically and emotionally.  Statements like, "If my partner did X thing I would kick him out sooooooo fast," don't tend to come from people who are ready to be vulnerable and build a relationship with an imperfect human being.  They come from people whose top priority is never to make the same mistake again.

That said, IceEyes, your responses to criticism concerned me.  What do you care what anonymous interneters think about you?  If you're defensive with people you will never meet, are you even more defensive when your ladyfriend points out a problem that is really true?  I hope you think about this, because your ability to accept criticism will profoundly affect the extent to which she is able to submit to you.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to IronBear)
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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 7:44:25 AM   
IceEyes


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		@Aquaticsub; Thanks...I think I will... =)
@RedMagic; Thanks... Well, I don't care at all about them to be honest. Having spent well over a decade on different forums, I've learned that all of them are the same... both have their fair share of both maniacs and really nice people.
However, when someone calls me something that I not only find offensive but also mean or if they mistake me for someone standing for something that I loathe....then I respond accordingly and ask them politely to listen again or shut the fuck up. Imo this has nothing to do with criticism...but that's just my opinion. =)

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 7:46:04 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Have I told you lately that I love you? 

And, OP, I'd give a listen to what he is saying as well. How you respond to the comments will very definitely affect how people perceive you and speak towards you in the future.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 7:50:57 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysInkedSlut

I actually did read the OP several times and each time THAT was what I took from it. That was the impression that it left ME. That this was about you. Even when a submissive is tired or sick she wants to be pleasing to her owner, so she will push herself to do what he expresses is pleasing. In your case that is "play". As I said before, I could not be with a man who puts his wants before my needs. If my owner saw me fumbling, or saw that I was tired (mentally, emotionally, or physically) that he would not only take that into account but change his focus. In doing so it would change my focus.

I actually agree with this. Master would be making sure that I'm eating right, taking vitamins and getting lots of sleep. He'd also remind me that I chose the submissive role in this relationship meaning that it's not always about what I want. He'd also remind me that if I'm pushing myself beyond what's good for me, that I'm harming his property.

Seriously, there are a ton of things you can do that are D/s oriented without involving a ton of activity. Simply curling up at his feet and nodding off puts me in that frame of mind.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DaddysInkedSlut)
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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 8:17:13 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		My thinking on the matter is that you most likely have to adjust during the work cycle.  Shorter lengths of play during the work week (an hour or less) and a bit lighter in intensity.  Save the stuff that is more complex or longer for during the weekend.  (Assuming that is how her work cycle is scheduled.)  During the week, don't go for things that are difficult for her to follow, such as humiliation scenes.  Go for stuff that is on the lighter and shorter side.  Shorter spanking sessions were already mentioned.  I'd also be thinking things such as wax or fire cupping.  Both of these can be done during shorter periods (I'm not talking about a full bust waxing here where you're going for "art") and come with the added benefit that they are very relaxing for the submissive.  (I haven't met a bottom yet that didn't feel warm and dreamy after a wax scene.)  If you're doing these kinds of things during the work week, she may even sleep better due to the types of play you are implementing, because she feels more relaxed when play is over.  Something like needles or staples would be a little more intense in the pain sense, but can also be done in short periods.  (Again, not especially aiming for "art" that takes longer.)  Short bondage scenes would also be an idea.  Just give her the quick version.

Also, I'd suggest that you plan these things with something very important in mind.  There are only so many hours in a day, so you have to specifically adjust for time.  Cut back the facebook or whatever computer time that she spends as her winding down period on the evenings that you intend to play.  Make those the 'easy dinner' nights that don't involve as much time in the kitchen.  Nobody ever said that Thursdays in your house can't be Pizza and Play night. 


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 8:26:38 AM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		Pizza and Play night?? But according to that other thread, "femdom is almost exclusively about exploitation, denigration and humiliation." I like the way you do exploitation!
I do love that idea, it might come in handy over the holidays, if my other half likes it as much.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 8:28:23 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		I used to do porn and pasta nights with friends. Granted it was about making fun of the porn but it could be adapted to sexier times! 

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to mbes)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 8:39:44 AM   
DaddysInkedSlut


Posts: 1837
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I used to do porn and pasta nights with friends. Granted it was about making fun of the porn but it could be adapted to sexier times! 



Oh damn I had a porn and pasta night too!

We used to watch old pornos, the one with the plots and laugh. (those were the days)

_____________________________


(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 8:43:39 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		If you haven't already, watch Deep Throat. You can pass it off as part of history and it's only porn I know with it's own theme song. The fact that someone got paid to write this and sing this makes me happy:

Deeper throat/Deeper than deep your throat/Deep throat/That's all she wrote


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DaddysInkedSlut)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 9:00:51 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mbes

Pizza and Play night?? But according to that other thread, "femdom is almost exclusively about exploitation, denigration and humiliation." I like the way you do exploitation!
I do love that idea, it might come in handy over the holidays, if my other half likes it as much.

I'm not exactly that kind of Domme. 


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to mbes)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 9:07:40 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

OP, like your slave I also work long days in a very stressful job. During the week I find I just can't take anywhere near the same pain/pleasure as I can on a weekend after I've had enough sleep and some proper meals.

I like very much the suggestions that your girl sits at your feet while you rub her shoulders or just stroke her head. Maybe curls up wearing a collar and leash so she can catch a nap or watch some TV while being reminded that she is YOURS, and following YOUR instructions.

For me, pain play is a tricky one during the week. I tend to respond best to 'personal' play - lots of hands on rather than toys. Spanking is a nice, gentle activity. I also love nipple clamps, and they are a great mid week pain treat :)

Save the heavy, prolonged stuff for the times she can rest before and after. And you're the boss - tell her that's how it's going to be, and I'm sure she'll be happy just knowing she's fulfilling your wishes and making you happy.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What do you do when your sub is tired? - 12/1/2010 9:11:07 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

Well...this wasn't helpful in any way,

No you just made the mistake in posting private life stuff for a bunch of busy bodies to comment on.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
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(in reply to IceEyes)
Profile   Post #: 40
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