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RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/4/2010 12:29:27 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Sunny.. you absolutely ARE fun/interesting/smart/sexy/lovable!!  How can you doubt that when so many of us adore you?

OP:  why not "those kinds of stories"? you want salacious.. that is what literotica is about.


Hey Geets -
The guy asked about negative experiences. And that was mine... in all seriosity (I made that word up).  I remember meeting Hejira and Cuffkinks and BSB in Florida when I had a layover there - oh man oh man oh man - talk about the triumverate of amazing and beautiful and funny and smart.  And I felt like a big ole failure of a lump next to them.  It's a fair thing to think about.  You know?  We see who people are on line, and there is the danger of building them up in our heads. 

*smooches - adores you back!
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/4/2010 12:33:22 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		but Sunny.. dont you understand that many of us put you in those ranks too? Because you ARE in those ranks? I understand the doubting thing.. but the majority rule thing should give you a clue ;)

(I hope that made sense.. I haz a tired, without the sleepy)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/4/2010 12:57:35 AM   
vancraft


Posts: 71
Joined: 8/4/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB


I'm always hesitant to say it's the gay community's fault because I have two moms and I know what comes of straight folks thinking the gay community is doing anything bad. I think it's actually the fault of the difference between men and women - if women were willing to have sex with strangers at 15 years old, you can bet there would be tons of 25, 35 and even 50 year old men statutory raping them. It's just that young boys really want to have sex and aren't so stigmatized by doing it, so when they get the chance to have sex, they're more likely to do it. It's the same thing with the promiscuous tendencies in gay men: if women would put out that much, straight people would be just as promiscuous and lesbians would be too.



my beleif is its based on the societal pressure of sexuality, women are supose to not be sexual/not want sex if she does shes a whore ect.
men are supose to want sex and any lack of libido is weakness/sign of defect.

with gay men then there is a pressure on both men to always want sex whether this is true or not, alot of gay men will become very promiscuous to kinda prove/validate their homosexuality

quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

But yeah, the gay community is not perfect, and I'm usually angrier with gay people for doing the kind of stuff we're talking about than I would be with straight people, because I expect more from those who have had to deal with any adversity.


dealing with adversity can make someone alot stronger but only if they deal with the issues they have faced healthily. If they do not deal with their issues they can become very toxic people trapped in a past grievances looking to lash out at either anyone or some group they feel is responsible. i personally did this for several years directing anger toward heterosexual males due to my own inability at the time to deal with the past.

(in reply to jujubeeMB)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/4/2010 1:18:20 AM   
subkatslut


Posts: 81
Joined: 9/14/2010
Status: offline 		I've had great success in meeting people online.

Got an amazing best friend. Met a wonderful guy I dated for 2 years and still remain friendly with. Met my ex-husband who is a super nice person, just not the right person for me. Also met another amazing man who could be the love of my life (18 mos now).

I've also met some on CM. Of the ones I've met all have been nice and positive even if ultimately things didn't work out for one reason or another. Only one really big jerk. Not psycho or anything just really immature.

I do have a pretty good gut instinct though which is why my experiences have been positive.

Sorry no salacious or oddball tales.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/4/2010 1:20:03 AM   
vancraft


Posts: 71
Joined: 8/4/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss


I would entrust several of my "older gay men" friends with young men coming out.  Why?  Because they are good, decent, upstanding men.  Shame on you for spreading your bigotry.

sunshine


as would i. the reason i would warn against older(to clarify i reference men simply older than, not the common prejudice toward 30+ gay men) men is due to the emotional turmoil that may come from being newly out, some older gay men can be very positive role models and good council, yet my experiences in seeing friends of mine exploited is that more consistent support can be found in other men dealing with the same issues.

i apologies my intent was to speak on the issue of younger men being taken advantage of and not to spread bigotry 

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/4/2010 3:42:03 AM   
pwnerandpwned


Posts: 83
Joined: 4/13/2010
Status: offline 		You seem like a nice fella, OP. I'll add my experiences, since you asked, in the hope they might somehow further whatever knowledge you're seeking.

From memory, I've met 5 or 6 people from online that were just friend types. In addition, I met a previous long-term girlfriend and current fiancé. Of the friends, most were just one time encounters.

Most were guys or girls I used to play Everquest with. Only awkwardness in one meeting out of all those. I had only typed to her, and I'm pretty sure I perceived some things she did/said incorrectly...much less charming in person. :P Some others definitely were different in-person, as well, but I got along fine with the in-person selves as well (I find this was really only more the case for people I had only typed too. Once speaking on the phone, I can get a pretty good indication of their personality).

The significant others, one was met on a dating site, the other on the "game" Second Life. One was just a normal dating relationship. Started out just doing things casually, then eventually we expressed romantic feelings for each other. The finance, though, was already in an online D/s relationship with me that extended to control of her non-online self. When we first met in-person, we just talked normally as if we were going out on our first date. Certainly we were both nervous to see if the chemistry of cybering and phone sex would transfer well when the other person was physically there. Thankfully, It didn't take too long before everything felt pretty comfortable.

