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Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/17/2010 10:09:28 PM

DRC1986

Posts: 11
Joined: 12/15/2010
Status: offline

Just curious. Do any Doms out there find themselves affected by negative influences and come home to take it out on their subs?

For example, having an extremely hard day at work, family or financial problems. I know everyone is only human, and we are all inevitably influenced at least a little by what the world throws at us. But have you, in anger or confusion, ever punished your sub when you know she didn't particularly deserve it?

I myself think it's part of the Dom's responsibility to hold himself as best he can above acting on his sub in a rage influenced by the outside world. Again, I know we're only human and make mistakes.

I'd be interested to hear from any subs on this matter too. Did you ever feel you were punished unjustly because your Master had a bad day? Were you easy to overlook it or forgive? Or did it take some time?

Post #: 1

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/17/2010 10:12:36 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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He works out his bad days on his own, usually before he gets home. Bad days affect all of us - we might be more tired, or less patient about things, but no, he doesn't inflict his anger on me.

My ex owner, however, did. And I accepted it. I didn't see it as something to overlook or forgive.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to DRC1986)

Post #: 2

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/17/2010 10:15:33 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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Eh... sometimes bad days come home with us, both of us. It's just kinda... blah. We try to be nice to each other, we try to work around it and alleviate the each other's stress but... ya know shit happens. We haven't attained perfect control over our emotions, probably never will and I'm ok with that.

I don't think I would say that I've been unjustly punished because he's had a bad day but I have been snapped at and had to deal with his temper. To me, it's just part of being owned by a human.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DRC1986)

Post #: 3

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/17/2010 10:16:34 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
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Daddy tries very hard not to let his bad emotions overflow onto me. It happens now and then. When it does we patch things up and move on.

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 4

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/17/2010 10:21:04 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

But have you, in anger or confusion, ever punished your sub when you know she didn't particularly deserve it?

No, I haven't. If I had, it would be time for Me to relinquish My authority.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DRC1986)

Post #: 5

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/17/2010 10:38:46 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

When he's had a bad day he's been known to use me pretty harshly. He's definitely much more sadistic when he's had a bad day. Does that equate to "taking it out" on me? I don't know. I figure I'm his slave and if he needs to use me harshly to alleviate his stresses out on then so be it. I mean...I am his slave. I don't mind to be honest. I feel as if I'm being helpful and useful when I can help him to be a better happier person and if that helps, great!

I see it as a service to him.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 6

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/17/2010 10:50:32 PM

DRC1986

Posts: 11
Joined: 12/15/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I figure I'm his slave and if he needs to use me harshly to alleviate his stresses out on then so be it. I mean...I am his slave. I don't mind to be honest. I feel as if I'm being helpful and useful when I can help him to be a better happier person and if that helps, great!

I see it as a service to him.

Interesting point littlewonder. Not being a sub, that's a different perspective I never thought of. But I also think LadyPact makes a good point too. I think being the one in control designates a lot more responsibility. I guess it is up to each relationship. Each is different in its own way. Thanks for the responses everyone.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 7

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/17/2010 11:04:03 PM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DRC1986

Just curious. Do any Doms out there find themselves affected by negative influences and come home to take it out on their subs?

For example, having an extremely hard day at work, family or financial problems. I know everyone is only human, and we are all inevitably influenced at least a little by what the world throws at us. But have you, in anger or confusion, ever punished your sub when you know she didn't particularly deserve it?

I myself think it's part of the Dom's responsibility to hold himself as best he can above acting on his sub in a rage influenced by the outside world. Again, I know we're only human and make mistakes.

I'd be interested to hear from any subs on this matter too. Did you ever feel you were punished unjustly because your Master had a bad day? Were you easy to overlook it or forgive? Or did it take some time?

