RE: Cybering in the scene.

RE: Cybering in the scene. (Full Version)

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Proprietrix -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (4/30/2006 10:46:51 AM)
I just can't fathom the online relationship thing. The thought of myself having an online relationship is laughable at best. The relationship being put on hold for the night because of a power outage.... lol. I saw this talk show once where this woman had horrible body odor and she also had no sense of smell. Knowing my luck, that right there would be the person I'd end up "meshing with" online. Then we meet real time and oops, I forgot to mention that chronic BO was a deal breaker. I'm kinky and all, but I have yet to bring a keyboard and monitor to the bedroom, dungeon, or fet party. Even if I could comprehend the idea of watching a sub over webcam spanking her/his own ass with a belt, albeit slightly amusing, would really do nothing for me as the Top. What would I be doing? Using a belt on the sofa at the same time? errr... lol. I kind of like having the power to turn off my computer for an entire week or month, without it adversly affecting my relationships. I like the idea of looking into my boys eyes when I'm caning, or doing breath play, or lecturing for misbehavior. I like the idea of wiping away his tears and petting his hair and hugging him. I can't picture myself standing on my desk, with the CPU bowing at my feet in reverence, or the speakers whispering in my ear, or the mousepad running my bath for me, or the webcam cooking me a meal. I have a friend who's into the cyber relationship thing. She will get a babysitter, get all dressed up, clean up the house, and then sit up her webcam for her "date". She tells the boys on the other end of the line what to do, has them masturbate while they're sitting at their desk. When it's all said and done, she turns off her computer, and the reality is of course, that she's sitting there alone, in an empty house, with no companion. To me, it's kind of sad and pathetic. And she has admitted that she's a lonely woman.

cuddleheart50 -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (4/30/2006 10:48:03 AM)
Speaking from my own personal experience, online is not for me, only real time means something to me.

Halcyone -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (4/30/2006 11:37:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn Thank you, Halcyone, for your informative as well as extremely expressive post! While it's not for me, I can indeed see, through your eyes, how such a relationship can be formed and maintained... and the strong emotional ties between you and your Master shine through your writing. Kudos! :) You're welcome, LadyMorgynn. To be honest, if we were able to be together in the flesh tomorrow, I would leap at the chance and leave the cyber world behind. It isn't for a lot of people. But we take what we're given and we do the best we can with it. I don't know that either of us thought this was possible, or that we'd be capable of juggling the challenges. I do know we wouldn't give it up for the world. Thank you so much. [:)] quote: ORIGINAL: Proprietrix The relationship being put on hold for the night because of a power outage.... lol. The relationship is not put on hold when we're not in direct contact. Even if we were together physically, I wouldn't need him peering over my shoulder constantly to make sure I was doing as I should. If we were enjoying an intimate moment, a power outage would be inconvenient and frustrating, but about the same as having your mother-in-law show up on your doorstep while you're being suspended by your toes from the ceiling. At least with a power outage, no one but myself has to hear me cussing up a storm or see me making obscene gestures at the sky. quote: I saw this talk show once where this woman had horrible body odor and she also had no sense of smell. Knowing my luck, that right there would be the person I'd end up "meshing with" online. Then we meet real time and oops, I forgot to mention that chronic BO was a deal breaker. We've had a number of obstacles to hurdle in staying together. I have to say that dealing with something like an unpleasant odor, or various other petty things such as someone leaving the toilet seat up or down, or piling dirty socks in the living room, or slurping their soup while eating, would seem like nothing at all. Everyone has quirks and imperfections. If there is something that absolutely can't be dealt with while face to face, we'll handle that then. Until then, we're enjoying the ride, the closeness, the feelings and the sensations we're allowed now. As his girl, even so far apart, I please him. That's enough for me. quote: I'm kinky and all, but I have yet to bring a keyboard and monitor to the bedroom, dungeon, or fet party. The computer is a tool. We depend on it to assist in communicating. It is necessary but it is also not a crutch. When and if we have our chance to meet, I can assure you that we will not be on either side of the room, tapping away on our laptops. quote: I have a friend who's into the cyber relationship thing. She will get a babysitter, get all dressed up, clean up the house, and then sit up her webcam for her "date". She tells the boys on the other end of the line what to do, has them masturbate while they're sitting at their desk. When it's all said and done, she turns off her computer, and the reality is of course, that she's sitting there alone, in an empty house, with no companion. To me, it's kind of sad and pathetic. And she has admitted that she's a lonely woman. The trick to online relationships is still to have that sense of moving forward, of growing together as much as we can and driving towards our goals as a couple. I don't think the goal has to be ultimately a physical meeting but I've found that having some sort of goal is necessary. If your friend is content with those dates online, if she finds satisfaction and fulfilment in them, I see nothing wrong with that. However, if she's left feeling worse (or no better) afterwards and still turns to them for a quick emotional fix, she isn't moving forward. They become a crutch and an obstacle. It would also be a mistake to think all online relationships are that way.

