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is it gold digging if... - 12/3/2010 5:48:49 PM

itsmeinLV

Posts: 207
Joined: 12/23/2009
Status: offline

...I'm accepting money to "maintain" myself to way HE likes?

He's always taking (verbal) hits on me because he feels I don't get myself done up the way he likes, but it's expensive to do it! My hair alone takes about 50 bucks every 2-3 weeks to maintain. I don't make that much money and I have school/books/equipments to think about first! Now, I'm not gonna toot my own horn, but I don't think I look like crap when I'm NOT done up...just plain Jane, I guess, but not fugly. :-/

So this last time he made a comment on my image, I made a deal with him. If he wants me to "maintain" myself, then give me money to do it. I told him if he's gonna give me money to get weekly facials to maintain my skin so I can put on make up everyday ("JUST for him"), then I'll do it. But it's too expensive for me to afford it! Make up products itself is super expensive! Not to mention the hair stuff I need and my face is sensitive so, yes, I do need the expensive crap. Believe me, I don't WANT to need it, but my skin rashes tells me otherwise. :(

I feel like such a gold digger taking his money for reasons like this but I wouldn't need it if it weren't for him to begin with, right? Right?!!

What does E/everybody else think? Please be gentle, I'm not good with criticism... :-/

Post #: 1

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/3/2010 6:10:28 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Hey, you won't get it from me! If you cannot afford something, you can't afford it and if he requires it and you are okay with that, then why not allow him to provide for the look he wants? I would make it clear though... that he gets a look and nothing else is purchased. (Not really the word or application I would use, but many men think that if they give anything in any manner, they have bought you.) Nothing else is based on this compliance to look as he wants you to look and his paying for it. Of course I would say that in as gentle a manner as you can muster. lol If you have an established relationship... no need. lol

If you don't want anything with him... then don't do it. If you will lose respect for yourself, don't do it. You have to be at peace with this. It doesn't matter how we feel about it.

Stop feeling guilty or dirty somehow for saying exactly what you should have said. It was either that or f off in my book. Someone that complains about how I look and expects this picture perfect fantasy... tends to be a bit more unrealistic or anal than I would want in a partner.

Good luck and if you do it... I hope you are happy with it all!

< Message edited by Lockit -- 12/3/2010 6:11:49 PM >

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Post #: 2

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/3/2010 6:19:23 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

It is totally normal to have an allowance to pay for stuff like this. Frankly, the cost of looking good is part of the reason men pay for dinner on dates: women's clothes and hair costs so much more than men's. She's paying just as much for the date as he is, in a different way.

He might not have any idea how much it costs to look the way TV actresses do. I grew up with two brothers, no sisters, and it shocks me sometimes when I see a woman get ready for the day. I literally had no idea such products existed -- much less what they cost.

Write it down on a piece of paper. Make a budget. Don't gouge him, but be honest about what things really cost. What's most important to him -- your hair, your eye makeup, or your wearing new lingerie? If he wants to keep a pretty princess, he can pay for her to look her best.

You can make a sexy game out of it. "Can I call you daddy? I've never had a sugar daddy before. Oh, daddy, let me show you how grateful I am." Make him feel powerful and wealthy. You'll both enjoy it.

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(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 3

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/3/2010 6:23:18 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

What's the deal? If I told you to go buy me a sandwichand gave you the money, you'd do it. Why is it different when the money is to be spent on your appearance? It's what HE wasnts, and he's willing to pay for it.

And kudos for being open with it. If he's in charge, he's gotta know these things.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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Post #: 4

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/3/2010 7:30:45 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I don't see anything gold digging about it. He said he likes you to look a certain way and wishes you would look that way more often. You told him "hey I dont' have the money. It's expensive.". You told him if he wants you to look that way then you need money. He agreed to pay for it.

It's not like you're manipulating him or are in a relationship specifically for his money. If that was the case then I'd say you're a gold digger but I have a feeling you're with him for other reasons.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 5

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/3/2010 7:45:55 PM

itsmeinLV

Posts: 207
Joined: 12/23/2009
Status: offline

See, I do think the same as everybody that posted here. I just thought maybe I was siding with myself, y'know. I always try to get that outside perspective before drawing any conclusions. Thanks, E/everybody!

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 6

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/3/2010 10:46:05 PM

petmonkey

Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

It is totally normal to have an allowance to pay for stuff like this. Frankly, the cost of looking good is part of the reason men pay for dinner on dates: women's clothes and hair costs so much more than men's. She's paying just as much for the date as he is, in a different way.

He might not have any idea how much it costs to look the way TV actresses do. I grew up with two brothers, no sisters, and it shocks me sometimes when I see a woman get ready for the day. I literally had no idea such products existed -- much less what they cost.

Write it down on a piece of paper. Make a budget. Don't gouge him, but be honest about what things really cost. What's most important to him -- your hair, your eye makeup, or your wearing new lingerie? If he wants to keep a pretty princess, he can pay for her to look her best.