Allowing outside influences to negatively affect your ability to choose appropriate behavior thus acting out inappropriate behavior on another human being is nothing more than abusive conduct. If the day were to ever unfold when my discernment lacked to the degree that I chose to harm the one I relate with then I would merely through in the towel and call it quits from any further interpersonal relating. Abuse is NEVER tolerable regardless of outside influence, period!

Take care!

(in reply to DRC1986)

Post #: 8

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/17/2010 11:05:03 PM

WestBaySlave

Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DRC1986
I'd be interested to hear from any subs on this matter too. Did you ever feel you were punished unjustly because your Master had a bad day? Were you easy to overlook it or forgive? Or did it take some time?

Even when I'm in a long-term D/s dynamic I'm pretty direct about things when I feel something is seriously amiss. I've only once been punished for something I felt was unfair, I addressed it openly afterward, and on weighing it up, my master at the time apologized. All was left on a rather positive note overall.

I work best when things are open, direct, and satisfaction and dissatisfaction are openly expressed on either side. The times I've had trouble with dominants has rarely been in direct conflict but more in the sense of vague, indefinable dissatisfaction; when a dominant is clearly unhappy with me but either doesn't know or doesn't say what I've done wrong and how I could improve things.

On the other hand, if the D-type I'm with has had a hard day and wants to have some sadistic fun to wind down, I'd be more than happy to be that evening's set of worry beads. No apologies or explanations needed.

(in reply to DRC1986)

Post #: 9

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/18/2010 1:22:21 AM

Twoshoes

Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline

I'm the calmest person I know and I'm fairly proud of it. I cannot remember the last time I was angry; it must have been months ago. And when I get upset, I usually want to be alone to work through it, which doesn't take long. Plus, my ethics usually override my feelings even when I would rather they wouldn't.

Actually, asking me to act is the best way to see me angry. People have become curious about whether I can display intense feelings and have asked me to demonstrate after failing to elicit these reactions by other means. Apparently, I'm so calm, it's unnerving...

I get to have a few "Just because I'm perfectly calm and happy right now doesn't mean I'm not fully paying attention to how upset you are." conversation per person who doesn't know me. They get confused. Another's random bad mood is unlikely to fuck up my happy place.

(in reply to WestBaySlave)

Post #: 10

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/18/2010 1:36:39 AM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zevar

quote:

ORIGINAL: DRC1986

Just curious. Do any Doms out there find themselves affected by negative influences and come home to take it out on their subs?

For example, having an extremely hard day at work, family or financial problems. I know everyone is only human, and we are all inevitably influenced at least a little by what the world throws at us. But have you, in anger or confusion, ever punished your sub when you know she didn't particularly deserve it?

I myself think it's part of the Dom's responsibility to hold himself as best he can above acting on his sub in a rage influenced by the outside world. Again, I know we're only human and make mistakes.

I'd be interested to hear from any subs on this matter too. Did you ever feel you were punished unjustly because your Master had a bad day? Were you easy to overlook it or forgive? Or did it take some time?

Allowing outside influences to negatively affect your ability to choose appropriate behavior thus acting out inappropriate behavior on another human being is nothing more than abusive conduct. If the day were to ever unfold when my discernment lacked to the degree that I chose to harm the one I relate with then I would merely throw in the towel and call it quits from any further interpersonal relating. Abuse is NEVER tolerable regardless of outside influence, period!

Take care!

edited error

(in reply to Zevar)

Post #: 11

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/18/2010 5:10:02 AM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

When he's had a bad day he's been known to use me pretty harshly. He's definitely much more sadistic when he's had a bad day. Does that equate to "taking it out" on me? I don't know. I figure I'm his slave and if he needs to use me harshly to alleviate his stresses out on then so be it. I mean...I am his slave. I don't mind to be honest. I feel as if I'm being helpful and useful when I can help him to be a better happier person and if that helps, great!

I see it as a service to him.