LadyMorgynn -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (4/30/2006 12:30:04 PM)
All in all, I think my preference would be for the power outage <laughing hysterically> quote: ORIGINAL: Halcyone If we were enjoying an intimate moment, a power outage would be inconvenient and frustrating, but about the same as having your mother-in-law show up on your doorstep while you're being suspended by your toes from the ceiling.

Phoenixandnika -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (4/30/2006 12:50:03 PM)
At least you can ignore your mother in law at the door and continue what you where doing - really quietly! laughs Nika{Phoenix}

JassWolf -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (4/30/2006 12:51:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Halcyone The trick to online relationships is still to have that sense of moving forward, of growing together as much as we can and driving towards our goals as a couple. I don't think the goal has to be ultimately a physical meeting but I've found that having some sort of goal is necessary. If your friend is content with those dates online, if she finds satisfaction and fulfilment in them, I see nothing wrong with that. However, if she's left feeling worse (or no better) afterwards and still turns to them for a quick emotional fix, she isn't moving forward. They become a crutch and an obstacle. It would also be a mistake to think all online relationships are that way. In my own case, the "sense of moving forward" was the intention of establishing a RL relationship. Like many I had to insist with people I spoke to that I was not interested in contact that was going to begin and end with cyber ... or with phone contact. But since, because of my own circumstances at that time, and because of hers too, we spent ten months of daily, often intense, contact via web or Verizon. It was satisfying, as Halcyone indicates, because the sense of moving forward toward a shared goal was there to keep us company. Days when our sense of moving forwarded was interrupted became frightening. Raw determination to get together sustained us at times, sometimes mine, sometimes hers as well as mine. Now that we've been living together for some time, of course it is obvious that we prefer the 24/7 reality to the days when we typed to one another or griped about dropped calls. Those days even seem distant and hollow. But I'd not be one to discourage someone from beginning a relationship with a prolonged cyber contact, or from "sorting out" possible relationships through the computer. But being "satisfied" with a cyber relationship that has no real world future has always seemed to me to be an absurd impossibility. But I guess I need to say YMMV. JW

slaveladyj -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (4/30/2006 1:01:39 PM)
How does it work? Easy. As I mention in another thread, Cyber is not real life. That doesn't mean two people can't get what they need and or want out of it. I have a cyber dom, does that make me less of a submissive than others. Maybe in their eyes, but not in mine. I do as I'm instructed when I'm instructed, no matter what it is. Lately, it has been better because my mate has been participating, coming up with his own ideas, as well as insuring I follow the orders of my dom. It can work for some. Maybe not for everyone, but it works for me.

Halcyone -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (4/30/2006 1:54:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JassWolf Days when our sense of moving forwarded was interrupted became frightening. Raw determination to get together sustained us at times, sometimes mine, sometimes hers as well as mine. That sounds so familiar. [;)] quote: Now that we've been living together for some time, of course it is obvious that we prefer the 24/7 reality to the days when we typed to one another or griped about dropped calls. This was a happy thing to read. It's always nice to see stories of this sort of relationship reaching their ideal. Best wishes to you and yours.

genvieve -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (4/30/2006 2:41:26 PM)
This, i think, is a tough question for many of U/us. W/we want to believe that it is possible to experience a fully long-distance, long-term relationship with a Dominant that W/we never plan to meet. i do think it is possible to serve One from a distance. you can follow His/Her orders daily, involve them in your life, etc... this is a WONDERFUL thing... That being said... never having it be r/t? Ever? Not ever meeting them? Maybe it's just the skeptic in me... but it's only ever online... how will you ever know that you have any real physical intimacy?