As an additional note: I've met many close friends online who I've never met physically. We've spoken on the phone or skype, had endless IM sessions, and shared intimate details about every part of our lives. As a general rule, I'd say it's quite easy to get to know people quite well through internet and phone communication, and that if you take long enough to learn about them through what's available, most in-person meet-ups should be fairly successful.

(in reply to vancraft)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/4/2010 4:49:51 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: vancraft
... yet my experiences in seeing friends of mine exploited is that more consistent support can be found in other men dealing with the same issues.

i apologies my intent was to speak on the issue of younger men being taken advantage of and not to spread bigotry 



That's a shame that you've had those experiences.  I appreciate your apology (forgiven!).  I caution newly out submissive women in a similar vein of basically "don't leave your brain at the door" because some would take advantage, so I do understand your point of view.

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to vancraft)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/4/2010 7:57:04 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I met the man at bondage.com eight years ago, before they got sold and it was still a very active site with free email. We've been together ever since.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/4/2010 8:41:27 AM   
txurinal


Posts: 209
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		vancraft, when i was a young man, i was always attracted to men older than myself. In fact, my 1st gay experience was with a man 33 years older than i was at the time. i will agree there are "older" men who lust after young guys but there are also young guys who use their youth to take advantage of older men. i have a friend my age (mid 50's) who is always in the company of 20 somethings. But then he is standing on his wallet and that is the attraction.

But back to the question of the thread. i have not met personally anyone through CM. i have met others on line and generally experiences have been good. One does not always follow the good advice of meeting in a public place, etc but i do try to get to know someone before putting myself in a situation that could be dangerous. A lot of it is just using common sense and thinking with the head on your shouldes and not the one between your legs

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/4/2010 9:39:51 AM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		OP=original poster, that's you, in this case...

I've met a number of people online with mixed experiences. Ironically,  a few of my vanilla "dates" and one "platonic" meeting turned out dreadful--but so far, my BDSM ones were positive.

The key is communication and honesty.
I am extremely careful who I correspond with, and what information I exchange. Similarly, I am very cognizant that women must be extremely careful when they meet online, so I'm always willing to offer references, public meeting spots and any other ways to make them feel comfortable.
I'm honest from the start--here is who I am, what I'm looking for, what I'm NOT looking for, what I expect from the encounter and any other relevant info. I send a RECENT photo.  that's a biggie--if you can't trust someone with a photo, you probably shouldn't be meeting with them.

I always, always, always screen them via email first.  8 times out of 10, one of us determines that we aren't compatible, and that saves us both a lot of time, energy and gasoline. If someone (male or female) doesn't have the attention span to email back and forth for a few days, then they just want "right now" and that's never going to work for me.  That said, endless emails that don't result in a meeting waste their time too.  Email...respond quickly...then move to meet or cut it off.

I establish boundaries/safewords early on, and I make sure people I trust know where I'm going and who I'm going to see.  I leave a paper trail and a way out, in case things go South.

My tips:
  • Always a public place meeting first.  daytime only. public only.  try to find a place where you can both have a tea or coffee, sit and talk, with a certain amount of privacy. 
  • Wear clothing that is neutral (non-fetish) unless she/he specifies otherwise.  When in doubt, ASK. Most want a certain amount of discretion.
  • If you want to meet folks from online (like here at CM), consider meeting them at a munch near you. Less stress on both of you.
  • If you chicken out last minute-- call or email. Do not be a No-show.  It's rude as hell and unfair to the person you are meeting.  If it's a pro-Domme, you've now wasted her time AND cost her money.  Extra rude.
  • Make sure someone knows where you are going, who you are meeting, and when you are coming back.  
  • Drive yourself.  If you don't, be sure you always have cab-fare and a way home.
  • Avoid any type of drug or alcohol--this will impair your judgment and can have numerous other ill effects on a scene

I've had good success with meeting folks online for casual play and I have a nice friendship out of it too, with a Household I serve on a periodic basis--all met online.  I'm very experienced, so I feel like I have good instincts and can rule out those that aren't serious, just want a quickie, or don't seem to know what they want/want they're doing. Typically I will not allow myself to get tied up into any bondage I can't easily get out of until I get to know my play partner a lot better. Public play spaces (dungeons/play parties) are a much better option as long as you don't object to public play--they can also allow you to watch someone play to see if it's a style that suits you.

Be careful and have fun--there are loads of people out there with ill intentions.  Common sense and clear thinking will go a long way.  Good luck
frederich

(in reply to txurinal)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/4/2010 11:37:07 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		I met my previous partner on this site and it lasted for four years. We are still friends but the loving wasn't right for either of us. I have since gone on to meet Steve on this site and we are now married and extremely happy.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to hausboy)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/4/2010 11:55:41 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		met master on line 2 years ago we were online for a year and i have been living with him for the last year.