Exactly that. It's far better than my vanilla ex-husband that would come home from a bad day at his company and be a total asshole prick all night and deny that he had a bad day and I was the target. With my man, he tells me that he needs me to relieve some aggression and we are both on the same page and like wonder said, isn't that part of what service is? Besides, I think it's hot most of the time.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 12

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/18/2010 5:50:05 AM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

I touched on this subject with someone for a couple of months and found it VERY interesting.

A submissive reading the Dom, reading his energy, mood, tension, etc and anticipating what he may need. You may not know anything about his day until he walks through the door. Does he need to just use you, would he appreciate softness, does he need alone time and you just be on hand, does he need a full blown session, etc.?

Everyone takes their bad moods out on others sometimes....they're human so it's unavoidable. But I would hope, with any Dom worth his salt, it wouldn't happen often. On the sub side, I'm hoping I would be able to read whatever it is and go with what he feels he needs, responding appropriately.

_____________________________

I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 13

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/18/2010 6:11:40 AM

MaxsGirl

Posts: 355
Joined: 12/2/2010
From: The Arctic Circle
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It hasn't happened yet, but that doesn't mean it won't. I'm pretty good at reading his moods and attending to him in a way that alleviates his stress before it gets to that point. For others it might not be that easy, but Alpha is a pretty easygoing man, and not hard to calm down and please. If/when it does eventually happen, I see it the way littlewonder does - if he needs to use me as a human stress ball now and then, it's just part of my job as his slave.

_____________________________

Property of rubbrdsir

Collared Fox and
Future Thru-Hiker!

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 14

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/18/2010 7:53:51 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I don't think I would say that I've been unjustly punished because he's had a bad day but I have been snapped at and had to deal with his temper. To me, it's just part of being owned by a human.

This and vice versa.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 15

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/18/2010 12:30:37 PM

HisEvelyn

Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline

I also agree very much with littlewonder, maxsgirl, and others. Master is usually very good at not taking out his anger on me when it's about something else, but I also consider it service to be his tool for unwinding in whatever way he sees fit. I trust him and know he will never be abusive to me in a truly bad way. If I can make him feel better by not even getting a hello when he walks in the door before ordering me to my knees for a blowjob? I will feel good knowing I am serving him in the way he needs right then. His pleasure is my pleasure.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 16

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/18/2010 1:16:18 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DRC1986
But have you, in anger or confusion, ever punished your sub when you know she didn't particularly deserve it?

No. In truth, this is in the "you gotta be kidding me" category in my head. Nor do I take my frustrations out on her verbally unless those frustrations rightfully belong at her door step.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DRC1986)

Post #: 17

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/18/2010 2:28:33 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

I'd definitely never "take it out" on my sub, but in truth the best answer I can give is "I try my best not to let my mood, especially if it's a bad one, affect the way I relate to my sub".

There may be some out there with enormous reserves of zen-like self control, but, if I've had a tiring and/or stressful day it does have an impact on my expectations. My ideal sub would pick up on the fact that I'm tired and stressed and respond accordingly. If my sub repeatedly failed to have the sensitivity to tell when I'd had a crap day, then it would begin to occur to me that she and I may not be made for each other.

And, I'd say that the opposite should also be true - If my sub returned home after a crappy day at the office, I would very much hope that I'd be able to pick up on that, and respond appropriately.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to DRC1986)

Post #: 18

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/18/2010 2:29:41 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
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or more precisely, you edited one of them ;-)

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Zevar)

Post #: 19

RE: Outside influence affect your behavior? - 12/18/2010 3:19:55 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

No, he doesn't come home and backhand me across the room because someone cut him off in traffic. He will be short tempered and as I'm not a mind reader, if he doesn't clue me in on the cause of the bad mood I am likely to ask why he's angry with me. At which point he is usually pulled up short and realizes he's been snapping at me and then apologizes and explains.

I'd be fine if he came home and said he had a bad day and needed to play hard. I wouldn't be okay if I didn't know if he was angry with me or not.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 20

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