redpetals -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (4/30/2006 3:11:23 PM)
well i got MY first taste of the cane switching with my long time vanilla partner..hey ..who says you cant teach an old dog new tricks? the scene was directed by my on-line Master i am Owned and i am loooking forward to real time with my Master..and just for the record all yee naysayers..submitting pictures,..getting pierced.. ..is pretty damned intimate to me...i guess it is easy to forget for some that the people here at these keyboards are real people..all kinds, all shapes ..all sizes..and each of us has our own version of reality..but we are all real. i find it rather offensive that you feel so free to poo poo what you dismiss as on-line = unreal.re -this is not in response to Genieve..sorry 'bout that ..this is in response to the intolerance i see of on-line D/s relationships. and being the honest sort ,i needed to say this,and YES you are entitled to your opinion...as am i..-

juliaoceania -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (4/30/2006 3:59:16 PM)
Phoenix, I agree and have seen people misguided in online situations. I did not know all I needed to know myself about the person I involved myself with and I ended up very hurt also and very lost feeling too. At least he was honest about his demographic info...ouch.. I do not know what I would feel if what happened to your friend happened to me.... My situation also took a long time to go to the real world and I also decided that would not happen again .. meet soon or forget it and that is why I have that on profile. I am not into cyber collars and I have yet to be collared. I think that we must all be careful about whom we deal with and get info we need to make decisions. I love the safecall aspect of BDSM in that we EXPECT to make ourselves safe with info. I think that my situation was different only in that most 13 yr olds would not claim to be in their 50s and hang out in political forums with indepth knowledge about how politics of the 60s and 70s have transformed into what we see today, but I suppose it is possible he could have been 13 (OMG that would have totally sucked!!), but I was lucky I suppose. I also had his physical addy, full name, and even his company info before I ever met him. It is REALLY IMPORTANT to know who we are dealing with in this virtual world.

Phoenixandnika -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (4/30/2006 4:07:42 PM)
julia, She had her phone number, her address, had spoken to her on the phone and had cam-to-cam. However, in my opinion until you meet face to fact you NEVER know whom you are speaking to. Can people find happiness with simply online? Yes, some do. However, I know many who are also hurt by lies (granted liars are probably liars offline as well). As adults we each have to decide for ourselves what we are comfortable calling a relationship, who are comfortable opening up to, and the dynamics of our relationships. No one can decide that for us. However, what we are comfortable today may make us queasy next week. Nika{Phoenix}

MsPoetress -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (4/30/2006 6:00:05 PM)
quote: In the end I think that the dynamic can be started over the internet, but that it must move to real life to make that blossom into a full blown D/s relationship in every sense of the word.... Make no mistake, D/s all begins in the head, the rest of it is actions that fulfill the power exchange. The internet and cyber is all about getting into someone's head I agree with that 100%. ~poe

GeekFreak -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (4/30/2006 7:15:53 PM)
Just thought I'd add in an interesting sidenote. I recently found this online game by the name of Second Life (I knew of its existence for a couple years, but never knew much about it). Well...it's really not much of a game...it's more of a little virtual world. But anyhow, this game is unique because it allows the users to create anything they want in the game (through an in-game creation utility). As the game grew, it began to attract a really large amount of BDSMers and Goreans. You can buy all sorts of BDSM equipment and sexual animations and have all sorts of erotic polygon encounters. Many people on here claim to be slaves of others, but since its a game it's seems fairly easy for most of them to set it apart as a fun fantasy and not their actual life. Anyhow...this isn't so much constructive as it just is an example of one way I've seen D/S in a completely cyber reality fashion.

rawney62 -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (4/30/2006 9:28:25 PM)
no offense intended, but my question is how can you really fulfill a task if you are in a cyber-D/s relationship? How do you show that you have done as requested?I know that this lifestyle is based on honesty and integrity, but how do you know without actually meeting someone that they are treating you with the same? I had a Dominant once tell me that He could fulfill all my desires in a cyber relationship, but when i questioned Him on how He was going to flog me and scene me from London, He got pissy and dropped me. And i am not saying this as a do me submissive either, i have to have a physically real relationship, and can not see how you can get that from a cyber relationship.