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/5/2010 8:21:01 PM   
FredW


Posts: 27
Joined: 9/1/2010
Status: offline 		Browse profiles, and find a few you like and send an email.  I was on another site and corresponded with several.  I found one that I thought was interesting, and set up a meeting in a public place.  Very casual and quiet so we could get to know each other a little.  I was very fortunate that she ended up being such a wonderful woman, and we have been very happy for the last several months, and I really think we will be happy for a very long while.  We were both very honest on our profiles and it really helped to develop trust from the beginning. 

(in reply to Atropos19)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/6/2010 3:39:36 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		I met my former master online and during the years we lived together we met many other people from the internet socially and for business, but not as potential partners. After he got sick and eventually died, all that came to a screeching halt. The experience was mixed and overall I carry more negative memories than positive from it. The internet is a crapshoot: my experience has been that it is a lot like meeting random people on the street. But the one truly spectacular memory I have (meeting my owner that way) has been enough to keep me looking for someone else this way.

< Message edited by CaringandReal -- 12/6/2010 3:40:45 AM >

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to Atropos19)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/6/2010 4:12:49 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		"...I make sure people I trust know where I'm going and who I'm going to see. I leave a paper trail and a way out, in case things go South."

This is all really good advice. The entire message worth printing out and re-reading if you meet or anticipate meeting dominants in this way. Thanks for writing this, Hausboy!

< Message edited by CaringandReal -- 12/6/2010 4:14:35 AM >

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to hausboy)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/6/2010 4:48:46 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I met a lot of people from online, most of the meetings were great, but never met them with any more expectations than having a cup of coffee and a chat, the overwhelming majority was absolutely delightful.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/6/2010 7:42:31 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

I saw someone for 4 years I met online. We chatted online and on the phone for 8 months before meeting (ok, I'm a slow meet, I'm working on that)

But in the next breath I am going to suggest not to rush into meets. And don't be overeager. Nothing makes me hit the block button quicker than wanting to meet me after 1 or 2 chats.

I suggest meet someone you actually like. I meet one I wasn't sure I liked, he was just so damned interesting. We still chat occasionally online.

And I'd table the sex chatting for the most part. It's fine to play and flirt, but if someone just always talks about sex, I get bored quickly.


Now see, I just don't get the part I bolded at all. I've gotten emails on the other side and met for lunch or coffee the next day. I am of the mind why bother wasting a lot of time typing shit back and forth IF you can meet face to face right away?


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to anniezz338)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/6/2010 1:25:03 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

"...I make sure people I trust know where I'm going and who I'm going to see. I leave a paper trail and a way out, in case things go South."

This is all really good advice. The entire message worth printing out and re-reading if you meet or anticipate meeting dominants in this way. Thanks for writing this, Hausboy!


Thank YOU--I've gotten lots of good advice from others....just trying to pass it on...  I do practice what I preach
I

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/6/2010 10:45:50 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

I saw someone for 4 years I met online. We chatted online and on the phone for 8 months before meeting (ok, I'm a slow meet, I'm working on that)

But in the next breath I am going to suggest not to rush into meets. And don't be overeager. Nothing makes me hit the block button quicker than wanting to meet me after 1 or 2 chats.

I suggest meet someone you actually like. I meet one I wasn't sure I liked, he was just so damned interesting. We still chat occasionally online.

And I'd table the sex chatting for the most part. It's fine to play and flirt, but if someone just always talks about sex, I get bored quickly.


Now see, I just don't get the part I bolded at all. I've gotten emails on the other side and met for lunch or coffee the next day. I am of the mind why bother wasting a lot of time typing shit back and forth IF you can meet face to face right away?



There's a guy locally that messaged me one day.. and we had dinner that night.  We're still in touch. 

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Meeting People from Online - 12/6/2010 11:01:50 PM   
blackpearl81


Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Atropos19

So has anyone met anybody from online (whether or not from CM specifically), and if so, what are the some of the good and bad experiences you've had?  Any pointers, lessons you've learned, etc.?

I've met a few people from MySpace, Facebook, and such places, but only one Domme (if you could call that a meeting... I paid for her manicure and we were supposed to hang out afterward, but she ended up sending me on my way after ignoring me the whole time, LoL).  So in this, as in all things, I am pretty much a novice.




I've met people from online before.

It's not really that much different than going up to someone IRL and saying "Hi"

There's no real "right" or "wrong" way - well, there is definitely a "wrong" way, but it involves a dick pic, LOL.

Seriously though, it's no big deal. Just don't push for a face to face right off the bat - give the other person a chance to know you, then suggest meeting up for coffee or whatever.

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to Atropos19)
Profile   Post #: 60
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