You can make a sexy game out of it. "Can I call you daddy? I've never had a sugar daddy before. Oh, daddy, let me show you how grateful I am." Make him feel powerful and wealthy. You'll both enjoy it.

This.

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Be excellent to each other.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 7

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/3/2010 10:49:09 PM

Edwynn

Posts: 4105
Joined: 10/26/2008
Status: offline

Sub or not, you might think about moving on to someone better.

(in reply to itsmeinLV)

Post #: 8

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/3/2010 11:16:45 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

ok I'm confused. Why should she move on to someone better?

Just because her guy likes to see her dressed up and looking pretty? I would hope my guy <and he does> would want me to look my best for him.

(in reply to Edwynn)

Post #: 9

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/4/2010 2:18:51 AM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

Gold digger. If that's what he wants give it to him. If he pays the bills for it fine. Enjoy. People are assholes, even good ones. Everybodt wants their own trophy or whatever.

Play the game. If it gets boring do omething else. If everything else is going well nnow, enjoy the good times. Life is too short.

T

(in reply to itsmeinLV)

Post #: 10

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/4/2010 3:16:11 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

I would be cool with this provided I had feelings for the guy that was offering this. If I wasn't sure about my feelings for him, I would feel like I was perhaps using him or suspicious of what exactly he wanted in return. I hear too many guys from broken relationships saying 'I gave her so much and she was just a fucking gold digger', so I would say, if you have real emotions for this guy then accept his gifts of money and enjoy but if you think your going to be moving on soon, don't encourage him.

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Post #: 11

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/4/2010 3:50:11 AM

Jaybeee

Posts: 532
Joined: 2/2/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: itsmeinLV

...I'm accepting money to "maintain" myself to way HE likes?

He's always taking (verbal) hits on me because he feels I don't get myself done up the way he likes, but it's expensive to do it! My hair alone takes about 50 bucks every 2-3 weeks to maintain. I don't make that much money and I have school/books/equipments to think about first! Now, I'm not gonna toot my own horn, but I don't think I look like crap when I'm NOT done up...just plain Jane, I guess, but not fugly. :-/

So this last time he made a comment on my image, I made a deal with him. If he wants me to "maintain" myself, then give me money to do it. I told him if he's gonna give me money to get weekly facials to maintain my skin so I can put on make up everyday ("JUST for him"), then I'll do it. But it's too expensive for me to afford it! Make up products itself is super expensive! Not to mention the hair stuff I need and my face is sensitive so, yes, I do need the expensive crap. Believe me, I don't WANT to need it, but my skin rashes tells me otherwise. :(

I feel like such a gold digger taking his money for reasons like this but I wouldn't need it if it weren't for him to begin with, right? Right?!!

What does E/everybody else think? Please be gentle, I'm not good with criticism... :-/

Do you know what a "slippery slope" is? From the tone of the above, it's not going to be long before he starts paying for your expensive restaurant meals, for your tyres to be replaced, and before you give up whatever form of work you do and live off him.

You can say you will prove me wrong, but I think you know, in your heart, that you don't want to prove me wrong.

(in reply to itsmeinLV)

Post #: 12

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/4/2010 4:25:49 AM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

A set of tires is cheap compared to a divorce.

T

(in reply to Jaybeee)

Post #: 13

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/4/2010 4:47:22 AM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

I dont think that is golddigging. I think it is being pleasing....if he has the money, let him spend it.

I do hope you give him a lots of blowjobs and roast beef sandwiches as a thanks though!

;o)

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Post #: 14

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/4/2010 4:55:36 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

So she becomes a stepford wife?

I can see both sides of this question- both make interesting points.

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

Post #: 15

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/4/2010 5:03:16 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I do not see a problem with it. We encourage "training" to the master's wants/needs. Why is changing appearance any different than learning how to fix his coffee or learning how to provide other comforts?

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Post #: 16

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/4/2010 5:08:16 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

at what point does the paint and powder become a mask?

if there will be a long term relationship... she needs to know she is loved for who she is- not who she can dress up to be... but ALL of her.

now is the time to be pondering this- not 30 years from now.

of course I don't know the details -- enough-- but if she is not allowed to age and things are only skin deep then this is a fling and not a LTR.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 17

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/4/2010 5:47:43 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

I kind of agree with pahunkboy.

It may just be that he likes spoiling his woman and wants her to have the best, in which case GREAT!
but if he starts offering you money for breast enhancement or botox, that's a whole other story.

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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

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Post #: 18

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/4/2010 5:51:05 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

It is up to each person where they draw the line when it comes to undergoing changes of the physical, emotional, and mental in order to please another person. I don't think one size fits all in these situations. I also do not think the person wanting the changes is always a mean tyrant, some changes do benefit the submissive.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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Post #: 19

RE: is it gold digging if... - 12/4/2010 6:34:46 AM

ShaharThorne

Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline

I agree that it is not gold digging.

If he is willing to pay for it (and believe me, cosmetics are not cheap),then he should.

This can work as a boost to her self esteem.

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You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

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Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 20

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