Ceyx -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (5/1/2006 7:16:15 AM)
Well... first, rawney, read the thread. My miss, Halcyone, has provided some concrete examples of tasks that she's performed for me. I trust her to do as she's told. If you need visual evidence of everything that your sub or slave has done-- or he/she feels the need to provide it-- then how much faith is really operative in that relationship? If your live-in Master told you to read a certain book while he was out shopping for groceries, would you feel the need to follow him around the store with the book in your hands, just so he'd know that you were actually doing it? That said, there are all sorts of ways to ascertain that a slave is performing. In the above example, I'd be interested to hear her thoughts on what I told her to read; if miss hadn't done it she would tell me so, but if she didn't, it would be apparent from our discussion. Sometimes-- because I love to look at her-- I'll require pictures of her in the postures that I set her. There are web cameras. Often, all that I require from her is a detailed description of the task she's performed for me, afterwards. Miss is a very good writer. [;)] By 'a physically real relationship,' I assume you mean one in which your Dom flogs you. Obviously no one can do that to you from afar, and if that's what you need, then an online or long-distance relationship won't work for you. But that doesn't mean that distance relationships aren't real, or even 'physically real.' That specific kind of contact would enrich my bond with miss, but there's much more to our relationship than that.

Reasonable -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (5/1/2006 7:21:10 AM)
At the same time,moving thousands of miles to set up house is really difficult. Your entire life is thrown into turmoil. and the expenses can be huge. So I can really understand people who are cautious enough to work on compatability before hand-online. But on the practical side-you should at least VISIT a few times in the flesh first.

NINASHARP -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (5/1/2006 7:37:33 AM)
I'd like to leave a personal comment to everyone, but will just do it on one post, even though it might still leave me out in the curious stage. [:)] First thanks to all of those who opened up about what they view as real and not in cyber space. It was honest, sincere and even blunt, but most enlightening. Even the cyber relationship posts helped me understand how it could be a relationship of substance. I don't remember who it was who said that we have friendships with others we met in cyber, and never met off line. This is especially true for me. But could you really say you wouldn't jump at the chance of having lunch with your online friend if ever in their area? Or vise versa? I am still a little curious about what keeps those from meeting? Second, about cyber play only. I think of it as most do. It is nothing compared to reality. To me it is fantasy, and even if that's all you want from what you are getting at the time, that's fine, but please remember there is a difference in fantasy than reality. I also notice someone stating that they had a bad experience with someone who they had looked in the eyes and thought they could trust and yet, they still got screwed, I'm sorry for anyone who has had a bad experience and gets hurt. But remember that it also happens in every day life too. I think every one of us can say that about many we have trusted. Hell, I can even say that about my own family. But on a real life level, maybe its just not the time to know all that you hold inside you. Especially with vulnerabilities that are yet to be discovered. So I understand the time it takes and the building of trusts. When you are limited to cyber, and you do the fantasies, just remember, r/t just doesn't really fit the fantasy. People in fantasy don't have their hands go numb when the ropes are too tight, they don't have to go to the bathroom in the middle of a flogging, they don't get marks from a whip or cane, they don't know that pain that shutters through the body when the nipple clamps come off... Real Life has gotten in the way of many of my fantasies. And some of those fantasies I write about or read about, could never be experienced safely. OK, so maybe self topping at the instruction of your online dom, can give you some of this experience. But what about when and if something goes wrong and no one is there to physically hold you or stroke you gently and tell you that its all okay? I just played with a partner and something did go wrong, and had I not been there to help him through it, it could have been detrimental to his mind set as my sub. I too, feel its a little sad to be limited with such desires to explore.. Be well, good luck and most of all, be safe! Until then,

Halcyone -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (5/1/2006 8:49:09 AM)
Every example you gave is something that falls into the realm of the physical. The S&M side of things. I think if you go back and actually read my replies, you'll see that many long-distance and cyber relationships fall more in the D/s and mental/emotional side of the spectrum. Yes, physical is a challenge and often lacking in this sort of interaction because we have to be more than usually creative and double careful to manage it safely. But the lack of it does not make those relationships fantasy. There are plenty of live-in D/s couples who do not engage in S&M and they are no less real than those who do.

E110 -> RE: Cybering in the scene. (5/1/2006 9:35:43 AM)
the only true boundaries are ones own imaignation and level of honesty...

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